Fragile Eternity (2 page)

Seth watched Aislinn argue with the court’s advisors, far more vocal with the fey than she ever was with humans. On the table in front of them, Aislinn had the pages of her new plan, complete with charts, spread out.

When she sat in Keenan’s loft, with the tall plants and crowds of faeries overfilling the place, it was easy to forget that she hadn’t always been one of them. The plants leaned toward her, blooming in her presence. The birds that roosted in the columns greeted her when she walked into a room. Faeries vied for her attention, seeking a few moments in her presence. After centuries without strength, the Summer Court was beginning to thrive—because of Aislinn. At first, she had seemed uncomfortable with being in the center of it, but she’d grown so at ease with her position that Seth wondered how long it’d be until she abandoned the mortal world, including him.

“If we assign different regions like this—” She pointed
to her diagram again, but Quinn excused himself, leaving Tavish to explain once more why he thought her plan was unnecessary.

Quinn, the advisor who’d replaced Niall recently, plopped down on the sofa next to Seth. He was as unlike Niall in appearance as he was in temperament. Where Niall had highlighted his almost common features, Quinn seemed to strive for some degree of polish and posturing. He kept his hair sun-streaked, his skin tanned, his clothes hinting at wealth. More important, though, where Niall had been a voice that could pull Keenan from his melancholia or dissipate the Summer King’s temper, Quinn seemed to fuel Keenan’s mood of the moment.
That
made Seth leery of the new guard.

Quinn scowled. “She’s being unreasonable. The king can’t expect us to—”

Seth simply looked at him.

“What?”

“You think Keenan’s going to tell her
no
? To anything?” Seth almost laughed aloud at the idea.

Quinn looked affronted. “Of course.”

“Wrong.” Seth watched his girlfriend, the queen of the Summer Court, glow like small suns were trapped inside her skin. “You have a lot to learn. Unless Ash changes her mind, Keenan will give her plan a try.”

“But the court has always been run like this,” Tavish, the court’s oldest advisor, was repeating yet again.

“The court has also always been ruled by a monarch,
hasn’t it? It still is. You don’t
need
to agree, but I’m asking for your support.” Aislinn flicked her hair over her shoulder. It was still as black as Seth’s, just as it had been when she was a human, but now that she’d become one of them, her hair had golden streaks in it.

Tavish raised his voice, a habit he’d apparently not been prone to before Aislinn joined the court. “My Queen, surely—”

“Don’t ‘my Queen’ me, Tavish.” She poked him in the shoulder. Tiny sparks flickered from her skin.

“I don’t mean to offend you, but the idea of local rulers seems foolish.” Tavish smiled placatingly.

Aislinn’s temper sent rainbows flashing across the room. “Foolish? Structuring our court so our faeries are safe and have access to help when they need us is foolish? We have a responsibility to take care of our court. How are we to do that if we don’t have contact with them?”

But Tavish didn’t back down. “Such a major change…”

Seth tuned them out. He’d hear Aislinn recount it all later when she tried to make sense of it.
No need to hear it twice.
He picked up a remote and flicked through the music. Someone had added the Living Zombies song he’d mentioned the other week. He selected it and turned the volume up.

Tavish had a please-help-me look on his face. Seth ignored it, but Quinn didn’t. Grumbling, but eager to prove his worth, the new advisor went back over to the table.

Then Keenan walked in the door with several of the
Summer Girls beside him. They looked more beautiful by the day. As summer approached—and as Aislinn and Keenan grew stronger—their faeries seemed to blossom.

Tavish immediately began, “Keenan, my King, perhaps you could explain to her grace that…” But his words died after a glimpse at the expression of ire the Summer King wore.

In response to his volatile mood, Aislinn’s already-glowing skin radiated enough light that it hurt Seth to look at her. Without even realizing she was doing it, she’d extended sunbeams like insubstantial hands reaching toward Keenan. Over the past few months, she’d developed an increasingly strong connection with the Summer King.

Which sucks.

All Keenan had to do was look her way and she was at his side, papers forgotten, argument forgotten, everything but Keenan forgotten. She went to him, and the rest of the world went on pause at Keenan’s look of upset.

