From Here to There (6 page)

 "All right, young lady," her father said, his glare returning to Helene. "I would like a full explanation. What have you done?"

 "I've told Phillip that I'll file for an annulment and I think we should tell everyone the whole thing is my fault because that's the simple truth. I never should have agreed to marry him, and I understand how much pain I’ve caused you all, but I can't undo that."

 "A divorce and now an annulment. This is too much for one day," her mother cried, dabbing at her eyes with a linen handkerchief. "I don't understand what's happening to us all. Phillip is a perfectly marvelous man. I can't believe you would jilt him."

 "I think the word is passé, Mother. The modern thing it to say we simply don't suit."

 "That might have been true a month ago or yesterday," her father snapped, rubbing his neck distractedly, "but today I think you'll have to settle for jilted." He looked up abruptly. "Are you sure he didn’t hit you? If he did, I'll go over there and--"

 "He did not hit me. I can't explain any of this to you. It's just a bad combination. We don't suit. It's that simple. I'm unsure of who I am. How can I be married?"

“Helene, that sounded absolutely mad,” her mother said with a grimace as she poured herself a glass of wine.

 Helene wished she had the words to explain all she was thinking, words that would help her parents understand how deep this problem went in her life. She found herself questioning her strength of character, her willingness to be led into a marriage she had known inherently was wrong. To bring all that up would be to make it sound as though she was criticizing them for the pressure they'd brought onto her and even their own example of having chosen and stayed in a marriage of convenience rather than seeking help to remake their relationship into something more solid or even getting a divorce years earlier.

 "You
did
marry him," her father reminded her as if the point wasn't obvious.

“You can’t be pregnant, can you?” her mother asked taking a big gulp of the wine.

“Hardly. There couldn’t be an annulment if I was pregnant, could there?” Helene took a deep breath to steady her nerves.

 "Oh dear Lord," her mother said, dabbing at her eyes again and blowing her nose daintily.

 "He's gay, isn't he?" her father retorted. "That's it, and the bloody bounder didn't have the guts to tell you beforehand."

 "Of course not!" Helene was beginning to feel exasperated with the lot of them. "There is nothing wrong with Phillip. He's perfect. Except--" Angry now, she snapped, "He can't chop wood, fix a tractor, birth a calf, or ride a range. He hasn't got calluses on his hands, and his muscles come from a gymnasium, not real work." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. Both parents were looking at her as though if they had wondered before, now they were absolutely sure. She'd lost her mind.

 Her mother scrunched up her face. "I didn't hear her say that. Tell me I didn't hear that!"

 Her father began a string of obscenities that ended with something only mildly profane but had worked its way through several Helene had only recently heard from Phillip's lips. Obviously she was doing nothing for the self-control of the men around her.

 When her father had spewed out his anger at her, he turned on Uncle Amos. "This is your fault. You think I don't know where she got those romantic ideas!"

 “Romantic ideas?” Amos laughed with amazement. "My fault? How do you figure that?"

 "She goes to your ranch. Gets her head filled with a lot of Old West malarkey, then can't come back here and deal with the real world."

 "So, Massachusetts is the real world," Amos said shaking his head and laughing, "and the ranch ain't!"

 Ignoring Amos, Helene's father continued in his tirade, stalking around the dining room. "First you dragged my sister out there. Now you want my daughter. Well, you can't have her."

 "I don't remember trying to steal her." Amos raised his hands in mock defense. "But if she wants to come out to me, that's for her to decide. This whole thing is getting out of hand. You and Flo have been squabbling. Your daughter is so tired she can't see straight. Let her go to bed. This'll make better sense to all of you in the morning."

 "The blue bird of happiness strikes again," Helene's father said with a sneer.

 "I didn't say that," Uncle Amos snapped back, "but a little looking ahead right now might make everybody around here happier."

 Helene tried to smile at him but the tears were too close to the surface to make her attempt successful. "Would you walk me to my room?" she asked, reaching out a hand to her uncle. "That is," she looked back at her father and then her mother, "if I can stay here."

 "Of course you can stay here," her mother retorted. "Don't be melodramatic."

 Helene smiled at her. "Oh, is that just reserved for the older generation?" and made a quick escape before the words could rebound against her.

 In the hall Georgie stopped in front of them. "I knew if I made tea, nobody would drink it," she said with a disgusted look down at the tray.

 Uncle Amos took the tray that also included sandwiches and followed Helene up the curved staircase to the upper level of the mansion.

 At her bedroom door, Helene smiled back at him. "I suppose I got you in more trouble by asking you up here."

 "You think I give a dang about that?" Amos asked, grinning, his thinning gray hair mussed by several forays of his hands through it.

 "I know you don't, but--" She pressed her lips together and opened the door to her bedroom. The room was lavish, gold satin spread, thick white rug, white antique furniture, original oil paintings on the walls. Helene took the tray and sat it on a stand by her bed.

