From The Dead (16 page)

“You keep this in your Bible? Don’t you have more
important stuff to keep in there?”

With a shrug, his father replied, “It was the only
way I could see you daily.”

He had missed him? Touched, Jesse felt a ray of
warmth in his chest, the newness of a spring dawn.

Jesse shook himself from a trance. He stared at the
photo, the one whose home sat in the middle of the sacred text—he
knew the reverence with which his father treated this book. Chuck
wouldn’t even set his Bible underneath a sheet of paper or set a
coffee cup on this book. But here was Jesse’s head shot stuffed
inside. Jesse searched for a crease in the binding where the item
once sat. “Sorry, I don’t know what page it fell from.”

“Psalm 37:4.”

“Huh?”

“Psalm 37:4: ‘Delight thyself also in the LORD; and
he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.’”

“The old-school wording.”

“King James. The dude rocked.”

By his own admission, Jesse enjoyed this interchange
of cheesy minister humor, the kind to which Chuck had subjected him
as a kid. But now Jesse had to ask: “So, is that verse true? Has
God given you the desires of your heart?”

His father shrugged. “He brought you home, didn’t
He?”

Without a word, Jesse nodded and downplayed a smile.
After he inserted the photo back into the proper chapter of Psalms,
he stuffed the other orphaned sheets inside the front cover and
returned the Bible to Chuck’s desk.

As he headed toward the door, Jesse turned around.
“Please don’t make a big deal of my coming back—no announcements at
church, okay?”

“Your choice.”

* * *

On his way out of the church parking lot, Jesse felt
content as he pondered the events of the last few days. After years
of self-focus and months spent in agony over his regret of past
mistakes, a part of him felt clean again. A small part, but
progress nonetheless.

He remembered the voice message from an hour ago, the
one that arrived on his way into the church. With one hand on the
wheel, he retrieved his cell phone and checked the call log, which
revealed an unknown number. Jesse dialed into his voice mail and
listened to the message left by a female voice:

“Mr. Barlow, this is Oakside Mercy Hospital in
Sherman Oaks. We tried to reach you at your home number, but a Ms.
Ferrari provided us with this cell number. According to our
records, you had a brief stay here recently. In the course of your
treatment, the doctor ordered some blood work as a follow-up. The
test results have arrived and we would like to have you come in to
discuss them. Please call us at 818-555-4220. Thank you.”

Like he could afford a hospital test. He’d just
begged his father for a job! Now he’s supposed to fly back to L.A.
because a nurse freaked out about the aftermath of a suicide
attempt?

Jesse deleted the message. As he slid the phone into
his pocket, it rang again—another unknown number, this one from
Ohio. Had Eden given his number to someone already?

It was Caitlyn.

Her mood sounded favorable as she got straight to the
purpose of her call.

“Do you have dinner plans?” she asked.

CHAPTER 27

When he arrived, he found her at a booth near the
back of the restaurant.

Jesse walked past black-and-white faux-granite
tabletops, past chrome-legged chairs and booths padded with red
vinyl, some with small tears that exposed discolored foam
underneath.

Back in high school, Jesse and Caitlyn had frequented
Brick Oven, a local dive that specialized in pizza and deep-fried,
quickie Italian cuisine.

He checked his watch tonight and, sure enough, they
weren’t supposed to meet for another ten minutes. And she’d arrived
already. This had to be a good sign.

“You’re early,” she said. “I’m impressed.”

“Seemed appropriate.” He scanned the room, then
returned his attention to her. “When will Drew get here?”

“I never said he would come tonight.” She pursed her
lips as her forehead rumpled with compassion. Her voice was tender.
“I’m sorry, but I have to look out for him. We should talk a little
first—when we
don’t
have each other off guard.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He felt disappointed he
wouldn’t meet Drew but understood Caitlyn’s perspective. “So how
was work?” he asked. “You never told me what you do.”

“I’m an office coordinator at an insurance company.
One of its local branches.”

“Exciting stuff?”

“I have some intriguing stories. But I’d have to kill
you if I told you.” She winked.

