Full Circle (4 page)
Those are the jocks that don’t have a brain in their head.
And you aren’t anything like that.”
29
Full Circle |
Lisa Marie Davis
“Now I wish I could see myself the way you see me.”
“We can work on that.”
Max smiled, a smile that reached his eyes and made
them dance. He had a smile that people instantly wanted to
return. How he couldn’t see his worth was beyond Jaylin,
but he would keep his promise, he would help Max see
himself as incredible and kind. He searched his mind,
knowing there was more he should say, but he couldn’t find
the words.
“I know it’s not fair to you, because I’m too afraid to
really come out yet, but I…well, I’ve never actually kissed a guy before.”
“Neither have I.”
“Seriously?”
“There aren’t a lot of gay guys at our school. At least not that I know about. And until now, I didn’t think I could have a chance at the guy I really want to kiss.”
“Well, since you know now, do you think you would be
willing to kiss me?”
“I can’t think of anything I want more.”
Jaylin easily sensed that Max was just as nervous as he
was, but they both wanted this, needed this. He could feel
his heart thundering and butterflies fluttered around his
stomach, but any and all physical and external distractions 30
Full Circle |
Lisa Marie Davis
faded when Max’s full lips brushed against his and Jaylin
shivered once, then melted completely.
Hands resting on Max’s shoulders, he leaned into the
kiss that quickly went from testing and hesitant to
passionate and hungry. His lips parted of their own accord
and he moaned in delight when Max slipped his tongue into
his mouth while tangling one hand in Jaylin’s hair, taking
control of the kiss, his hard body pushing Jaylin back, until he was stretched out on the sofa with Max pressing him
gently into the cushions.
It was a heady, delicious feeling. Max was warm and
solid and he shivered, becoming more and more aroused.
When Max finally broke the kiss, they were both
breathless, their lips damp and swollen. Jaylin smiled when he saw the desire and longing he felt clearly reflected in
Max’s eyes.
“I think I like kissing you.”
“I think I like kissing you too, Max.”
Smiling, Max laid his head on Jaylin’s shoulder and
Jaylin wrapped his arms around him, loving how it felt to
have Max this close to him. It was even more wonderful than anything he had ever imagined and he had no doubt that
something truly special existed between them, but he knew
they would have to play this very carefully.
Max still wasn’t “out” and he wasn’t ready to be and,
while Jaylin would have loved to be with him openly, he
understood Max needed more time.
31
Full Circle |
Lisa Marie Davis
And he was willing to wait.
One step at a time. We’ll take it slow. Set our own pace
and enjoy it.
Pressing a kiss into Max’s hair, he held him a little
tighter and Max held him back.
The strength of the embrace told Jaylin all he needed to
know.
32
Full Circle |
Lisa Marie Davis
THE months that followed their first kiss were some of the
most incredible and certainly the most exhilarating Jaylin
had ever experienced.
He and Max couldn’t be together openly, but they did
hang out some at school. More than a few eyebrows were
raised at their sudden friendship, but only Trent and his
brainless goons made comments, and they were careful to
never say anything when Max was within earshot. And most
were happy to believe the excuse that Max and Jaylin had
become friends when Jaylin began tutoring him and the
tutoring excuse gave Max cause to be at Jaylin’s house often.
Jaylin’s mother figured out the truth, of course, and
when she confronted Jaylin, he told her that yes, he and
Max were together and he explained why they couldn’t be
open and she more than understood. She knew Chad Sydney
and she admitted he was a jerk. She had no doubt he
wouldn’t be overly thrilled when he learned his son was gay and she cautioned Jaylin to be careful. And, naturally, he
received the safe-sex lecture.
33
Full Circle |
Lisa Marie Davis
It was a little awkward, but he knew his mother meant
well and she didn’t give him a hard time when Max came
over often.
Following their first kiss, they both admitted they were
nervous and, being inexperienced, they agreed to take things slowly and enjoy exploring. And they were surprisingly
comfortable together. It seemed perfectly natural to discuss what appealed and what didn’t appeal to them and they
loved just being together.
Max admitted he felt completely free around Jaylin, and
Jaylin let down his guard, content just to be close to Max. He loved it when they lay together, wrapped in a warm embrace.
and it was amusing to realize just how much Max liked
cuddling close. Max often fell asleep in his arms. He could relax with Jaylin and any shyness faded quickly, leaving
them eager to touch, to learn what felt good and how to drive each other to the brink and beyond.
Max was warm and affectionate and Jaylin loved it,
loved him, loved the passion. He loved to see Max breathless, gasping his name. Max was always eager and vocal,
especially when Jaylin’s lips were wrapped around him and
Max was just as talented and just as eager to please. Both
learned to ask for what they wanted, what they were ready to attempt, but they held off on having intercourse, each
knowing what that would mean and how it was truly a big
step.
It was freeing, being each other’s firsts. It allowed them
to share an honesty that was rare to find and, after two
34
Full Circle |
Lisa Marie Davis
months, Jaylin knew he loved Max and when Max said the
words to him, Jaylin was thrilled to say them back.
He made it clear that he didn’t want them to end after
high school and they began looking at colleges that could
provide both of them what they sought.
Max told him Duke wasn’t his idea and he would
happily go to New York so Jaylin could attend his dream
school.
“What about your dreams, Max? What do you want?”
“Honestly? I don’t really know. All I’ve ever done is play
sports. My dad thinks I should go to Duke and be a star like he was, but that isn’t what I want. I do know that much.”
“You have a world of options open to you. Just find what
appeals to you most.”
“What appeals to me most is you.”
