Forever Is Over (143 page)

“
Shocked, upset but strong, Mum. Like always, Jemma is strong.
”

He was right. Jemma
’
s mother was a common, drunken, abusive,
no good, who had given her a torrid time as a child. Jemma had always
needed to be tough. Sometimes, inadvertently, Jemma could be so tough
that she could make comments to me that were a little upsetting, but
I bit my tongue, I had to make allowances for the upbringing she had
had.

“
And the kids?
”

“
We aren
’
t going to tell them just yet, Mum. We want everything to
remain normal for them, until it gets to a stage where it can no longer
be.
”

“
Like when?
”

“
Like if I lose my hair. They will have to be told why I
’
m losing my
hair, not necessarily Jamie, but we will have to tell Melissa.
”

             
I had not even thought about Richie
’
s hair. I welled up at the
thought of him losing all his beautiful hair, but I would not let myself
cry. If my darling son was being brave, I
would try to be too.

             
“
I know you and Jemma will do things exactly the right way for
those children. Make sure Jemma knows that if she ever needs a break
from them, even just for a couple of hours, I am always only a phone
call away.
”

“
We know that Mum. Thank you!
”

“
Have you told James, Helen and Caroline yet?
”

James is Richie
’
s brother, Helen and Caroline are his sisters. As a
child, James and Richie used to fight constantly, not always physically,
but my goodness they knew how to argue! As they grew older though,
they became very close. Richie and Helen were never particularly close
but were always courteous to each other, whilst Richie and Caroline
were constant companions at one stage, but they headed in different
directions romantically and geographically, so did not see much of each
other as adults. When they did see each other though, they still giggled
like a pair of teenagers.

“
I
’
ve told Jim,
”
Richie replied,
“
but I
’
ll ring Helen and Caroline
after you.
”

“
Don
’
t forget, Richie! They
’
ll never forgive you if you forget!
”

“
MUM! I
’
m ringing around to tell people I have cancer! I am hardly
going to forget!
”

“
I
’
m just reminding you, that
’
s all!
”

Richie could be a bit sharp with me at times, but it was impossible to
take it personally as he always managed to follow it up by sweet talking
me! This was no exception.

“
I know you are, Mum and that
’
s why you jointly win,
“
Best Mum
In The World
”
, along with Jemma, because you care so much about all
of us, but don
’
t worry, I
’
ll make sure everyone knows what I have and
I
’
ll let everyone know that I
’
m going to beat it!
”

Those final words still make me cry,
“
I
’
ll let everyone know that I
’
m
going to beat it.
”
The cancer was so aggressive, he could not possibly
beat it, it could only beat him.

One afternoon that Autumn, Richie and Jemma had to go over to
see their consultant, Mr. Mollon, at Clatterbridge Hospital. I volunteered
to babysit and suggested to Charlie that he should come with me. He
agreed reluctantly, for a born again Christian, he could be very grumpy!
That afternoon and evening, Melissa and Jamie behaved the worst they
have ever behaved for Charlie and I. Maybe they sensed there was
something strange going on with their
parents and it sent everything
out of synch. They were both absolute te
rrors! It felt like Richie and
Jemma had force fed them all the wrong
“
E
”
numbers to make them
hyperactive. They were off their rockers! Me
lissa insisted that she should
be allowed to play
‘
Connect 4
’
and when
she lost, she would turn into
the Incredible Sulk, lifting the board up and tossing it around the room
like a caber. Jamie wanted to make paper aeroplanes, but he didn
’
t want
his Granddad to make them, HE wanted to make them! He would not be shown how they were made either, so he ended up making paper balls!
If Charlie tried to show him what to do, he would just stick his fingers
in his ears and hum very loudly!

“
Do they not smack these children?
”
an exasperated Charlie asked.

