Friends Upgrade (7 page)

Doug stood up so fast, his head spun. “Are you kidding me? Is that what you think of me?” Doug paced the room rubbing the back of his head. He came back and stood in front of her. She looked so scared. It killed him that he could be the cause of her anguish. He needed to set some things straight.

“Judith, listen to me. I am not a ‘wham-bam-thank-you ma’am’ type of guy. I thought you knew that. I’ve been through that, and I don’t care to relive it.”

He sat in front of her again and took her hands in his.

“I had two relationships before I met you. One was nothing to write about, but the other something significant happened. The one relationship I had that really changed my dating habits was with a friend...ex-friend.”

“See, I—”

“Shh.” He put his fingers over her lips. “Hear me out, then you can judge me.” Doug rubbed the back of her hand, enjoying the feel of them.

Her hand trembled and that disturbed him. He needed to fix this. He had to. He didn’t want to lose her.

“This ‘friend’ wanted to experiment and see if we could be ‘friends with benefits.’ No strings, no commitment, no emotional hang-ups. That didn’t work out so well. I wanted more. That kind of sex to me is shallow and empty. It seemed to suit her fine however. She became cold and distant in the bedroom. Except for the few orgasms I gave her, she showed no real emotion towards me.” Letting go of her hands for just a second, Doug reached and grabbed his pajama top. He put it on and quickly took her hands again.

“I swore never to have that again,” he continued. “When you and I meet, the timing seemed perfect. You
are
my best friend, Judith, but you’re also more than that to me. A revelation almost. I know I can have more with you. We cultivated a bond that I never had with a woman. Maybe I misjudged something, thinking we could go beyond what we have.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I had no idea. But you see, this is why I want to keep things the way they are. Look at what happened to you. Doug, you mean too much to me. Sex involves so many emotions. Suppose...suppose we do sleep together and it doesn’t work out, or we have a terrible fight later on. I’ll lose something more precious to me. Your friendship.

“Your friendship is the first one since college that I can rely on without a doubt. I know I can come to you with anything and not be judged. I shared things with you that I know you never told and vise versa. Do you know how hard that is to find?”

Damn. Not the result he wanted. Perhaps he should be grateful that she only wanted friendship and not bring sex into it. He spilled his guts, and it backfired. But if they never slept together, at least he wanted her to know how he felt about her.

“Okay, I can see I can’t change your mind. But I still want to know why you reacted so strongly. I’ve never seen you like that, and I hate to think I was the sole cause of it.”

****

Judith didn’t know where to begin. What would she say? She would have to confess everything. Then they would have sex and then split up. Just like she and Mark.

Doug took her hands in his and stroked them. “What’s going on, hon? What are you afraid of? Is it me?”

“It’s us.” She sniffed.

“What about us?”

“Doug, you’re the best friend I ever had, man or woman. I don’t want to lose that.” Judith didn’t know if she could go on without Doug in her life. God, he was that important to her.

She felt alive in his presence, joy when they talked and went out together. She felt a sense of peace whenever she talked to him after a hectic day at the office. Where else could she find that in this lifetime?

And besides, she wanted to be a true friend to him. Unlike what happened years ago, if they got together, she wouldn’t hesitate to tell the world.

But that wasn’t going to happen.

“And you won’t. I meant it when I told you years ago, that you’re stuck with me for life. I knew then that I couldn’t have a better friend.”

“But if we sleep together, all that will be ruined. You know it will change. It won’t be the same anymore.”

“You think our friendship is that fragile?”

“It happened to me and Mark!” She clasped her hand over her mouth. She didn’t mean to get so emotional and she definitely didn’t want to blurt that out.

“You and Mark who?”

Judith did not want to relive that humiliation and she definitely didn’t want to tell Doug. It happened over ten years ago anyway, but the scars stuck with her.

“Please, Doug, it doesn’t matter.”

“The hell if it doesn’t! You ran out of here like a bat outta hell. You’re scared to let me touch you, even to just hold your hand and you’re sitting here looking at me as if I were a total stranger. It matters a lot. Now come on. I spilled my guts to you, don’t you think it’s fair, that you tell me what’s going on with you.”

