Forever Red (18 page)

I bit back my retort and glanced down at the textbook in front of me. Missy didn’t take the hint and shut her mouth. “Hmm. I wonder who it was then.”

Ally snorted. “I’d say the possibilities are endless with her low standards, but we both know she’s running out of fresh meat.”

“Fuck,” Cook, a tight end, murmured. “If this is what chicks do all the fucking time, I’m happy I’m single.”

“It’s not,” Hebert, a safety, assured him. “Only a crusty cunt that can’t get a man of her own talks shit like that.”

I opened my mouth to defend them – not because I liked either of them, but because he’d taken it too far – when Ally waved her hand at him. “Whatever. I can say nice things, too.” Lifting her pen to her lips, she chewed the cap slowly. “At least she’s lost some weight. She was gross.”

“She was perfect,” I ground out, slamming my book shut. Before I could say anything else, my phone beeped with an incoming text.

QB
: Lee called 2 office. Not good.

I ran out of the room, leaving everything but my phone. No. They hadn’t sent anyone to war yet so there was no way in hell that something had happened to her dad. Unless, they had and that’s why he hadn’t called.

I came to a screeching halt, sliding around the corner in a move that would have been cool had I not been so worried just in time to see Lia drop her books and go bounding into a man’s arms. They closed around her tightly as he lifted her into the air. I couldn’t see his face, but he was wearing jeans and a hoody so I knew it couldn’t be her dad. When I heard her sobs, I moved closer.

Carson was standing off to the side, smiling at the two sadly and I stopped next to him. The man put Lia down seconds later, holding her at an arm’s length. I saw the similarities immediately. He didn’t have her hair, but there was no denying that she was his daughter.

“God, you’re all grown up, LeeLee.” He sounded choked up as he spoke. “I only have a few hours. I need to be back at Norfolk in the morning, but I had to see you.” He pulled her into another hug.

That’s when he noticed us. His lips pulled into a toothy grin. “Mikey?”

Carson laughed, taking the hand that was offered. “Sir.”

“I…” He seemed at a loss for words. “It’s been too long. You were both just little things the last time I saw you.” Then he pulled him into a hug. “Lee tells me you’re a football star now. Can’t believe you’re the same kid that didn’t know how to throw a ball a few years ago.”

Mike laughed, beaming up at the man in front of us. “I had a great teacher.” He glanced at me as if he just remembered I was there. “This is Neil Kelly,” he explained.

The older man recognized the name. “Ah, yes. The boy that stole my little girl’s heart.” He held out his hand again, this time in my direction. “Chief Petty Officer…”

“Daddy!” Lia exclaimed, cutting him off.

He laughed. “Todd. You can call me Todd.” He put an arm around his daughter again. “One day, you and I will have a long chat about my little girl, son. But right now, I’m going to steal her away and spend some time with her.” He shook my hand, telling me it was nice to meet me and then hugged Carson. With a quick smile, and a promise she’d call me later, Lia left with her dad.

We stood in the hall, watching them walk away; Mike nudged my shoulder. “Do you have plans tonight?”

“Not anymore.”

“Wanna skip with me? There’s someplace I gotta go.”

I nodded. I needed to get the fuck out of this place and since I didn’t have to worry about my girl right now, it was as good a time as any.

What I hadn’t realized was that Carson had wanted me to go to the Naval recruiters with him. “What are we doing here?” I asked when he pulled up out front.

“I’m joining.” Seeing my double take, he took a deep breath. “Why should it be the old men with families that are fighting this war? They’ve done their time. They have kids. Kids like Lia that will be lost without them.”

“You have friends and parents that will be lost without you.”

“Not the same thing, man. Not even close.” He drummed on his steering wheel. “I’m going. My parents already know. They’re pissed, but I need to do this.”

I didn’t know what to say and I was confused why he’d brought me. I admired his decision, but it wasn’t one that I would make for myself. I was responsible for too much to leave it all right now. I didn’t trust the farm – or Lia – in someone else’s hands.

“Mike, I…”

“I’m not asking you to join. I just need my best friend to tell me it’s the right thing to do.”

I nodded immediately. “It’s the right thing to do.”

*****

Missy and Ally were lounging in the living room watching reruns of
The Real World
. Thankfully, Mrs. Jackson was home and I wasn’t subjected to their spewing hatred. I found her in the kitchen, happily telling her that Lia’s dad was home. I’d just finished my story when Lia called, crying.

“He’s gone already.”

