Full Count (The Catcher Series Book 1) (20 page)

            There
’
s two weeks left of the
semester, so I drown myself in pretending to study for finals and softball
practice. At least with pretending to study I can be alone and avoid the
pathetic looks I receive at practice from Cara, Laurie, and Skyler. I refuse to
talk to any of them about what happened between Chase and me. Luckily Skyler is
rarely at practice anymore because the baseball team
’
s
practices start the week before finals. Rex is proud of me for taking my
studies so seriously, but he
’
s not smart enough to realize
that it
’
s just a coverup, unlike him who actually aces
every final.

            The very last day of the semester I
’
m
scheduled to take two finals in English and biology, but McCallum talks to our
teachers to move them earlier in the week because we have our first playoff
game that Friday. I
’
m certain that Skyler must have an
exam that day, too, and won
’
t be able to reschedule it,
but I
’
m dead wrong. And I
’
m so
frustrated that I have to sit on a bus for two hours while we head to the
University of Illinois in Champaign and pretend that Skyler isn
’
t
sitting at the front of it with all of my coaches.

            I put in my headphones to listen to my iPod of old country
classics so I can drown out any conversations going on around me. All I want to
do is focus on softball.

20 Skyler Swanson

We lose the second game of the weekend, therefore not moving onto
the state championship like everyone in Hinsdale thought we would. It
’
s no one
’
s fault; well, scratch that. It
’
s a split between mine and Chase
’
s fucking
faults. I
’
m not saying Buzz should have to carry the team,
but she
’
s easily our best pitcher; she just had no backup
on the field. Jackie fumbled almost every ball that went her way, and everyone
knows why: she fucking hooked up with the guy that her best pitcher was hanging
out with for a year and then talked about it to their senior captain for her to
hear. Laurie also wasn
’
t completely focused, so basically
our whole team was a fucking girly, drama-filled mess except for Buzz who acted
like nothing in the world bothered her. But I know differently. Her bottling up
all of her feelings has the same affect on the game as everyone else being
openly emotional.

            When we come home from Champaign, the next day is my
birthday so I throw my annual kick off to summer bash. I
’
m
not really feeling like a party, but the guys insist since it
’
s
a tradition. I sit outside by the bonfire all night and only talk to the people
who come and go from the seats around it.

             “What
’
s with you?” Alex asks me
around midnight when the party starts to dissipate. He
’
s
probably the last person I want to be talking to right now.

             “Nothing,” I answer coldly. He won
’
t
care why I
’
m upset unless it
’
s
something that doesn
’
t have to do with his sister, which
it does.

             “I can
’
t believe the girls
lost. They looked unstoppable at that last home game,” he rattles off his mouth
without knowing why I
’
m on edge.

             “They weren
’
t focused,” I
briefly explain. He
’
s so oblivious to his sister and her
feelings, that there
’
s no way he knows anything about what
is going on with her team. Nor does he care.

             “Isn
’
t it your job to get them
to focus?” he half-laughs. For a smart kid he
’
s really
stupid.

             “Isn
’
t it your job to protect
your sister from guys like Chase Morgan?” I shout, standing up from my seat and
screeching it across the patio. I
’
m furious at him for
ignoring the fact that Buzz is hiding out from everyone and everything. She
didn
’
t even show up to my party when she would actually
have known people and everyone likes her.

             “I thought
you
wanted that role,” he yells
back, standing so we
’
re on equal ground.

             “Your stupid ass wouldn
’
t let
me, so now thanks to you she
’
s hurt
and
fucking mad at me, and there
’
s nothing either of us can
do,” I ramble.

             “Go after her if that
’
s what
you want. But if you hurt her I will hurt you, too,” Alex empty-threatens me as
he attempts to walk away.

             “No you won
’
t! You
’
re a fucking coward, and you don
’
t give
two shits about if anyone hurts her. The night after that last home game where
were you when she got home, huh?” I begin, knowing I
’
m
going to expose Buzz and she
’
ll probably be even more mad.
But I
’
m tired of Alex not caring about her and thinking I
’
m not good enough for her. “Were you there when she was crying
alone in her room? Or when she started throwing up because of all the shitty
things that were happening behind her back for the past year? Or when your mom
accused her of being fucking bulimic? No, you weren
’
t
there. And you know how I know? Because I was. You
’
re as
bad as your mom saying that you care about her and doing nothing when she
actually fucking needs someone.” 

            After that fucking speech, I grab the keys to my Jeep
and storm through my house. I don
’
t even look back at Alex
for a half of a second. He doesn
’
t deserve it. Close
behind me on the driveway is Benny, who grabs my shoulder and calls after me, “Skyler,
what are you doing?”

            “I
’
m leaving. I can
’
t be in this fucking town anymore. I
’
m
going to the cabin,” I inform him, shaking him off and continuing to unlock my
Jeep. A second later he
’
s in the passenger seat as I pull
out of my driveway. “I
’
m seriously going, so don
’
t try to stop me.”

             “I
’
m not stopping you. I
’
m coming with you,” he calmly explains.

            We
’
re silent for the entire two
hour drive up to our cabin. Benny is terrified of me blowing up in the car, so
he won
’
t say anything until we
’
re at
our destination. Even though it
’
s around 2:00 a.m. we don
’
t go to sleep immediately when we arrive. As I pace around the
kitchen making myself a sandwich, Benny sits at the counter waiting for the
green light to speak to me. We literally just up and left my own birthday party
to drive to another state. I can
’
t wait for the
repercussions from this.

             “What have you heard?” I wonder agitatedly, throwing
two pieces of bread onto the countertop.

             “I
’
m not sure what you
’
re asking about,” he timidly answers, but I know he isn
’
t bullshitting me. I could be talking about a million different
things. Hell, I don
’
t even know exactly what I
’
m fucking asking about.

