Forever (This #5) (23 page)

The thought makes me think of Joe and how pained he’s been watching me prance around with Ryan, the night he’d begged me to choose him in October and his eyes last night when he asked me not to leave him again. Ryan’s reaction is so different. It’s more like he’s humiliated or embarrassed. I hold my torso. “I don’t know what else to say other than what I have.”

“Then how about don’t say anything else. Because, frankly, everything out of your mouth pisses me off even more than I already am. And I didn’t think it was possible to be any more irritated than I already was.”

I open my mouth about to say something like, “Got it,” but think better of it. Instead, I nod my head.

He puts the shift in gear and pulls to the gate. “There should be a pass for Sam Gerhart.”

The tall guard nods. “Yes, Mrs. Banks just called it in. Place this on your dashboard or mirror the entire time you’re in the community, and enjoy your visit.”

Ryan nods.

No need to be rude to the guard. I lean over so he can see me. “Thank you.”

He smiles back. “My pleasure.” He pushes the button for the gate.

As it opens, Ryan guns the gas, and I remember him asking me not to speak again as my body is pushed against the seat.

A minute longer of this, and I’ll be free for a bit to actually think, to talk to my sister, and then to talk to Joe. When we pull up to Gabby’s, Ryan doesn’t even enter the driveway. The yard is right outside of my door. He pulls to a stop and never looks at me. “Goodbye, Sam.”

My chest hurts. This is why I told Joe no after the ghost tour. I didn’t want it to be like this. “Be careful driving back.” I reach into the backseat and pull my overnight bag and my coat. “Seriously. I know you’re angry.”

His face reddens. “I really need you to get the fuck out of this vehicle.”

“Bye, Ryan.” I pull the latch on the door and step into my sister’s yard as his wheels squeal back into the street. Maybe I should have waited until we got back to Macon before I told him. This was selfish of me. This was me wanting time with Joe before I left.

“Sam?” I turn around and see Gabby standing on the sidewalk, her arms wrapped around her shivering body. My eyes wander to Bradley, who’s standing at the door. Gabby takes a step closer. “What’s going on?”

I inhale a deep breath and walk to her. “I’ll tell you when we get inside. It’s freezing out here.”

She takes my bag and hangs it on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Ryan clearly isn’t okay.”

I stare at Bradley.

He moves to the side. “Sam. Didn’t think we’d be seeing you again so soon. Welcome back.”

“I hope I’m not imposing.”

He shakes his head. “Never.”

“Thank you.”

He closes the door behind us, and Gabby puts my bag down, then hangs my coat on the wall hooks. “So, I take it you and Ryan had a fight? Is he coming back?”

I sit on the couch and put my hands between my thighs, hoping to warm them. “We broke up. He’s not coming back.”

Bradley inhales audibly. “I’m gonna go out for a few things we need from the store.” He points to the garage. “Give y’all some girl time.” He leans down and kisses Gabby. “You need anything?”

“Make sure we have ice cream. Cookies and Cream and Mint Chocolate Chip, please.”

He smiles in my direction. “You need anything?”

I shake my head. “What she said. Other than that, I’m good. Thanks, though.”

After I hear the door to the garage close, I exhale. “I think you were right. I’m in love with Joe.”

She coughs and laughs. “You just think?”

“Yeah. I mean, it could just be lust. I’ve not even kissed him. What if he’s a terrible kisser?”

Gabby giggles. “I somehow don’t see that being the case.”

I grin as my insides flip like a giddy teenager. This is lust. “I can’t wait to find out.”

“Why are you here then?” Her eyes widen and her mouth drops. “You didn’t tell Ryan, did you?”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah. Hence the wheels peeling out of your street. He’s pretty pissed.” I shrug. “Rightfully so. Anyway, I didn’t think it’d be a good idea to have him take me to Joe’s.”

“Uh. No.”

“I have no idea how I’m going to get back home. Luckily, I don’t have to work again for a couple of days.”

“You know I can take you back. It’s not a big deal.”

“I hate to ask you to do that. It’s a lot of driving.”

“I’m out of school. I’d love to have the extra time to chat with you.”

I smile. “Me too. This weekend was a bit crazy. Fun, but crazy.”

“Did you actually have a good time considering your current confession?”

“Eh. It was okay. Lots of cookies and hot chocolate. A girl can’t complain about that.”

“Ha. True!” Gabby gets up. “C’mon. You can borrow my car. Go see Joe. We can catch up on everything when I take you home.”

I thought she’d never offer. “Thank you. Really. I can’t thank you enough.” I frown. “I don’t even know where he is, how to get there, or…” God. What if he’s with Rebecca? What if they’re… “If he even wants to see me.”

“Give me a minute.” She walks into the kitchen, then comes back a few minutes later. “I just texted him for you. He’s at his lake house, which isn’t far from here. Give me your phone and I’ll put the address in your GPS.”