Judith watched the vein in his neck. He was pissed and she really couldn’t blame him.

She sat there, her hands in her lap clasped tightly together. Doug had every right to be mad at her. She needed to come clean. Maybe then, he would see that being intimate with each other would be a huge mistake.

“Fine, I’ll tell you.”

She told the whole sordid story. How she and Mark dated behind Terri and Lana’s back. Not meaning any harm, but just thought it best. How just like him, Mark thought it only natural to take their friendship one step further That he felt something “special” for her. It seemed like a good idea at first. No one had a clue, but when Lana found out that Mark spent the night with Judith, she flipped. It wasn’t until later that she found out Marked played all of them.

The naïveté of college youth.

“Lana and I stopped speaking. I tried to explain what happened, and that sooner or later we would have told them, but since Mark was with Lana too, she wouldn’t hear of it.”

“Where was Mark when all of this came down.” Doug looked and sounded pissed.

“He...he left me. He told me he couldn’t take all the drama that the other girls were bringing.” Judith began to sob harder. “He just left me, he didn’t have the guts to face any of us, so it made me look like the villain.” Judith put her head in her hands and began crying harder.

Just mentioning how Mark turned his back on her felt like a knife to the heart.

“I should have followed my first instinct. I believed Lana liked Mark. He flirted with them, but he seemed more interested in me.”

“Creep,” Doug said in disgust.

“I’m just as guilty.” She slapped her hands on he knees and shook her head.

“No, you were vulnerable and he took advantage of that. He wasn’t even man enough to be by your side when the shit hit the fan,” Doug said, waving his finger at her.

“Be that as it may, I screwed up. I had no friends after that. I, too, messed up by not telling the truth about the relationship. And I swore with them that no man would come between us. So in a way, I didn’t feel worthy of having any meaningful relationships, platonic or otherwise. It wasn’t until I left college and got around people that didn’t know me that I was able to have friends again. You came along and I was wary at first.”

“Why?” Doug quirked his brow.

“I said to myself, here’s another good looking man and he probably wants more than friendship. But as the years went on and all you wanted from me
was
my friendship, I was overjoyed. You’ve been a real friend to me and I want to be a good friend to you. I see that’s more important than anything.” She tried to smile through the tears.

Doug got up off the chair and sat next to Judith on the edge of the bed, placing his arm around her shoulder. It felt nice and comforting. “Judith, Judith. Do you think of me like this Mark?”

“Terri told me men change after sex. I believe her. I’ve seen it over and over again since that fiasco with other people,” she said wiping her eyes.

“Well after what you just told me about her, she was a bitch. It’s like ‘Pot, meet Kettle.’ And yes, men do change after sex. If he’s truly in love with the woman, he’s made a bond with her that can’t be broken or moved. Mark wasn’t that man.”

“I...I just don’t want to take that chance again. You don’t know how much it hurts. My friends abandoned me.”

“You never patched things up?”

“That’s just it. No matter how I tried to show them Mark was the creep, they still blamed me, saying if Mark and I hadn’t sleep together, we would all still be friends. We never spoke to each other since. The last I heard Lana was a teacher at Eastern University. Terri’s married with three kids and Mark joined the army. I don’t know if he’s dead or alive.”

“Women.” Doug blew out in disgust. “So that’s why you’ve been blowing me off. You’re so scared to get closer to me, for us to get closer.” He put his other arm around her and rested his chin on her head rocking her slowly.

It felt so comforting, so right.

“Judith, listen to me. It’s different with us. Nope,” he said as she tried to speak. “It
is
different. There’s no third party involved. If anything, the friends we have already see us as a couple anyway. And you and I have known each other for over ten years. There some marriages that don’t last that long.” He gently pulled her away from him and turned her to face him. “You know I’m right. You’re so paralyzed with fear. Fear of losing those you care about.”

She nodded. With shaky hands, she took hold of his arm and held it tight.

