Forever (30 page)

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bill, advertising for a credit card, their Visa bill, and… Reagan made a face. Strange. The last envelope was addressed by hand to Luke and her. She turned it over, and on the back flap was Luke’s father’s address. Once Malin was down, she’d read it.

John had called a few times since the night he’d caught her crying on the phone.

At first Reagan expected the conversations with his father to make a change in Luke. But there had been none. Whatever was going on inside him, he wasn’t giving her or anyone else a window.

Malin was asleep now. Reagan carried her to her crib and laid her down. She looked at her little girl for a moment longer. She was so precious when she was sleeping. The social worker who handled her adoption had told them the adjustment could take time. Reagan wasn’t sure if the difficulties they were having with her were due to adjustment or ear infections or her own inability to handle two children. Either way she was grateful for what she hoped would be at least an hour of peace.

She shuffled back to the kitchen, weary and lonely and frustrated with Luke. He didn’t understand what she went through every day. Yesterday Malin had fought against her noon dose of ear drops. Reagan had been late to work again, and her boss wrote her up. They paid her so little that she wasn’t sure if it was worth being upset over.

When she reached the kitchen, she remembered the letter. A quick look at the living room told her that Tommy was okay. He’d rolled onto his side, his hair sticking out every which way. Both kids napping at the same time! She picked up the envelope, clicked a few buttons on the in-wall stereo, and waited until soft instrumental music filled the apartment. Then she moved to the recliner in the front sitting room and opened the envelope.

Inside were two pieces of paper. On the first was a handwritten letter from Luke’s father dated more than a week ago. She gritted her teeth. They’d have to talk to Tommy about hiding the mail. She found the first line and began to read.

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Dear Luke and Reagan,

I found one of your mother’s old letters, and inside was something she’d written and copies for each of you kids. I wanted you to have it as soon as possible.

Read this and ask God if there’s anything either of you could do to come more in line with this sort of love.

Reagan’s heart melted. He had sorted through Elizabeth’s letters and found something that could help them survive? She touched her fingers to her lips. No one took time for this kind of thing anymore. She thought about Luke, probably at his desk, face downcast, less than enthusiastic about coming home to her and the kids. If only he were more like his father. She kept reading.

Anyway, Luke, I think your mother really has something here. The whole world would do well to read it. But I think it would make her smile just to know that in this tough time, God brought it to the surface for you. I wish she were here to send it to you. Let’s talk soon.

I love you.

Dad

Again Reagan was touched. The man was so open, so involved in his kids’ lives.

Her mother was involved that same way. She gave advice like she’d done a few weeks ago-reminding Reagan to look for ways to encourage Luke. But she kept her distance much of the time, so Reagan had assumed, as Luke had, that she was disappointed in the time it was taking them to find their own place.

Most of the time the fact that Reagan’s mom kept her distance was probably a good thing, especially since they all lived together. She and her mom were close, and her mother was always quick to help with the kids. If she gave advice only once in a while, then that was okay.

Reagan lowered the first page to her lap and opened the second. It was a copy of something Elizabeth had written. At the top it said Ten Secrets to a Happy Marriage-from Mom.

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Her eyes clouded with tears. Reading the words made her long for her father.

Between her parents, he had been the more emotional one, the one she could go to when a boy broke her heart or when she had a misunderstanding with a friend. But he hadn’t been a writer. He had left behind no priceless treasures like the one she was holding.

She read the list slowly.

1.God has you here to serve one another. Love acted out is serving.

2.Women need respect and nurturing. Love your wife so sh knows you’d lay your life down for her. Continue to date and admire her. Share a hobby-find something you can to have fun together.

3.Laugh often.

Reagan stopped there and wiped her eyes. If she was keeping score, Luke would be batting zero. He rarely helped with the kids, and they hadn’t gone on a date since before he started studying for the bar. Months ago. There was nothing funny anymore, and the only thing they did together was make the bed each morning. If Elizabeth was right-and clearly she was-no wonder their marriage was in trouble.

She dabbed at her eyes again and kept reading.

1.Be patient. Love crumbles quickly under the weight of unmet expectations.

Reagan stared at the line. Conviction poked pins at her conscience. Okay, so maybe she had to take some of the responsibility.

1.Spend more time trying to fix yourself than your spouse Keep short accounts. The Bible says, “Do not let the sun down while you are angry.” Mahe it a habit to forgive.

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7.Determine up front that divorce is not an option.

8.Learn about love languages. Not all people show love or receive it the same way. You want a back rub and your spouse wants a clean kitchen. The love languages are fairly simple: acts of service, time, physical touch, gifts, and words of affirmation. Learn them. Love is better received when it’s in the language that person speaks.

9.Words of affirmation are a love language for all men.

10.Men are born to be leaders. He cannot lead unless she gives him the confidence to do so. If you love your husband, build him up. Confident men do not seek love outside the home.

Reagan reread the list. Tears streamed down her face as remorse settled like a heavy blanket around her. Those last two were the exact things her own mom had been telling her. But she’d ignored her advice completely. Now, though, Reagan was seeing the suggestions in a new light.

Sure, she’d been thinking herself a terrible wife. But not really, not in the way of changing. More because it made her a victim, a martyr.

