Forget Me (Hampton Harbor) (26 page)

I nod. "I've been trying to find my place here, I have. I just...
I can't do it."

"Then don't," Jason tells me. "The divorce papers
are still being processed. We signed the paperwork in June, and it should be
finalized mid-September. I've come to peace with it, especially now. I was
bitter before, but now that I've had the last week with you, I have
closure."

"Me too," I say.

"What are you going to do now?" He drops my hands and
leans back on his heels.

"I'm going to tell my family over dinner on Saturday, and
then I'm going to Chicago."

"Chicago?" he asks.

"First I’m going to see our son, and then I’m going to get a
fresh start."

Saturday evening comes much quicker than I would have liked. I
spent the past few days packing up all of my things. Some we put in a storage
unit until I have a place of my own. It makes sense that Jason should keep the
house; I have no intention of staying in Clinton Hills. I never have. I got a
temporary license from the DMV, and I’m finally able to get my car from the
garage and drive myself around. I must have taken a plane and taxis to get
myself to Maine, or maybe a Greyhound bus. My memories of that are still fuzzy.

Jason and I pull into my mom and Ted's in separate cars, but we
walk up to the front door hand in hand. I finally remember the meetings with
the lawyers before my accident, before I left Clinton Hills. We had been
hateful and mean to each other, arguing over pointless things. Now we are a
united front. We split our money evenly and had the lawyers draw up a revised
divorce settlement. I went to the school and told my principal that I won't be
back next year. Jason and Beth helped me pack up my classroom and put the items
into storage, in case I ever to decide to start teaching again. I can finally
remember just how much I love it.

"Jason and Melissa are here," my
mom
trills when she opens the door. 

I drop his hand as we walk past her and into the living room,
where the rest of my family is waiting. Robbie is there with his girlfriend,
Sarah, and I give them both a hug.  My memories have all melded together
now, except for the few weeks before the accident, so I greet them like I know
them. Because I do.

Ted's two daughters from his previous marriage are there, both of
them are still college age and seem too caught up in their phones to notice me,
but I give them short hugs even so. 

"Dinner is ready, so every one into the dining room," my
mom says loudly. 

I pass by pictures of my brother and I as children, and it’s the
one true sign of love I've ever really seen from my mother. Despite her harsh
words and controlling nature, she has always had a softness for our childhood.
She has our school pictures all over the house, and keepsakes from when we were
babies. Newspaper clippings from the day we were born, our christening gowns,
baby shoes, and so on. I know all of this is kept in boxes in the guest room,
and that sometimes she goes through these items when she thinks no one is
around.

I pause at a glass case filled with various snow globes. Many were
purchased from the different places my mom has traveled, and several were gifts
from friends. It hits me now. I was looking at that snow globe in Hampton
Harbor because of my mom. It would have been a sure way to let her know that I
still loved her, and that I was thinking about her. Now I can work on telling
her that.

We move into the dining room and sit around the dining room table.
It’s set with a feast of pot roast, potatoes, green beans, and fresh baked
bread.

I waste no time, standing up after everyone has been seated, and I
clear my throat. I almost feel as though I should clink a glass to get their
attention, but this isn't a toast.

"I remember almost everything now," I say. My mom shoots
a worried glance at Ted, and Robbie coughs uncomfortably. "Even my
divorce."

Jason stands up beside me now.

"We're going to move forward with it," Jason says,
setting a hand on my shoulder. "Mel finished moving her things out of the
house yesterday."

My mom seems flustered. "Where will you go? You can stay
here." Her voice is shrill.

"You know I can't do that," I tell her. "I can't
stay here. I'm not sure where I'm going yet, but I'm going to start with
Chicago."

"You can stay with me," Robbie says quickly. "I
have the extra bedroom now that my roommate is gone. My new roommate doesn't
move in until October first."

That gives me over two months.

"That would be great," I say with a genuine smile.

"I wish you wouldn't do this," my mom says.

"I need to," I say, but my words are mainly directed at
my mom. "And I think you know that I need to do this. I was never meant to
stay here. I need to be free."

Ted nods and I think that my mom is going to slap him.

Everyone in the room is looking at her, waiting for her reaction,
as though it’s the most important one. Whatever she says, it won't change my
decision.

"Will you at least visit?" she asks.

"Yes," I say, and then I think of something. "If
you promise to start visiting
your
 parents."

Her eyes widen. "I'll consider it."

"I guess that's all I can ask," I say with a nod.
"Let's eat."

Five days later, my
car is packed with the necessities and I'm leaning against the passenger side,
caught in a long hug with Beth. 

"You better call me at least three times a week," she
says through tears. "And text every day."

She whispers in my ear. "And when you get back to Maine, I
want you to send me a picture of your hunk."

I nod against her, even though I'm not sure whether or not I'm
even going to Maine. Will basically asked me to give up on him, and made it
sound like he has already decided to give up on me.

I say goodbye to my mom next. The hug is awkward and the words
few.

“You really will visit, right?” she asks me.

I nod. I felt nervous about agreeing to this at dinner the other
night, but I know that it’s something I need to do. If I don’t, I will be doing
to her what she did to Charles and Marie all these years. I can’t put her
through what they went through.

Last, I say goodbye to Jason.

"Thanks," I say to him when I pull away from a hug.

"For what?" he cocks his head at me.

