Fresh Tracks (23 page)

"There's a big stand of evergreens back a ways off the path and there's no snow under a

lot of them. That caught my eye and.. .1 thought of you." Kristin didn't add that she'd felt inexplicably drawn to the spot, that she wasn't really walking anywhere near the particular

tree under which the rock was nestled.

"You did?"

Kristin nodded.

Molly reached up and wrapped her arms around Kristin's neck, enveloping her in a warm hug.

"Thank you," she said softly. "I love it." She tucked the rock into the pocket of her jeans.

"I'm going to keep it with me all the time."

The huge grin that split Kristin's face was something Molly decided then and there she

wanted to see more often, every day if she could help it.

Kristin kissed her quickly on the mouth. "I'm going to grab a shower."

"Okay. I'l be in the kitchen with Amy. Sadly, the vegetables won't cut themselves."

Back in the kitchen, Molly pulled the rock back out of her pocket and showed it to Amy,

then to Sophie and Laura, who came to look. It was swirled gray in color, round and full,

solid and weighty.

"That is so cool," Laura breathed, touching the rock with one finger.

"How the hell did she manage to find a rock in the woods in the dead of winter?" Sophie asked.

Amy grinned smugly and when Molly noticed, she slapped playfully at her arm. "You're not going to launch into a Magic Acre story, are you?"

"I wouldn't dream of it," Amy replied as she plunged a piece of celery into her dip and tasted it. She grinned as she chewed. "Besides, none of you would believe me."

"Aunt Jo?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about yesterday." Darby gave the apology while pulling logs from the pile and stacking them into the carrying sling. She was embarrassed and couldn't bring herself to

look her aunt in the eye. She hadn't been scolded by Aunt Jo like she'd been the previous

day since she was a preteen. She'd deserved it then, too.

Jo stopped what she was doing and stood up straight to regard her niece. Darby had been

fairly quiet since their run-in the day before. Jo

didn't know how parents did it, how they scolded their kids and went on with their lives. Jo

felt so bad, she had to catch herself on several occasions before she tried to sweet-talk

Darby, to apologize, to make herself feel better and to wipe that hurt, chagrined look off

her face. Her words had been harsh, but Darby had needed to hear them and it took all

Jo's strength to let it sit, to leave it alone. Now Darby had done the apologizing. Jo felt a sudden, fierce pride in her niece.

"It's okay," she said simply.

When Darby looked up, her blue eyes were troubled. She opened her mouth as if about to

say something, then closed it again and reached for more wood.

"What?" Jo prodded gently.

"I just..." Darby took a deep breath and blew it out in frustration, the puff visible in the chilly air. "I'm so good at noncommitment." She grimaced at Jo. "I'm good at the pick-up, I'm great at getting her home, but I suck at anything beyond that."

Jo studied her niece. "Don't you want more, Darby? Don't you want more than just great

sex? Not that there's anything wrong with that," she added with a wink. "But don't you want somebody to wake up with? Somebody to come home to? Somebody to talk to or not

talk to or a lap to rest your head in when you have a bad day?"

Darby answered honestly. "You know, I never did. I always thought what you and Aunt Amy

have is really cool, but I also thought it just wasn't for me. I never thought of myself as

the settling-down type. I'm not good at it and I've never wanted it." She sighed. "Until I met Molly."

Jo nodded, surprised by the admission, but at the same time, not. She knew that the day

would come eventually when her niece would meet a woman who would finally be The One—

the person who got Darby to relinquish her hold on a life of one-night stands and weekend

clubbing. What she hadn't counted on was that person being one of Amy's dearest friends,

and married to boot.

"Molly's in love with somebody else," Jo said with tenderness, not wanting to hurt Darby but wanting to be sure she understood the score.

"I know that."

"She's been with Kristin since you were a senior in high school."

"I know that, too." Darby looked up at the bright blue of the winter

sky. She didn't want to hear these facts. She was aware of them, but having Aunt Jo say

them out loud made them that much more real.

