Forbidden Love (7 page)

When his large, calloused hands reached out to touch her gently, she made no effort to pull back. Her body slipped as naturally into his embrace as though it was the one place she was most meant to be.

Several times in Normandy, Roanna had allowed herself to be kissed by young lords eager to win her favor. She had done so not out of any yearning for their touch, but in simple curiosity. Despite their undoubted expertise, she had come away still baffled by what compelled men and women to behave in such a fashion.

Now in a single instant the mystery began to unravel. The first touch of Colin's tips against her own sent fire spiraling through her body. All pretense to modesty vanished before the overwhelming need to know more of what he was clearly willing to teach her.

The gentle pressure of his mouth was enough to make hers open willingly. Enveloped in the warmth of his powerful arms, she trembled as strong, knowing hands slid down her back to draw her even closer. A fierce surge of pleasure tore through her as she felt Colin's huge body quiver in response. Joyful at the realization that he was not immune to her, Roanna welcomed the first tentative thrust of his tongue with unbridled eagerness.

A low groan broke from him as his restraint snapped. Avidly he took the full sweetness she offered, savoring her to the utmost Pressed so closely together that not a breath of air could move between them, they luxuriated in their exploration of one another.

Roanna found quickly that she loved the taste and scent of him. The clean, slightly musky aroma of his skin sent ripples of delight coursing through her even as the flavor of his tongue and mouth drew her like nectar.

All thought of anything beyond the quiet, sun-dappled hut vanished. There was no world beyond his embrace, no consideration of anything but Colin and the extraordinary sensations he was making her feel.

Just as the spiraling waves of pleasure threatened to erupt beyond all control, he drew back. His breath was ragged and a dull flush shone on his high-boned cheeks.

"I didn't mean. . . Roanna, you intoxicate me. . . ."

No force on earth could suppress the giggle of purely feminine delight that slipped from her at this admission. Heady with the burgeoning sense of her womanly power, she moved against him temptingly.

"D-don't. . ." Colin grated.

The strong arms that had held her so tenderly a moment before were now pushing her firmly away.

"You don't realize what you're doing," he muttered thickly.

On the contrary, she knew exactly what she was about. In Colin she found exactly the combination of male strength and gentleness allied to intense sexual attraction that she had always sought The heady combination was more than she could resist nor could she think of any good reason to attempt to do so.

Dimly in the back of her mind she remembered the deep well of pain and rage that lay between his people and hers. But she pushed that thought aside as determinedly as she tried to move back into his arms.

Colin thwarted her efforts remorselessly. He could not hope to hide the full state of his arousal, but not for the world would he give in to it Honor and pride, so essential to his very life, demanded that he resist

His only refuge lay in mockery. Cuttingly he said, "What would your brother make of this scene, my lady? Surely he would find it difficult to accuse me of violating you when you are so clearly heedless of your own behavior."

Roanna flushed painfully. She pulled away from him as though burned, blinking rapidly to hide the sheen of tears that turned her amber eyes to glistening gems. But the effort was not in time to keep Colin from seeing how badly he had hurt her. Remorse filled him, even as he told himself he had no choice.

With her slender throat clenched so tightly as to make speech almost impossible, Roanna just managed to murmur, "You have a strange sense of propriety, my lord, considering what passed between us when I was ill. But rest assured, I shall not risk offending you again."

Briskly she turned from him. Her head was held high as she added, "I really should thank you for reminding me of my position here. Until you hear from my brother, I will remain in my quarters."

Before Colin could make any response, she hurried away, her graceful stride taking her quickly from his sight

A moment later a young boy passing the hut was startled to hear a low string of virulent oaths accompanied by the solid thump of a large fist being pounded against the wall in sheer frustration.

Through the remainder of that day and the next, Roanna stayed in her bower. Her absence was noted by several women who brought her food and inquired with genuine concern about her well-being. Touched by such thoughtfulness, she nonetheless remained determined not to be misled again.

Colin's cruelty had forcibly reminded her of the gulf between them. The contented sense of belonging she had felt for a too brief time was now exposed as no more than an illusion.

Alone in her quarters, Roanna grieved for the loss of something that she sensed she would never find again in her life. She withdrew into herself just as she had during childhood when her brother's frequent travels made it impossible for him always to offer the comfort and reassurance she needed in their turbulent world. In the solitude of her soul, she found strength, but also profound loneliness.

Matters were no better outside. Colin's regret had blossomed swiftly into outright misery. He berated himself as an unfeeling cur. Never before had he been at a loss in dealing with any woman. Holding them in genuine affection and regard as he did, he had become used to having those sentiments returned. The women he had known intimately had understood the game of love as well as he did, and played it with equal relish.

After years of enjoyable if superficial experience, he suddenly found himself plunged into a situation he could not control. His feelings for Roanna touched a core of his being no one else had even glimpsed. The overwhelming desire she provoked was at once exhilarating and frightening.

