From Now Until Infinity (2) (20 page)

I slide my phone into my purse, and lay my head back against the cool leather seat. My world’s spinning out of control just like my head. I wish that I could just freeze time for a couple of minutes and take a deep breathe. Unfortunately, as soon as the media camped in front of my town home spots the black SUV, they rush us.

Al turns around in his driver’s seat, “You ready, Doctor Collins?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

He opens his door and walks around to Phil’s side of the car. Al opens the door and Phil slides out essentially knocking reporters out of the way. He grabs my arm, and Al and Phil flank me on either side as we push through the reporters to get to my front door.

This time the questions thrown at me are stellar like, “how do you feel about Colin’s love child?” and “what does it feel like to be the other woman?” Then there’s just the random “CharCol” yelled every few seconds.

Phil and Al do a security sweep of my house. Once they’re satisfied that there are no crazy people waiting to attack me, Al leaves to move the car out of the middle of the road. I tell Phil to make himself comfortable on the couch that I’m going to head upstairs and take a nap.

Colin isn’t home yet, and I’m very thankful. My headache is getting more excruciating by the second, and I need to take my medication and go to sleep before the nausea gets any worse. I close my drapes making my bedroom as dark as a cave. Then, I swallow the two precious pills, remove my dress, and replace it with pajama pants and a tank top.

By the time I slide between my cool sheets, the migraine medication is making me drowsy. I close my eyes and am able to shut the world out of mind as I drift off to sleep.

* * *

From somewhere in the deep recesses of my dreamless sleep, I hear very loud talking. It’s a muffled noise, but I know that it’s coming from inside of my house not the outside. By some curse of nature, I’m able to pull myself out of my medicated slumber and begin to make my way toward the voices.

If I was in my right mind, I’d realize that I need to put on a robe. The thought doesn’t occur to me until it’s too late. As I walk down the stairs, I see the two most important men in my life staring at each other across my beautiful Carrera marble counter topped island in my kitchen. My father and Colin instantly remind me of two gunslingers at the OK Corral. As I do a quick survey of my second floor, I half expect a tumble weed to gently blow across my distressed mahogany wood floors.

My father is dressed in his white golfing pants and Kelly green and white striped golf shirt. He still has his sun visor on for God’s sake. His jaw is clenched in such a way that I instantly worry about his teeth.

Colin’s still dressed in, what I’ve come to know, his brand of workout shorts and a sleeveless shirt. Normally, the sight of him in workout clothes makes me swoon, but my pounding headache, rolling stomach, and the medicated sleep cloud fogging my brain has caused my libido to run for the hills.

Both men look like coiled snakes ready to snap at each other any second.

Neither one has noticed that I’ve come downstairs. I note that Phil is suspiciously absent. He must’ve been smart enough to move out these two’s way. No need for him to be collateral damage.

Colin is first to break the staring contest. He leans forward bracing himself on my island with his tree branch sized arms. In an even, cold voice, each word is calculated, “Jack, you need to leave. I have my people working on this. They WILL find a way to fix this mess.”

My father, not to be out postured, leans forward in the same menacing way except he doesn’t look near as intimidating. He replies in the same cold even tone that Colin used. “It’s Doctor Collins to you.” He pauses for effect. “Don’t you think that you’ve done enough to hurt Caroline? Do you have any idea how you left her when you walked out of her life? She had to be hospitalized for God’s sake because she got so thin. I will not allow you to destroy her again.”

My father’s words hit Colin like a Mack truck. I know this because I could teach a class on reading Colin’s body language. But, the man didn’t become a starting quarterback in the NFL by showing any weakness. My father’s words barely make Colin blink. He spits back at my father with controlled rage in his voice, “And you kept me from her. Did you tell her that I tried to see her repeatedly? Have you told her that you banned me from the hospital?”

I choose not to relive that particular moment of my life right now. That summer after I graduated from college and before I started medical school was so horrific that it’s better left for my therapist office. However, I can’t stand there any longer and let my father accuse Colin of something that he didn’t do.