They continued their small talk as an earnest Faith
Hill ballad drifted from the ceiling speakers. Jesse’s nervousness
dwindled as he noticed subtle mannerisms that defined the Caitlyn
he remembered: the way she parted her lips when she listened to an
answer, the crinkle of her nose as she made a clever remark, the
dimple that appeared on her porcelain cheek when she smiled.

A waitress stopped by to take their order—a large
pizza they would split—then brought their drinks.

Caitlyn took a sip of her iced tea. “So, I can thank
Eden for getting us back in touch?”

“Actually, I’ve had you on my mind for quite a
while.”

She nodded. Never a demonstrative girl, her
slow-motion blinks revealed her relief to hear his response.

Conversation proved awkward at first. Although they
had once shared an intimate bond, both had grown since that time,
and because they had not grown together, today they felt like
strangers in the midst of déjà vu.

The two sat silent for a while, each left to their
own thoughts. Jesse fidgeted with a pair of greasy, diner-style
salt-and-pepper shakers, their aluminum tops dimpled from being
dropped. As he focused on the miniature objects, Caitlyn studied
the curves of his hair and his green eyes.

She used to stare into those eyes. Those eyes used to
look deep into hers and speak volumes. As Caitlyn had once told
Jesse, his eyes, with a single gaze, communicated intimacy and
intensity, longing and frustration—signs of a restless soul.

When Jesse started to raise his head again, Caitlyn
darted her glance away.

“Tell me about California,” she said.

At this point, it was a chapter of his life he wanted
to forget. Jesse shrugged and replied, “Not much to tell. People
glamorize it, but it’s just another state with its own set of
qualities and quirks—a lot more people, an ocean within driving
distance.”

“I saw you in some movies.”

“Background stuff; nothing impressive.”

“A Clint Eastwood movie.”

“He’s a nice guy. Treats people well.”

“Who were you friends with?”

“Some people who lived in the apartment below mine. I
met one of them on a set. We hung out; I wouldn’t call them
good
friends, though.”

Here was Caitlyn, a person he knew, yet didn’t know.
Who was she now? In what ways had she changed? Caitlyn folded her
hands, leaned forward. Yes, she must have wondered similar things
about him, too.

Caitlyn took another sip of tea, seemed to stall for
time before she asked her next question. “Did you have a girlfriend
there?”

Now Jesse stalled for time as he wiped the
condensation from his plastic tumbler. “Yeah. She was …” He snorted
in bemusement.

“She was what?”

Jesse peered into her eyes. “She wasn’t you.”

With a tilt of her head to the side, delicate in
motion, Caitlyn leaned in further.

Then the pizza arrived. They parted ways.

Between them, the aroma of steaming tomato, eggplant
and green pepper wafted from the entrée. Caitlyn’s favorite, Jesse
remembered.

Jesse waited for Caitlyn to select her first slice,
then he sprinkled red-pepper flakes onto a slice of his own. With
his first bite, he savored the melted cheese and doughy deep-dish
crust. When combined together, the roasted vegetables made his
mouth water. He’d forgotten how much he adored this place.

Caitlyn finished her first slice. “Friday night,” she
said.

“Friday night?”

“I’ll introduce you to Drew on Friday night.”

CHAPTER 28

When Friday evening arrived, Jesse didn’t find
himself as nervous as he’d anticipated. After reunions with several
people of his past, the initial discomfort proved fleeting. That
said, tonight he faced his most important introduction yet, which
elicited a mix of flutters and thrills.

Through Caitlyn’s front window, he caught a glimpse
of two figures as he pulled into the driveway. Unaware of his
arrival, the silhouettes moved out of the living room and beyond
his line of vision.

Caitlyn answered the door when he knocked. They
greeted each other. Before she let Jesse inside, Caitlyn leaned her
head out the door and spoke in a low volume. “He’s looking forward
to tonight.”

“Does he know? About us, that is?”

“I told him you’re a friend,” she said. “I want him
to get to know you; we’ll see how things go and decide how to
progress. But he can’t hear the truth tonight; it could be months
before he’s ready. I’m serious, Jess: Don’t tell him.”

Jesse nodded.

“Promise me,” she said.

“I promise.”

