Fox Run (21 page)

"Do you give your word I will not regret it, Michaela?"

"I will do nothing tonight to betray your trust, Elisabeth. That is between now and midnight."

Gia had been paying attention to all this and finally asked her mother, "How does she get away speaking like this? She should do what she is told."

I turned to her. "I make my own choices. Right now, I am not in any condition to outright defy the alpha. That will change. I am very stubborn and respond poorly to strong arm tactics. I am fox, not wolf. And there is no one here to whom I answer. Elisabeth is able to physically restrain me. If I pushed hard enough, she could toss me into that cell I was in a few days ago. But she doesn't want to do either of those, and I don't want her to do those. So we walk a dance."

"She could lock you in your room," Gia pointed out.

"The alpha's room, you mean?"

"Yes."

"Elisabeth, if you do that, what will I do?"

"Go out the window."

"And if you somehow prevented that?"

"You'd find a way through the door."

"And if I couldn't?"

"You would find a way through the wall."

"What if you physically restrained me or locked me in that cell?"

"You would hate us forever."

"And how would the alpha feel about that?"

"You alive and hating her is better than you dead."

"But not as good as me alive and not hating her."

"Exactly."

"Does that answer your question, Gia?"

"You should do what you are told," Gia said.

I sighed. "I am fox, Gia. Not wolf. Your rules and my rules are different. Your rules are based on strength and obedience. Mine are based on trust."

"So the alpha should trust you to do what you're told," Gia said triumphantly.

"The alpha should trust my judgment and my personal choices over my own life. It is my life, after all, not hers. And I should be able to trust that she will keep her promises to me."

Elisabeth shook her head slightly at me. I decided she was asking me not to talk about broken promises. I nodded slightly once.

"You said you would be reasonably compliant," Gia said.

"Yes. Earlier I told Elisabeth I would be reasonably compliant this evening." I turned to Elisabeth. "I believe evening ends at midnight."

She nodded understanding.

"All right," said Gia. "So if we all walked away, right now, you would stay right here?"

"Probably not. I'd probably go sit outside."

"But we could trust you to do nothing foolish?"

"You could trust me to be easily found and engaged in nothing I believed was potentially dangerous to my health."

"You said until midnight?"

"If I am unattended outside at 12:01 AM, I will make my own choices. I will have fulfilled my agreement."

"You would run away, just like that?"

"Probably not. I don't think I'd get very far."

Elisabeth snickered.

"But I might try to steal a car," I added. "Or I might climb back upstairs and go to bed. It would be my decision, not anyone else's."

She thought about it all. "You should do what the alpha says."

Stubborn wolf.

"Why don't you make her promise to behave until the alpha returns?" Gia asked.

I laughed, and Gia turned a dark look at me.

"I'm sorry, Gia. I shouldn't have laughed. Elisabeth would absolutely love to get me to make that promise. She would need to threaten to put me in the cell before she'd get it, and even then, I might count on escaping during a bathroom break rather than give it."

"You are like an ill behaved pup," Gia said. "And you should be treated like one."

"David tried that," I said coolly. "How did that work?"

"You told them what they wanted to know."

I looked at Francesca to see if she wanted to interfere. She looked at me calmly. I turned back to her daughter.

"Gia, why do you think I came here in the first place?"

"Because the pups were kidnapped."

"Yes, they were, but what was the purpose of my coming here? I could have simply run away. Why did I come here?"

"To tell the alpha about the pups," she said eventually.

"So do you think David hitting me got the answers to come out of me faster than they would have if he had asked me politely what I knew?"

She looked down. "Probably not."

"Probably." I sighed again. "Elisabeth, how long was I unconscious?"

"Nearly an hour."

"How long would it have taken me to start answering questions if David hadn't hit me."

"I imagine a few seconds."

"I was going to ask for something to cover me up and some water. So a few minutes. Instead it took over an hour. Do you think that time mattered?"

"Yes, it mattered. We may have been able to track them if we'd gotten there faster."

