Fraying at the Edge (28 page)

A
riana and Brandi sat on a park bench. Children in coats and hats threw a football back and forth. The midday air was brisk, and the delicious aromas of late fall flooded Ariana with memories of home. The closer the time came for Rudy to arrive, the faster her heart beat. He should arrive in the next ten minutes.

Several benches away an old man and woman clasped gloved hands, a blanket over their legs, bundled against the November chill. She smiled as the elderly couple huddled together, talking. That would be Rudy and her one day, decades after all their children were grown. As comforting as that thought was, her emotions bounced between conflicting waves of excitement and melancholy. In order to get to this park today, she had done several things Rudy might disapprove of. So many compromises that she no longer saw as wrong.

Would he consider her decisions wrong? Maybe he'd be disappointed rather than pleased. However Rudy reacted, she couldn't un-learn or un-experience the many things she'd been exposed to. He might consider them worldly, and in some ways he'd be right, but they were also freeing. She could already feel herself changing, looking at life, God, and faith vastly different from before. What would that do to them?

“You're trembling. From the cold or nerves?”

“Maybe some of both.”

She also worried how Rudy would take the news that she was the illegitimate child of an adulterous affair. She was at peace with it now. Could he learn to accept it? And that she'd driven to Ohio?

Brandi removed her black neck scarf with its glittery silver threading and placed it over Ariana's prayer Kapp, covering her ears.

With Ariana's hair pinned back in proper Amish style, her ears were aching with the cold. She should've worn her black winter bonnet. The warm knit felt good, and she doubted she would take it off, even if it looked a little peculiar.

In the distance a car pulled into a parking space, and she focused on it, hoping it would be Rudy. A man bundled in a coat and wearing the traditional Amish black hat for winter got out of the passenger's side and scanned the park.

“He's here.” Ariana pointed.

“He's cute.”

“And so good to me.” Excitement pulsed through her, and she got up from the bench.

Brandi stood. “Call me when you're ready for us to meet up again.”

Guilt nibbled at Ariana. She had so much she needed Rudy to adjust to that she hadn't wanted him to meet Brandi. Not yet. “What will you do with the rest of the afternoon?”

“Shop, read, eat, see a movie, call Gabe and chat like we used to do when we were dating.” She grinned. “Don't worry about me.”

Ariana pulled out the keys. “You should keep these and take the car for the day. We won't use it.”

“Okay. I've got a car, money, and time.” She winked. “Once it's check-in time, I could even go to the hotel and nap between shopping sprees.” She blew a kiss and hurried off.

Ariana walked toward him, but he'd yet to spot her.

She would go back to Amish life the moment she was allowed, but she wouldn't return as the same person who'd left. A nervous chill ran down her spine. Surely Rudy would understand that.

Finally Rudy saw her, and a huge grin replaced the serious look he'd had earlier. He waved and picked up his pace. Nicholas had assured her that an illegitimate child wasn't taboo in today's times. But Ariana's home wasn't part of modern culture. She'd thought of various ways to break the news to Rudy, but she decided it would be better just to come out and say it.

Without a word he embraced her, making her stomach jump to her throat. He trembled as he held her tightly for at least a minute without speaking. He backed up only enough to see her face. “How've you been?”

“It's been rougher than I expected, but I'm adjusting.”

“Are you hungry?”

“No, I've eaten. You?”

“About an hour ago.” He slid his warm hand into hers and held it as they walked toward a bench. “You look great.”

Ariana clutched the black shimmering scarf. “Really?”

“Absolutely.” He glanced around. “Think anyone will faint, wag a finger, or call your Daed if I kiss you?”

“I think it would be worth it.”

He raised his eyebrows. “I was hoping you'd say that.” He leaned in and kissed her on the lips.

How could life be so confusing and difficult one day and so perfect the next?

He put an arm behind her and pulled her close, as close as two people in winter coats could get. “You know, I could've found a driver that didn't need to be home tonight and could've gone all the way to Bellflower Creek. I wouldn't have minded.”

Ariana put her head on his shoulder. “I appreciate that, but I didn't think it was a good idea.”

“Why's that?”

“Nicholas might have ruined our time, cross-examining you about your faith and preaching his beliefs.”

Rudy lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. “Oh.”

“It isn't you. He's that way with me too.”

“He doesn't sound like such a nice guy.”

Ariana soaked in seeing Rudy. His curly, rust-colored hair and dark eyes were mesmerizing. “He's different. At least from the people in our community.”

He squeezed her hand. “I've been worried about you.”

“That's very sweet. It's easier now, and I can't see it getting unbearable again. But I'm also counting the days until I can go back to Amish life.”

“That's really good to hear. I've been trying to imagine what you do all day, but I have no idea.”

“Nicholas makes lists of things I need to do and learn. And I spend time with Brandi and him. I read books and study things on the Internet. I play some video games with my stepbrothers and watch a lot of movies with my stepsister.”

“Okay, Ariana, be honest. Electric heat and lights at the flip of a switch have to be great.”