It’s her job. Court things have to come first.

Seth wanted to not be irritated by it. He’d worked hard to become the person he was now—a person whose temper was under control, whose sardonic streak didn’t lead to making cruel remarks. He channeled those discordant tendencies into his paintings and sculptures. Between his art and his meditation, he was able to hold on to peace these days, but Keenan tested that hard-earned progress. It wasn’t as if Seth couldn’t understand the importance of strengthening the Summer Court after centuries of growing cold, but
sometimes it was hard to believe that Keenan didn’t overplay minor worries to keep Aislinn’s attention. He’d spent centuries assuming that what he thought, or wanted, was of utmost importance. Now that he had the power to go with the arrogance, he wasn’t likely to become less demanding.

Tavish motioned the Summer Girls to him and led them to the kitchen. With Niall gone and Keenan trying to reestablish his court’s authority, not to mention forge new agreements with the other courts, Tavish had assumed responsibility for helping the Summer Girls learn some degree of independence. Seth thought it was perversely funny that spending hours making sure that a group of beautiful girls was in good spirits was considered work, but no one else seemed to find it humorous. What was important in the Summer Court wasn’t always what made sense to a mortal—a fact of which Seth was regularly reminded.

As Keenan relayed whatever new crisis he’d run into, Seth gathered his things and stood. He waited until Aislinn looked over at him and then said, “Ash? I’m out.”

She came to stand beside Seth—near but not touching. It wasn’t that she couldn’t reach out, but she was still tentative. They’d only been a couple for a few months. Although it was hard to resist the temptation to remind them all that she was
his
, Seth didn’t touch her. He stood there, waiting, not pressuring. It was the only way with her. He’d figured that out more than a year ago. He waited; the tension built; and then she leaned against him, folding herself into his arms and sighing.

“Sorry. I just need to”—she shot a worried look at Keenan—“court stuff, you know?”

“I do.” Seth had spent more hours than he liked to think about listening to her try to make sense of her new responsibilities, utterly unable to help her. She had a long list of things that required her attention, and he just sat there waiting.

“But we’re still on for the Crow’s Nest tomorrow, right?” Her tone was worried.

“I’ll meet you there.” He felt guilty for being selfish, for adding to her worry. He wrapped his fingers in her hair, tugging it gently until she tilted her head back and kissed him. It burned his lips, his tongue, when she was nervous or upset—not impossibly painful but enough that he couldn’t pretend that she was the girl he used to know. By the time he pulled back, the burn had faded. She was calm again.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you. You know that, don’t you?” she whispered.

He didn’t answer, but he didn’t let go either; holding her in his arms was the best answer he could give her. She would be without him sooner or later: he was mortal, but
that
was a conversation she refused to have. He’d tried to talk to her, but she stopped every conversation with either tears or kisses—or both. Unless they found a way for him to belong in her world, eventually he’d be gone, and Keenan would be the one holding her.

To go from not wanting to make commitments for the next night, to putting everything aside in hopes of
convincing Aislinn to trust him, to thinking about forever was unsettling. He hadn’t figured himself for the whole getting-married-and-settling-down thing, but since she’d been in his arms and in his life, he’d hated the thought of being anywhere but with her.

The Summer King had walked over to the table and was examining Aislinn’s diagrams, notes, and charts. Despite how weird the situation was for all of them, he often made a point of letting Aislinn and Seth have privacy. It was obvious, though, that moving away was not easy for Keenan.

Or Ash.

Quinn cleared his throat as he reentered the room. “I’ll walk you out if you’re ready.”

Seth wasn’t ever ready to walk away from Aislinn, but he didn’t see the sense in sitting around watching her murmur with Keenan either. She had responsibilities; they both needed to keep those in mind—even if those responsibilities included late nights and parties with Keenan. She had a job to do.

And Seth had…Aislinn. That’s what he had: Aislinn, Aislinn’s world, Aislinn’s needs. He existed on the fringe of her world, with no role, no power, and no desire to walk away. It wasn’t that he wanted out, but he wasn’t sure what to do to be further into her world.

And she doesn’t want to talk about it.

“See you tomorrow.” Seth kissed Aislinn once more and followed Quinn to the door.

