Free Fall (7 page)

She got Louis on the phone again and asked if he would do a little extra work for her. Louis agreed to spy on Joseph but only after she promised that she would eventually have sex with him. She recalled the lunch date at Armando's with distaste. It had ended in the parking lot with her giving him a hand job in his car as he pinched and squeezed her breasts. That was bad enough but, yuck! As if! She had no intention of letting that slime ball actually penetrate her. But he would never know that. She would stall him and when his usefulness ended she would kick him to the curb.

Joseph sat across from Peter Benson in his office and sorted through a pile of scripts on the desk between them. Peter was a thin wisp of a man, barely reaching five foot seven. His short black hair was gelled straight up and he was meticulously dressed in a dark blue Brooks Brothers suit. He’d been Joseph’s agent for ten years and the two got along well together. With his narrow, vulpine features and unassuming manner, he had landed several choice parts for Joseph and he trusted him completely.

"By the way," Peter said casually, "The pilot has been added to the fall season."

"What! You let me sit here for twenty minutes before telling me that?" Joseph threw the pile of papers on the desk and sat forward eagerly. He had the lead role in a pilot that was filmed a over month ago in March. Word was the show was already being touted as a hit series.

Peter handed him another sheaf of papers and then arranged the pile of scripts in precise angles on his desk. "I wanted to build up to the moment, my man. Make you realize just how grateful you should be to me. You start taping episodes June fourteenth. And before you get all excited, remember you are committed to that scene in Las Vegas."

"Yes, yes. I’ll do the homeless guy who gets killed by the car driving into the building," Joseph said impatiently, his attention on the script for the next episode.

"You do death very well, better than anyone in the business. I heard that you and Karen are quits," Peter segued, quirking an eyebrow.

"Who?" Joseph said distractedly. Of course Peter had heard about it. Karen was also one of his clients.

"You know," Peter explained patiently, "the blonde with the big knockers?"

"That covers about half the women in this area code." Joseph hadn’t gotten much sleep and he was tired. At the party last night he’d gone home with some girl. What was her name? Jenny? Janet? A little elfin girl with pink hair. She had come on strong, draping herself all over him, making it clear that she was his for the taking. When they got to her place, she was on him like a cat. They had sex on the floor of her living room, and then again in her bed. She was hot and passionate, clinging to him, biting his shoulder, pulling his hair. Her orgasm was probably faked, but it wasn’t too bad of a performance. He didn’t care anyway. He left as soon as he possibly could and had absolutely no desire to see her again. In his jacket pocket he found a scrap of paper with her number scribbled on it. Without a second thought he threw it in the trash. He knew he was being an asshole. He didn’t care about that either.

"You don’t seem too happy about it," Peter said.

Joseph opened his mouth to tell him he could give a rat's ass about Karen, what came out was, "I met this girl."

Peter gave him a sharp look. "And?"

"I left her in Seattle." Joseph realized that someone different wasn’t going to help him forget about Nina. It wasn’t that. He could have all the strange he wanted. But it wouldn’t be
her
. Her sweet face, the familiar way she looked at him and the effortless way she moved.

"So?" Peter picked up the phone, held it out to Joseph and said, "Call her."

"It’s not that easy."

"Why? Doesn’t she feel the same way about you?"

"Yes, she feels the same way." In every look, every touch, and every word that came out of her mouth. But he couldn’t just casually call her and ask her for a date. If he got in touch with her, he'd have to commit himself to her. She'd accept nothing less from him and she deserved it. The thought frightened him. He needed some time to sort things out before he got himself another girlfriend.

Peter smirked, "Joseph, I think for the first time in your life you’re whipped. What’s the problem? You want her, she wants you. Seems like a no-brainer to me."

Joseph was once again lost in thought. An image of Nina’s lush curves and soft skin appeared in his mind and he felt a tug of desire. Damned inconvenient! He couldn’t help finding humor in the situation. Well, he was just going to have to deal with it.

He got up to leave. "Maybe I’ll call her. But not now."