“Colin didn’t destroy me. I destroyed myself,” I reply quietly. Both men whip their heads to see me standing on the bottom step. They both make a move as if to rush to me, but I hold up my hand stopping them. I slowly begin to walk to them taking my place on neither one of their sides of the kitchen island. Instead, I stand at one of the ends - the end where just a couple of days ago, I lay while Colin made love to me. I reach up and touch my infinity necklace. It gives me a sense of power and strength. I instantly think of Wonder Women’s cuffs. I wish I could use my necklace to deflect their words like she uses her cuffs to deflect death rays.

Colin says, more to me than to my father, in a much more neutral, sympathetic tone. “Don’t say that about yourself, Charlie. You didn’t destroy yourself. He did,” he says motioning toward my father with his right hand. “When he chose to fuck Carmen instead of the mother of his four little girls, he destroyed you.”

Colin’s anger is so controlled. He’s not yelling or pacing or sitting in the position that I despise. It’s almost as if I’m witnessing a transformation of sorts. It’s like once Colin’s words leave his mouth, he’s lighter. I instantly realize that this has been something that’s bothered him for a long time. Colin doesn’t blame me for our breakup. It’s true what he said in Los Angeles which gives me a lot of comfort. Part of me has struggled with could we, as a couple, forgive each other for breaking each other’s hearts eight years ago and move forward as a couple. I see now that we can. Unfortunately, Colin ultimately holds my father accountable for our breakup because of his thoughtless actions twenty years ago.

Without my father saying a word, I know that he’s cut Colin out of his life. Jack Collins is a very proud man. He doesn’t like to be reminded of his indiscretions.

Colin continues talking only to me. “If he hadn’t inflicted his selfishness on your family, you’d have given our relationship a chance through medical school. And we wouldn’t have wasted the past eight years not being together.”

I had clues that Colin felt animosity toward my dad, but I had no idea that he held my father responsible for my eating disorder and ultimately our break up.

I know that I should defend my dad in that moment, but words fail me. Colin’s right. My dad leaving my mother fundamentally changed me and did lead to my overwhelming need to feel in control. I couldn’t control their marriage, my father’s actions, my mother’s happiness, my sisters’ emotions, but I could control my body. I started running to the point of exhaustion and purging soon after my father left. However, Colin’s assuming that we could have made years of separation work while I was in Boston and he was in Dallas. There were no guarantees, and we can’t change our past.

I want to say all of this to both men, but I don’t. Instead, I speak very quietly, “this has been one of the worst days of my life. I’ve got a migraine and need to lie back down before I’m physically sick. Dad, why don’t you tell me why you came over tonight so I can get back to bed?”

My father turns toward me making it known that he’s no longer addressing Colin. His voice is cold. “Today, I lost more than half of my patients. As you know from our financial statements, it’s my cash side of the practice that brings in the largest amount of revenue. I lost those patients because of this ridiculous relationship with him.” He says gesturing toward Colin as if he is some sort of hideous bug. “My attorneys believe that if you publically make a statement that you two are not dating that we might be able to salvage our practice. If you choose not to make the statement, then I will be forced to ask you to sell me back your shares of the practice, and you will be terminated.”

Colin jumps in and says to me, completely ignoring my father, “Charlie, Mark and Aiden are working on a solution. These aren’t your only options. I’ve asked your dad to get the attorneys together. Mark and Aiden should be arriving any moment. We can all meet and discuss what’s best for you, us, your medical practice, and your father.”

I can’t take it any longer. The pounding in my head, mixed with this very emotional conversation is just too much. I throw my hands over my mouth wishing to God that I had a half bathroom on this floor. I take the stairs two at a time and barely make it over my toilet. The more I cry, the more I vomit, the more my head pounds. I silently pray that I’ll wake up from this nightmare, and I’ll be in my queen sized bed pressed against the man who loves me, waiting for him to wipe my tears and tell me that I just had a bad dream.

Instead, I feel Colin’s large hand on my back, gently stroking it. He uses his other hand to keep my hair out of the toilet.

“Would you like some water?”

I nod my head very cautiously.

He leaves me only long enough to fill my bathroom cup with tap water, and then sits it next to me. “I’m so sorry,” he repeats softly over and over again.

