Forgivin' Ain't Forgettin' (41 page)
“Mr. Roy Roper,” Cassidy said. “Everyone at Tilden knew him. I can’t believe he’s still alive.”
“Mr. Roper started up a conversation, and I ended up telling him your story. Not fifteen minutes later, I was sitting in this poorly lit, smelly back room drinking coffee with Mr. Roper and a friend of his who he had asked to come over. His name was Mr. Johnny. Mr. Johnny has a daughter who adopted a little boy who was left at a hospital on the same night you gave birth.”
“Mr. Johnny’s daughter adopted my son?”
“Yes. She’s married, and they all live in another state. Mr. Johnny assured me the child is happy and healthy.”
Cassidy flipped the picture. There was nothing written on the back. “What’s his name?”
“I don’t know. I don’t even know Mr. Johnny’s last name, and that’s the way he wanted it. He said it’s always been his daughter’s wish to remain anonymous, and I told him we would respect that.”
Although her accepting that she most likely would not hold her son again was not without challenge, she nodded in agreement with Trevor.
“Mr. Johnny has cancer, and he believes his time is short. I believe that’s why God led me to do this for you now.”
“Thank you,” she whispered. She leaned and kissed Trevor’s cheek.
He squeezed her hand. “How are you doing behind all this?” he asked.
Furnished with a peace she recognized as God, she said, “I’m okay.”
“Mr. Johnny thought you should have something of the child, so he sent along this picture. It was taken three years ago. Mr. Johnny also sent a message. He said some teenagers leave their newborns to die in Dumpsters and toilets, so he thanks you for leaving the baby in the hospital. Because you did, he has a grandson. His only one.”
“Most states,” she said, “give women the option of turning their unwanted newborns over to authorities with no questions asked. It’s much safer for the baby to give him or her up that way instead of the way I chose to do it.” Cassidy smiled at her son. He had her eyes and skin tone. “Pepperoni—that’s what I nicknamed him while he was in my womb.”
“Why would someone who detests pizza nickname their baby Pepperoni?”
“I haven’t always detested it. When I was pregnant, I craved pepperoni pizza day and night. But ever since, just the smell of pizza makes me want to—”
“Throw up,” he completed, smiling slightly.
“Yes.” She smiled at him. The girls had come inside the house, and their laughter suggested they were thrilled with whatever Trevor had brought them.
“Are you still interested in making Herbie a part of our family?” he asked.
Cassidy knew that elation showed in her eyes. “Yes. I’ve never stopped asking the Lord to make a way for it to happen.” They talked about Herbie for a few minutes, and then she reached up and rubbed the hard kinks in Trevor’s neck. “You’re tired.”
“Some,” he admitted.
“Would you like a cup of tea? It might help you get over that cold sooner.”
“Yes,” he said. “Thank you.”
Cassidy walked across the room and rested her photograph on the dresser, against the mirror. Tomorrow she would go to the store and buy the perfect frame for it.
She cast a glance over her shoulder. Her husband had fallen back on the bed and laid his arm over his eyes. His breathing was even and heavy, a signal he was almost asleep, if not already sleeping. Cassidy knelt in front of his legs and untied his laces. She removed his sneakers and socks, then tenderly massaged each foot as rays of early evening sun spilled over her shoulders, washing Trevor’s feet and her hands with warm light.
1. It isn’t unusual for gossip to start surrounding a recently widowed (or divorced) person who resumes dating or even becomes engaged. Do you think there’s an appropriate time lapse for a person to “mourn” a relationship before embarking on a new one? Why or why not? What reservations do you have about hooking up with someone who lost a former partner through death or divorce?
2. When depression threatens, Cassidy pulls out a memory verse to encourage herself. What scriptures do you keep on tap, so to speak, to lift your spirit?
3. To what degree are you content in the life God has given you—single or married? How do you relate to friends who are in different phases of life—or different degrees of contentment?
4. Cassidy knows her scripture, studies the Bible regularly, and truly believes the Word. However, she doesn’t feel worthy of claiming the promise of God’s peace and sustenance by surrendering her past to the Lord. What keeps you from laying hold of God’s promises?
5. Considering that both Cassidy and Trevor are wrestling with issues of grief, their discussion about tears raises interesting questions. How do you grieve? How do you relate to others—men and women—who grieve differently? What does scripture say about grief?
6. Derek doesn’t want Trevor to call Social Services or the police about his abusive and neglectful mother. At the same time, he struggles against hatred for her. How would you counsel youth like Derek?
7. What vibe do you get from the Special Day ministry meetings? Have you ever had a similar experience in a ministry—one that just didn’t feel quite right? What was it about the ministry?
8. Like Brenda, Aunt Odessa dies without warning, giving no one opportunity to say good-bye. What comfort can we find when a loved one passes away suddenly?
9. While it is true Rave had ulterior motives for expressing concern about Trevor and Cassidy’s living arrangements, Pastor Audrey seems to feel the concern is legitimate. Do you agree? Why or why not? How much effort do you expend in avoiding situations that might tempt you?
10. Do you believe in love at first sight? If so, how do you define it? What do you think of Oliver Toby’s definition: “I’m saying that I only wanted good for Louise [from the first time he saw her]. She immediately became a part of my prayers . . . That’s what true love is: wanting the best for the other person”?
11. Rave admits to herself that sex has become a drug for her. Does learning about her past experiences with sex (e.g., incest, rape, molestation) make it easier for you to sympathize with her and care about her? Why or why not?
12. Cassidy had Dunbar; Trevor had Kendall. Both struggled to accept the presence of the other’s “friend” in their married life together. Is it possible for a married person to have a friend of the opposite sex without negatively affecting the marriage? Why or why not? How do you handle your spouse’s (or boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s) friendships with a person of the opposite sex?
13. What was your response to Clement’s advice about sex at the bachelor party? How do you apply Ephesians 5:28 to sexual intimacy? What experience have you had with power in a man’s hands—for good or for evil?
14. Oliver Toby advises Cassidy that while some memories are just that and safely left in the past, other memories can’t remain secret—because they can’t be handled alone. How do you discern when you can safely put a memory to rest versus bringing it into the light?
15. Do you agree or disagree with this statement—and why? “Cassidy had turned him away. So if her husband turned to Kendall, there was no one to blame but herself.”
16. Cassidy accepts pastoral counseling from Clement and Vivaca but strongly resists therapy. Why? What experience do you have with counseling or therapy? Were they Christian or non-Christian, positive or negative? Do you believe that seeking therapy (even from a nonbeliever) is beneficial? Why or why not?
17. What would you advise young women like Cassidy and Rave, who found themselves pregnant and without a supportive marriage partner? What options are available to such a woman? What seems good for her—and/or best for the child?
18. Second families—whether created through remarriage, foster care, or adoption—present complex politics, tensions, insecurities, and other challenges, for spouses and children alike. What experience do you have with such families? How have you navigated the challenges, and what sources of help have been available?
19. How has Cassidy’s inability to love herself obstructed her abilities in other areas (e.g., marriage, parenting, ministry)? How does Cassidy’s example shed new light on Jesus’ selection of “Love your neighbor as yourself” as the second greatest commandment?