"Don’t wait too long, my friend. Life is short. I’m hoping you can come to my party the same week your new show starts. I’ve got Shandra as the guest of honor. You can fill me in on how it went."

"I might," Joseph said.

FIVE

NINA
entered her apartment with two bags of groceries. She dropped them on the floor and looked around her apartment. Inside, everything seemed dark and gloomy. The gray fog that was Seattle’s weather on this day permeated the large room, making everything seem damp and moldy. She gazed upon all the furnishings, the crusty plates of food on the coffee table in front of the sofa, the stack of dishes sticking out of the sink in the kitchen, the two bags of trash sitting by the front door that she hadn’t bothered to take down to the dumpster, and said aloud into the empty room, "Mother fuck."

In the two weeks since Joseph had left, she’d spent most of the time walking around like a zombie. Every time she looked in the mirror, she saw haunted eyes peeking out from her pale face. She couldn’t sleep and guzzled Nyquil every night before she went to bed. Good stuff, she thought drearily. She felt drained, and totally without the energy to prepare the food she had brought from her three-block trek to the store.

The first week after Joseph’s departure, Nina continued with her life as usual, hoping that just by going through the motions she would forget him quickly. She trudged here and there and saw his face, heard his voice in everything. Every mundane detail reminded her of him. She felt raw and vulnerable like an open wound. She knew that she would need some alone time to work this through and get past it. She informed her brother that she would be taking some time off, and briefly spoke with Trish asking her if she could cover for her at the club.

"You’ve only known him a month," Trish said.

"Yes, but that was the longest relationship I’ve had in three years. I saw him every day and, like you said, I gave him my all," Nina said. Trish didn’t understand her misery. To Trish, men were expendable. In fact she was a little like a man herself, treating the dating game as one big playground. Nina was waiting for true love. Even through all her cynicism she believed unequivocally that there was someone out there waiting just for her. Every time she allowed herself to hope and every time she was disappointed, she felt as if she’d been cheated. It forced her to contemplate a future that might not include a partner and that realization was a crushing blow. She had allowed herself to fall in love and she hated herself for it. She liked everything about him. Except for the slight clash in their career choices, they seemed perfectly compatible. Although Nina wasn’t much interested in film making, she and Joseph were both performers and artistic. There really wasn’t that much of division between music and film. The most important thing about Joseph was the way she felt when she was with him. Like she could conquer the world—fearless and carefree, like nothing else mattered. There was a sense of rightness and belonging that Nina had never felt with anyone else. She'd seen a bright and beautiful future with him.

Trish did not probe further and Nina appreciated her restraint. Maybe Trish knew there was nothing she could do to help ease her suffering. Nina sensed that she felt partly responsible for encouraging her, but she couldn’t summon up the energy to tell her it was alright and that it wasn’t her fault.

George came over one day and questioned her closely. Nina could see the worry in his round face. She brushed him off and then felt guilty about it later. She knew she should confide in him. He was, in every respect, her real father. The last twenty-five years he’d stood by her, comforted her when she was unhappy and supported her when she was uncertain. Finally, he’d left the apartment unsatisfied with her explanation of needing some time to herself.

She forced herself to walk to the store today because she had an idea that some Mexican food might cheer her up. Sleeping and eating. Too bad I’m not one of those severely depressed people who can’t eat, she thought. I’ll just gain ten pounds. I’ll stuff my face. And then, to top off the day, I’ll fall asleep on the couch with the TV on again. She unpacked the ingredients of her meal, and, as she feebly applied herself to the task of chopping vegetables, the phone rang.

Her head came up. She hadn’t been answering the phone lately. Making small talk seemed to be beyond her powers of social aptitude lately. Besides she would be expected to answer
questions
, because surely this person calling will have some of those for her. She stared listlessly at the phone, poised with a cucumber in one hand and a butcher knife in the other, counting the rings.

