Free Falling (47 page)

Almost instantly the icy cold made my whole body ache as my
arms and legs took on a weightless sensation. The only thing keeping me in
place was the strip of nylon that was designed to save my life but was actually
now sentencing me to death. I squinted through the dirty water, looking around
frantically for anything that could help me get free.

My lungs were hurting. I needed to breathe. My body seemed
to react immediately and without my conscious permission. I sucked in a breath,
immediately choking as water flowed in. Swallowing, I clamped my lips together
as my panicked tears mingled with the cold river water. I was going to die. The
water was everywhere, there was no escape. This was it. Seconds passed, maybe
minutes, I had no idea of time, no awareness of anything other than the fact
that I was surrounded by freezing cold and that the light was slowly fading
around me where we continued to sink.

Help us, please help us!
I screamed the words over
and over in my head, but no help came.

I had to breathe again. I couldn’t hold it anymore; I had no
other choice as my lungs actually ached from the lack of oxygen. As I choked in
another round of water I could literally feel it in my lungs. I could feel it
filling me up. It felt like I was being crushed from the inside out, my chest
felt full to bursting point.

I squeezed my eyes shut. My body had obviously taken more
than it could and I was sick, expelling some of the water again. Even that
wasn’t a relief though, because as I panicked, I sucked it straight back in
again. The dim light from the back of the car was life, it was air, it was
home. It was so close, so painstakingly close, but I could do nothing to get to
it. I stopped struggling; I stopped fighting and thrashing because I knew it
then. I was going to die. I accepted it. In a way I almost welcomed it because
the cold water inside me was more painful than anything I’d felt before in my
life. It was so cold it felt almost as if it was burning me, which was a
strange sensation. This was it, this was how it ended. At eighteen years old I
hadn’t even really had a chance to live, yet it was over. I was going to drown,
and there was nothing I could do about it.

A sense of foreboding settled over me as I forced my eyes
open again, seeing that Luke’s lifeless body had floated away from me a little.
I reached out for him, stretching, gritting my teeth in frustration as my
fingertips brushed his shirt. My body felt weak and heavy, but with one last
herculean effort I pushed that extra inch against my belt and managed to snag
his sleeve enough to pull him over to me. His body twisted in the water, his
face coming into view. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful as he floated there,
eyes closed, almost as if he was asleep. I envied him, not having to go through
this pain and fear. Silently I wished that I’d hit my head too and not worn my
seatbelt because my lungs felt like they were on fire as I fought desperately
against the urge to breathe in any more of the dirty water.

His blood from the cut on his head was slowly mixing with
the water, floating there for a split second, almost looking like strands of
fine red hair before they dispersed and more took its place. I gripped Luke’s
hand tightly in mine, not wanting to be alone as I became so disorientated that
I wasn’t even sure which way was up anymore. All I could see was darkness and
shadows. As I sat there, holding his hand, waiting for it to be over, I thought
of my parents, my brother, and my friends. I squeezed my eyes shut as emotional
agony joined that pain that ruled my whole body. They would be devastated when
they learnt of my death; my mom would be a wreck, I could practically see it.
And Alex, my stupid twin brother, I didn’t even know how he would cope at all;
if our roles were reversed I would feel like a piece of me had died if he did.
I choked on a sob, heaving again against the water that seemed to fill every
available space in my body.

Everything seemed to be fading out now; my picture of them
in my head was becoming less clear. I couldn’t be certain of anything other
than three things: the blinding pain in my lungs, the seatbelt restraining me,
and Luke’s hand in mine. I looked at him now, not even blaming him for putting
me through this. I looked at his face that I loved so much and I was kind of
glad that we’d gone together like this; it was almost poetic in a horrifying,
twisted, mortifying way. I blinked once, twice, three times, but when I tried
to open my eyes after the third time I just couldn’t.

Chapter 30

An incessant beeping was the first thing I noticed, not
loud, but just loud enough to catch my attention. My eyelids felt like ton
weights as I registered another sound - soft snoring. I swallowed and then
instantly wished I hadn’t because my throat was so dry that it actually hurt.
My tongue felt too big for my mouth as I tried to lick my dry, cracked lips. My
whole body felt heavy, like my limbs had suddenly turned into lumps of
concrete. As I turned my head towards the snoring sound, pain zipped like
lightening down across my shoulder and chest.