             “Anything from Alex? Anything about Buzz, or Chase,
or me,” I rattle off. “Anything.”

             “I heard you were right about Chase,” he states,
sitting up straighter. “I wish you would
’
ve been wrong for
Bianca
’
s sake.”

             “Yeah, me, too,” I agree surprisingly. I know Chase
is a douchefuck and I hate that she liked him, but I was still hoping he wouldn
’
t pull anything on her. “There were at least two other girls.
And then the fucking jackass had the nerve to punch
me
in the face like
I
did her wrong. I should
’
ve done something to stop it from
happening, even if she ended up hating me.”

             “No. She would
’
ve hated you and
still hung out with him,” he debates. He
’
s totally right
.

             “That
’
s basically what happened
anyways,” I mutter, slabbing the turkey and cheese onto the bread.

             “She never hated you,” he disagrees. For the first
time, I think ever, Benny looks genuinely concerned about me. I think he
thought I was going to drive off a cliff or something when I left my house,
although I
’
m pretty sure there are no cliffs in Illinois
or Wisconsin.

             “I didn
’
t know how to tell her,
and I didn
’
t want to be the one to hurt her. I didn
’
t want to fuck up her head for the last home game,” I explain.
Taking a bite of my horrible sandwich, I barely gain enough courage to swallow
it. I knew Chase was going to fucking hurt her, and I let it happen. It makes
me sick.

             “You
’
re so good with her,” he
blurts out. “On and off the field.”

             “You say it like she
’
s a
fucking dog,” I snarl. I slam the silverware drawer shut to release some
frustration. It doesn
’
t fucking work. Instead, I take a
deep breath as I press my hands into the counter, putting stress on my
shoulders.

             “What
’
s going on?” he nervously
asks. I
’
m not an outwardly emotional guy, so I can
’
t really blame Benny for being a little scared of me at the
moment. If I don
’
t try really fucking hard to contain
myself, I
’
m going to do something crazy. I have bottled
everything up for so long and am about to blow if something doesn
’
t
fucking stop me.

             “This all happened because you guys wouldn
’
t let us be together. She got hurt because I wasn
’
t allowed to protect her. I just wanted her to be happy, and she was
happy with me when we weren
’
t around you guys
because she didn
’
t have to worry about what you were going
to say. It
’
s all so fucked up, and now she
’
s
mad at me, and I don
’
t know what I
’
m
going to do,” I ramble. “But for now, I
’
m going to bed.”

             “Are you okay? I
’
m not going to
wake up with you gone or dead?”
Benny hopes.

             “I
’
ll be fine. I
’
ll
be here…
alive,
” I add.

            The next morning I
’
m woken up by
the sound of girls
’
laughter and high voices from the
level below me. Benny and I slept in my bedroom upstairs, but the girls are
loud. This is a nice house and the vents carry voices too well. I realize I
have no idea which girls just arrived.
Please be Buzz. But how would she
have gotten here?

            I spring up out of my bed, alarming Benny to do the
same and follow me downstairs. Running into the kitchen, I stop abruptly when I
see Buzz, Cara, and Laurie already in bikinis and grabbing drinks from the
fridge. They freeze when they see me standing shirtless in the entryway.

             “Sky…” Buzz acknowledges me, crossing her arm over
her bare stomach like she
’
s uncomfortable being in a swimsuit
in front of me. I guess it has been a while since I’ve seen her in one, and we
aren
’
t on the best of terms, but I still don
’
t
like fucking seeing her timid around me.

             “
Buzz,
” I return the cordial
greeting. This is kind of awkward.
Why did I want it to be her again?

             “What are you doing here?” she stammers. She doesn
’
t look mad to see me, but she also doesn
’
t
look happy. Damn it, I really wish I could read her expression better.

             “Didn
’
t you see my Jeep in the
driveway? It shouldn
’
t be a surprise,” I state bluntly.

             “The neighbors are having a party, and there
’
s cars parked everywhere. I guess I didn
’
t
realize it was yours,” she mumbles, turning away from me to empty the grocery
bag on the counter. Cara and Laurie stand awkwardly, awaiting the result of
this encounter: am I just going to leave them alone to have a girl
’
s weekend? Doubtful.

           
Fix this, you idiot.
I walk up behind her,
careful not to touch her exposed skin no matter how badly I
’
m
tempted. She already smells like her coconut tanning lotion, and I almost can
’
t handle it. Leaning to whisper in her ear, I request, “Can I
talk to you… in private?” I watch her hiccup, as if I
’
ve
literally taken her breath away, and I can
’
t help but feel
the attraction. Good. I still affect her.
She follows me into the
laundry room just off the kitchen, and I imagine everyone pressing their ears
up against the other side of the door. But it doesn
’
t
fucking matter. I just need Buzz to listen to me.

             “Happy belated birthday. Does your mom know you
’
re here? I thought your party was last night,”
Buzz
wonders. She doesn
’
t seem as mad as the last time
we were alone in her bathroom after she was done puking or after the abrupt end
to her season two days ago. In fact, she seems much lighter like she isn
’
t carrying around a heavy weight anymore.

             “
I just left, so no
… no one
knows I
’
m here,” I admit.

             “You just left? Are you okay?” she questions with
heavy anxiety. She starts to reach out to grab my forearm but then refrains
nervously.

            My nod stutters, completely contradicting my verbal
answer. “Yeah, I
’
m fine.
”

             “Then what
’
s with Benny?” she
adds, taking a step closer to me. I
’
m shirtless, since
that
’
s how I sleep every night, so my contracting muscles
appear to be distracting her like the “V” of her patriotic bikini dipping down
between her boobs is hypnotizing me. I fucking love when her eyes fall on me
like this.