She had to talk to someone sometime. If she didn’t answer her phone, sooner or later more people would come over and knock on her door and that would be ten times worse. She plucked up the receiver a bare second before the answering machine kicked on. Believing it was probably Trish she answered with an upbeat tone in her voice.

"Hello?"

At the other end she heard a male voice say hesitantly, "Hey."

Nina's whole body froze and she stood at attention.

"Joseph. You’re calling me," she said stupidly.

"Yes, I am." She heard amusement in his voice.

Through the miserable swamp of her brain Nina felt a small stirring of hope. Was he back in Seattle? It was possible. Then the hope died. If he is in Seattle then this is probably a booty call. He’s got some nerve!

"How you been?" he said softly.

"Where are you?"

"I’m in LA," he said, as if this should be obvious to her.

"Oh. Hey buddy! What’s going on? How’s the weather? How’s your girlfriend? Why are you calling?" Nina asked.

She heard him suck in his breath, and then speaking very low he said, "I miss you."

"Really?" She squeaked.

"Yes, really," Joseph said. "You know I’ve been thinking. I’m not happy. What are we doing? I want to be with you. Will you come down here and see me?"

Several seconds of silence passed as Nina waited for more.

Finally she said, "I don’t do three ways."

"I broke it off with her. Please forgive me. Will you give me another chance? I miss you so much," he said again. "I can’t stop thinking about you."

Could there have been more beautiful words spoken? Nina felt infused with happiness. Relief washed over her in soft waves. He was single! He wanted her! She knew that she should play hard to get, but she brushed the thought away. Nina didn’t play games and he was the only one who could get her out of this black hole she had fallen into. A bubble of hilarity welled up in her throat and escaped from her in two short bursts of laughter into the phone.

"Honey," she said, "if I could crawl through this phone I’d be there right now!"

"There are flights leaving every few hours. You could be here tonight."

At that possibility, a vision sprang full blown to her mind. She and Joseph lying with their arms around each other. She and Joseph having sex, his lean body against hers, his lovely mouth on her, his wonderful voice speaking urgently into her ear.

"But," she said a little breathlessly, "I can’t fly."

Joseph laughed, "What do you mean you can’t fly?"

"I won’t get on a plane."

"What do you mean you won’t get on a plane?" Joseph persisted as if he couldn’t understand how a person got around without aircraft.

"I’m terrified of flying," she explained. "I’m talking panic attacks during take-off and landing." A plan crystallized in her mind. "Listen, I’ll drive down there."

She’d leave first thing tomorrow and if she drove straight through she’d arrive in LA in the small hours of Friday morning. She mentally ticked off what she would pack, the calls she had to make, and the arrangements with her neighbor to watch her apartment.

"So, you’re really coming down here?" He asked.

"Yes! I need to do a few things tonight. I’ll leave tomorrow morning bright and early and be there Friday."

He gave her his address and with more assurances that it was going to be wonderful to see her they rang off.

Nina sprang into action. Waving her arms and twirling, she did a wild dance across the living room floor. Then she ran into her walk-in closet, found her suitcase on the shelf, dropped it on the settee and furiously started packing.

Joseph hung up the phone feeling an odd mixture of fear and elation. Now that he had actually done it he wasn’t sure it was advisable to have Nina down here in LA. In his house.
Staying
in his house. His work was here, otherwise he’d go back to Seattle, back to the convenience of her apartment, the convenience of her availability without giving up too much of himself. This was his life down here. What if she turned into some kind of stalker? What if she never wanted to leave once she got down here? How well did he really know her? Hearing her voice brought up a lot of different feelings, her easy capitulation had excited him while at the same time struck him with a vague, unidentified foreboding. I’m a dog! He shook his head in disgust. Or am I a walking cliché? Do I want what I can’t have, and now that I can have it, I don’t want it anymore? He had to go through with this. He couldn’t call her back and say he changed his mind. This was a done deal. And he needed to see her again if only for his own peace of mind. He spotted an old photo of Karen and him together on the refrigerator. He ripped it from its magnet and began a methodical search of his house to remove all traces of the blonde bimbo.