“When I asked you that question earlier, it wasn’t rhetorical. But at the same time, I wanted an honest answer from you. You want to keep things the way they are, right?”

“It will never be the same now. Not with this hanging over our head. Every time I look at you now, I’ll be wondering if you’re thinking about Judith the friend, or Judith the person you want to sleep with.”

Doug got up and went for the food tray. He picked up a strawberry and took a bite.

“Since we’re being honest then, let me tell you. I have looked at you as more than a friend for some time. I can’t help it. I guess it’s a guy thing. I don’t know. But is that bad? I can’t believe you don’t have any attraction for me, as long as we’ve known each other, the things we’ve shared.” He sat back down next to her. “I understand your fear. Let me reassure you, it’s not like that with us.”

“Even if I did have some attraction to you, I can’t and won’t act on it.” Her mind kept going back to her and her college buddies. Not only did those friendships breakup, they never mended, not even on a cordial basis.

“So you’re willing to suppress whatever honest feeling you have for the sake of keeping the status quo between us. Do you plan on dating other men?”

Did she plan on dating other men now? Good Lord, she couldn’t dream of having another man touch her. What a dilemma. She wanted Doug, the only man she wanted to be intimate with. But she couldn’t have him and she couldn’t have anyone else. Life sucked.

“Are you going to join the convent?”

“Doug, please.”

“I was being cynical.”

“I know. But considering the problem, it’s not such a bad idea.” She sighed.

“No, Judith. That won’t do. Let me tell you. I did plan this trip and my only regret is that I didn’t tell you from the beginning.”

So many emotions started flying off in her head. She didn’t know whether to be hot pissed at him, or let it go at this point. The damage had been done. “Is this some phase you’re going through with me? They say it’s only natural that something like this could happen. Perhaps it’s true straight men and women can’t be friends.”

“They can, and they can be lovers, too.”

“I...I don’t know. I need to think about this. There’s so much at stake.”

She looked up at him and noticed the change in his expression. He looked irritated. She didn’t know what to make of this. Yep, the friendship might have been compromised already.

“I’m sorry, Doug.” Judith put her head in her hands in frustration.

“Would you like to be friends with benefits?” He stood there looking at her, his expression no blank. This wasn’t good.

“Would you do that, just to be with me?”

“You know how I feel about that.”

“I wouldn’t want you to compromise your beliefs just because I’m being silly.” Judith had Doug pegged all wrong. She thought being a man, Doug would jump at the chance. No stress, no expectations. But after he told her his story, she saw him in a new light.

She needed to dedicate a statue to him. “Doug Miller, the Perfect Man.” Too bad they couldn’t take their friendship any further. “We really need to think about this.”

“I’ve been thinking about it since day one.” He sighed. “I’ve waited all these years. What’s a few more days huh?”

“I’m ready for bed. I’m tired and a bit drained.”

“I understand.” Doug headed to the bathroom, but stop short of the doorway. “I just want you to know, no matter what decision you choose, it doesn’t change how I feel about you and you’ll always remain my best friend.” He went in and shut the door.

Judith sat there sobbing quietly.

Chapter Six

Doug woke up in the middle of the night. He couldn’t sleep, and not because Judith slept next to him. Although that didn’t help matters either.

He heard the sounds of voices, particularly moaning, groaning and screaming.

He peeked his head out from under the covers and noticed the television on. He took another look and noticed the programming. The porn movie. The very one that made Judith flip out and run out the door. Now she watched it undercover—literally.

He glanced at her. The look in her eyes told him everything he needed to know.

Doug studied Judith’s reactions to the movie. It turned her on, he could tell. But why watch it now, especially after the conversation they just had? Out of curiosity? She knew he slept like a log, so he guessed she figured she wouldn’t wake him. Wrong!

He didn’t dare move. He would continue watching her and the movie.

The redhead pumped her friend’s cock at a steady and fast pace. When enough pre-cum oozed out to cover the tip of his shaft, she stopped, opened her mouth wide and took him all in. The man grunted as he reached down and grabbed a handful of crimson locks.