Forget Me When the Sun Goes Down (Forged Bloodlines Book 11) (25 page)

“Do you think it’s safe there?  What if Maeja decides to come after us?”

“I don’t think she will.  I don’t think she’ll want to go into Nell’s place just yet.  But we should leave town as soon as possible.”

“Fine by me,” Anja smiled, resting her head against his shoulder as he lifted her into his arms. 

Bishop held her close, a wave of barely leashed emotion washing over him as he realized how close he’d come to losing her.  He choked it down, afraid that if he let the smallest part of it loose, it’d explode everywhere.  There was time enough to show her how she’d hurt him.  First, he had to get her someplace safe, away from the deadly rays of the sun.   

Bishop carried me back to Nell’s house at super speed, so that I barely felt the warmth of the sun before we were safe in the darkened house.  Though I was capable of walking, thanks to Maeja’s blood, he carried me all the way up to the bedroom, as though I was made of glass.  He was gentle and tender with me, removing my ruined clothes and mopping up the blood with a damp towel, barely letting me do a thing for myself. 

I felt like a sleepy child being put to bed way after bedtime the way he dressed me and tucked me under the covers. 

“Do you need some of my blood?” he asked, even though I knew he must be beat.

“No, I think I just need to rest,” I replied, snuggling under the quilt.  “You’re sleeping in here with me, right?”

“Yeah, in a minute,” he said, picking up my bloody clothes and wrapping them up in the towel.  I should’ve noticed there was a nervous energy to his movements, but I was too wiped out to pick up on it. 

Instead, I stretched out on the bed, pleasantly drowsy.  “I’m glad everything worked out okay,” I sighed in contentment. 

“Okay?” He choked on the word, anger flaring.  “You went there to die, Anja.  How could you do that to me?  How could you possibly agree to go through with that obscene ritual?”  His hands clenched into tight fists until the knuckles stood out white against the skin, like he wanted to hit me for making him feel that way. 

I gaped at him, any words dying on my tongue in the face of his hurt.  He’d been so calm, so in control since I’d received Maeja’s blood, I’d been dumb enough to think that it’d erased the impotent fury I’d seen on his face as he’d pounded on the magical barrier.  Boy, was I stupid.  “I-I told you, I owed Jakob for taking my place in the ritual to break the curse.  It was my decision.”

“No, you’re wrong.  It’s not all about you.  Don’t you get what it’d do to me to lose you like that?”

“Like you said, everybody dies.  You’d recover, and...”

“I’d recover?” His face crumpled with disbelief, shaking his head as he gave a fast blink.  His fist jackhammered out, striking the wall in a shower of plaster that made me jump.  But when he spoke, his voice was quiet, almost soft.  “Yes, everybody dies, but you are not everybody,” he said slowly, carefully.  “Anja, you are
everything
to me.” 

“You just remember bits and pieces, you think...”

“I’m not talking about memories, I’m talking about what I feel.  I love you now, Anja.  Not what we were, not what we shared in the past. 
Now
.  I thought you loved me too.”

“I do love you.”  Apparently I’d seriously misjudged the depth of his feelings for me, and I hated that I’d been too chicken to get my memories back.  How could I make him understand I’d never wanted to hurt him?  “I just... I couldn’t take the idea of Jakob dying in my place.” 

“You couldn’t take the idea of Jakob dying in your place, but you had no trouble ripping my heart out?”  Bishop paced along the edge of the room, rubbing the back of his scalp, as if he couldn’t sit still for one instant. 

Climbing out of bed, I tried to get him to stop and look at me, but he wouldn’t quit pacing. “I wanted to do the right thing,” I said in a small voice, feeling hopelessly inept. 

“Doing the right thing means thinking of someone other than yourself when you make life or death decisions.  Because like it or not, you dying affects me.” 

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

“Well, you did.  This goes way beyond upset.”  Bishop sat on the edge of the bed, hands covering his face as if trying to wipe away the misery. 

“I’m sorry.”  I went to him, inserting myself between his legs to wrap my arms around him.  “I’m sorry,” I repeated, my voice throbbing with sincerity.  It killed me to see him like this, and it sliced me straight to the heart that I hadn’t given his feelings the weight they deserved.  “I didn’t want to hurt you.”  His arms coiled around my waist, burying his face against my middle as I held him.  “I wasn’t thinking straight, I guess.  I won’t do it again.”

“You’re damned right you won’t,” he growled, looking up at me with those green eyes blazing with possession.  “I might not remember much, but I know you’re mine, and I won’t lose you.  Not for Jakob or anyone else.”