I hand her my cell. “Do you happen to know if he’s alone?”

“I didn’t ask about that. And I didn’t ask if he wanted to see you. I just asked where he was.”

“Because that’s not suspicious or anything.”

“Just go. What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“He’s in bed with Rebecca, never wants to see my face again, and I get to live the rest of my days knowing I made the biggest mistake of my life. No biggie. No pressure.” Although, breaking up with Ryan wasn’t a mistake. This weekend proved we’re not right for each other. I can’t have regrets over that.

She shifts her weight between legs and looks at me like I’ve grown a second or maybe even a third head. “I don’t think that’s gonna be the case.”

“I hope not.”

“Why are you still here?”

“Because I’m terrified. And procrastinating. And did I mention terrified?”

“Taylor Swift says the words you keep yourself from saying are the very ones that will haunt you the longest.”

“Girl is wise beyond her years.”

“Yeah. I think the words you need to say to Joe have haunted you long enough.”

My mind goes back to that Charleston trip, to the night we spent with the spirits. “Love you, Gab…by. Damn Ian for screwing up that nickname. I miss calling you Gabs.”

“I think we’re all over Ian. In fact, Ian who? If you want to call me Gabs, I’m good with that.”

“Thank God. Um. When do you need your car back?”

“Would you quit worrying and just go.”

“Okay. Love you.” I open the door to the garage and wave as I walk to get into the car Bradley bought her for her birthday after the whole ‘I found your long lost father’ fiasco. It’s a silver Honda Accord Coupe. Fully loaded. Leather seats. Super nice. I may get spoiled driving this. No. I will get spoiled driving this.

“Good luck.”

“Thanks. I may never bring your car back.”

She laughs. “I hope you don’t bring it back tonight.” She winks. “Get outta here.”

With those words, I buckle myself in and hold on to the steering wheel as I back it out of her garage. Too bad there isn’t a safety belt for my heart. I fear it’s on a crash course to being broken.

I pull in the driveway of Joe’s lake house. My hand pushes the gear into park, my fingers switch the keys to the ignition, and I grasp the steering wheel before I open the car and get out, saying a silent prayer Rebecca doesn’t answer the door. I shake my head. She sure is the subject of a lot of my prayers over the last twenty-four hours. For a minute, I wonder if I’d like her if she weren’t involved with the two men I love.

Joe opens the door before I even ring the bell. “Hey.” He looks me up and down.

“Hi.” I want to say more, but my body freezes. He’s still pale, has dark circles under his eyes, and his dark hair is a mess. “Were you expecting someone?” My eyes search his. Even though he’d look sexy no matter what, my heart squeezes to the point it hurts. Is this because of me? Did I do this to him on the stairs? I just saw him a few hours ago. How is it he looks like this so quickly? “You look...” I want to say terrible, but he doesn’t.

He leans his body against the door. Clearly he isn’t going anywhere. His jeans hang from his hips, giving a slight glimpse of his gray boxers. He’s not wearing a shirt, which reveals a smattering of short, trimmed hair over his bare chest. His nipples are erect and tiny bumps erupt from his naturally tanned skin.

Breathe, Sam.

My eyes wander further down to the way his hips cut into a perfect V like a perfectly sculpted action figure with all the clothing stripped away. I’d compare him to a Ken doll, but I draw in a breath when I think about Barbie. Joe’s too beautiful to be Ken, and I’m not nearly plastic enough to be her. Maybe this was a bad idea.

He clears his throat, and my eyes fixate on his hips as my tongue darts out. I exhale the air I’ve been holding in my lungs. It meets with the cold, dry December atmosphere, and condensation fills the space between our bodies like rain hitting the blacktop during a summer storm.

Ryan’s hips make this formation, too, but there’s something about Joe’s that has warmth radiating throughout my body and a dull ache growing between my legs. I gulp as I point my head toward his body. “You’re gonna catch a cold like that.”

He stares at me, his lips curving into a small smirk. “What do you want, Sam?”

“Are you alone?”

“No. Yes.”

I gulp. “Oh.” My fingers grasp the “Hers” ring of Gabby’s keychain like it’s a life preserver, and I’m Leonardo DiCaprio facing a certain death. One either by drowning because my lungs are filling with too much air again. Or by freezing because I’m so cold my muscles are paralyzed. “I should go then.” He shakes his head. His hand connects with my fidgeting one, and he squeezes it as I push it away. Tears threaten the backs of my eyes. My chest starts to rise and fall in rapid succession. “Please don’t.”

He doesn’t release my hand. The touch is like ice on a burn. The nerves explode in a symphony of confused melodies and harmonies that contradict each other. It’s excruciating, yet invigorating. It feels like medicine, but it’s poison. “Why are you here?”