Friends Like Us (5 page)

Without looking around, with incredible sleight of hand, she slipped it into her handbag. And then she went to the till, hoping she looked normal, even though her insides were screaming with the surge of adrenaline, and calmly paid for the things in her basket.

She was just leaving when the manager, who she had known for years from being in and out of the shop, came up to her.

‘Mrs Fitzpatrick,' he said, blushing beetroot. ‘Have you forgotten anything?'

She managed to smile. ‘No, Fintan, I don't think so… I have everything.' Does he know? she thought. Did he see? Why had she done it? Her heart was pounding, blood rushing to her head. Why had she done this again? What was possessing her to steal things, to slip things into her bag? She kept doing it and she couldn't shake the habit. The thought of being caught terrified and horrified her, but she kept doing it. And a Lindt bunny! The shame.

‘I just wondered if you had,' he smiled, desperately, ‘forgotten to pay for anything. In your bag, like. Just, you may have… forgotten.'

‘What?!' she said. ‘I don't think so, Fintan, but you can have a look.' She had no choice but to open her bag wide to expose the face of the bunny peering out. ‘How did that get there? Oh dear, this is embarrassing. I have no idea…!'

‘Oh no harm done, Mrs Fitzpatrick,' said Fintan, beginning to babble with the excruciating embarrassment of the situation. ‘It happens to us all. Me, I'm always forgetting things. I forgot to pick up Ciara from the crèche yesterday.'

‘Oh, I don't know. I must be losing it,' laughed Steph. ‘I am so sorry, Fintan.'

‘Shall I put it through the till for you?'

‘No, please don't. No, it's fine. I don't want it,' she said, smiling a weird crazed smile. ‘If I did I would have paid for it! I'm in a bit of a hurry, anyway. Thanks for understanding!'

I can never go there again, she thought as she dashed out of the shop, leaving Fintan to replace the bunny on the shelf. And I am never stealing anything ever again.

She had gone about her day, but just as she was coming into town on the train to meet Melissa and Eilis, the shock kicked in. I can't let that happen again, she told herself. Why am I making my life so stressful? Why am I making things worse? Why can't I stop? And it's not as though I can't pay for it. Why the compulsion? She had taken things before and she didn't know how to stop. Suddenly an urge, an opportunity, would present itself and she seemed powerless to control it. Was it the need to feel powerful, to feel alive, to feel
something
?

And now she had to pretend to be the Steph everyone expected, the calm, assured grown-up Steph, with the lovely life and the lovely family. Plastering a smile on her face, she walked into the bar and spotted Eilis. She waved cheerily.

But when they pulled away from the hug, Eilis was sure she could see tears in Steph's eyes.

‘Everything okay?' she asked.

‘Of course,' said Steph laughing it away. ‘Never better. Now, you are looking great! It's so wonderful to see you!'

Steph was wearing diamond earrings and a gold necklace. Rick must have bought them, Eilis thought. Rick was, what certain women (definitely not Eilis) might call,
quite the catch
. He had that look about him of the lascivious male, which some women found irresistible but Eilis had always found slightly creepy, not that she would ever admit such a thing to anyone. Steph looked the same, but her eyes were bloodshot and she looked a little tired.

‘So, how are you?' Steph asked, setting herself down, and smiling as though everything was perfect.

‘Great,' said Eilis. Great, just great. I didn't tell you on the phone but I'm living in Dalkey as well now,' she said, slightly sheepishly. ‘We moved in a year ago. I meant to call you…'

‘Don't worry, I understand… I get it. I'm the same. So busy. And… and we hadn't seen each other for so long.'

They looked at one another.

‘It's good to see you Steph,' Eilis said.

‘You too.' And it was, it really was good to see her. Just seeing that familiar face and Eilis' kind, gentle manner was soothing. Steph could feel her nerves being calmed just being there.

‘I can't believe it's been ten years.'

‘I know,' said Steph, sadly. ‘Why did we let time pass?'

‘I don't know. But it did. I have discovered,' said Eilis, ‘that life gets more complicated as you grow older and it's harder to keep up with it all sometimes.'