“I know, I get it now.  I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, just don’t ever do that to me again.” 

“I won’t, I promise.” 

He didn’t simply accept that and let it go.  “I mean it, Anja.  I love that you’re a good, selfless person who puts others before herself, but I want you to remember this moment the next time you get one of these hare-brained ideas.  Remember that what you do affects me just as much as it affects you.” 

“I will,” I nodded.  “I do love you, Bishop.  I do.”  I kissed him then, eager to smooth away the pain.  His kiss was hungry, as if wanting to prove to himself that I was truly there, alive in his arms.  Despite the fact that the sun was already high in the sky, we came together with a mixture of desperation and tenderness. 

It was less about sexual fulfillment and more about a need to be whole in a way that only the two of us together could be.  For me, I wanted to show Bishop that I really did love him, and I think he felt the need to dominate me, to exert control when he’d felt so helpless before.  Or maybe it was to celebrate that we were both still together, and we’d fought to live another day.  I did feel much closer to him when we lay sated and panting in each other’s arms, the daylight beginning to take its toll. 

“It is sad about Nelleke though,” I said, sighing into his chest. 

“She should’ve let him die,” Bishop replied, his voice already sounding distant.  “She gave up her life, and for what?  So Jakob could keep throwing his weight around?  Jakob should feel ashamed for living at the expense of his daughter.”

“He didn’t know she was going to do that, he was unconscious.  Maeja’s the one who should feel ashamed.  If she’d given Jakob her blood in the first place, none of this would’ve happened.”

“Yeah, you’re right.  Let’s hope she’s figured that out and doesn’t hold a grudge.”

I was too tired to think of all the ways she could make our lives a living hell if she did.  Instead, I sank into a deep, dreamless sleep, safe in Bishop’s arms. 

* * *

Bishop wasn’t there when I woke, but with Mason and Hanna sleeping peacefully next door, I tried not to worry that it was a bad sign.  Jakob wasn’t in his room either, but I found him downstairs, sitting at the kitchen table by an empty cup, staring off into space.

“Hi.  Do you know where Bishop got off to?” I asked, putting the kettle on to make us each a fresh cup of tea. 

“He went off to hunt in the woods.  He cares not for sheep’s blood.”

“Oh.”  That made sense.  I’d probably be hungrier myself if I hadn’t had some of his blood the night before during sexy time.  “And how are you feeling?” I asked, taking a seat opposite him.

“I am as I was before.  Fine and strong, and utterly alone in the world,” he said with a heavy sigh that didn’t feel like he was having a pity party; he truly believed it. 

“You’re not alone, Jakob.” 

His lips twitched into a faint smile.  “That is kind of you to say, but I know very well that I am.  You will soon depart with Bishop, Carys could not be troubled to save my life, my daughter is gone, and her mother wishes me dead.  I think you’d have to agree that I am, indeed, alone.”

“You don’t have to be.  There’s no reason why you can’t make a connection with someone.  Get out there, meet some new people.  Not people who are obligated to you by blood, but people who want to be around you for yourself.”

He shook his head.  “I have spent my life surrounding myself with those who are obligated to me by blood, as you said.  There is a reason why I do so.  You would not have stayed with me if I hadn’t turned you, petal.” 

But I hadn’t stayed with him even after he turned me, had I?  “I’m sorry, it’s hard for me to comment when I don’t remember that part of my life.  Do you?”  He certainly spoke as if he did.

“Yes, my memory has been restored.”

“It has?”  I brightened at that.  With Nelleke gone, I’d already been selfishly thinking we’d be stuck remembering our lives bit by bit.  “How did you manage that?”

“I went to see the local wisewoman.  She gave me a draught that restored my mind.” 

“That sounds easy enough.”  All I could think was I wouldn’t shy away from the opportunity to get my memories back again.  I wanted those memories, both good and bad.  I didn’t want to make another mistake and hurt Bishop again.

“It was harder than you would think.”

I got up to pour out the hot water as the kettle began to whistle.  “What do you mean?  Was it gross?  Did it make you gag?” My face twisted in sympathy.

“No, I meant only that reliving so many years, so many choices, so many consequences... it was not an easy thing.  It’s time to rethink my life.  My purpose.”

“What was your purpose before?”

He let out a short bark of laughter.  “I had none but my own pleasure.” 

“Then you’re right, this is probably a good time for self reflection,” I allowed, adding the tea to steep.  “Where will you go now?”