She chuckled, relieved that he took no offense at how she spent her days. “Ya, those are pretty hard to overrate. Oh, and thermostats. If you're cold, you press a button, and heat not only turns on, but it stays on until the room is the desired temperature.”

“Don't make me jealous, Ariana. I'm living in the land of the superconservative. Around this time next month, I'll be helping to cut and store ice so my community will have it for their iceboxes until next year's ice cutting.”

“I've never seen anyone cut ice before. Is it done like Kristoff does it in
Frozen
?”

He stopped and stared at her. “Did you just ask me if I've seen a movie—a princess-type, children's movie? What are you implying?”

Ariana laughed. “Sorry.”

“Sure you are. You couldn't ask if I'd seen some manly movie?”

“Like
Die Hard
and
Terminator,
right?” Ariana hadn't seen those yet, but her stepbrothers had rambled on about them during one of their mealtimes.

“Ya, like…What were the names of those movies again?” His grin was too cute.

She cupped his face in her hands and kissed his lips again.

“Denki,” Rudy whispered. “Hey, I've talked to Susie a few times, trying to find out how you've been doing. I'd hoped to at least send a warm ‘hello, thinking of you, miss you terribly' message to you. Apparently you've had no contact with anyone at home.”

“None. All of us are trying to follow Nicholas's demands so no one gets sued.”

“I have some good news from home. The café is doing great, according to Susie. And she said to tell you that she misses you terribly and that you should be grateful she hasn't burned it down yet in revolt.”

“That's our Susie.” But Ariana wanted to shout with excitement. She'd been concerned about the café and worried about Susie. Buying the café had been her dream, and she'd made a lot of promises to Susie about the work load, ones she hadn't been able to keep. “She's not pulling out her hair?”

“She said the first week was really tough but the second was a little better. This week has been even better, so they didn't lose as much money as the first two weeks. She said Abram is practically managing it and doing a really good job.”

“Abram?” Ariana couldn't picture her brother managing the café. Because of his feelings of insecurity, decision making was very tough, and he was extremely shy.

“Everyone sends their love and is eager for you to come back.”

She had to cut the small talk until she told him the truths she had learned about herself. All of them. But she would work her way up to the hardest one. “I have a driver's license.”

“You do? Did you drive here?”

“I did.”

“By yourself?”

“Brandi came with me. Nicholas felt I needed more experience before I crossed any state lines alone. She was a lot of help when it came to merging onto highways and teaching me how to read a GPS when it's showing multiple highways at once.”

He nodded.

“Are you okay with me driving?”

“It feels weird.” He tapped his chest. “But I get it, Ariana. You're stuck between a rock and a hard place, trying to survive while protecting the people in your community. And trying to share Christ with your Englisch family.”

“Until the last few days, I've not been a good witness at all. My plans and will betrayed me, and I pretty much cried my way through the first two weeks.”

“Me too.” His slight smile said he was teasing. “No real tears, but a lot of irritable howling. Just ask my family.” He winked. “Maybe you haven't handled things as well as you'd hoped, but I'm proud of—”

She covered his mouth with her fingers. “Don't say that. Not yet.” She lowered her hand. “I need you to listen without interrupting because I have to get through a lot of information you need to know.”

It took her a while to tell him about her hair, the Englisch clothes, and Nicholas's bucket list. She explained some of the things she'd done to earn the opportunity to see him today.

Rudy's brow was heavy with concern. “I'm glad you care that much.”

“It gets worse.” She choked out the truth about her parents and her illegitimacy.

He stared at her briefly before exhaling and slowly leaning back. His eyes fell on the children playing nearby. “Good grief, Ariana. I can't imagine how tough this time has been for you.” He put his arm around her and leaned his head against hers. “I'm so sorry, and to think you've been all alone while going through it.”

Is that all he had to say about it? Maybe he needed some time to think about what she'd said.

“I…I haven't been totally alone. I'm allowed to see, text, and call Quill.”

“Quill.” Rudy's voice went flat, and he pulled back his arm. The displeasure in his eyes was obvious.

Who would've thought that was more upsetting than the other information?

He tapped the back of one hand with the palm of the other. “You have to jump through hoops to see me, but you're allowed to reach out to him anytime.”

“I know. It's wrong. But to Nicholas, Quill is the ideal person for me to be around. He's former Amish with a life, career, and family outside of the Old Order.”

“Quill has a family? As in a wife and children?”

“No. He has four brothers and sisters-in-law and eight nieces and nephews.”

“Wait, let me guess. He's single, right?”

“I wouldn't like the situation one bit better than you if the tables were turned, but I promise you it's not like that with Quill and me.”

“Maybe not today.”

“Or in a year. And I'm not the only one around singles of the opposite gender. Isn't there someone your parents are pushing your way, hoping you'll stay in Indiana rather than move to Summer Grove with the girl whose actual lineage isn't Amish?”

“Ya.” He nodded. “They're doing that. But there was no one for me before I met you, and there will be no one after you. So let's stick to the only real threat: Quill Schlabach.”