 Uncle Amos accepted a cup of tea from her, his gaze steadily met her gaze. "You really did it this time," he said with a grin.

 "I am so sorry." She realized she was hungry and took one of the sandwich halves. "When will I learn to think before I leap? I've made everybody mad at me," she said in when she had finished it off.

 "Phillip too, I don’t doubt," he said, sipping his tea.

 "He was furious."

 "Didn't hit you though?"

 "That isn't Phillip's style," she said with a deep breath. She walked to her window and stared out at the dark grounds below. "I've never seen him like that though. Of course, he wasn't prepared for it, and Phillip likes to be prepared for everything."

 "You two didn't court long, did you?"

 "I'd known him, sort of distantly, but it was only four months ago that he asked me out for the first time. In a month, he was talking marriage. Another month and I agreed."

 "Why?'

 She smiled sadly. "He's powerful, rich...  On the surface, Phillip has everything a woman could want."

 "Not enough for you though?"

 Helene returned to the bed and picked up her cup of tea.  "I was stupid and got carried away with everything, the excitement of the wedding, of marrying such a prized catch. This week, it was like I woke up and wondered why I'd agreed to marry a man I barely knew. Do you know I don't even know where his parents are, where he came from, nothing about him that really matters. What made me let myself be maneuvered into marrying a man I don't even really like?" She hesitated only a moment before she added fiercely, "I won't have a marriage like my parents."

 "You knew about their situation before today," Amos said.

 "Well I didn’t imagine they’d be talking divorce the same day I got married, but how could I not realize their marriage was troubled at the best?" Helene said, staring across the room to a romantic, landscape painting that she'd always hated. "They aren't together unless they have to be. Separate vacations for as many years as I can remember. Daddy's little friends..." She let out a gusty breath. "I don't know why Mother's put up with it. Except all she can think about is how things look. And I guess divorce doesn't look good." She wriggled her nose. "I doubt annulment is going to look too good either."

 "It's your life."

 "There came a moment when I realized I didn’t know what life was about and never would find out if I became Phillip’s wife. I just saw that too late."

 "Did you know your dad wants a divorce?"

 Helene said nothing for a moment. "I heard the end of the argument. The only surprising thing is he waited so long. I guess he thought he’d gotten the bird out of the nest... or something like that. I don't remember them ever being happy."

 "I think they were in the beginning," he said, taking a swig of his tea, "but there's a lot of pressures. You know how things are."

 "I don’t. Things weren’t that way for you and Aunt Rochelle. You were happy."

 Uncle Amos smiled at her. “You never really know somebody else’s marriage, girl.”

“You weren’t happy?”

“Of course, we were most of the time, but we had our hard times too. There’s nothing we had that you couldn’t have with Phil."

 "Handsome, successful, business genius Phillip Drummond. No. I couldn’t, but I feel awful about what I did to him." She shook her head. "I honestly didn't think it would make that much difference to him. I thought I was just an addition to his portfolio... I don't think he loves me. I don't understand though why he reacted as he did."

 Amos smiled. "Maybe male pride?"

 Helene smiled tearily. "Probably. He... was different today. I mean, he'd kissed me before but today being angry and all... it was different." She flushed, unable to explain her reaction to Phillip's kisses. It was the first time she'd thought of Phillip as a flesh and blood man, capable of passion and feeling, the first time she'd realized she would be hurting him by her actions.

 "I don't want to settle for crumbs, like my mother, because I'm afraid to ask for more."

 "Your mother has everything a woman could want."

 "Materially maybe. Otherwise?  Most women want a man who loves them, one who can be trusted, one who wants to be with them. I know I certainly don't want to come home someday and find the man I married making love to some other woman." She stopped and looked up at her uncle. "The way I found my father."

 Uncle Amos swore succinctly.

 "I... was fourteen. If I'd had any illusions by then, it would have been the end of them."

 "You never told your mother?"

 "What would have been the point? Besides she had to know. He wasn’t exactly subtle about it," she said bitterly. "I have to believe she pretended she didn't because she didn't want the scandal, didn't want to give up her comfortable lifestyle."

 "Well you sure nailed them today, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t mean to."

“Maybe not but you got both them and Phillip with one swipe.”

“I never thought of it that way. I’m sorry for that, for all of it, but I don’t want that kind of life. I want a man who'd never do something like that to me."

 "So you don't trust Phil?"

 "I don't know him well enough to trust him or not. I don’t even know his moral values. Besides it’s something else. I want a different life, one with different priorities. I want a man who if a disaster strikes won't be counting up the monetary losses but will be taking care of me and any children we might have, dragging us from a flooding stream or protecting us with his own body if need be.” She stopped and sighed. “Yes, I know I sound like a hopeless romantic."

 Amos chuckled. "Might be Phil's more of a man than you know. The world you live in doesn't give a man a lot of chances to play hero."