“I will stay on and be here for Maeja for the time being.”

That was a surprise.  “I thought she wanted you dead?”

“She does, and I would be a willing target for that anger, to help leech it from her body.  Maeja needs someone, just as I do.  For the moment, we are all that each other has.  I shall try to help her try to make another connection as you said.  Otherwise, I fear she will never leave this vale again.”

It seemed out of character for the Jakob I knew, in my limited experience.  Maybe he had sincerely changed?  “How long will you stay?”

“As long as she needs me to.  I owe her this.” 

I was silent as I poured out the tea through the strainer, setting the fragrant brew before each of us.  It was sad that it took Nelleke dying to prompt this kind of change, but I respected him for taking his second chance at life seriously.  I intended to do the same.  I also didn’t want him to feel like he was alone in the world, even if we’d be leaving him behind. 

Covering his hand as it reached for his mug, I gave it a squeeze.  “Jakob, I’m glad you’re rethinking the man you want to be, but I want you to know that we’re still family.  If you need me for anything, anything at all, just call me, and I’ll come.  Unless it’s to be a sacrifice for something, because I got my butt handed to me for volunteering last night.  I’m definitely not allowed to do something like that again,” I added with a rueful grin that he returned.

“Yes, I heard.”

“You did?”

“You were not discreet, both in your argument, and in your reconciliation.”

My ears got suddenly hot.  “Sorry,” I mumbled, shifting uncomfortably in my chair. 

“Don’t be,” he chuckled, patting my hand before he raised the mug to his lips.  “Bishop is right.  You shouldn’t have made such a foolhardy decision.  If I’d been conscious, I never would’ve allowed it.”  He took a careful sip of the hot brew.  “That being said, I appreciate the sentiment.  You may ask a boon of me, anything you desire.”

“A boon?  I didn’t do it for any favors.”

“Still, you have only to ask.”

A boon from Jakob?  The mind boggled.  “Ask me again after I have my memory back.”   

Bishop decided that he wanted to see the spell in action before he agreed to try himself, and he wouldn’t allow me to be the guinea pig either.  Even though I argued that it’d worked fine on Jakob, he was leery of trusting anyone in the village after word spread of Nelleke’s death.  Never mind the fact that news had also traveled of Jakob’s return, and the people followed him around like children wherever he went. 

Hanna was only too happy to volunteer though, and we gathered at the wisewoman’s house, which looked just like any of the other houses in town, no mud thatched hut or furniture made of bones.  The potion was bubbling over the fire in a cast iron cauldron though, how shiny was that?  I narrowly resisted the urge to take a picture of it with my phone. 

Jakob was there to translate, though Bishop understood most of the Norwegian dialect.  At the woman’s direction, Hanna sat in the middle of a heavily embroidered cloth with runes stitched into the sides.  She smudged the air around Hanna with a fragrant bundle of burning herbs, chanting something under her breath in a singsong voice.  And then it was time for her to drink the brew, it was as simple as that. 

“Bottoms up,” Hanna said with a nervous smile, saluting the rest of us with her cup before she drank it down.  Her throat worked as she swallowed, and she looked almost disappointed when she got to the bottom.  “That wasn’t so ba....” Hanna’s eyes drooped and she swayed where she sat, nearly falling over before she recovered her balance.  “Wowsa, that packs quite a punch,” she murmured, her hand going to her head.  And then she passed out. 

Mason raced forward to catch her, but I was closer and faster.  I caught her in my arms, lowering her gently to the floor.  “Is this supposed to happen?” I asked Jakob, who didn’t look the least bit worried. 

“Yes, I also lost consciousness.”

“You might’ve mentioned that before,” Mason grumbled, frowning over my shoulder.  “How long will she be out for?”

Hanna’s eyelids flickered and then flew open.  “Anja?  What?”  She tried to sit up, but then fell back again, holding her head with a wince.  Her eyes squeezed shut, her breathing erratic as she trembled in my arms.  I was just about to ask if
this
part was normal when she opened her eyes again.  “Oh, sweet Mary... that was rough.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay,” she groaned, shifting to a more comfortable position.  “It’s just... a lot to process.  God, I...”  She swallowed uncomfortably.  “Some of it I’d almost rather have forgotten permanently, you know?  Oh, you don’t know, do you?”  Her expression changed, lips pressing into a grim line.  “Shit, you’d better brace yourself, Anja.  Not all of the past has been rainbows and lollipops.”

Cool beans on toast. 

Before I could ask her what she meant, she looked around the room.  “Mason?” she called out.