He was tempted to take the safest route and keep the greatest possible distance between them, but two days of that was enough to task his endurance to the utmost. Telling himself he was merely worried about her, he made his way gingerly to her bower.

Roanna was preparing for bed. She wore a soft, almost sheer gown of pale blue that emphasized the glowing beauty of her skin. Seated on a bench near the bed, she ran a comb of carved oak through her hair, heedless of the silken purity of its lustrous strands.

Much of her stubborn hurt had faded. But there remained a pensive sadness that all unknowingly made her appear even more poignantly lovely. When Colin knocked, she presumed it was a serving woman and only just remembered to cover herself with a cloak before opening the door. His sudden appearance, as though materializing directly from her thoughts, took her aback.

"Oh, it's you ... I thought. . ."

Taking note of her garb, Colin hesitated. "You are about to retire. I can speak with you tomorrow."

"No! That is, I am not at all sleepy. If you would like to talk now, I would prefer it"

After brooding about him for two days, she was not about to let him walk away. Still it took all her persuasion to convince him that she did not consider his presence an intrusion and that she could stay awake long enough to hear what he had to say.

Politely offering him the bench, she perched on the side of the bed. All her concentration was required not to think of the circumstances that prevailed when they were last together in the chamber.

The forest green tunic Colin wore in no way hid the sculpted strength of his body. She had all she could do not to drink in the broad sweep of his shoulders and chest, the rippling muscles of his arms, the long tapering line of his waist and hips ending in sinewy legs. It amazed her that so large a man could move so gracefully and act, when he chose, with such gentleness.

Longing to heal the rift between them, she gave no thought to how she appeared to Colin. The fading light turned her hair to spun gold and cast delicate shadows across the hollows of her face and throat Clad only in the fragile gown and cloak, she was as beguiling a picture as any man could wish for. Their seclusion in the bower strained his self-control to the limit.

Swallowing hard, he murmured, "There is no reason for you to remain in here. I know you are upset about what happened, but you must believe that I did not mean to hurt you. In fact, I only spoke as I did to protect you from harm."

Leaning forward on the bench, he stared at the big hands clasped between his knees as he added, "What I did was clumsy, but well meant"

Roanna, having had a chance to think over the events in the hut could not help but recognize the truth of his words. She had acted impetuously without consideration of the probable results. Any man she had ever met, other than Colin and her brother, would not have hesitated to take full advantage of the situation.

The memory of her wantonness made her blush. Anxious that he not think such behavior was normal for her, she said, "It is I who must apologize. My actions were . . . out of character. . . ."

That was the closest she would come to expressing any regret The joyful awakening he had sparked within her was too precious to be denied for any reason. If he chose to mink badly of her, she would just have to bear it

But Colin, far from condemning her, was even more enchanted. At last he had found a woman whose courage and intelligence equaled her beauty. Had she been of his own people he would have lost no time winning and wedding her. But she was part of that hated race whose very name spurred anger in the heart of every Englishman. Staring at her in the velvety light of the fading day, he struggled to remember that he must not think of her in any other way.

Wet he could not suppress his pleasure when she appeared in the bailey the following morning. As she crossed the edge of the training field, their eyes met and held. A surge of happiness rose within him at her quick smile followed by shyly lowered eyes.

Hours later he would remember that smile and curse himself for forgetting the difference between friends and foes.

"
H
is body was seen by many, my lord. There is no doubt he is dead." The freeman spoke with quiet assurance. He knew the words he brought were greatly unwelcome, but he understood his duty and would not shirk it

A low murmur ran through the hall. The sudden arrival of the messenger had brought retainers and their womenfolk to hear what he had to say. Colin would have preferred to see him in private, but he did not get the chance. Barely had the man slid from his saddle when he blurted out his news.

The laggard cousin was dead in the Norman keep. His body had been seen by Anglo-Saxon servants, who quickly spread the word to the nearest freeman farmer they knew could be trusted. The man had ridden hard to bring the news to the Algerson stronghold.

Rage burned through Colin, not because of his cousin, whom honesty forced him to admit was a scant loss, but because of the untenable position suddenly facing him. How could any man, even a Norman, callously throw away the life of a woman such as Roanna?

That her life was forfeit could not be doubted. By every understanding of the role of hostages, he had the right to inflict on her precisely the degree of punishment suffered by his cousin. His people would certainly expect him to do so.

When the guards approached Roanna in the weaving hut she greeted them without apprehension. She had no premonition of danger. When they took her by the arms, gruffly informing her that she was wanted in the great hall, alarm darted through her. But not until she saw the openly hostile stares of some of the men and women gathered around Colin did she begin to feel genuine fear.

"We should have known better," muttered a grizzled warrior. "Normans have no honor. They'll betray anyone."