Donia was at her house—
Beira’s house
—when Keenan and Aislinn intruded on her. It wasn’t her preferred place, but she’d taken to conducting business there and keeping her cottage for personal matters, space only Evan and a few select guards could enter.

And Keenan. Always Keenan.

When Keenan came through the ridiculously carved door—his copper hair shining like a beacon—Donia wanted to go to him, just for a brief moment to pretend that what they shared, that their decades of history entitled her to such easy comfort. It didn’t, especially when Aislinn was beside him. Keenan’s attention to his queen’s every thought and action bordered on obsession.

Would Ash care if I went to him?

To some degree, Donia doubted it: the Summer Queen had been the one to arrange Donia’s tryst with Keenan at Winter Solstice. She’d been the one insisting that Keenan
did, in fact, love Donia although he’d never said the words. Yet, Keenan wouldn’t risk even the briefest display of emotion around Aislinn.

So they all stood awkwardly in the foyer, surrounded by a number of Hawthorn Girls who calmly watched from the church pews that lined the walls. Sasha lifted his head from the floor where he was resting. The wolf glanced at the summer regents briefly, closed his eyes, and resumed sleeping.

Evan, however, wasn’t so calm. He eased closer to Donia. “Shall I stay with you?”

Mutely, she nodded. Evan was her closest friend these days; she suspected he’d been so for years before she acknowledged that his omnipresent protectiveness was not simple duty. She’d thought his guarding her was because so many other of Keenan’s guards were afraid of her, but when she’d become the new Winter Queen, Evan had left Keenan’s court to stay at her side. She reached out and squeezed his hand in silent gratitude.

“The others?” he murmured.

“They stay inside. We’ll go out back.” She raised her voice then and said, “If you’d like to join me?”

Keenan was beside Donia. He didn’t touch her, not even a casual brush of her hand. He opened the door as they approached, as familiar with the house as she was. It was his mother, the last Winter Queen, who’d lived here before. After holding the door for her and for Aislinn, Keenan entered the garden. Snow and ice melted in his wake.
Better that than having the Summer King and Queen inside where
my fey are.
Donia wasn’t willing to risk endangering her faeries, and while Aislinn might do fairly well at containing her emotions, Keenan was volatile even on his best days.

If she watched long enough, Donia knew she’d see storms crashing in his eyes. When they’d been together, those flashes of lightning seemed mesmerizing. Now, they seemed too bright, too brief, too everything.

“Be welcome here today.” Donia gestured to one of the wooden benches scattered throughout the winter garden. They were clever things, fitted together by craftsmen’s skills, no screws or bolts anywhere in them.

Keenan didn’t move. He stood in her garden, as untouchable as he’d been for most of their relationship, making her feel somehow lacking. “Do you have any guests?” he asked.

“What business is that of yours?” she responded.

I do not answer to him, not now.

Under the edge of the bench, an arctic fox crouched. Only its dark eyes and nose showed in the snowbank. The rest of its body blended with the stark white ground. As Aislinn and Keenan came closer—warming the air around them—the fox darted away to the thicker snows by the high walls that surrounded the garden. Despite Donia’s dislike for the last Winter Queen, she enjoyed the winter garden immensely: in this, at least, Beira’d done a wise thing. The garden’s walls and roof allowed for a small bit of winter year round—a nourishing sanctuary for her and her fey.

Donia sat on one of the benches. “Are you seeking someone specific?”

Still standing, Keenan gave her an exasperated look. “Bananach was seen near here.”

Aislinn laid her hand on his arm to stop his short-tempered words.

“Although I’m sure you are well cared for here”—the Summer Queen smiled blindingly at Evan, who had moved behind Donia—“Keenan needed to check on you. Right, Keenan?”

Keenan glanced at Aislinn, seeking something—assurance, clarity, it was hard to say with them. “I don’t want you talking to Bananach.”

The ground at Donia’s feet grew heavy with snow as her temper stirred. “Why exactly are you here?”

Tiny storms flashed in his eyes. “I was worried.”

“About?”

“You.” He moved closer, invading her space, pushing her. Even now, when she was his equal, he had no regard for her boundaries. Keenan pulled his hand through his copper hair. And like a bespelled mortal, she stared at it, at him.