“I’m sorry, babe.” I didn’t know how to comfort her. “Want me to come over?”

Mrs. Jackson stopped rolling dough and shook her head. “No. Invite her over here for dinner. I won’t take no for an answer.”

“Did you hear that?” I asked Red, smiling at my fictive mom. “Guess I’ll be over to get you soon.”

Dinner was brutal. Ally and Missy on one side – across from Lia and me – barely saying anything more than, “can you please pass the salt?” Lia was sad, but she seemed better than she had in a long time, and that made me relax.

As soon as we were done eating, the hag bags couldn’t disappear fast enough, but Lia and I helped clean up. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something, Lia,” Mrs. Jackson mentioned as she reached into the closet. I tensed, unsure of what she could possibly want. She turned, setting a paper bag on the counter. “I bought this for Neil, but he doesn’t need it. Unfortunately, I can’t return it. I was hoping you’d take it off my hands.”

Lia frowned, cautiously opening the bag. Pulling a boxed cell phone out and holding it up questioningly, she asked, “You want me to buy it from you?”

“Good Lord, no! I want you to let me give it to you so it doesn’t sit in the cabinet, useless.” She reached into the bag, finding a piece of paper that she slid across the counter. “This is your number.”

Lia shook her head. “I can’t take this.”

“Pshush.” Mrs. Jackson turned back to the sink. “It’s already linked into our family plan, but if you’d like to help contribute every month, I won’t say no.”

I watched in amazement as they continued to discuss the phone and how much Lia would pay each month, half-shocked my girlfriend had accepted the present. I’d been wrong last night; Mrs. Jackson did know Lia and knew that she’d never accept a gift. I knew for a fact that the phone hadn’t been purchased for me and that it hadn’t been in the cupboard last night. She was a sneaky, sneaky woman. I loved her.

I was living in a goddamn nightmare. I tried to wake myself up, to pull myself from the quicksand thoughts that threatened to consume every piece of me. Nothing worked.

I threw myself into homework, raising my already decent GPA. When I wasn’t studying, I was the epitome of a great friend, supportive girlfriend, and dutiful daughter. I played the role so well they had no idea I was drowning in my own misery.

Dad did what he’d promised and emailed me once a week, never forgetting. I’d devour each message and then spend the next few days writing down my own thoughts, only to delete half of them before I hit “send.” If I let him see what was going on in my mind, he’d call Mom and have me committed.

My sadness made no sense. I had everything a girl could ask for – from a safe home to the perfect boyfriend. Yeah, my dad was in the middle of some desert fighting a war I couldn’t begin to understand, but so were thousands of other dads. Their kids weren’t whining pathetically. I disgusted myself.

Neil was the constant light in my dark. His smile, his laugh, and even his slow drawl were like magnets, pulling at a part of me I thought was lost. When he was around, pretending I was fine wasn’t so hard. Sometimes, I actually forgot for a few minutes.

I could see how our relationship had altered, how much I’d come to depend on him, and it scared the shit out of me. I knew I clung to him in a very unhealthy way, but I was terrified to loosen my grip, even a little. I hadn’t been able to hold on to my dad and I knew there was a very good possibility he wasn’t coming home. Mike had slipped through my fingers and was going to risk his life in the same fight. I’d be damned if I’d lose Neil, too.

So every morning, I’d pull my sleep-deprived ass from bed, conceal the bags under my eyes, and pretend. I laughed when I needed to, came up with witty replies, and played a role. I deserved an Oscar for my performance.

It’s funny how much can change in a year. Before Neil, I hadn’t given two shits about anything other than getting the hell out. High school drama and the things normal girls cared about were of no interest to me. Last year, though, I’d begun to get wrapped up in it all, and even worse, had started to care. Now, I could see how pointless it all was. I still wanted out, but now I needed Neil with me.

As the months passed and our senior year sped by, I did my best to ignore the worry in the back of my mind and focus on our future. Neil and I applied to seven schools together and three different schools that were in the same cities. We had contingency plans for our contingency plans so I knew we’d be together, one way or another.

I cheered in the stands as Mike and Neil led their team to the State Championships and cried when they won. No one had dry eyes, but mine weren’t happy tears. I cried because I knew Mike would never play another football game. It was a heartbreaking realization. He was giving up so much and part of me hated him for that.

When Neil went to Alabama for Christmas vacation, I threw myself into work, picking up any extra shift at the diner I could. Mike’s parents had taken him away for one last family trip so I had to depend on my mom for a ride or walk. I didn’t mind the trek; usually, I closed so the roads were empty. But I missed their company and lived for their calls.