The wood was loaded and ready to be hauled into the house, but both women stood

unmoving. Darby continued staring off into space. Jo watched her intently, wishing there

was something she could do to help her niece through the confusion.

"I don't know how this happened," Darby said softly. "I don't fall for women at the drop of a hat. It's sil y and it's not me."

"Things change." It was the most fitting explanation Jo could think of. "Maybe it is you and you just didn't know it."

Darby snorted.

Trying a different tack, Jo suggested, "Maybe it is you now. And falling for somebody isn't silly. Falling for somebody who's spoken for is. And not knowing when to back off is even

sillier." Jo looked at Darby pointedly.

"Yeah. I know," Darby agreed, her face coloring slightly. "You're right. But that doesn't mean it doesn't suck."

Jo chuckled. "Sometimes, it does. Sometimes, it sucks a lot." She picked up one of the canvas slings full of logs and studied her niece. "It's the last day of the year, Darby.

Tomorrow, you get to start fresh. Think about that."

Darby watched as Jo walked toward the house. For the first time since she could

remember, starting fresh actually sounded like a good idea.

At precisely eight o'clock, dinner was served and it smelled unbelievable. Amy had cooked

the beef tenderloin to perfection—her love of red meat made her thank her lucky stars

none of her present friends were vegetarians—and her guests oohed and ahhed as it was

sliced before them. Jo circled the table, filling everybody's glasses with a deep burgundy-

colored Merlot that smelled almost as good as it tasted.

Laura pulled her nose out of her glass long enough to comment, "There's nothing quite like a good red wine to warm you up in the winter."

"Absolutely," Sophie agreed, her glass already to her lips.

"Hey, wait," Jo ordered. "We have to toast first."

Sophie caught herself and lowered her glass, looking sheepish. Laura grinned at her.

Jo stood at the head of the table where Amy's seat was, one hand on her wife's shoulder.

"First of all, I want to thank you all for being here. Amy and I feel there is no better way to spend the holidays than with those you love."

Murmurs of agreement traveled around the table.

"I'd also like to say that friends like you are hard to come by and when you do find them, you need to hold on tight. So I stand before you and say, with all my heart—and I think my

wife would agree—that our New Year's resolution is to spend more time with all of you.

You're too important to us to let the everyday world of work and shopping and whatever

keep us apart."

From Jo's right, Laura spoke up. "I'd like to add my own resolution to that. Starting with the New Year, I'm going to stop feeling guilty about things I've done in the past and

promise to forgive myself." Nods and words of encouragement fil ed the air. "And I'm going to be a good mommy to Ricky," she added with a grin, smiling down at the terrier near her chair.

Sophie promptly raised her glass and said, "I'm going to stop wallowing in what was and

start concentrating on what will be."

Darby was next. With a glance at Jo, she stated simply in a quiet but assured voice, "I

think I'm going to open my eyes this year." Amy smiled up at Jo, both acknowledging the

change in their niece this signaled.

Kristin studied her plate as she organized her thoughts. When she lifted her chin and

spoke, her eyes sparkled, their color arresting. She placed a warm hand on Molly's knee

under the table. "I'm going to try to finally fix my whacked-out priorities and focus on what's really important in my life." She looked at Molly.

Molly's eyes teared up and she laughed as she tried to wave the moist drops away, her

friends awwiag at her. Pulling herself together, she spoke softly. "I have a couple

resolutions that I'm going to try my hardest to stick to. First, while Darby's busy opening

her eyes, I'm going to work on opening my mouth." Gentle laughter rounded the table.

"Second, I want to start thanking the people who help me grow." At this statement, her eyes cut quickly to Darby and then away. "It's not always easy to understand yourself. Even the simplest things can

elude your grasp. When somebody helps you make a connection or put a puzzle piece in

place, they deserve some gratitude." Molly looked at Darby once again and mouthed a silent

"Thank you."