“Worried about me or trying to dictate to me?” She stayed as still as winter before the storm breaks, but she felt ice churning inside her.

“War being at your door
is
of concern to me. Niall’s furious with me, and…I just don’t want any of the Dark Court near you,” Keenan said.

“It’s not yours to decide. This is
my
court, Keenan. If I choose to listen to Bananach—”

“
Do
you listen to her?”

“If Bananach or Niall come here, I’ll deal with them, just as I would with Sorcha or any of the strong solitaries…or you.” Donia kept her tone cool.

She beckoned to the Hawthorn Girls, who’d moved to the doorway.

The ever-silent faeries drifted outside and looked at Donia expectantly. They were the family she’d never expected to find in the cold Winter Court. She smiled at them, but didn’t bother to hide her irritation when she told Keenan, “Matrice will show you out. Unless there are personal matters you wanted to discuss?”

The lightning in his eyes flared again, illuminating his face with that strange flash of brightness. “No. I suppose not.”

Protective to a fault, Matrice narrowed her eyes at his tone.

“Well, then, if we’re done with our business”—Donia kept her hands relaxed, refusing to show him that even now she was tempted to reach out to ease that temper—“Matrice?”

Keenan’s anger fled for a moment. “Don?”

She gave in then and touched his arm, hating that it was her—
again
—who had to reach for him. “If you want to see
me,
not the Winter Queen, but
me,
you are welcome at the cottage. I will be home later.”

He nodded, but didn’t agree, didn’t promise. He wouldn’t—not unless his real queen had no need of his attention.

Donia hated her for a moment.
If she weren’t here…
Of course, if Aislinn hadn’t become Summer Queen, Keenan would be wooing yet another mortal, in search of the one who’d free him.

At least I have part of him now
.
That’s better than nothing.
That’s what she’d told herself at first, but as he turned away, accepting Aislinn’s hand as they walked, following the Hawthorn Girls back toward the house, Donia had to wonder if it really was better.

That night, Donia walked toward the cottage with the illusion of solitude. In the quiet, Evan undoubtedly trailed behind her. If she concentrated, she’d see the blurring wings of the Hawthorn fey in the shadows, hear the chiming music of the lupine. A year ago those same details would’ve set terror in her heart. Evan had been Keenan’s fey then; and Winter Court faeries had been harbingers of conflict, emissaries from the last Winter Queen, carrying threats and warnings.

So much had changed. Donia had changed. What hadn’t changed was how badly she craved Keenan’s attention, his approval, his touch.

Frozen tears clattered to the ground as she thought about the impact of that craving on her life. She’d surrendered her mortality in the hope that she was his missing queen.
I wasn’t.
She’d watched him woo innumerable mortals in that search as if it didn’t hurt each time.
It did hurt
. She’d willingly gone to her death at his mother’s hands for helping
him find that queen.
But I didn’t die.

Instead she was at the helm of the court that had overpowered and oppressed his own for centuries—and her court wanted it to stay that way. Too much of a climate change too fast wasn’t good for any of them. Her court pressed the matter, rustling for a few shows of force to remind him that they were still stronger. While in the dark, when it was just the two of them, Keenan would whisper sweet words of peace and balance.

Always in the middle…because of him. And he’d walk away from me for Ash if she’d say the word….

Angry with herself for dwelling on it, for even thinking of it, Donia swatted at the tears rolling down her cheeks. He wasn’t hers, would never be truly hers, and she couldn’t help but feel terrified of that inevitable truth.

She stepped onto her porch.

And he was there waiting, beautiful face furrowed in concern, hands reaching out for her. “Don?”

His voice held all the yearning she’d felt for him earlier.

All of her clarity faded as he held open his arms. She slipped into his embrace and kissed him, not bothering to keep her ice in check, not caring if it wounded him.

He’ll stop.

But instead of pushing her away, he pulled her closer. That awful sunlight he carried in his skin flashed brighter. The snow that had begun to fall around them was sizzling away as quickly as it fell.

Her back was against the door. She hadn’t unlocked it,
but it still swung open. At a glance, she realized that Keenan had melted the lock.