A surprise snowstorm blew in on Christmas Eve; what was supposed to be just a few inches turned into almost a foot, piling up so quickly the plow trucks could barely keep a path clear. When our boss sent employees home early, I volunteered to stay. Mom was gone and wouldn’t be back until sometime the next day and I didn’t have kids to get to bed.

I was the only waitress, but since there weren’t any customers, I was sure I’d be able to keep up. I occupied the time doing mundane tasks. I was filling the salt shakers when the bell rang, letting me know we finally had a customer.

“Just sit anywhere,” I hollered without looking. “I’ll be right with you.”

Seconds later, I heard boots squeaking along my just-cleaned floor and the customer slid onto the bench across from me. “Well, hello, beautiful.”

I tensed. “I’m pretty sure you aren’t allowed to call me that.” I glanced up at Mr. Knightly.

His perfect smile widened. “We’re not in school. There’s no one here but us.”

I sighed, too tired to argue. “What can I get you?”

His eyes left mine, traveling over my naked face. “I actually came to get you.”

I felt my eyes widen in surprise. “What?”

He gave me a look I couldn’t decipher. “It’s a whiteout. You can’t see five feet in front of you. They’re telling everyone to stay off the roads. I’m not letting you walk in this shit.”

I shook my head – as much to say no as to clear the confusion I felt. “Mike is…”

“In Florida with his parents. Kelly is in Alabama doing whatever hick country folk do.”

I gave him a nasty look at the insult.

“And your mom is wherever in the hell she goes.”

“And you know that how?” My heartbeat quickened, suddenly scared.

“Allyson.” Grabbing an empty shaker, he started to fill it. “I was at Faerie Dust earlier and ran into some students. I tried to ignore them but when I heard your name, I may have eavesdropped.”

Faerie Dust was a locally owned, high-end boutique that most women around here frequented. It was also a perfect place for men to find a present for that special lady in their life. I loved their jewelry, even if the cheapest thing in there cost twice as much as my paycheck.

“And what exactly did you hear?”

“A bunch of shit that doesn’t matter. But I did learn you’re all alone on Christmas and walking home in this crap.” He stuck his thumb toward the window. “So I’m glad I listened. How much longer are we here?”

“Me. Not we. I’m not going anywhere with you.” I brushed the spilled salt off the table and slid out.

His fingers circled my wrist, stopping me. “You are. If I have to pick you up and carry you to my truck, I’m driving you home.”

I could see from the set of his jaw that it was not an idle threat. “Why?” I asked, struggling to understand.

Craig stood then – all six-feet two-inches of him – and with his free hand, tipped my chin up, forcing me to look at him. “Because someone needs to take care of you. Because you are fading away and all I can do is sit back and wait for those juveniles you love so much to see it and step up. Fuck, Lia, because I’m tired of pretending I don’t miss you. I’m tired of telling myself what I feel for you isn’t okay because you’re a kid. We both know I can’t do much, but I can give you ride home when it is too dangerous to walk.”

I didn’t want to react to his words, but tears burned my eyes anyway. I knew I needed to argue, to tell him that I didn’t need anyone to take care of me, but he would have seen right through that lie. Instead, I nodded. “Sit, I’ll get you coffee.”

I closed up twenty minutes later. Eric, the cook, left as soon as our boss called to give us the okay to shut down early. Five minutes after I locked the door, I was buckled into a newish truck, headed home. The roads were heinous and we saw four accidents, but I felt completely safe. Almost an hour after we’d left the diner, he drove up to my trailer.

The last time he’d been here, he’d begged me not to get out of his truck. I’d almost given in. This time, he remained silent.

“Thank you.” I pulled the handle, pushing the door with my shoulder.

Shivering in the cold, I waded to the door, snow filling my shoes and soaking my socks. I only had a chance to unzip my coat when I heard the knock. I almost didn’t open the door.

He stepped out of the snow but didn’t bother coming any further. Reaching into his coat, he pulled out a small box wrapped in foil paper and held it out. I didn’t move. He tipped his head slightly, watching me. “Open it. Please?”

I hesitated before lifting it from his hands. Tearing the paper quickly, I found a plain box. Nestled inside, on a bed of cotton, sat a sterling dream catcher pendant, complete with silver feathers on a dainty rope chain. In the center of the web sat a beautiful emerald. “It’s beautiful, but I can’t.”