I turned to Gia. "I made a fatal mistake, one I have to live with. I should have called the alpha as soon as I saw what was going on. Instead, I tried to help, forgetting I had a phone. It was the worst mistake I have ever made, and I am guilt ridden over it."

"How long between when you found them and when the other wolves arrived, Michaela?" Elisabeth asked gently.

"I'm not sure. Maybe twenty minutes or so. They were nearby. But I also wasted time approaching cautiously. I am fox, not wolf, after all. If I had called at the first yips, you would have had forty minutes or more."

"No one would have called at the yips," Elisabeth said. "No one is going to fault a fox for caution. So twenty minutes. You were fourteen miles from our compound, and there were no direct roads. If you had called the moment you saw them, by the time we shifted and ran there, it would have been too late. If you called after you failed to free them, it would definitely have been too late. And Michaela, I would have tried to free them before calling. Other than the caution in the approach, you did exactly what I would have done."

I felt tears in my eyes. "It wasn't enough."

"No," she said. "Sometimes your best isn't enough."

I looked away for a while, calming the tears, then turned back. "I'll behave until morning if you let me walk around outside this evening."

"I'd love to walk with you if you stay close to the house."

"Thank you." I turned to Gia. "Your company would be nice, if you wanted to join us."

"I don't understand you," she said. "And I don't understand why Elisabeth doesn't make you behave. She could."

"She couldn't."

"She could! She is big and you are tiny."

I shook my head and decided she wasn't going to understand. Instead I addressed Francesca. "I was worried I would be a bad influence on the pack, but I realize the pack will never understand me enough for me to be any influence at all."

* * * *

I got my walk before we talked to Lara. I think Elisabeth didn't want Lara to have an opportunity to disallow it, and she definitely didn't want to fight me on it. We stepped outside with Elisabeth hovering closely. Francesca chose to stay inside, but Gia and Angel both joined us.

We didn't go anywhere. I sat on the steps for a few minutes, enjoying the evening air and listening to Gia and Angel talking a little ways away, thinking I couldn't understand. Neither of them understood the situation, but I decided they were good girls.

"Elisabeth, when I decide to leave, please don't use those two as my jailors."

"They aren't jailors."

"I don't want them in the middle of this. I am in no shape to defy you right now, but you know tomorrow I will be, and they shouldn't suffer when I leave."

"Michaela, please," Elisabeth said. "Do not do this to me. Give it a few days. I will give you all the freedom you want if you agree to stick to the immediate area of the house."

"My freedom is not yours to give, Elisabeth. It is my freedom. Not yours, not Lara's. Until we can agree on that point, there is no room for other discussion."

"I can lock you in that cell, Michaela."

"You can, and I'm not in any shape to evade you if you do it tonight. But I've been betrayed enough by this pack, don't you think?"

"We're only trying to protect you, Michaela. Why can't you understand that?"

"I do understand that, Elisabeth. But if I am not free to leave, it's not protection, it is imprisonment. I do not choose imprisonment as the price of protection, especially when I feel I am able to protect myself."

"So tomorrow you're leaving unless I lock you in the cell tonight?"

"I don't know, Elisabeth. I don't know how I will feel in the morning. And I haven't talked to the alpha. I haven't seen the map of where they are searching."

"You have promised to behave until morning," Elisabeth said.

"Let's call it sunrise," I said. And with that, I climbed from the steps and stepped out onto the grass, three wolves following me around, and everyone wondering what tomorrow would bring.

* * * *

Afterwards, from Lara's bedroom, we called Lara. Elisabeth had given me the map, which she had annotated with where the searching had happened as of the last conversation with the alpha. She and Lara talked for a while, Elisabeth taking the phone to the bedroom across the hall. I couldn't quite here what Lara said, but I heard everything Elisabeth said.

She argued for trusting my judgment. It didn't sound like she won. At one point I heard her say, "Please don't make me do that, Alpha. It will crush her, and she will never forgive you."

Fuck.

When Elisabeth returned, her face was an open book. She was going to throw me in the cell if I didn't promise to stay. I held out my hand for the phone.