‘Yes,' agreed Steph. ‘It is hard to keep up.' But where had the time gone? She had been busy with Rachel, of course, and then there was her utter confusion in trying to manage and normalize living with Rick. At first, she was stupefied by his behaviour and it took a great deal of her energy just trying to make everything okay. She had stopped that now and was living a half-life, living in the shadows.

‘Why don't I call in, for a cup of tea sometime?'

‘That would be brilliant.' Steph looked so delighted that Eilis wished she had made that call a year ago.

‘When suits you?'

‘Oh anytime, I'm always at home. It'd be great to see you and you can meet Rachel…' Steph brightened. ‘Anyway, I have a proposal. I'll explain when Melissa gets here. But it involves helping out with our twentieth School Reunion.'

Eilis groaned. ‘And I thought we both claimed to be so busy!'

‘It won't be too much work. I promise! And it's a chance to have regular meet-ups,' she added, shyly. ‘Anyway. It's all the fault of Sister Attracta… Oh look, there's Melissa!'

‘Well, well, well!' Melissa called over as she walked towards them. ‘Fancy meeting you two here!' They all hugged. Melissa had spent the day picking up the Beetle, meeting a dead-line, arguing with her boss about the edits and looking at her phone to see if Alistair had changed his mind. He hadn't. But she won the debate with Liam, her editor.

‘I have missed you, Eils,' said Melissa. ‘We're
not
going to lose each again, okay? Now I've found you both again, you won't be able to shake me off so easily. I'm like a terrier with a ball, these days.'

The other two laughed as they always had at Melissa, she was always the lighter one, the funnier one, the life and soul. It was so nice to see them, thought Steph, these two women, her two old friends.

‘And,' continued Melissa, ‘I just saw Rob as I was crossing St Stephen's Green. I'm sure it was him. Has he cut his hair really short, practically shaved?'

‘Yes,' Eilis said. ‘But he didn't say he was going out. But maybe…' Maybe he had gone out. But where, and why hadn't he mentioned it?

‘Maybe it wasn't him… this guy looked a bit more built-up anyway…'

‘Well… he has been going to the gym a lot, but I don't think it could have been him…'

They ordered a bottle of Prosecco and sat at the bar.

‘So, we're thirty-eight. How did that happen?' Steph asked, smiling at them.

‘I have no idea,' Melissa answered. ‘It's a trick and someone is going to jump out from behind that curtain in a moment and tell us all we are really eighteen again. That's how I feel anyway.' She washed down a handful of roasted nuts with a large gulp of wine. ‘Why do they serve this in such small glasses?' she wondered. ‘The constant refilling is exhausting.'

‘Anyway, I like being old. I have been waiting to be middle-aged my whole life. I am thinking of investing in a pair of elastic-waisted trousers,' said Steph, signalling to the bartender by waving the empty bottle.

She was far from stretchy trousers this evening; instead, she was wearing a little boucle jacket with her jeans. Her bag was buttery leather, handmade and Italian. Life was obviously going well, thought Eilis, still beautiful Steph. But there was something different about her. She looked different like her light, her glow, had gone. Was that age or something else?

There was Melissa, thought Steph. Her best friend, looking exactly the same as before. She was in jeans and trainers and smart jacket, her battered leather bag was full of notebooks, pens, which all tumbled out when she delved for her purse. Her brown hair had not changed since school; long, curly and defiantly un-styled. And her face was the same, thought Steph, slightly older, yes, but still that spark, that energy.

Meanwhile, Melissa looked at Eilis, her old friend, who, she was pleased to see was looking her usual cute self, Audrey Hepburnish. A bit peaky, though. She always had too many worries. Even when they were teenagers Melissa was aware that Eilis never had as much fun as the rest of them, permanently worried about something or other. Now it was work probably and all that dealing with life and death every day.

She smiled at Melissa, then, and Melissa could see the old Steph, the art history student Steph, the one who loved Botticelli and Bernini more than life itself, the one who had long hair that she would tie up into a loose bun and who wore kaftans which trailed along the filthy pavements.

‘I just want to be comfortable,' Steph said. ‘Is that too much to ask? Soft shoes, no bra and nice stretchy tracksuit bottoms all day long. Give up the pretence.'

‘Pretence at what?' asked Eilis.

‘Being normal.'