Craig stepped into the room. “You can.” Lifting it from the box, he moved behind me and clasped it around my neck. Leaning in so close his breath tickled my skin, he whispered, “I hope it catches every nightmare and that the stone brings you back.” He moved around me again. This time, his hands cupped my cheeks. “Merry Christmas, beautiful.”

With that, he turned and left.

I don’t know why I never took the necklace off… or why I didn’t tell Neil. Okay, I know why I didn’t tell my boyfriend that a teacher I used to sleep with bought me a very beautiful, very expensive necklace. Yet, I should have told him everything.

I usually kept it hidden, but on more than occasion, it had made its way to the outside of my clothes before I realized it and then I’d quickly shove it back in. Neil asked me about it the first time he saw it as he quickly unbuttoned my shirt before Ally’s parents could come home and catch us. I told him it was a Christmas present and he didn’t ask for more details.

Maybe it was the power of suggestion, or maybe the necklace really did work. Either way, I started sleeping soundly again. By March, I was starting to feel like me again.

I felt Craig’s eyes on me often. He seemed to be constantly watching to see if I was all right. As time passed, his worried glances turned to comforting smiles. And then scowls when he’d see Neil kiss me.

In early May, Neil got the acceptance letter he’d been waiting for. We’d heard back from all the other schools, but the Maine College of Art – his first choice – had remained painfully silent. He brought the letter to my house as soon as he got it, terrified to open it alone. When he started shouting and jumping up and down, all I could do was laugh. That settled it for us – we’d move to Portland the day after graduation.

We doubled with Mike and Jules for prom, the four of us camping in our field afterward. As we sat around a small fire, laughing and reminiscing, Julie started to cry.

“You know this is it, right? This is the end. We’ll never sit here like this again.”

“Oh, babe! You don’t know that,” Mike soothed, wrapping his arms around her.

“I do!” She sniffed. “You’re leaving – and if you do come back, you might not be okay. Or you might find someone else.”

Mike picked her up, nodding his goodnight to us, and carried her to their tent.

Neil dumped a bucket of water on the flames and gently tugged me toward his truck. We’d brought a tent but decided a night under the stars for old times’ sake would be better.

“I couldn’t do it,” he whispered after we were all settled in. “I couldn’t leave you.” His arms tightened around my waist.

“I’m glad you don’t have to,” I admitted to the stars. “But aren’t you afraid? Do you think we rushed this too much? Are we too young to move in together?”

Neil rolled onto me. “No. I’m gonna marry you, Red. As soon as you’ll let me. The only thing that scares me is the idea you’ll wake up tomorrow and want more than a simple country boy.”

I snorted. He was a lot of things, but simple was not one of them.

“We are young, but we’re gonna grow old together.” He dipped down, kissing me softly. “I love you more than anything. I cannot fucking wait to start my life with you.”

*****

My eighteenth birthday arrived with a car in the driveway. A little black Jetta covered with a giant red bow greeted me when I walked out the door. I started to screech, jumping around like a moron. Neil and my mom only laughed. My dad had let Neil pick out the two-year-old, low-mileage, great on gas vehicle, but he’d cut the check. I was in love.

Even though June – and graduation – came quicker than any of us wanted, I thought life was looking up. Happiness, however, would remain just out of reach for us all.

“Your parents really aren’t coming to graduation?” I asked in disbelief.

Neil shook his head, sitting on the bed next to me, trying to distract me with his glorious nakedness. “Nope.”

I looked away, not ready to drop the subject. I couldn’t balance this news with the Kellys I knew. “Did you tell them you wanted them there?”

He scowled. “They know.”

“It’s me, isn’t it?”

His face softened. “No, babe. It’s them.”

I shook my head. I knew they’d be pissed he wasn’t coming home for summer break, but that was no reason to boycott their son’s commencement. Before I could ask more questions, his phone rang. Glancing down, he smiled. “Hey, Nik.”

His face tensed. Whatever his sister was telling him was upsetting.

“Hold on a sec,” he barked at her. Covering the receiver, he whispered, “Be right back,” to me and then walked across the room, shutting himself in the bathroom.

Knowing I was snooping but needing to know what was going on, I crept to the door. I could hear her voice, even though I couldn’t make out any words. She must have been screaming at him.

“I don’t give a flying fuck, Nik. I’m not coming home,” was his angry reply. More yelling from her. “Then fucking sell it!” he bellowed, making me back away from the door slightly. “Last time I checked, he left it to
us
. Not just me. I ran it all last summer while you did whatever the fuck you wanted to do.”