"Is this map Elisabeth gave me accurate, Alpha?" I asked her.

"Yes, it should be," she said. "How are you doing, Michaela?"

"If you just ordered Elisabeth to throw me in the cell, then my name is Ms. Redfur."

There was silence, then Lara said quietly, "Why are you doing this?"

"Why are you? Either you trust me or you don't. Decide soon, Alpha." And then I hung up on the call.

"When are you to lock me up?" I asked her.

"Either you promise to stay until Lara gets back, or I lock you up immediately."

"So you would trust my promise, but not my judgment. That makes no sense."

"A twelve-year-old pup can keep a promise without necessarily having good judgment," Elisabeth said.

"I rescind my promise from earlier. I will give the alpha one hour to rescind her order. If you attempt to lock me in a cell, I will fight you with everything I have. In one hour, I am leaving."

"You can't fight me, Michaela." The pain in Elisabeth's face was clear. "You'll make me hurt you."

"I will not go meekly. I will not!"

"Twenty-four hours, Michaela. Please."

I glanced at the clock hanging from the wall. It was shortly after ten PM. "You have until eleven. At 11:01, either I will be walking away or you and I will be deeply engaged in the meanest fight a fox can give you. You will probably end up killing me before you subdue me."

"Please, Michaela, don't make me do that."

"I'm not. Your alpha is. You better spend your hour wisely."

"You won't leave before eleven?"

"No. I would rather you talked some sanity into her. I would rather work with you."

"You will stay in this room."

"Yes."

"In human form?"

"Yes. Until you return or 11, whichever comes first."

She nodded and stepped out of the room. I heard the front door open and close, and then I was left with my thoughts.

There was no way I'd get past her tonight. Maybe in another day or two, but not tonight. I sighed and slumped on the bed.

* * * *

By 10:30 I was watching the clock. When 10:50 came around and Elisabeth hadn't returned, I began to pace. At 10:57, the front door opened and Elisabeth hurried up the stairs. She burst through the door and looked deeply relieved I was still there.

"Will you please talk to Lara?"

"All right."

She handed me the phone.

"Yes, Alpha?"

"Please let Elisabeth keep you safe. I need to know you are safe. I can't be worrying about you. I can't send people back to keep you from running away."

"Please trust my judgment."

"Give me a week."

"Please trust my judgment."

"Three days."

"Please trust my judgment."

"Twenty-four hours."

I hesitated. My voice cracked. "Please trust my judgment, Lara. What are we, if you can't trust me?"

"What are we if I can't protect you?"

I held the phone to my ear and listened to her breathing. "I love you. Goodbye."

"No! Wait! Michaela, please."

I held the phone in place, not speaking. "If you leave, where will you go?"

"Where my judgment takes me."

"Will you take Elisabeth with you?"

"If I decide that's the best choice, and she offers."

She took a large breath. "Please put Elisabeth back on." I held out the phone and listened to both sides of the conversation. Lara told her, "Beg her to stay. If she chooses to leave anyway, beg her to go with. If she says no, give her a car and make sure she has whatever she needs."

"Thank you, Alpha. I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault. Stubborn fox."

"That she is." They both hung up and Elisabeth looked at me. I was crying and smiling.

"Thank you," I told her.

"Please let me keep you safe. Lara needs to know you are safe. The pack needs you safe."

"You begged. I declined. You begged to go with. I declined. I need a car, enough cash to last a week, and a cell phone with your number and Lara's plugged in."

"Ten minutes. I'll meet you downstairs."

Going Hunting

I collected the clothes Gia had purchased for me and headed downstairs to sit on the steps. Elisabeth drove up in a dark black SUV and behind her, Francesca parked in a little green Prius. I smiled.

"Pick one," Elisabeth said.

"Whose are they?"

"Both are mine."

"Do you mind if I take the Prius?"

"No." Francesca handed me the key. Elisabeth handed me a cell phone and a roll of money. "It's about five hundred dollars. It's what I had ready."