"For all the good times, and the bad," I say so only he
can hear. "For helping me grow, and knowing when to let me go."

He smiles and pulls me in for another hug. "Then thanks to
you, too."

He kisses my cheek gently and I bite back tears, feeling the
smallest urge to fall into his arms and forget about my move to Chicago.

Robbie called me just this morning. He cleared out the guest
bedroom for me, which had been converted into a game room for him and his
friends. I'm going to stay with him until I figure out what I want to do, but
he assured me that I can take as long as I need. I’m not sure how I feel about
living with my baby brother, but I know we’ll make it work.

I slip into the car before I make any rash decisions, and honk the
horn as I pull out of the driveway. Beth, my mom, and Jason all wave from the
driveway, and fresh tears drip onto my cotton dress. I press a tissue to my
cheeks. Earlier I placed a box on the passenger seat, knowing it would be an
emotional drive out of town and west.

I drive slowly through my neighborhood, and then through town. I
wave at Mr. Yoder, the hardware store owner. I pass the Clinton Corner Cafe. I
drive past the cornfields and over the bridge I sat under not too long ago.
Soon I find the highway and head west, already seeing signs for Chicago.

It feels nice to have my memories back, and to know who Melissa is
again. I also feel parts of Jane seeping through me, and instead of fighting
against the two, trying to find a middle
ground,
I
have found comfort in knowing that they can both coexist. Finally, I'm
following my heart.

I've been living
with Robbie for over two months now. I found a job as a waitress in a
restaurant downtown, so I've been able to help him pay the rent. I've been to
see Ethan twice since moving here, and once Jason drove out to visit him with
me. I've been back to Clinton Hills twice to visit, and it feels good to have
the tension gone.

"Hey sis, what's taking so long?" Robbie yells from the
living room.

I grab the bowls of popcorn and leave the kitchen.

"You know I like my popcorn seasoned just right," I respond.

I plop onto the couch and Robbie browses through his collection of
DVDs. We try to watch a movie together once a week, just to stay connected.

"I think it's time for a classic movie. I say we
either go with comedy and
watch Tommy Boy. Or go with just
plain awesome and watch Good Will Hunting."

Tommy Boy.

I think of the first date I had with Will, when he mentioned it
was his favorite movie. Now that my memories are back, I know that it’s one of
my favorite movies too.

 
"Good Will
Hunting for sure. I can't have you quoting Tommy Boy for the next month."

“Oh my God! We’re burning alive!” Robbie yells suddenly.

I throw a piece of popcorn at him.

Robbie puts in the movie and settles back on the couch.

"I love this movie," he says through a mouth full of popcorn.
"Young Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. And the end, the end is my
favorite."

"Do you always have to critique the end of a movie
before
we watch it?" I ask him.
"I mean, at least I've seen this one, but you've ruined at least five
movies since I've moved here."

"The ending makes the whole rest of the movie." He
throws his hands in front of him. "I gotta go see about a girl."

He puts on his best Boston accent, which sounds more like he just
has a burnt tongue.

"I mean, he moves across country to find a girl, you should
find that romantic and all."

"I might if I had a chance to watch the movie." I glare
at him.

"Okay, okay." He shoves more popcorn into his mouth.

Fifteen minutes later he is at it again.

"I mean, wouldn't you want a guy to do that for you? Could
imagine Minnie Driver's face when he shows up?"

"Maybe she is already dating someone else," I point out.
"Maybe she doesn't want to be with him anymore."

"But at least he took a chance," Robbie responds.

He’s quiet again, and I know I have maybe another fifteen minutes
before he starts yapping again. His words settle into my brain and stir up
thoughts I've tried to avoid since moving to Chicago.

At least he took a
chance.

I didn't take a chance. I could have jumped on a plane the second
I left Clinton Hills and could have been in Hampton Harbor by dinner. But I
didn't. Will didn't exactly come after me, I've said to Beth and myself several
times since summer.

"But he doesn't
think there is anything to come to,"
Beth reminds me
over and over.
"He isn't going to
show up on your doorstep, knowing you’re married, and try to sweep you off your
feet. Does he even know you are practically divorced?"

Actually divorced now. I’ve officially been single for twenty-five
days.

I haven't spoken to Will since our phone conversation in July, on
the same day I learned about my divorce. I've spoken to Marie a few times for
short conversations, but every time she asks about Jason or mom or what I’m
doing, I avoid it. I just tell her that I am taking time to heal.

"See, look at this." Robbie's exclamations pull me out
of my thoughts. The movie is on the scene in the bar, where Matt Damon shows up
a Harvard student with his smart talk and goes home with the girl's number.

"Now that you know the end, doesn't it make this all better,"
Robbie says.

"We don't even know if he gets the girl," I repeat.

Robbie rolls his eyes. "I bet he does.” He checks his phone.
“Oh, by the way, mom wants to come in for your birthday this weekend."

I sigh. I'm turning
twenty five
tomorrow
and the last thing I need is for anyone to make a big deal out of my birthday.
I've already received a card from Jason and Beth, just simple Happy Birthday
statements. 

"I would tell her not to come but she'll drive out here
anyway," I say.

Robbie just nods his head.

My phone chirps in my pocket, the signal for a text message. I
pull it out of my pocket, watching Matt Damon ask the cocky bar guy if he likes
apples. My eyes flick to the screen of my phone and my heart stops. Will's name
flashes above a short text.