Kristin looked at Darby as well, but her face was expressionless and it actually freaked

Darby out a bit. She averted her eyes and took a swig from her water glass.

"I'm all misty now," Amy said, and her friends smiled at her. Holding up her wineglass, she waited for the others to follow. "I love you all and I'm so glad you're here. Happy New

Year, my friends."

Seven glasses plinked together over the table fil ed with food. The women sipped, humming

their overwhelming approval of the wine. Then they dug into the food, laughing and carrying

on several conversations at once. Bowls were passed. Garlic mashed potatoes, green beans,

squash, homemade rolls—the list of choices was endless. Amy had outdone herself, which

surprised nobody. Ricky sat at Laura's feet, watching closely, no doubt hoping some

tantalizing morsel would slip from her plate and fall on his head. He eventually moved so he

was between Laura's chair and Sophie's, once he realized that, of the two, Sophie was the

bigger softie. Several small morsels of beef found their way to him throughout the course

of the meal.

Though the atmosphere was the friendliest, the most relaxed it had been all week, each

woman had something on her mind. Though she'd attempted to put it aside, it scratched at

her brain through the evening. Musings about life, about changes, about her own behaviors

and about the others' swirled around in each head.

Amy worried for everybody at the table. She desperately wanted Molly and Kristin to be all

right. Too many of her lesbian friends had gone through breakups in the past couple of

years, and she was concerned that they hadn't tried. She thought breaking up was too

easy, especially with no legal binding. She often felt it was easier for couples to split than to go through the effort of fixing the problems. Fixing things was hard and many just

didn't have the stomach for it. Throwing in the towel was often the simpler solution.

She knew Molly and Kristin were strong and she was certain their love for each other was

even stronger. She hoped they knew so, as well. She also realized with surprise that she'd

love to see Sophie and Laura hook up. It wasn't something that had even crossed her mind

when she'd extended the invitations for the week, and she was a little disappointed in her

own usually adept matchmaking abilities for not

seeing what a great pair they'd make. But she also knew they each had their own demons to

exorcise before they'd be ready to give themselves to somebody else. Stil .. .they were so

damn cute together.

Before they could catch her smirking at them, she scanned down the table until her gaze

settled on Darby. Poor Darby. She sympathized with her young niece, knowing being hauled

out of the room by Jo hadn't done a lot for her self-esteem. But Jo was very wise and

Darby knew it, so Amy hoped she took something beneficial from the experience. She still

looked with puppy-dog eyes at Molly—a look Amy hadn't seen on Darby before, ever. She

thought how strange life's timing could be...that the first time Darby met someone who

might really matter to her, that spmeone was unattainable. Amy wondered what might have

happened between the two if Molly had been single.

To Amy's right, Laura put a forkful of potatoes into her mouth and thought about her

resolution as she chewed. Forgiving herself wasn't an easy feat for her. It never had been.

She'd felt guilty for so long now, it was as if the guilt was a part of her, like a limb or an organ. She was afraid cutting it away would leave a hole so big she'd never be able to fill it.

She glanced over and noticed Sophie covertly slipping a piece of meat to Ricky. She smiled

and said nothing.

The thought of moving forward and leaving the past behind terrified Sophie almost as

much as letting go of her guilt terrified Laura. Who was Sophie if not the woman Kel y

left? It was her entire identity now, and she didn't know if she could exist as anything

else. She didn't think she knew how. She swallowed hard and concentrated on fattening up

the terrier.

Darby tried hard not to look at Molly at all through dinner, but it was painfully difficult.

When she did look, her heart constricted in her chest because the look of love and hope in

Molly's green eyes was focused solely on Kristin. Damn, that is one lucky woman. She hoped

Kristin knew what she had, because Darby wanted nothing more than to snatch it away

from her and if she had less respect for Molly, she would do just that. She did a mental

double-take at her own thoughts and chuckled to herself. For the second time that day,