No matter how hard her mother had tried to convince her of the same thing, not until she read Elizabeth’s words did she realize all the ways she truly had let Luke down. In her mind, she didn’t need fixing. Luke had the bad attitude. Luke was the one who had changed.

She moved the paper back toward her knees so her tears wouldn’t get it wet.

She’d kept long accounts, if she was honest with herself, and when they talked about a separation, she could almost see herself divorced and moving on to someone better, someone kinder with a gentler attitude. And love languages?

Reagan had never even considered such a thing.

The tears slowed, and she dried her cheeks. What was her love language? Not gifts. She didn’t care about material things.

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Sentimental things, yes. But not enough to consider that her way of loving. She read through the list again. If she had to pick one, it would be physical touch.

She loved holding hands with Luke and cuddling with him, feeling close to him.

It was what had led to their rocky beginning in the first place. And next would be time-having Luke beside her when it came to working with the kids or taking a walk and having him listen to her. Knowing he was there for her.

But according to Elizabeth, it was more important to know Luke’s love language.

If his mother was right, then Reagan had never made a conscious effort to love Luke the way he was made to be loved. Words of affirmation? The exact thing her mother had told her weeks ago. She handled things the opposite way, asking questions much of the time. She could hear herself. “Why are you late? When are they going to give you a raise? Why can’t you help more?”

Another layer of tears covered her eyes. Statements like that would only serve to bring a guy down. But why hadn’t she listened to her mother? Why had it taken until now to click in her heart?

Reagan blinked, clearing her eyes so she could see through her tears. What else for Luke? The answer came to her almost immediately. Acts of service, of course.

Luke loved it when she ironed his shirts or typed a brief for him when he had to bring his work home.

Something else came to mind. Just last week Reagan had snapped at him for being distant and insensitive. Her mother was out, and Reagan’s day had been rougher than usual. There was no dinner ready when he came home. He didn’t get mad, but after he changed clothes he spent the next hour making chicken and rice and then cleaning it up. He went so far as to take apart the stove-top burners and wash each individual part.

By then she had the kids in bed. She found him in the kitchen and stared at him.

“Thanks a lot.”

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Luke turned, his expression baffled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She scowled at him. “It means I’ve spent the whole night with the kids, same as I spent most of the day with them. And where are you?” She motioned to the kitchen. “In here by yourself.”

Her heart sank at the memory. If Luke enjoyed being served, then cleaning the kitchen might’ve been his way of loving her. Maybe they were falling apart because they were speaking to each other in foreign languages.

But it was the last one on Elizabeth’s list that made her throat thick with sorrow. Luke had been scrambling toward solid footing since they got back together. He was the guy who had gotten her pregnant, the one who had bolted into the arms of another woman after her greatest loss. Much of that had been her fault, of course. He’d tried to call, but she wouldn’t answer, too panicked over the loss of her father and the realization that she was pregnant.

Still, she had found no reason to compliment him back then. Rather she’d been more reluctant. Sure, okay … we can give it a try. That sort of thing. And after they were married, he was automatically behind a lap in the race of life.

A full-time student, married with a baby, and living with his wife’s mother. How often had she asked him when he would graduate or how long before he could take the bar or when he’d become a full-fledged attorney? He kept running and trying, but he couldn’t catch up to save his life. Not by her standards. That was something else. She let Luke blame her mother for thinking he wasn’t living up to their expectations. But really they’d been Reagan’s expectations all along.

What had her expectations and criticisms done to Luke?

She placed the pages one on top of the other, the way they’d been in the envelope. Then she set them down on the table beside her and drew her knees close to her chest. Marriage was so hard, so much work. Lately she didn’t even like Luke. So putting Elizabeth’s secrets into practice would be tougher than if she’d known about them from the beginning.

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But she loved Luke, and she believed that God had a plan for them, plans for a beautiful marriage and a wonderful life in which every day was better than the last. Change could come only if she acted out of love for Christ, believing that in the process He would give her the marriage she dreamed about.

She took a mental inventory of the life they’d been living and the pressures Luke had been under. All without any real encouragement from her. No wonder he was frustrated about the discovery that Dayne was his brother. He had worked hard for the past few years with only a rare bit of approval from Reagan. And now here came news that his biological brother was a multimillionaire movie star.

A memory ran through her mind. She and Luke visiting her father at the top of the World Trade Center that long-ago day. Luke had been so sure they’d do everything right, so confident. He wanted to have an office just like her father’s someday, he told her. Maybe right next door.

Oh, Luke… you had such high aspirations, such a positive outlook for the future. What happened to you?

And like that, the answer was clear. Sin happened to him. Not just to him but to both of them. They had gone against God’s plan, and at least some of what they were dealing with was a result of their poor actions. That could be why she struggled with giving him praise. Secretly she might still be blaming him for derailing her plans-plans to finish college as an all-star athlete. Plans to date and travel and get married later when the timing was right.

Reagan sniffed and stood, carrying the letter back to the kitchen. They would live a lifetime with the consequences of their choices. But God had a better future for them than the one they were living. She surveyed the situation. It was three o’clock, and the kids were still sleeping. Luke wouldn’t be home for two hours. That meant there was time to take action now. Today.

Before the weight of her unmet expectations caused love to crumble completely.

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LUKE COULDN’T concentrate.

He was still getting flak from the guys in the office about his newfound fame.