I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut tighter, fighting
against the urge to cry. Confusion built up as I cracked my eyes open, blinking
against the fogginess that seemed to have settled over me. Above me was a foam
tiled ceiling. I frowned at it, trying to work out where I was. My hand moved,
fingering the scratchy cotton blankets across my body. I swallowed painfully
again, and ignored the pain in my neck this time as I turned my head to the
side.

Immediately my gaze settled on Alex. He was slumped
awkwardly in a chair, his head resting on his hand as he snored quietly. He
looked a mess, his clothes were rumpled, his hair sticking up at all angles,
and dark shadows resided under his eyes. I tore my gaze away from my twin,
flicking my eyes around the room, taking in the white walls and the blue
curtain that hung on a rail around my bed, separating off the room. I had a
sudden feeling that I was in a hospital, but I had no idea why. I wracked my
brains, thinking of anything that would cause my body to feel like I’d been hit
by a train.

All at once it came back to me. The bridge, the water, the
cold. I gasped and tried to sit up as my thoughts turned to Luke. A yelp left
my lips as I fell helplessly back down to the pillows as pain burned through my
chest, seeming to make my lungs constrict. The feeling of drowning washed over me
as visions of the rising water filled my brain. A deep terror set in that was
like reliving a nightmare as I fought against myself to get my breathing under
control.

“Maisie?” Alex croaked sleepily.

I squeezed my eyes shut as my lungs burned with the memory
of being filled with the murky, freezing water. It was all rushing over me
again, like a flashback, little bits stabbing at my mind. Visions of the water
rising, the light slowly fading out, the blood trickling down Luke’s forehead
as he slumped over the steering wheel, his clothes floating around him as the
water got too high, all of it filled my mind, almost making me lose grip on
reality as if I was back there again.

I was vaguely aware of a loud moaning sound. It sounded like
death, like someone was dying slowly and painfully. There was a pressure on my
shoulders that made my neck ache as I was shaken gently. My name was being
repeated over and over in a voice I recognised, but I was trapped, still
trapped in that car with Luke. I knew the moaning sound was coming from me, but
I just couldn’t stop it.

“Maisie, for goodness sake calm down!” Alex ordered, pulling
me roughly so that my back rose off of the bed. His arms slipped around me as
he crushed me against his body. One of his hands gripped the back of my head as
I tried to fight the drowning memories. The pain that burned through my ribs as
I moved was enough to jerk me out of the car and drop me back into the hospital
bed.

I still couldn’t open my eyes as my twin’s warmth flooded my
system, warming my cold and shocked body. His breathing was also laboured, as
if he was struggling to remain in control too. My arms were like ton weights,
but somehow I managed to get them up and wrap around his shoulders as the shock
slowly sank in and relief built up inside me. I didn’t think I would ever see
him again, but here he was, clinging to me like his life depended on it. I was
alive. Somehow I hadn’t died in the car. I’d never been more grateful for life
than in that moment. No more would I ever take anything for granted, because
that experience just proved that it could all be taken away from you in a
matter of seconds.

I pulled back slightly and kissed his cheek, seeing that he
was close to tears as his blue eyes seemed to be memorising every inch of my face.
“You frightened the shit out of me. Don’t ever do that to me again,” he
grunted, shaking his head as he stroked my hair back softly.

I nodded, instantly groaning because it hurt to move even an
inch. “What happened?” I choked out, my voice hoarse and barely above a
whisper.

“Here, let’s lay you back down,” he murmured. Frown lines
covered his forehead as he gently helped me lay back into the firm pillows.
Once I was settled, he sat on the edge of my bed, taking my hand and holding it
too tightly for comfort, but I was too grateful that he was here to complain
about it. He didn’t look at me as he spoke, “Luke’s car went over the side of
the bridge. You nearly died. Actually, you did die for a while, but some people
saw it happen so they climbed down the verge and dived in after you. They
pulled you out, and luckily one of them knew basic CPR so he got you breathing
again,” he said quietly. He swallowed loudly as his eyes met mine. “You were
lucky. The doctors said that if you’d been without oxygen for any longer then
you wouldn’t have been able to be revived, or if you were revived then you
might have had brain damage.” He shifted on the bed gently, making the pain
more prominent in my ribs as the mattress dipped. Alex winced apologetically.
“You have broken ribs and bruising across your stomach from the seatbelt. You
have whiplash too,” he explained.