He said it loud enough to be heard by the crowd, who nodded in agreement Roanna flushed at the insult, but remained prudently silent as she was led to the front of the vast room where Colin waited.

The urge to shake off the guards and demand to know what was going on almost overcame her. Only the implacable, brooding look in Colin's eyes stopped her.

He stood with his legs planted slightly apart and his arms crossed over his massive chest So large and solid was he that he looked like a huge rock no force could ever topple. She was hard pressed to reconcile this with the gentle, considerate man she knew.

"My cousin is dead at your brother's hands," he announced abruptly. "All guarantees of your safety are ended."

Roanna whitened in shock. Her stomach lurched sickeningly. Painfully aware of the condemning glares from every side of the hall, she only just managed to hide her horror.

"I do not believe you. My brother is a man of honor who has never betrayed his word. Your charge is false."

A gasp rippled through the gathered men and women. Surely such effrontery would be dealt with in the harshest possible way? They leaned forward, eager to see what their lord would do.

The color had left Colin's cheeks as abruptly as it did Roanna's. Grim-faced, they stared at each other. Treacherous admiration rose within him as he considered her extraordinary courage. Here was a woman any king or prince would be proud to call his own.

He could think of no man who would dare to confront him so resolutely, let alone a woman whose more vulnerable body made her an easy target for the most brutal revenge. For all the concern Roanna revealed, she might have been standing in her brother's keep surrounded by loyal knights pledged to protect her.

Realizing at last the vivid interest of their audience, Colin moved swiftly to ease the tense situation.

"You have heard what has happened and you see that the Lady Roanna is still among us to pay for her brother's crime. When the matter of punishment is decided, you will be informed. Until then, return to your tasks."

There was a brief mutter of discontent from those most anxious to see blood shed, but many gathered in the hall found themselves remembering how much the Lady Roanna had helped them and how smoothly she had adapted to their ways. Faced with the prospect of seeing her suffer, they were not eager to linger.

It took only the slightest prodding from the men-at-arms to clear the hall before they too discreetly vanished. Colin and Roanna were left alone in the vast, echoing chamber, confronting each other across a space of several feet that might have been miles.

For a long moment, she studied him in silence. The days they had spent together had revealed so much that she could only marvel at her earlier misconceptions about him.

The man she once thought of as a marauding barbarian was in fact the epitome of everything she had ever hoped to find in a lover, friend, and husband.

The silvery eyes that at first glimpse seemed to glitter with deadly intent were actually the windows to a highly complex and intelligent mind. The rugged features that had appeared the skilled but unfinished product of a master sculptor revealed rare strength and resolve. Even the huge, infinitely masculine body that so stirred her possessed, upon more careful scrutiny, a certain vulnerability that made her long to reach out to him.

But the gulf between them was still too great, and growing larger by the moment Unless she acted quickly, they might well be lost to each other. Even if, as she suspected, he returned her interest, his cousin's death made it even less possible for them to observe the usual proprieties between a man and woman. Some other way had to be found.

The half-formed plans that had occupied her thoughts over the last few days abruptly coalesced into firm intent He was the only man to master her heart; she would not give him up without a struggle.

Quietly, Roanna asked, "Do you intend to kill me?"

The blunt question so calmly voiced stunned Colin. There were depths to this woman he had only begun to glimpse. Hiding his horror at the mere thought of what she dared to express, he hedged, "I have the right"

"Only if my brother has done as you charge. I know he has not"

"You cannot know that You were not there."

Roanna remained stubbornly insistent Though her skin was ashen and her knees trembled, she appeared utterly confident. "I do not have to see what happened to know the truth. My brother is a man of honor. Moreover, he would not willingly endanger me for any reason."

The certainty with which she spoke of her brother angered Colin. Though he had never met the man, he thought him unworthy of such esteem. Further, he found himself unaccountably jealous of what was clearly no more than a normal brother-sister relationship.

Angrily, he reminded her, "You could have been freed days ago if he had been willing to release my cousin. Instead, he left you here and killed him."

Even this did not shake Roanna's confidence. "He left me here because he wanted an opportunity to negotiate with you, not just about your cousin but about all manner of mutual concerns."

Quietly, she added, "If you were interested only in your cousin's release, why did you agree to talk? The exchange could have been made without you and my brother ever meeting."

A gleam of respect shone in Colin's silvery eyes. It was impossible to put anything over on her. He was foolish even to try.

"It is true your brother and I face certain common problems. This seemed a good opportunity to discuss them."

"Understanding that, you still believe he would throw away both my life and the chance of an accord with you simply to punish a drunken poacher?"

"Men do not always act rationally," he reminded her, believing he spoke from personal experience since his behavior of the last few days had been anything but rational.

