Free Yourself from Fears (29 page)

231

FREE YOURSELF FROM FEARS

Skill for freedom

What were you afraid of?

What have you been afraid of in your life that you are no longer afraid of?

Make a list on the lefthand side of a sheet of paper of everything you can remember being afraid of but are no longer.

On the righthand side of the paper list why you are no longer afraid of these things.

Write down any significant event that might have helped you lose that fear.

How is that different from your answers on page 33?

232

APPENDIX I

Thinking about Thinking

with NLP

IN THIS BOOK, WE HAVE EXPLORED FEAR and various ways of feeling fear through mental pictures, sounds, and feelings.

NLP proposes that we think with internal images (visual), sounds (auditory), feelings (kinesthetic), smells (olfactory), and tastes (gustatory). These are the internal counterparts of our senses that we use on the outside to explore the world. They are known as r
epresentational systems
in NLP literature. The world is “presented” to our senses, and then we “re-present” the world to ourselves in our minds using these internal senses. This internal representation is powerful and determines how we react, regardless of the “real” experience.

Therefore NLP seeks to change how we think about our experience.

What we see, hear, and feel in the outside world has smaller components, for example distance and direction. Sounds can be loud or soft, pictures can be bright or dark. Feelings can be hot or cold. These smaller components or qualities of our internal senses are known in NLP terms as
submodalities
. All our internal pictures can be described in terms of visual submodalities, all internal sounds by auditory submodalities, all internal feelings by kinesthetic submodalities. These submodalities can be a critical part of the way we think about our experience. Association and dissociation, for example, is a very important submodality and I have used it in this book in many strategies to combat fears.

Here a list of the main submodalities, many of which are used in exercises in this book. For a complete description of NLP thinking and submodalities, see
The NLP Work Book
, listed in the bibliography.

FREE YOURSELF FROM FEARS

Visual submodalities

J
Associated/dissociated
—seen through own eyes or looking on at self.

J
Color
—color or black and white.

J
Boundary
—framed or unbounded.

J
Depth
—two- or three-dimensional.

J
Location
—left or right, up or down.

J
Distance
—far away or near.

J
Brightness
—bright or dark.

J
Contrast
—well defined or poorly defined.

J
Focus
—clear or blurred.

J
Movement
—still, smooth, or jerky.

J
Speed
—fast or slow.

J
Number
—single screen, split screen, or multiple images.

J
Size
—large or small.

Auditory submodalities

J
Verbal or nonverbal
—words or sounds.

J
Direction
—stereo or mono.

J
Volume
—loud or soft.

J
Tone
—soft or harsh.

J
Timbre
—fullness of sound.

J
Location
—up, down, left, or right.

J
Distance
—close or far.

J
Duration
—continuous or discontinuous.

J
Speed
—fast or slow.

J
Clarity
—clear or muffled.

J
Pitch
—high or low.

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THINKING ABOUT THINKING WITH NLP

Kinesthetic submodalities

The kinesthetic representational system covers: J Vestibular (balance).

J Proprioceptive (body awareness).

J Tactile (touch).

Feelings may also be:

J Primary (feeling in the body).

J Meta (feeling about something else).

The following kinesthetic submodalities apply to all of these categories:

J
Location
—where in the body.

J
Intensity
—high or low.

J
Pressure
—hard or soft.

J
Extent
—large or small.

J
Texture
—rough or smooth.

J
Weight
—light or heavy.

J
Temperature
—hot or cold.

J
Duration
—long or short, continuous or discontinuous.

J
Shape
—regularity.

J
Movement
—still or moving.

Olfactory and gustatory submodalities
Some basic kinesthetic submodalities can be applied to smells and tastes:

J
Location
—where in the body.

J
Intensity
—high or low.

235

FREE YOURSELF FROM FEARS

J
Extent
—large or small.

J
Temperature
—hot or cold.

J
Duration
—long or short, continuous or discontinuous.

J
Movement
—still or moving.

J
Quality
—sharp or sweet.

236

APPENDIX II

Summary of Skills for

Freedom

Fear

Pattern

Page

Appearances

Not judging by appearances

98

Authentic fear

Danger signals

172

Developing intuition

193

Developing peripheral vision

189

Exploring authentic fear

146

Getting to know your intuition

187

Authority

Fear of authority pattern

78

Children’s fears

From fear to action

69

Helping children with fear

40

Commitment

Exploring commitment

207

What does commitment mean to you? 205

Dealing with change

Discovering your metaprogram for

change 127

Finding the cost of change

137

Dealing with transition
Transition 141

Death

Death as an adviser

85

FREE YOURSELF FROM FEARS

Fear

Pattern

Page

Dentists and doctors

From fear to action

69

From worry to action

72

Relaxation exercise

212

Elevators

From fear to action

212

Relaxation exercise

69

Evaluating risk

Checklist for risk

162

Fear in general

How do you know you are afraid?

20

Relaxation exercise

212

Talking about fear

54

The Bene Gesserit process

59

Transforming fear through values

203

Using internal dialogue to calm fear

51

What are you afraid of?

33

What were you afraid of?

