Fraser 01 - Highland Legacy (10 page)

She could never return to Dunkeld. Her father would be furious and married or not, he would call her a whore. She’d been promised in marriage to Laird Murray, and Duncan would never condone her actions. Spoiled by the loss of her virginity, no man of status would want her.

“Are you all right, dear? You’re looking very pale all of a sudden.”

“I’m fine, Cora. I’m sorry about the sheets.”

“Dinna
fash
yourself, my dear.” She patted Cailin’s hand, and then moved behind the bar. “Since there is no time for you to break your fast, I’ve fixed you something for the journey. I’m sure your husband has an appetite this morn, and that big fellow looks like he doesn’t miss many meals.” She laughed, and then handed her a large haversack. “There are some apples, a wedge of cheese, dried venison, bannock, and a few meat pasties to tide you over until you can stop and replenish your supplies. James has seen that the wineskins are filled with ale and water.”

“Thank you. I’ll never forget your kindness.”

“It is no trouble at all. James and I are happy to help.”

“What happened last night?” Connor asked as the three brothers entered the barn. “James said the English soldiers who came to the inn were found slain behind a farmer’s barn.”

“We followed them and made sure they posed no threat, but we dinna kill them. When they left the inn, they were well in their cups and in no shape to make it back to their camp.” Bryce moved to Lucifer’s side and tightened the cinch on his saddle. “They dinna appear to pose any threat. We figured if we left before dawn, we’d be long away before they made it back to the garrison.”

Connor’s brow furrowed. “You took a great risk and could have been killed. What if someone saw you following the soldiers?”

“There were no witnesses. What happened to them after we left them is a mystery. They were flaunting a hefty reward. Mayhap someone overheard and decided to relieve them of it.”

“In any case, we must leave Kirkintillock,” Connor said as he circled Thor and checked the saddle. “I wish we had another horse. Cailin weighs no more than a child, but it is still a burden for Thor to carry us both.”

Alasdair climbed onto his horse’s back and glanced down at his brothers. “There’ll be many farms along the way. Surely we can find a suitable mount for your lady wife.”

“Aye. Best we be away,” Connor replied, and led Thor out of the barn.

After putting a comfortable distance between them and the inn, they slowed their pace. Alasdair rode up beside his brothers. “We appear to have made away clean. If the English were going to catch us, they’d have been upon us by now.”

“Aye, but I won’t rest easy until we reach Kildrummy Castle and I know the lass is safe.” Connor glanced over his shoulder at Cailin. Astride the spirited bay palfrey, purchased from a farmer on the outskirts of Kirkintillock, she proved to be a competent horsewoman. To her credit, she managed to keep up the grueling pace, riding through miles of rugged terrain without a word of complaint, and never once did she slow them down.

Connor frowned, and guilt twisted his gut. “She doesn’t belong here. She should be dressed in an elegant silk gown, reading poetry, listening to music, or entertaining guests. With her intelligence, beauty, and poise, she’d make an excellent chatelaine, and be the envy of every man in Scotland. Instead she is forced to keep up an inhuman pace on horseback, is dirty, exhausted, and wearing a lad’s clothes.” Torn between regret and desire, he shook his head and released a heavy sigh.

He’d taken her innocence, a precious gift he could never return, yet he’d carry the memories of those few hours of bliss in his heart forever. The relief he’d felt when they found the horse for Cailin to ride was insurmountable. To travel the last leg of their journey with her nestled on his lap, her sweet womanly fragrance filling his senses, her warm supple body molded against his aching groin, would have been pure torture. Now if he could just maintain a safe distance between them and stay the nagging urge to take her in his arms and kiss her senseless, he might just make it to the Bruce’s camp a sane man.

While he found it difficult to hide the longing in his eyes, he could not forget that once they reached their destination, they’d have no choice but to go their separate ways. Cailin deserved far more than he could offer. He’d have the Bruce repudiate their marriage declaration. It was the best thing for everyone involved, or so he tried to convince himself.