             
“
No. No-one smacks their children these days, Charlie! There are
other ways of disciplining them
”

“
Well, getting them to sit on a step is obviously working wonders with these two!
”

The good thing about manic children is that they eventually wear
themselves out. By half past seven, Charlie and I had those kids bathed and in bed and by twenty five to eight they were both fast asleep. As we
sat ourselves down wearily on the settee, I warned Charlie,

“
Don
’
t you dare tell Richie and Jemma that those kids were anything
other than perfect.
”

“
Dot, give me some credit! I wouldn
’
t dream of it!
”

Half an hour later, Jemma and Richie were back. We did tell them
the children were as good as gold, but it hardly would have mattered
that night what we had told them. That was the night we all discovered
Richie
’
s cancer was terminal.

Mum rang me before Richie did to say it was terminal, she knew I
would be in bits, but didn
’
t want me to fall apart when I was speaking
to Richie, so rang me first, allowing me to bawl my eyes out and then
she told me I owed it to my brother to be strong.

Mum explained that she
’
d only just come back from Jemma and
Richie
’
s and that they
’
d had a long day at the hospital, so not to expect
a call until the following day. There was no way I could sleep after that.
I went into Gracie
’
s room for a while and just watched her sleeping, she
was six years old and was turning into such a pretty young thing and
was doing brilliantly at school, I was so proud of her. My sobbing nearly
woke her up a couple of times, so in the end, after five minutes or so, I
had to go out. Just being in that room made me realise what Richie had
to face. Like me, his children meant everything to him and now he was
going to miss out on their futures. It really did not bear thinking about.
I broke the news to Amy too and she seemed to cry for Jemma and the
childrens loss, whilst I cried for Richie
’
s. We had rare and meaningful
sex that night, but after we had finished, Amy settled down to sleep
but I couldn
’
t, so went downstairs and watched re-runs of Cheers and
Rising Damp.

By the morning, when the night had passed without sleep, I decided
I needed to see Richie face to face rather than have him discuss things
over the phone, so at half past six, I left a note for Amy, dressed and
headed over to Standish. I arrived on Richie
’
s doorstep just after his
milkman. Richie was opening the door in his dressing gown, ready to collect the milk.

“
Jim, what are you
…
oh, I take it Mum
’
s told you? Come in!
”
Driving over, I pictured it being more emotional than this. I pictured
Jemma opening the door and me going upstairs to see a bedridden
brother and neither of us speaking, just giving each other a bear hug
through wave after wave of tears. It was much more every day routine
than that though, I followed Richie into the hall, then into the lounge
where Melissa was, watching grown men on the television in different
coloured tops, singing daft songs and pretending to be imbeciles whilst silently totting up their bank balances. There were sounds filtering down
from upstairs, Jemma was obviously trying to wash Jamie
’
s hair in the
bath and he sounded as though he was more than a little unhappy about
soap getting in his eyes. Tortured hostages made less noise. We each
sat down on a settee.

“
Mum did tell me, Richie, I
’
m so sorry.
”

“
What are you sorry for, Jim?
”
Richie said matter of factly.
“
It
’
s not
your fault.
”

I wanted to tell him that I had though
t perhaps it was. Perhaps if I
had dragged him to the Doctors when
we were teenagers, he may not
have had the problem recur. I just let him wait and wait. I shouldn
’
t
have let him do that. We didn
’
t go
down that route though, I just
mumbled,

“
I suppose not.
”

“
Can I get you a cup of tea or coffee, Jim?
”

Richie asked as though it was just another normal day, not one
where he was waking up to a death sentence f
or the first time in his life.

             
“
No, no, I don
’
t want a drink, Richi
e. I just wanted to see you. I
need to know if there
’
s anything I can do.
”

“
Like what?
”

“
I
’
ve no idea! Anything you want, Richie, you
’
re my big brother,
anything you want, I
’
d do it for you.
”

“
Well, there is one thing but it
’
s a little crazy
…
no, I couldn
’
t ask.
”

“
No, come on, its me you
’
re speaking to, your brother! There
’
s no
need to be shy!
”

Richie looked uncomfortable with whatever idea he had.

“
I think there is
…”

“
No, honestly, Richie, there isn
’
t! Tell me!
”

Richie stood up.

“
Not in here, Jim,
”
he gestured over at Melissa who was still hyp
notised by the television crazy men,
“
come into the kitchen with me.
”
             
We moved in to the kitchen and stood face to face.

“
Tell me!
”
I urged.