Forgiven
Copyright © 2013 by Rebecca Brooke
Cover Design by Regina Wamba of Mae I Design
Editing by Ryn Hughes of Delphi Rose
Interior Design by Angela McLaurin of Fictional Formats
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used factiously, and any resemblance to any actual person, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owner.
All rights reserved.
To Eric for encouraging me to follow my dream.
“We find the defendant…not guilty.”
I heard a commotion all around me as the verdict was read. My mother grabbed a hold of me and pulled me into a hug. I looked to the other side of the aisle and saw the tears running down her face.
“You’ll get what you deserve Jacobs, mark my words,” he yelled.
As I began my long walk out of the courtroom I realized two things. One, I had to get out of this town or the memories would crush me. Two, I would never forgive myself for what happened that night…
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.
I woke up to the sound of my alarm going off in my ear, and I wondered how long it had been buzzing. The drunker I’d been the night before, the longer it took to wake me. That’s why I set it for an hour before I actually had to get up. I looked up and the clock said 08:46. I must not have had that bad of a night, but alcohol was the only thing that kept the nightmares away. I got up slowly, deciding I could work on some homework before I had to get to my first class. Luckily we were almost to midterms and before I knew it, it would be spring break.
As I looked through the syllabus for my history class I realized we had a project coming up. Shit, I hated projects. Usually it meant that I had to work with someone, but I preferred to keep to myself. Maybe Professor Rutledge would allow me to do the project alone. People always try to get to know you when you work in groups. I didn’t want people to know me, or anything about my past. My roommate seemed to be the only one that completely understood. I could tell he had a past of his own that he wanted to keep a secret. Thankfully the guys on the football team stopped asking me about it. I could hang out with them without having to answer a million questions—only took them two years to figure it out.
I went to the kitchen to get breakfast, to find Josh was already up. Come to think of it, he probably hadn’t gone to bed yet.
“Morning. How was your date with Amanda last night?” I asked.
“Fuck me, that girl has an amazing body, but
nothing
going on upstairs.” He rolled his eyes. “She makes for a great screw, but there is no way in hell that I can spend hours alone with her again when it isn’t in bed,” he answered.
“Wow, that good, huh? At least you’re not looking for anything permanent.” Josh usually only met girls at a party or a bar and went back to their house for a quick fuck. I had never seen him go on a date before. But the guys dared him to. Unfortunately for Josh, he had never ignored a dare in his life.
“Shit, I will never do that again! I’m going to bed. I went back to the bar after I left her apartment to try and drink away the memories.” He got up and started moving towards the hallway.
“Night. I’ll be out of here soon, because I have class in an hour. By the way, don’t fucking sleep through our work out today. Coach will kill you if you miss again.”
“I won’t, douche bag. I have class before workout anyway,” he said, flipping me off.
Yeah, like that was actually going to make a difference. Whatever Josh was hiding from had gotten worse over the last month or two. Going to class had become optional for him, and if he wasn’t careful he was going to lose his scholarship. My scholarship was the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning. I couldn’t afford to drop out of school. That would mean I would have to go home, and I just couldn’t face the memories.
“Do you want me to come back and pick you up?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
He surprised me when he answered, “Thanks for the offer man, but Andrew’s going to come get me.” He turned and walked down the hall.
I did some of the reading for chemistry before I jumped in the shower and got ready. I got to the class about fifteen minutes early hoping to catch the professor before she began her lecture. Luckily she was already there.
“Professor Rutledge, I know this is outside of your office hours, but I was wondering if I could talk to you about the project you are assigning today.”
“Of course, Mr. Jacobs, how can I help?” she asked without looking up.
“Well I noticed that the project requires us to work in pairs, but I was wondering if I could work alone?”
“I wish I could accommodate you Mr. Jacobs, however the class has an even number of students. You working alone would mean that another student would be without a partner. Besides, I have already assigned the pairs for the assignment.”
To be honest I didn’t give a shit if someone else had to work on the project alone—I just knew I couldn’t work with someone who would constantly try and invade my privacy. I understood they were just trying to be friendly, but it was still uncomfortable when they would tell me about themselves but I wouldn’t—actually couldn’t—reciprocate. Besides Josh, I mostly kept to myself. It even took me more than a year to hang out with my teammates. “Dr. Rutledge, I would just feel more comfortable working individually.”
Dr. Rutledge looked up from the desk. “I’m sorry, Mr. Jacobs, but there is nothing I can do. We all need to learn to work with others and this will be the perfect opportunity for you. Now if you will excuse me I have to start class.” She picked up a paper from the desk and started to move to the center of the room. “If you have any further questions you can see me during office hours.”