My injuries were the last thing I was thinking about now
though. Alex words were slowly filtering through my brain. Someone dived in and
saved us? Gratitude made my eyes prickle as I realised that I would never be
able to repay this person who risked their own life to dive into the depths of
the dirty water to save us. The word hero didn’t really seem enough to describe
this faceless, nameless person. Luke and I would be in their debt for ever.

As soon as I thought about Luke, my eyes flitted to the
side, looking around the room that was empty other than me and my brother. Luke
must have his own room.

“Where’s Luke?”

Alex shifted again, getting to his feet, his eyes leaving
mine. “I’ll go get Mom and Dad and tell them you’re awake, they’re getting
coffee,” he mumbled.

As he turned to leave I grabbed his hand, needing to know.
“Alex, where’s Luke?” I whispered. Dread was already settling in the pit of my
stomach. I think deep down I already knew, but I needed to hear the words
anyway.

Alex’s face contorted in pain as he turned back to me, his
hand tightening on mine to the point of my fingers feeling about ready to snap
from the pressure. “He didn’t make it, Maze-daze,” he croaked, shaking his
head, his voice filled with pain.

My breath left my body in one big gust as my heart seemed to
shatter into a million pieces. He’d died. He’d left me here to pick up the
pieces and live without him. In a way I hated him for it, but another part of
me loved him so much that it was like someone had stabbed me in the stomach.
The grief was crushing as Alex bent over and wrapped an arm around my shoulders
awkwardly, pulling me into another hug as he gripped my shoulder tightly.

I didn’t know what to say as I cried helplessly, clinging to
Alex as if he could somehow make it better and take away the pain, to fill the
gaping hole that resided where my heart used to be. Alex mumbled soothing words
as he stroked my back, telling me how sorry he was, but I could barely hear
him. My heartbeat was banging in my ears, echoed by shrill beeping from the
machine I was attached too.

Luke’s face swam before me, haunting me, terrorising me, but
most of all, ripping my heart into a million pieces. He was my everything, and
now he was gone. I’d only just got him back, we’d made plans for our combined
future, and now he was gone. He’d left me, and now I was going to have to be
without him.

I could barely cope as in the back of my mind I registered
being forced back into the pillows as I thrashed and cried, gasping for breath,
wishing for death because the emotional pain was too much for me to deal with.
I barely registered that there were people around me, holding me down, shouting
words to one another, words like sedative, IV line, oxygen and cardiac arrest.

I saw the flash of a syringe before the person holding it
pushed it into the drip that was hanging next to me. I choked on my sob,
swatting away the plastic mask that someone was attempting to put over my face.
My dad’s worried face, my mom crying, Alex looking at me with wide, horrified
eyes; those were the things I saw as my eyes started to get heavy. My efforts
to fight them off became less and less violent as my body started to get heavy.
I gave in, hoping that whatever they’d given me would just kill me so I
wouldn’t have to deal with this grief.

Unfortunately, the sedative seemed to turn off my body, but
not my brain. It paralysed me, trapping me in a sleep which I didn’t want to be
in. A sleep where Luke floated in front of me, gasping for breath, clutching at
his throat as the cut on his head slowly turned the water around me into blood.
His eyes were terrified, fearful, and hopeless. They were the eyes I’d seen
just before he told me he couldn’t live without me and then drove us off of the
bridge. In the dream I screamed and screamed for help that never came, so I
watched him drown before me while I clutched at his hand, my lungs burning as I
tried not to drown in his blood too. I was trapped in a never-ending nightmare,
replaying the whole thing over and over. It was like hell, and I actually wondered
if maybe that stranger hadn’t saved me after all, maybe I died in that crash
and this was hell that I was doomed to watch my boyfriend die over and over
while I could do nothing about it.