He cursed his weakness, for allowing lust and desire to get the better of him. When he’d bedded a woman in the past, he always remained in control. Once his partner reached her womanly pleasure, he’d release his seed into the sheets. Yet with Cailin, it was different. They moved together as if they were one, and the need to find his sublime release while joined in ecstasy overrode all sense and reason. Could Cailin be with child? Nay! He slammed his fist on the pummel of his saddle. Fate would not be so cruel.

“You look preoccupied, brother.” Bryce rode up beside Connor.

“I’m fine.”

“Mayhap we could stop and rest. I’d wager the lass could use a bit of a break. Surely after six hours in the saddle, every muscle in her body must ache in protest. I know mine do.”

“Dinna stop on my account.” Despite her stoic declaration, she shifted in the saddle, stretching her back and rolling her neck.

“The horses need tending, and we can all use a chance to stretch our legs.” Connor reined in Thor and surveyed the area.

“I could use something to eat.” Alasdair rubbed his belly and longingly eyed the haversack of food hanging from Bryce’s saddle.

Bryce rolled his eyes skyward. “His arse could be numb and his legs about to fall off, but it is his stomach that concerns him the most.”

“If you’ll stop your blasted bickering, we’ll break here, and Alasdair can fill his stomach.” Connor quickly slid from the saddle, and braced his hands against the small of his back. Twisting from side to side, he worked out the kinks. He rolled his shoulders several times and moaned as the tension eased. After the rigors of the day, and a night spent making love to Cailin, he was exhausted. Not that he was about to admit that to his brothers.

Bryce seized the palfrey’s bridle and held his hand out in Cailin’s direction. “Do you need a hand dismounting?” He glanced over his shoulder at Connor, his smile full of mischief.

Connor cursed, and without giving thought to his actions, he shoved Bryce out of the way. “I’ll help her.” He gave his brother a menacing look, wrapped his hands around Cailin’s slender waist, lifted her from the saddle, and carried her toward a nearby shade tree.

Her hands splayed across his broad shoulders as she pressed her slender body against his chest. Connor felt the catch in her breath as his hand trailed down her back and settled over her bottom.
I can feel every beat of her heart as if it were my own. With her luscious lips slightly parted and her head tilted up, she is ready for the taking. All I have to do is
...It took his last ounce of self-control not to dip his head and claim her waiting lips.

He placed her on the ground and took a step back. “Best you tend to your needs. We’ll not be stopping long. Once we’ve given the horses a chance to rest and have had a bite to eat, we’ll be on our way.” Despite her crestfallen look, he steeled himself against the overwhelming urge to envelope her in his arms and apologize for his boorish behavior.

“Have I done something to displease you?” Her eyes searched his for answers.

Even though she had the heart and spirit of a tigress, she looked so young and helpless. She stood before him in a lad’s clothes, her cheeks smudged with dirt. Strands of auburn hair framed her heart-shaped face. With her slender fingers intertwined, she held her dainty hands in front of her belly—hands that hours before had worked their magic on his body, stroking his manhood to life and sending shivers of desire to his very core.

Without conscious thought, he tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, then brushed the dirt from her cheek with the pad of his thumb. “You’ve done nothing wrong. If we wish to reach Kildrummy Castle on the morrow, there are still many miles to cover before this day is spent. Go tend to your needs, and mind you dinna wander beyond that group of bushes.” He pointed to a thicket near the river.

He watched the gentle sway of her hips as she walked away. A lump formed in his throat at the thought of never making love to her again. He shook his head in an attempt to bring his randy body under control. He had to be strong, not only for his sake, but for hers as well. Why the Almighty sent this angel to him, knowing they could never be together, was beyond his comprehension. Was this a test of his honor and fortitude, or a form of penance for his sins? If a test, he’d failed miserably. If penance, he could think of no crueler form of punishment.

Bryce approached his brother from behind and slid his hand over his shoulder. “What are you going to do?”

“Do?” Connor asked, his eyes never leaving the spot where Cailin had disappeared behind the bushes.

“About the lass? We covered a lot of ground today and if we keep up this pace, we’ll be at Kildrummy Castle by noon tomorrow. You’ll have to make a decision soon.”

“I have made my decision. Once she is safely sequestered, I will rejoin my fellow patriots in our bid to free Scotland of English tyranny.”