It’s not Solstice yet. We shouldn’t. Can’t…

There were welts on her arms where he touched her, blisters on her lips. She tangled her hand in his hair and held him tighter to her. Frost spread down his neck.

He’ll stop. I’ll stop. Any second now.

They were on the sofa, and tiny fires burned on the cushion above her head. She let her winter slip further out. The room was filled with heavy snowfall. The fires hissed as they were extinguished.

I’m stronger. I
could
stop.

But he was touching her. Keenan was here, and he was touching her. She wasn’t stopping. Maybe they could make it work; maybe it would be fine. She opened her eyes to look at him, and the brightness blinded her.

“Mine,” he murmured between kisses.

Their clothes kept catching fire, smoldering out as the snow smothered the flames, only to ignite again. Blisters covered her skin where his hands had gripped her. Frostburnt patches of skin were visible on his chest and neck.

She cried out, and then he pulled back.

“Don…” His face was grief stricken. “I didn’t mean to…” He propped himself up on one arm and looked down at her bruised arms. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I know.” She slid to the floor, leaving him alone on the smoking sofa.

“I just wanted to talk.” He watched her warily.

She concentrated on the ice inside of her, not on how close he still was. “About us, or about business?”

“Both.” He grimaced as he tried to pull on his tattered shirt.

She watched him button it up, as if that would help hold it in place. Neither spoke as he fussed with the ruined cloth. Then she asked, “Do you love me? Even a little?”

He stilled, hands aloft. “What?”

“Do you love me?”

He stared at her. “How can you ask that?”

“Do you?”
She needed to hear it, something, anything.

He didn’t answer.

“Why are you even here?” she asked.

“To see you. To be near you.”

“
Why
? I need more than your lust.” She didn’t cry as she said it. She didn’t do anything to let him know how badly her heart was breaking. “Tell me we have something more than that. Something that won’t destroy either of us.”

He was a sunlit effigy, as beautiful as always, but his words weren’t beautiful. “Don. Come on. You know it’s more than that. You
know
what’s between us.”

“Do I?”

He reached out. His hand was healing, but he was bruised.

That’s what we do to each other.

Donia stood up and walked outside, needing not to see the destruction in her home.

Again.

Keenan followed.

She leaned against the cottage.
How many times have I stood here, trying to keep my distance from him or from the last Winter Queen?
She didn’t want a repeat of the last time Winter and Summer tried to be together.

“I don’t want us to destroy each other like they did,” she whispered.

“We’re not like them. You’re not like Beira.” He didn’t touch her. Instead he sat on the porch. “I’m not going to give up on you if we have a chance.”

“This”—she motioned at the destruction behind her—“isn’t good.”

“We slipped for a minute.”

“Again,” she added.

“Yes, but…we can sort it out. I shouldn’t have reached for you, but you were crying and…” He squeezed her hand. “I slipped up. You make me forget myself.”

“Me too.” Donia turned to face him. “No one else angers or thrills me like this. I’ve loved you most of my life, but I’m not happy with things the way they are.”

He stilled. “What things?”

She laughed briefly. “That might work on your other queen, but I know you, Keenan. I see how close you two are growing.”

“She’s my queen.”

“And being with her would strengthen your court.” Donia shook her head. “I know. I’ve always known. You’ve never been mine.”

“She has Seth.”

Donia watched the Hawthorn Girls flitting among the trees. Their wings glistened in the dark. She weighed her words. “He’ll die. Mortals do. And then what?”

“I want you in my life.”

“In the dark when she’s not around. A few nights of the year…” Donia thought over the handful of nights when they could truly be together, no longer than a few stolen heartbeats. The taste of what she couldn’t have made it so much harder to weather the months when even a kiss was dangerous. She blinked away icy tears. “It’s not enough. I thought it would be, but I need more.”

“Don—”

“Listen. Please?” Donia sat down beside him. “I’m in love with you. I’ve loved you enough to die for it…but I see you trying to romance her and yet still coming to my door. Charm isn’t going to let you have us both under your sway. Neither of us is one of your Summer Girls.” Donia kept her voice gentle. “I accepted death to give you your queen—even though it meant losing you, even after years of conflict.”