232

Witnessing

214

Fear of failure

Changing your physiology

122

Exploring limiting beliefs

114

From fear of failure to action

116

Relaxation exercise

212

Transforming fear through values

203

Fear of the future

From fear to action

69

Relaxation exercise

212

Fear of the past

Learning from the past

66

Flying

Creating a resource anchor

220

Fear of flying pattern

75

Relaxation exercise

212

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SUMMARY OF SKILLS FOR FREEDOM

Fear

Pattern

Page

Heights

From fear to action

69

Relaxation exercise

212

Lack of trust

Exploring trust

177

Learning from experience

182

Trusting your experience: What

reference experiences count?

181

What does trust mean to you?

174

Missing something

Dealing with choice

106

Performance anxiety

Changing your physiology

122

From fear to action

119

Stress

Dealing with stress

92

Success

Ecology check

80

Time pressure

Dealing with deadlines

93

Dealing with information overload

102

Unreal fear

Creating a resource anchor

220

Relaxation exercise

212

Worry

From worry to action

72

239

References

For September 11th archives, see: www.nytimes.com
Chapter 1 What Is Fear?

For the phobia pattern see Joseph O’Connor (2000)
The NLP Work
Book
, Thorsons, p. 107.

Chapter 2 Fear—Friend or Foe?

For information on learned helplessness, see C. Peterson, S. Maier, & M.E.P. Seligman (1993)
Learned Helplessness: A Theory for the Age of
Personal Control
, Oxford University Press.

For a general consideration of social fears, see Joanna Bourke (2005)
Fear: A Cultural History
, Virago.

Chapter 3 Learning and Unlearning Fear
A useful resource for children’s fears is at http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/disorders/fears.htm Six Flags Magic Mountain Rollercoaster:

www.sixflags.com/parks/magicmountain/index.asp
Chapter 4 The Language of Fear

The Bene Gesserit litany is from Frank Herbert (1971)
Dune
, Simon & Schuster.

Chapter 5 Fear in Time

T. Cottle (1967) “The circles test, an investigation of perception of temporal relatedness and dominance,”
Journal of Projective
Technique and Personality Assessments
, No. 31, pp 58–71.

FREE YOURSELF FROM FEARS

For NLP material on PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) see Dr. D.

Muss (1991)
The Trauma Trap
, Doubleday; R. Bolstad (2002)
RESOLVE: A New Model of Therapy
, Crown House.

For more details on stress and worry from the NLP viewpoint see Joseph O’Connor & Ian McDermott (1997)
NLP and Health
, Thorsons.

Chapter 6 Common Fears that Hold Us Hostage
The anxiety and panic internet resource: http://www.algy.com/anxiety/relax.html

Perceptual positions first came to NLP through the work of John Grinder and Judith de Lozier, see John Grinder & Judith De Lozier (1992)
Turtles All the Way Down
, Grinder De Lozier.

Hong Kong Two International Finance Centre: www.skyscraperpicture.com/2ifc.htm

Chapter 7 Unquiet Times and Turbulent Minds
Information on W.H. Auden: www.audensociety.org/

Forbes
magazine: www.forbes.com/forbes Mercer quality of life survey:

www.mercerhr.com/pressrelease/details.jhtml/dynamic/

idContent/1128760

Information about São Paulo:

http://www.embratur.gov.br/en/cidade/ver.asp?servicoId=63&id=

386

http://anhembi.terra.com.br/turismo/eng/

For ideas on the area of influence and area of concern and the link to health, see J. Marx (1980) “Coronary artery spasms and heart disease,”
Science
, No. 208, pp 1127–30.

Stress management resources: http://stress.about.com/cs/relaxation/

For an excellent book on time management see Mark Forster (1999)
How to Get Everything Done
, Hodder and Stoughton.

Googlewhacking: www.googlewhack.com/

242

REFERENCES

Research on happiness, see P. Brickman (1975) “Adaptation level determinants of satisfaction with equal or unequal outcome dis-tributions in skill and change situations,”
Journal of Personality and
Social Psychology
, No. 32, pp 191–8.

Choice, maximizers, and satisfiers, see David G. Myers of Hope College and Robert E Lane of Yale University, www.sciam.com, April 2004.

Chapter 9 The Pressure to Achieve: The Price of
Perfectionism

To understand cultural differences see Fons Trompenaars (1997)
Riding the Waves of Culture
, Nicholas Brealey Publishing.

For an interesting overview of motivation through achievement see http://www.cultsock.ndirect.co.uk/MUHome/cshtml/psy/motivat.html For Maxwell’s ideas on blame see

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785274308/early-torise-20/

For a great book performance anxiety see Eloise Ristad (1976)
A
Soprano on Her Head
, Real People Press.

For public speaking and presentation skills see Joseph O’Connor & John Seymour (1994)
Training with NLP
, Thorsons; Robert L. Jolles (2000)
How to Run Seminars and Workshops
, McGraw-Hill; Andy Bradbury (2000)
Successful Presentation Skills
, Kogan Page.

Chapter 10 Dealing with Change: The Uncertain Future
For metaprogram patterns see Shelle Rose Charvet (1997)
Words that
Change Minds
, Kendall-Hunt.

For a more general treatment of change see Paul Watslawick (1993)
Change
, WW Norton; James Claiborn (1998)
The Habit Change
Workbook
, Simon and Schuster.

A good guide to Brazil:

http://www.lonelyplanet.com/destinations/south_america/brazil/

Jonathan Swift (1995)
Gulliver’s Travels
, Signet Classic.

For coaching in transition see Joseph O’Connor & Andrea Lages (2004)
Coaching with NLP
, Thorsons.

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