“It’s not that simple, and you know it. Your marriage by declaration is as binding as any vows taken before a priest. Like it or not, you now have a wife to consider.”

“I wed out of necessity, not by choice. There isn’t a court in Scotland that would expect me to honor a declaration made under such duress. Robert has the power to disavow a marriage if he so chooses.”

“Mayhap you had no choice about the marriage declaration, but you did when it came to bedding the lass. What if she carries your babe? Can you just walk away, never to see your bairn or wife again?” Bryce shook his head. “You’re not that kind of man. You may deny your feelings, but I know you, brother. You are in love, and I dinna believe you could desert her.”

“Cailin will be better off without me. I have nothing to offer a wife.” However, the possibility that she might carry his child did weigh heavy on his mind.

“You have yourself to offer. If only you would stop being so stubborn and unlock your heart.”

“I’m a warrior sworn to fight and, if necessary, give my life for the cause. Should I die in battle, I dinna want to leave behind a wife and children to mourn my passing. Not like our—”

“Da?” Bryce finished his sentence. “But you do have a wife, and mayhap a bairn on the way. Are you prepared to walk away and not look back? The decision is difficult, but I have faith you’ll make the right choice.”

“I told you the decision is already made. Now leave me be.” Connor stormed off in search of Cailin.

“You at least owe the lass an explanation,” Bryce called after his brother’s retreating form.

Cailin sat on a large bolder overlooking a stream that meandered through the valley. She’d picked a daisy and plucked the pearl-white petals one by one.

Connor strode up beside her. “We need to talk.” His voice held a serious note.

“About what?” She looked up at him, her eyes wide with questions.

In a feeble attempt to appear nonchalant, Connor reached up and picked a leaf from a low hanging branch. After examining the frond and nervously shifting his weight from one foot to the other, he finally spoke. “We need to talk about last night. It should never have happened, and I’m very sorry,” he blurted out before she had a chance to respond. “If I could turn back the time, I would give you back your innocence and not behave like a randy lad in heat.”

“I offered myself to you freely. You took nothing that I dinna wish to give.” She proudly looked him in the eye. “You made it very clear that you dinna want a wife. You declared us married to protect me, and I will not hold you responsible for what happened between us. I dinna blame you if you wish to have the marriage dissolved.”

Taken aback by her candor, Connor stood transfixed, searching for his voice. “I should have been stronger and fought temptation. You’re a breathtaking young woman and have so much to offer. You have barely seen eight and ten summers and are unfamiliar with the ways of passion between a man and a woman. I took advantage of your inexperience, and I’m sorry.”

She held her hand up in protest. “Please, m’lord, I bid you leave me some shred of dignity.” With downcast eyes, she nibbled on her bottom lip.

She does that to keep it from quivering, as she tries to hide the fact that I have broken her heart.
He had not known her for long, but he had memorized every little quirk and adorable gesture. He’d committed to memory her delicate features, winsome smile, and the sultry sound of her voice. Not to mention her soft mewls of pleasure when they made love.

His heart clawed at his chest, begging for release. He wanted to take her in his arms. He longed to hold her close, to tell her that everything would be all right, and that they would be together. He wanted to promise her a future, but it would be a lie.

The war with England was coming to a head. Given what he’d learned on his mission to Perth, the Scottish forces were about to face a most formidable enemy in Aymer de Valence.

He’d vowed on his father’s grave to avenge the death of his family members and had pledged his fealty to Robert the Bruce. His sword, and life, belonged to Scotland, and he could not let Cailin burrow any deeper beneath his skin than she already had. Robert would be granting her a boon if he disavowed the marriage. She deserved a husband who could be there to protect her. Moreover, if God saw fit to bless her with a child, that child would need a father who could be there to show him right from wrong, could teach him to hunt, to fight, and to be a fine, and decent man—or a respectable woman if the babe was a lass.

He closed his eyes for a moment and pictured Cailin growing round with a babe in her belly. The adorable way she’d waddle across a room as her time grew near. He could hear the soft lilt of her voice as she sang a sweet lullaby to the babe tucked safely in her womb and imagined the fierce look of tenacity and determination on her face as she battled the pains of labor to bring the bairn into the world. His mind’s eye conjured up the image of a babe suckling at her perfect, round breasts. He couldn’t picture anything lovelier.