“Right here, kitten,” he smiled.  “Welcome back.”

I realized I was in the way of their reunion.  “Oh, here you go.”  I transferred her into Mason’s waiting arms, stepping out of the way as they spoke quietly. 

Bishop gave me a hand up, his face drawn with concern.  “Are you okay?”

“Me?  Of course, why wouldn’t I be?  My sister’s warning about the past wasn’t scary at all.”

“You knew there’d be loss, it’s why you didn’t want to recover those memories in the first place.”

“I know, but being reminded of them isn’t what I’d call reassuring either.” 

He rubbed the small of my back with soothing circles.  “Look on the bright side.”

“What bright side?”

“That.”  He pointed to Mason and Hanna, who sat in the corner of the room in deep conversation.  Hanna looked at Mason with a mixture of love and hunger, and then they were kissing like there was no one else in the room. 

“They really do belong together, don’t they?”  This was what eternity should be, the best of vampire love between Sire and progeny, together forever.

“He loves her a lot,” Bishop agreed.

“She loves him too.”

“That’s all that matters.”  He reached for my hand, giving it a squeeze.  “Are you ready to get our memories back now?”

“I need to do something first.”

“What’s that?” 

Ignoring his frown, I let go of his hand, leaning up on my toes to kiss him deeply.  “I love you, Bishop.  Whatever we end up remembering, I just want you to know that.”

“I love you too, Anja,” he whispered, brushing his lips over mine for a tender kiss. 

Twining my fingers through his, I turned to Jakob.  “Okay, we’re ready.  Can we do the spell together?”

A brief exchange between Jakob and the wisewoman came with an affirmative answer, and Bishop and I sat on the cloth, our knees touching.  The smudging started all over again, and I gripped Bishop’s hands tightly, my stomach burbling with nerves like a kettle on the stove.  And then it was time to drink.

The brew didn’t smell bad, but it didn’t smell good either.  The unlikely mixture of cinnamon and rosemary coming through the strongest, along with something that smelled like moss.  I took advantage of my vampire physiology and didn’t breathe at all as I choked it down.  Luckily, there was no desire to retch at all, it stayed down easily enough, and I started to think this seemed like a way easier spell than Nelleke’s stink bomb version.   

And then it hit me – a wave of dizziness that ambushed me like the ocean behind my back.  It receded quickly, but then reached out to drag me into the darkness with it, and I fought the sensation, my eyes flaring with panic to see Bishop sway before me.  “Bishop!” I got out before everything went dark. 

I came to all at once, as if someone had flipped a switch inside my head, and in a way they had.  The memories came flooding in at super speed, like I was downloading them from a computer. 

Every nightmare I’d had as a kid about mudmen coming to get me.  The ash that fell from Lee’s cigarette when we found his body.  Waking up in the morgue completely paralyzed and in the dark.  Watching Evan die in my arms.  Standing over Carys as she bled onto the floor.  My first kiss behind the equipment shed at summer camp.  Waking up to see Bishop smiling at me from under a tent of blankets. 

Slamming Rob against the wall hard enough to crack his ribs.  The look on Bishop’s face before he’d left me at the airport in England.  Kissing Rob in the rain.  The agony of watching Volkov torture Rob with a white hot poker.  Being shot in the chest and plunging into nothingness.  Driving the spear of Odin into Lodinn’s thigh.  The weight of Gunnar’s body fading as he turned to ash above me.  Playing hide and go seek with Bishop and letting him catch me. 

The memories came with no rhyme or reason, and I tried my best to let them wash over me and ride it out, but every death hit me especially hard.  Evan, Lee, Gunnar, Marcus, Ellie, Fisher, even Scotty and Isak. 

I let out a keening cry, unable to contain it all.  “So much death,” I sobbed, willing the memories to stop, but they kept coming.

“Easy, petal,” Jakob crooned, and I understood he held me in his arms.  Where was Bishop?  I couldn’t stop crying, the well of pain seemed bottomless, but I was able to look down and see Bishop lying on the cloth, curled up in the fetal position, rocking himself.  It was enough to cut through the haze of pain, and I reached for his hand, clasping it tightly.  He lay there, unable to do more than clutch my hand.  Whatever memories I had to process from my twenty-three year life were nothing compared to the four hundred and sixty-six years he’d been alive. 

I took in a shuddering breath, pulling myself together and attempting to escape Jakob’s hold.

“Rest now, Anja,” he said softly, but I still resisted. 