When I’m finished being sick, I take a couple of sips of water and rinse my mouth out. I stand up on very shaky legs and make my way to my sink to brush my teeth. The mint flavor feels and tastes like heaven in my mouth. The rest of my body’s a wreck. My mind’s corrupted with the scene from downstairs, but at least my mouth feels fresh.

I make my way back to my bed and slide under the covers. Colin’s watching me like I’m some sort of exotic wild animal. I ignore him. I know that today has been very difficult on him also, but he didn’t just find out that he has to choose between me and his career. Just thinking the words in my head makes my stomach sour again. I quickly push the thoughts away.

Colin walks over to me and kneels on the floor next to me so our heads are at the same height. I know that if my bedroom wasn’t so dark, that I’d be able to see Colin’s normally green eyes grey with worry. He reaches out and moves the strands of hair that have fallen into my face, tucking them behind my ear. “Is there anything that I can do to make this better?”

I swallow hard and reply, “No.”

“Your dad agreed to a meeting tomorrow at his attorney’s office. Aiden and Mark arrived at their hotel about twenty minutes ago. I told them that I couldn’t join them until I knew you were physically okay. Mark and Aiden are the best. Mark has brought his PR team with him. We’re going to make this right, baby,” he tries to reassure me.

I want to believe him, but I don’t. I know that after the confrontation that just happened in my kitchen that I can never work again with my dad if I want Colin to be my boyfriend/fiancée/husband/life partner.
Oh! I just don’t know.
Colin burned the very fragile bridge with my dad, and there’s no repairing it. If I continue my relationship with Colin, my father will see it as confirmation that I feel as Colin feels about my father’s affair. The truth is that I do, but I’ve always respected him too much to throw Colin’s hurtful words at him.

Colin can meet all night with Mark and Aiden. Hell! He can meet the next ten years with them, and it will not change the fact that Colin, without meaning to, is making me choose between my career and relationship with my dad or him.

And frankly, right now, I’m not sure which one to choose.

Chapter Twelve

WHEN MY alarm goes off at 6:15, I’m aware that Colin hasn’t slept in our bed. I have no idea what time the drama happened last night or how long that I’ve slept. I do know from the noise outside my bedroom window that the reporters are still camped out front so there’ll be no outdoor run for me today.

I feel better. I have a dull, remnant ache left over from my migraine yesterday. It’s nothing a little Tylenol can’t take out. My stomach is settled, and I actually feel well enough to crave my first cup of coffee. Fortunately, I remember security is somewhere in my town home so I put a robe on over my frumpy PJs.

Before I go downstairs, I make a stop in the bathroom. Colin has written in red dry erase marker on my mirror, “Good morning sunshine.” He drew me a cute childish sun instead of writing the word “sunshine.” “We have a media strategy. I love you. Call me when you see this.”

Then I read his P.S. “I’m jealous that this red marker gets to see you naked. Erase immediately.”

I smile and chuckle to myself. At least I know that I’ll get playful Colin when I call him.

Phil is sitting on my couch when I walk downstairs. I wonder briefly if he went home last night, but I don’t bother asking. “Coffee, Phil?”

The man of few words replies with a nod yes. Just to amuse myself, I put his coffee in a mug that reads “Doctors Do It With Lots of Patience” written on the side of it. When he sees his mug, he cracks the worst attempt at a smile that I’ve ever seen. I offer him sugar and cream, but he declines. Black coffee – Phil and I will get along just fine.

I grab my mug and go back upstairs to call Colin and Brad. I fluff my pillows behind me and sit up leaning against my headboard as I hit Colin’s number on my phone. His groggy voice surprises me. I just assumed that he was awake because why else would he sleep anywhere else but in bed with me?

“Morning, beautiful,” he croaks.

“Good morning. Where are you?” I ask trying not to sound nagging. I’m more curious than upset.

“I fell asleep with Aiden, baby. Trust me when I tell you that he doesn’t have anything on you in the snuggle department.” I hear Aiden in the background complaining about being woken up before seven o’clock in the morning. He then chooses to call Colin all sorts of filthy names. I have a sudden flashback to college. Aiden and Colin have been best friends since high school and went to Texas A&M together. With Colin being an only child, I know that he thinks of Aiden as a brother. Their early morning banter makes me smile.