He envisioned a bonnie wee lassie with her mother’s dark auburn curls, soft green eyes, and beautiful smile. A smile that would melt not only her da’s heart, but that of any man who dared to look upon it. She’d be petite and delicate, yet filled with spice and sass. Like her mother, no man would ever tell her what to do.

His mind shifted to a dark-haired lad, his brow furrowed, the muscles straining to pull back on the bowstring—prepared to let loose an arrow for the first time. He’d missed the target by a mile, but it wouldn’t matter. Filled with pride and determination, he’d pluck another arrow from the quiver, and under the watchful eye of his da, he’d practice until he got it right.

But it was a life he’d never know. Another man would sire Cailin’s children. The thought hit him like a kick in the gut. After tomorrow, he’d never know the bliss of holding her in his arms again. While he’d been the one to take her innocence, another man would warm her bed. The ideal man she’d so adamantly described on the night they wed would love her with all his heart and marry her by choice, not out of necessity.

Unfortunately, wishing he could be that man didn’t make it so. His fate had been sealed the day he watched his father and brother be slaughtered by the English. That was the day a fourteen-year-old boy became a man on a mission.

But Cailin had breached the curtain wall around his heart of stone. He’d let down his guard and allowed Cupid’s arrow to pierce the vulnerable organ, causing it to beat with a wild fury he’d never known. Now he had to heal that wound and bury those emotions even deeper than ever before.

“I wish I could be the man you’ve dreamed about. If I had the power to change things, I would.” He held out his hand in her direction. “Come, we can cover a few more miles before making camp for the night.” When she didn’t respond, he squatted down beside her, and ran his hand along her cheek. He felt the dampness of tears on his fingertips. “You must be hungry. Let us rejoin my brothers before Alasdair eats everything Cora packed for the journey.” His attempt to lighten the mood and change the subject failed. She continued to stare at the ground, her eyes brimming with tears.

Cailin shook her head. “If you please, I’d like a few minutes alone with my thoughts.”

He nodded. “Take as long as you need. I’ll have Bryce put something aside for you to eat.” With a heavy heart, he headed back toward the horses.

Her shoulders slumped as she leaned against a moss-covered tree trunk. She blinked away the tears and raised her chin—determined to be brave and to face the future with her head held high. She’d managed to survive her first eighteen years without Connor Fraser, she could survive the rest of her life without him. Or could she?

Despite the dire circumstances under which they met, he caused her heart to soar. However, the same heart that swelled with joy as they made love sank like a stone beneath the icy waters of a loch at the thought of him walking out of her life forever. She knew it was inevitable, but didn’t think it would be so soon. She’d actually begun to hope that by the time they reached Kildrummy Castle, he’d change his mind, might even fight to keep her by his side.

She loved him and knew beyond any doubt that she could never feel this strongly for another man. He awakened the woman in her, unleashing emotions she’d never known existed. He made her feel beautiful, desirable, and for the first time in her life, like someone who truly mattered.

Until now, she’d merely existed. Locked away in her father’s keep, she’d spent her entire life alone, dreaming of the day that someone would love her enough to accept her for who she was. She meant nothing to her father, but Connor risked his life, and that of his brothers, to protect her from Borden. Despite his aversion to marriage, he declared them husband and wife to save her reputation and to protect her identity. He’d made love to her with wild abandon and even though it was only for one night, he showed her what it was like to lie in the arms of man who thought her the most precious thing in the world.

Her heart ached so badly, she was certain it would shatter beyond repair. So much had happened in the space of a few days that it felt as if she’d aged ten summers. Would she ever find some semblance of order in her life? Or was she destined to spend the rest of her days alone, trying to stay one step ahead of the English executioner?

What she longed for was simple. She wanted a home, a man who loved her, and babes. Bairns she could shower with affection and attention. Babes that would grow up knowing their parents loved and cherished them. She wanted all of these things, but more than anything, she wanted Connor. But she refused to beg for his affection.