“Bishop needs me,” I insisted, pulling myself free and going to his side to take him in my arms.  “Shh, it’s okay, Bishop.  I know it’s a lot.”  I could only imagine what he must be reliving, given his years of violence working in the Order, not to mention all the heartache Carys had put him through.  “It’s okay, I’m here.”  Tears still slipped from my eyes, but it was easier to deal with having someone else to focus on. 

“Anja?” he said, his voice sounding hoarse. 

“I’m right here,” I whispered, kissing his forehead.  “I’ve got you.”

“So much...”

“I know.  It’ll be okay though, I promise.”

We held each other, both lost to the past, and gradually it got easier to push those memories back where they belonged.  I realized we were alone in the wisewoman’s house, I hadn’t even noticed when the others left.  

“Are you alright?” Bishop asked, startling me out of my train of thought.

“I think so.  Are you?”  I did feel like my old self again, maybe a little down, but not trying to claw my way out of the pit of despair anymore.

“I will be, as long as we’re together.”  He pulled back to look at me.  “We are, aren’t we?”  He looked so earnest, as if the fate of the world depended on my answer.

“That all depends.  Are you still refusing to watch the
Sharknado
marathon on Netflix?”

Bishop shook his head, the hint of a smile playing over his lips before he looked up at the rafters.  “Ah well, it was good while it lasted,” he sighed.  “Do you think your sister would go out with me?”

I’d been hoping for a brief smile, but this was even better.  Maybe we really would be okay?  I resisted the urge to smack him in the shoulder for that sister crack, playing along.  “Sure, now that she digs vampires.  Of course, that leaves Mason up for grabs.  I wonder if his offer to go dancing is still open,” I pretended to consider.

“Fine, I’ll watch the stupid shark storm, but I won’t like it,” he said with a disgruntled huff that made me smile.

“As long as you love me, that’s all that matters.”

“To the stars and back,” he said, finding his smile as he leaned in to kiss me. 

It was different kissing him this time.  A strange mixture of the new excitement I’d felt over the past few days, and the deep and abiding love that’d grown between us over the last year.  He felt it too, I could tell by the way he held me, and the familiar slide of his tongue against mine; the way he nibbled on my bottom lip and the underside of my jaw that always drove me insane with want. 

I understood now how profoundly we were connected, and how it all fit together.  I could honestly say, there was no one else I’d rather spend eternity with.  On the heels of that realization came a flicker of guilt over my “marriage” to Rob.

Bishop somehow picked up on the change in my mood, bringing the kiss to a close.  “What’s the matter?”

“I was just thinking about some of the assumptions we made at the Montana house.” 

Discomfort rippled across his face.  “Let’s forget that ever happened.  I made some bad assumptions myself.”

“Did you and Carys ever...?”

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

“I wouldn’t be angry if you had.  I mean, it’d be understandable.”  Okay, so I’d hate it with a fiery passion, but I didn’t want there to be any secrets between us.  This felt like a new start.

“What part of not talking about it is unclear?  I’m not asking if you slept with Rob.”  He was good and angry now, and I realized that was the part he didn’t want to think about – Rob and me.

“I didn’t,” I said quickly, and a light of relief swept over his features. 

“You didn’t?”

“No, of course not.  I mean, I might’ve if things hadn’t unraveled the way they did, but...”

The frown came back with a vengeance.  “Yeah, that’s a direction I’m trying to steer my head away from.  Hence the not talking about it.”

“I’m sorry.  I just wanted you to know.  There were a few kisses, and I gave him some of my blood.”

“Anja...”

“Sorry.  Not talking about it anymore.”  I made a show of zipping my lip, locking it and tossing the key away.  “But, um... you and Carys?”

“I didn’t sleep with her either.  There were a few kisses, and she wanted to...”

“Got it,” I cut him off, covering his mouth with my hand.  “New topic.”

“New topic,” he repeated, taking a deep breath.  “Where do we go from here?”

I knew the answer, but I didn’t reply right away, singing along with the
Buffy
musical lyrics in my head for a few bars first.  “I’ve been thinking a lot about my parents lately, before all this craziness went down.  I want to see them again.” 

“They won’t know you,” he warned.

“I don’t care, I still want to see them.”  I had no idea where they even were other than “safe”.  “Can you take me to them?”

“Sure, I can do that,” Bishop agreed, kissing the back of my hand.  “If you want to spend your birthday with your folks, then that’s what we’ll do.”

“Oh right, I almost forgot about that.  And where would that be?”

“It’s a surprise.”