The flirty comment resulted in an intense makeout
session and the next day, Jaylin was still smiling when he
stopped by his locker in between classes. He and Max had
already made plans to get together that evening, after Max’s baseball game. He was having a great season and Jaylin
attended as many games as he could. He really enjoyed
watching Max play, and it only annoyed him a little when
girls would throw themselves at Max, who kindly brushed
them off.
Sorting through his locker for the book he needed, he
jumped slightly when someone delivered a hard slap to the
35
Full Circle |
Lisa Marie Davis
locker next to his. He looked up to see Trent Miller standing there, with Hank and Lane lingering a few feet behind.
“Hey, fag boy.” Trent smirked, but there was open hate
in his eyes. “Where’s Max? Aren’t you two joined at the hip these days?”
“Fuck off, Trent.”
“Sorry, but you’re not my type. I’m normal. Meaning I
like girls.”
They just don’t like you, you prick. When did you last
have a date?
Knowing it was best not to antagonize him, Jaylin tried
to ignore the bastard, but he stood there, glaring.
“So you’re the one that takes it up the ass, right? I
mean, Max might be going gay, but I can’t imagine him
taking it up the ass.”
“Trent….”
“Come on, Jaylin! Share with me. What do you do that
made Max go gay?”
Slamming his locker shut, Jaylin turned, trying to walk
away, but Trent caught him painfully by the arm, spun him
around and shoved him against the locker.
“Don’t walk away from me, you faggot!”
“Get your hands off me.”
36
Full Circle |
Lisa Marie Davis
“Why? You think Max might be pissed if I rough up his
boy toy?”
Jaylin didn’t answer. He just glared and Trent laughed,
leaning closer to him, to whisper harsh words into his ear.
“Me and some of the boys got plans for you and Maxie.
Just you wait, fag boy. I’m gonna get both of you good.”
With a final smirk, he turned and stalked away. Jaylin
let out a breath, telling himself he had no reason to be afraid because Trent was a jerk. He wouldn’t go as far as to
actually come after him and Max. And he had no proof Max
was gay. It was something Max could still deny. Trent could spout off all he wanted, but at the end of the day, everyone in school liked Max better, because he was a nice guy while Trent was a prick.
Somewhat confident, Jaylin went to his next class, but
two periods later, when he was alone in the music room,
Max came in, looking shaken.
“I heard what happened with Trent. Did he hurt you?
Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. He just made some stupid threats. Said he and
a few of the guys are planning to teach us a lesson.”
Max cursed under his breath and came closer and
Jaylin could see he wanted to touch him, but even with the
door closed, it was too great of a risk. He knew having to live in secret was starting to take a toll on Max, but until they graduated, they couldn’t be open about their relationship
and they both knew why.
37
Full Circle |
Lisa Marie Davis
Max’s father would never allow them to be together,
even if they were both eighteen. Max lived with his father
and he was depending on him. But he was looking into
scholarships for college so he could finally live life on his own terms, and Jaylin was looking forward to a time when
he and Max could do something as simple as walk down the
street holding hands.
“Shit. I’m sorry, Jay….”
“Don’t be. I don’t care what Trent says. And I…. Max,
don’t even say anything to him.”
“But….”
“He wants you to come after him.” Jaylin reasoned. “He
wants an excuse to start a fight, so don’t give him one. I
know you can kick his ass without any problem, but Trent
isn’t about to take you on in a fair fight. He’ll have someone helping him. And you could get hurt.”
“I can’t let him make you a target.”
“Screw him. In just a few months, we never have to see
the guy again.”
Max sighed, but finally nodded and Jaylin glanced
toward the closed door, before reaching out just long enough to quickly brush his fingers down Max’s chest. He wanted so much to pull Max close and kiss him, but he couldn’t. It
would have to wait until later, until they were alone and cut off from judgmental and condemning eyes that couldn’t
understand that their feelings for each other were genuine
and real and nothing to find shame in.
38
Full Circle |
Lisa Marie Davis
“Max, I’ve been thinking and I…I’m ready. For what
comes next.”
“Are you sure?”
He nodded. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”
“So have I.”
“Does that mean you’re ready, too?”
“God yes!” Max grinned and Jaylin laughed. “I know it’s
a big step. But I love you. So yeah, I’m ready.” Everything he felt was evident in his eyes and Jaylin loved it, loved that Max could be so open with him. His heart raced, thinking
about what it would feel like to finally have Max inside of him, at one with him.
“Where can we…?”
“My dad has a place in the woods. A cabin he never
uses. We could go there. My dad is out of town this weekend, so we could go there after the game Friday night and maybe
stay until Sunday, if you want to.”
“I want to.”
“Good.”
“Max….”
“Do you have any idea how badly I want to kiss you
right now?”
“As badly as I want to kiss you, I’m sure. But we can’t. If someone saw….” He trailed off, and Max nodded, looking
39
Full Circle |
Lisa Marie Davis
more than a little disappointed, which was exactly how
Jaylin felt.
“At graduation, after we have our diplomas in hand, I
am going to grab you and kiss you in front of God and
everyone.”
Laughing, Jaylin shook his head. “Do you really think
that’s the best way to come out to your father and
stepmother?”
“Who cares? I’ll be free then and I want the world to
know I love you.”
“I love you too, Max.”
A look passed between them, one that said more than
words, a look that allowed their hearts and souls to touch, even if they couldn’t touch with their bodies at the moment.
“I need to get to class.”
“I’ll see you after the game tonight.”
Max nodded and turned, looking back at him once more
when he reached the door. Jaylin smiled, feeling almost
giddy, he was so excited to know that he and Max would