‘I quite agree,' said Eilis. ‘You should dig out your old kaftans, Steph.'

‘Long gone, I'm afraid.'

‘Well, I think it's time you bought some more.'

They all raised a glass.

‘To comfort,' said Melissa.

‘To slippers,' said Eilis. ‘That's what I want to wear all the time.'

They all giggled a bit too loudly. The Prosecco was working and they drained their glasses and, more importantly, they were friends again. It really was that simple. But, thought Melissa, if only everything else in life was so easy, like relationships or stroppy bosses.

Steph thought of Rick and how much it had taken out of her, just trying to keep herself afloat in the marriage. That hadn't been simple. And Eilis thought of Rob and the hospital, and the how everything seemed so full-on, and that no one ever seemed to want to hear her, to listen to her. Except here, right now, with her friends. They were interested, they cared. She smiled at them and felt a deep love and affection for them.

‘So, let's get the business out of the way,' said Steph. ‘Melissa, I was telling Eilis that we have been asked to organize part of the school reunion.'

‘I'm not going,' said Melissa. ‘No way.' But it was clear she was ready to be persuaded as her protestations sounded half-hearted. ‘My emotional scars from school still haven't healed.'

‘Aw, come on. You have to. It'll be fun,' said Eilis, thinking that it was a chance to hang out with Steph and Melissa and revisit the old days. ‘Fun-ish.'

‘Well,' said Melissa. ‘I want more than fun-ish. I think we deserve actual fun.'

‘Well, then, it'll be fun. Forget the ish.'

Melissa looked sceptical. ‘But the nuns,' she said. ‘We'll have to meet the nuns again.'

‘They can't hurt you now,' said Eilis, laughing. ‘They are powerless over you. They are not going to slap you with a ruler on the back of your legs if your skirt is too short at this age.'

‘I wouldn't be too sure,' said Melissa.

‘You have to face your fears, Mel,' said Steph, joining the cajoling. ‘Come on. We won't go, if you don't.'

‘Okay, if you are hanging it on me, I'll go,' said Melissa, faux-reluctantly. ‘I suppose there is the slight, vague possibility that it might be fun. But let's not get too rash. And what do you mean we have to organize it?'

‘It's not much… I'll do most of it. It's not like I work or anything,' Steph laughed but looked slightly embarrassed. ‘Anyway!' she said. ‘The reunion is in December, just before Christmas. Sister Attracta has arranged it for here, in the Shelbourne. That's why I thought we'd meet here, in the bar.'

‘Sister Attracta? Is she still there?' marvelled Melissa. ‘She must be ancient.'

‘Yes she is. But even more ancient. And even more wizened,' said Steph, looking around desperately for the waiter. ‘Now, there is someone doing the decorations and all that malarkey.'

‘Who's doing that?' said Eilis.

‘Joanne Hanratty!'

‘Big Jo!' Eilis laughed.

‘The very one,' said Steph.

‘I bumped into her at the hospital once, years ago now. Her little boy was ill. Only a small thing. But she was amazing. Had us all running around after her. Took total charge.'

‘Sounds right,' said Steph. ‘That woman is a powerhouse. Just back from Singapore, it seems. Big job in banking. Or something. And,' she continued, ‘guess who's organizing the drinks and the food?'

The others shook their heads and shrugged.

‘Paula O'Dowd. Or rather should I say
Paul
? I bumped into
him
in the village a few months ago.
He
recognized me.'

‘No!' said Eilis.

‘Jesus Christ. Paula! She kept that quiet. I mean,
he
did,' said Melissa.

‘Yes, he has been transitioning for the last ten years. Told me, he should have done it while at school. Wasted years of his life. Says he wishes he'd been braver.'

‘That would have gone down well with Sister Attracta and the rest of the Abbey,' said Eilis.

‘Well,' said Melissa, raising her glass. ‘Here's to Paul and being brave.'

‘To being brave,' they echoed, smiling.

‘So, as you can see we all have tales to tell. Some more interesting than others. So, all we have to do is get a list together, track people down and send out invites and gets responses.'

‘Simps!' said Steph.

‘Easy peasy.'

‘So…' said Steph. ‘Now the business side of the evening is out of the way… how's life, how's work going Melissa?'