Foreign Affairs

BOOKS BY STUART WOODS

FICTION

Naked Greed
†

Hot Pursuit
†

Insatiable Appetites
†

Paris Match
†

Cut and Thrust
†

Carnal Curiosity
†

Standup Guy
†

Doing Hard Time
†

Unintended Consequences
†

Collateral Damage
†

Severe Clear
†

Unnatural Acts
†

D.C. Dead
†

Son of Stone
†

Bel-Air Dead
†

Strategic Moves
†

Santa Fe Edge
§

Lucid Intervals
†

Kisser
†

Hothouse Orchid
*

Loitering with Intent
†

Mounting Fears
‡

Hot Mahogany
†

Santa Fe Dead
§

Beverly Hills Dead

Shoot Him If He Runs
†

Fresh Disasters
†

Short Straw
§

Dark Harbor
†

Iron Orchid
*

Two-Dollar Bill
†

The Prince of Beverly Hills

Reckless Abandon
†

Capital Crimes
‡

Dirty Work
†

Blood Orchid
*

The Short Forever
†

Orchid Blues
*

Cold Paradise
†

L.A. Dead
†

The Run
‡

Worst Fears Realized
†

Orchid Beach
*

Swimming to Catalina
†

Dead in the Water
†

Dirt
†

Choke

Imperfect Strangers

Heat

Dead Eyes

L.A. Times

Santa Fe Rules
§

New York Dead
†

Palindrome

Grass Roots
‡

White Cargo

Under the Lake

Deep Lie
‡

Run Before the Wind
‡

Chiefs
‡

TRAVEL

A Romantic's Guide to the Country Inns of Britain and Ireland
(1979)

MEMOIR

Blue Water
,
Green Skipper

*
A Holly Barker Novel

†
A Stone Barrington Novel

‡
A Will Lee Novel

§
An Ed Eagle
Novel

G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS

Publishers Since 1838

An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC

375 Hudson Street

New York, New York 10014

Copyright © 2015 by Stuart Woods

Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Woods, Stuart.

Foreign affairs / Stuart Woods.

p. cm.—(Stone Barrington ; Book 35)

ISBN 978-0-698-19502-8

1. Barrington, Stone (Fictitious character)—Fiction. 2. Private investigators—Fiction. I. Title.

PS3573.O642F67 2015 2015015844

813'.54—dc23

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

S
tone Barrington was at dinner at Patroon, a favorite restaurant, with Dino and Viv Bacchetti, his closest friends.

“Stone,” Viv said, “don't you sometimes wish you were still a cop?” Stone had spent fourteen years on the NYPD, most of them as a homicide detective with Dino as his partner.

“Viv,” Stone replied, “with the kindest possible intention, are you out of your fucking mind?”

Viv burst out laughing.

Dino looked at him with pity. “He wishes he was still a cop every time I tell him about something the department is investigating.”

“The only time I wish I were a cop,” Stone said, “is when somebody is double-parked in front of my house and I'm having trouble getting the car out of the garage.”

“You mean, you want to arrest the driver?” Viv asked.

“No, I want to shoot him.”

“Stone thinks the worst crime we have to deal with is double-parking in his block,” Dino pointed out.

“No, I just think it's the worst crime within gunshot range of my garage door.”

“That seems a drastic remedy,” Viv said.

“Not when you consider that I'd only have to do it once—word would get around, then nobody would double-park in front of my house.”

“It wouldn't matter, because you'd be in jail for quite a long time,” Dino said.

“You mean, you'd have me arrested for shooting a double-parker?” Dino had stayed on the NYPD and was now police commissioner of New York.

“Of course. You'd get no special treatment.”

“I didn't mean I'd kill the guy, just shoot him a little.”

“Then you'd spend less time in jail. With good behavior you'd be out in seven to ten.”

“But I still have a badge.”

“Take a close look at your solid-gold, honorary-detective-first-class badge that was given to you by our former commissioner, now mayor. It's not engraved with the words ‘Authorized to shoot anybody who annoys him.'”

“Not even double-parkers who block my garage door?”

“Especially not them.”

Stone's cell phone rang and he looked at the number. “It's
Joan,” he said. “She never calls at this time of night. I'd better get it. Hello?”

“It's Joan.”

“I know, I have caller ID.”

“I've made a tiny little mistake,” she said.

“Oh, God,” Stone moaned. He covered the phone. “Joan says she's made a tiny little mistake,” he said to his companions. “That means she's made a real whopper of a mistake.” He went back to the phone. “All right, let me have it.”

“There's good news and bad news,” she said. “The good news is that I forgot to put a board meeting of the Arrington Group on your calendar.”

Stone was immediately suspicious. “And what is the bad news?”

“The meeting is tomorrow,” she said. “At noon.”

“Well, I can probably get out of bed early enough to make that.”

“That's not all the bad news.”

“Oh, God,” Stone said, mostly to himself.

“You already said that.”

“What's the rest of the bad news?”

“The board meeting is in Rome.”

“Rome is up the Hudson somewhere, isn't it?”

“Not that Rome.”

“Rome, Georgia? Rome has an airport. I could fly myself down there tomorrow morning.”

“Think farther east.”

“Oh, God,” Stone said. “Not
that
Rome.”

“That one. Now don't say, ‘Oh, God' again, and don't panic—there's an Alitalia flight tonight.”

“What time?”

“In, let's see, fifty-four minutes.”

“Which airport?”

“JFK.”

“That's a forty-five-minute drive,” he pointed out.

“And Fred is off tonight, he went to the theater.”

“I'll never make it,” he said.

“Think about this: you're sitting next to the guy with the fastest car in town.”

“Hang on a minute.” He turned to Dino. “I've got to be at JFK in fifty-four minutes to catch a plane to Rome. Can I borrow your car?”

“You mean the one with the flashing lights on top?”

“That's the one.”

“I can see the headlines in tomorrow's
Post
,” Dino said. “POLICE COMMISH LOANS OFFICIAL CAR TO SCHMUCK, WHO IS INVOLVED IN TERRIBLE ACCIDENT.”

“Fifty-three minutes!” Joan shouted from the other end of the phone call.

“Only if I'm in the car with you,” Dino said. “That would shorten the headline to, SCHMUCK HITCHES RIDE WITH COMMISH.”

“You two better get going,” Viv said.

“You're not coming with us?” Stone asked.

“I'd scream all the way,” she replied. “Go on, get your asses in gear! I'll get the check.”

“I'll call you en route with further instructions,” he said to Joan, then hung up and ran for the door, followed closely by
Dino.