Jesse understood Caitlyn’s concern. After all, she
didn’t know how long Jesse would stay in town this time. He was
sure she would keep a keen eye on him, on his interaction with
Drew, every detail. Sure, he could tell she wanted him to have a
chance, but he also knew she couldn’t risk additional hurt for Drew
if the situation were to fall apart. To be honest, Jesse wondered
how long he could trust himself. How could he expect otherwise from
Caitlyn?

Caitlyn chewed a fingernail. Then she poked her head
back inside, where Drew could be heard rustling in the kitchen.
When she turned back, Jesse locked on to her sapphire eyes.

“Okay,” she said, “follow me.”

As they made their way through the foyer, Jesse cast
a glance at the pictures that sat on the mantle, the ones he’d seen
before. Last time, Drew was a figure in a photograph. But in a
matter of seconds …

His back turned, Drew sat at a small writing desk in
the kitchen corner while he played on a computer. His shoulders
jerked from side to side, his finger clicked on a mouse. Just like
in his picture, his hair, short and cropped, was light blond like
Caitlyn’s.

“Drew,” Caitlyn said, “time to get off the computer.
Come meet Mom’s friend.”

“But I just started.”

“Drew.”

He huffed in the typical fashion of a ten year old,
but closed the application on the computer and wandered over.
Height wise, he reached Jesse’s chest. Jesse looked closer and
discovered he and Drew shared the same eye color.

Caitlyn waved her hand toward Jesse. “This is
Jesse.”

The boy stared up at his mother’s friend. A smatter
of faint freckles speckled his nose and cheeks. An air of innocence
overshadowed Drew’s face, his eyebrows raised in a combination of
boredom and indifference. Yet at the same time, he seemed to
evaluate Jesse’s appearance, no doubt wondered why this other man
had entered his mother’s life.

Awestruck, Jesse marveled at the sight before
him.

In an effort to appear calm, Jesse extended his hand.
“Nice to meet you.”

“Same here.”

“I like your name.”

“Thanks.”

This was his little boy.

This little boy was a part of him.

As Caitlyn watched them interact, a smile flickered
at the corner of her mouth.

Nothing could have prepared Jesse for what he saw.
The simplicity of another human being—but Jesse had played a role
in
this
human being’s existence. Even today, he could recall
the day of this little boy’s conception.

Yet Jesse had no idea what to say next. The kid was
shy, just stared at him.

“So, you’re into computers?” Jesse asked. “What kind
of stuff?”

Nonchalant, Drew looked over at the computer. “Oh,
that? I was playing a game with someone.”

“That sounds cool. A kid from school?”

“A kid from Ireland. It’s a game site on the
Internet. You play against kids from all over the world—they’re not
awake in Japan right now, though.”

Caitlyn swept in. “He’s addicted to the computer.
Gaming, emailing. Aren’t you, honey?” She ran her fingers through
Drew’s hair. He, in turn, ducked a few inches out of her reach.

“I’ve embarrassed him in front of our guest,” she
prodded. Then she grabbed hold of him and, for extra measure,
planted a kiss on the top of his head.

Drew pretended not to giggle as he squirmed out of
her grasp. “Mom, stop.”

“Come on,” she said, “we’ll grab a bite to eat at the
park.”

* * *

This first week of May had brought temperatures in
the upper sixties. By seven that evening, beneath a still-sunlit
sky, Jesse could feel a hint of spring warmth on his face as he
strolled through a community art-and-craft fair with Caitlyn and
Drew.

The annual event, held in a nearby park, featured a
series of tents under which local artists displayed and sold their
creations. For Jesse, the scene drew to mind the craft stations
lined up along Venice Beach, which formed a long barrier between
sand and shops. Tonight, as Jesse, Caitlyn and Drew wove their way
past homemade jewelry, paintings and leather-craft accessories,
they poked their heads into each tent. Like most others in
attendance, they browsed but didn’t buy.

The trio munched on hot dogs and sodas as they
watched kids chase each other around the grass. Peals of laughter
erupted among families that had emerged for the event, relieved
that the cold had indeed thawed for the season.

Drew caught sight of a Ferris wheel from afar. As
they approached it, he saw more carnival rides and game booths.