"The only time my brother has behaved with less than perfect reasonableness is around his wife, whom he loves to distraction." She could not resist the impulse to add, "Brenna is English, as you may know, yet their devotion to each other surpasses all other considerations. They have not allowed the sorrow of Hastings to dim their happiness."

Challenged by her words, Colin growled, "You speak lightly of Hastings, without knowing anything of it beyond the gloating stories of Normans."

"I know far more than that," Roanna insisted. "Both my brother and sister-in-law were there, and they have told me of it"

"Your sister-in-law?" Colin could not hide his dismay at the thought of a woman on that blood-strewn battlefield.

"She went there seeking her husband after they were separated before the invasion. Perhaps some day I will tell you their story ... if I have a chance to do so." Summoning all her courage, Roanna reminded him, "You still have not said if you mean to take my life."

The question was deliberately provoking. She was daring him to confront feelings that were still new and unexpected enough to be threatening. Colin found it difficult to meet her eyes. Never before in his life had he shied from a challenge. But in this case, with this woman, he found himself curiously unwilling to accept the truth.

"My people expect me to exact revenge."

Roanna paled a bit more, but did not give way. She continued to face him determinedly, her slender body held straight and firm, her features composed. Only the slight tremor of her rose-hued mouth betrayed her trepidation. Deep inside, she understood the time had come for a final, desperate gamble.

"Then if I am to die, I have a favor to ask first"

The pretense had gone far enough. Colin could not bear for her truly to believe he meant to harm her. About to assure her she had nothing to fear, he was abruptly and shockingly forestalled.

"I do not wish to die a virgin."

The cavernous spaces of the great hall must somehow be distorting sounds. For a moment it had sounded like she said . . .

"Did you hear me?"

"No," his voice grated sharply even on his own ears. "I don't think so."

Roanna sighed. It was going to be even harder than she had thought. But not all the embarrassment in the world would make her turn back now.

"Surely you understand how I feel," she ventured softly. "I do not wish to leave this life without experiencing what is reputed to be one of its greatest joys."

Colin could feel the heat rising in his face, matched by the sudden acceleration of his heartbeat. Her frankness stunned him as much as the burgeoning possibility that the desires which had tormented him since their first meeting might not be his alone.

"Do you truly understand what you are saying?" he demanded, grimly pleased that he managed to keep his tone harsh when everything inside him was exploding with exhilaration.

Drawing on a legacy of courage stretching back generations, Roanna managed to meet his eyes. If he wanted it spelled out so be it.

"I am saying that I would like you to make love to me.

The words out their full impact struck her. She was violating every moral teaching of her upbringing because of this man who had so inextricably entered her heart and mind. To have him also in her body, she was risking all. If he scorned her, everything vital in her would shrivel and die.

"I have shocked you," she blurted hurriedly. "I can see that. But it doesn't change anything. There is no point in saying more."

With the last vestiges of her pride, she managed to walk calmly from the hall. Not even the perplexed stares of the people who saw she was unguarded made her hesitate as she concentrated solely on reaching the privacy of her chamber. If Colin did not come to her . . . No, she would not think of that. She would think only of how it would be when they were at last together, free of all that had so far kept them apart

The serving woman hesitated when Roanna asked for hot water to bathe, but despite what the woman knew about the sudden deadly turn of events, she could think of no reason to deny the request. Especially when the young girl had long since earned her affectionate regard.

When some of the other servants grumbled at the task, she reminded them of how hard the Lady Roanna had worked to help them. The prompting was enough. Complaints ceased as buckets of steaming water were poured into the wooden tub set in the center of the bower.

With hands that trembled, Roanna pulled off her clothes. She had no idea how much time, or how little, she might have, but her own impatience made it impossible to delay.

Pinning her hair up, she rapidly soaped her slender form, lingering for a moment on the gentle swell of her breasts as she thought of Colin's touch there. Her nipples hardened reflexively. Breathing deeply to still the rapid beat of her heart, she dried herself swiftly on a soft length of wool.

Before she slipped a thin silk gown over her head, she considered herself critically. For the first time she wished she conformed more closely to the traditional standard of beauty.

Her hair was far too golden and lustrous to match the silver gilt tresses celebrated by troubadours and love-stricken young men. Her skin, warmed by the sun and touched by a smattering of freckles, bore no resemblance to the alabaster purity every lady was supposed to possess. Her eyes were too large and the wrong color, she thought regretfully. And her full mouth did not look at all like the small, pale lips poets sang of.

Above all, her body distressed her. Though a lifetime of healthful exercise had kept her slim, she had not the slightest chance of being mistaken for one of the wand-like creatures praised as the height of female grace.

Her breasts were too large, her waist too sharply indented, and her hips too rounded. There was nothing insubstantial about her. Nothing that evoked the spiritual thoughts held to be the only truly worthwhile consideration of man. Instead she was vibrant with the promise of sensual delights.