For the Love of Suzanne (20 page)

His conscience tweaked him when he reminded
himself that it wasn’t proper for him to sleep with another
man’s wife. They had shared a blanket before and he had seen
her with no clothes, as had every other man and woman in the Indian
village, but it still didn’t make it right. He had seen her
when modesty was not an option. He knew it had humiliated her and
he’d helped her to recover as much as possible, but he was sure
it would come back to haunt her someday.

He put more wood on the fire, then stripped to his
underwear and slowly slid into the bed under the heavy quilts next to
her. The bed felt so good and he was so tired. The room was warm and
he didn’t have to worry about waking up dead the next morning
as long as Marda held Boris at bay. Being murdered in their sleep had
been a threat every day since he’d killed Chief Tall Deer and
his maniac son, Walking Bull.
Sick bastards
, he thought odiously,
then silently cursed himself for putting Suzanne in this position in
the first place. He’d been trying to help her and thought that
he was only doing the right thing, but how could the right thing turn
out to be so bad?

Taking her to Tall Deer hadn’t been the
right thing to do. He’d known that when he had set out on the
mission. He’d known what tyrants Tall Deer and his son were and
how they had no respect for women. He knew they thought white women
were not any better than the dogs that roamed the village. They’d
been cruel, sadistic, and their torture knew no bounds. It didn’t
bother them to torture the women to death. Once the women were dead,
they merely walked away like it was no big deal; since he’d
turned a blind eye to it, he was just as guilty. He had never
participated, but he’d known about it and hadn’t done
anything to stop it until it involved Suzanne.

He had helped the one woman escape, but it didn’t
appease his conscience. He didn’t know if she’d actually
made it back to her husband or how she was received if she did get to
him. She’d been violated by several men. She’d even
thought Cody was coming for her to do the same when he’d found
her in the river, but he’d gone there to bathe and nothing
else. He’d gotten her out of the village, taken her to the fort
and left her at the gates. He thought of her often and hoped she made
it.

He gazed at Suzanne by the light of the fire that
crackled soothingly in the fireplace, relieved that he hadn’t
taken her to the wicked chief. Cody had made that man and Walking
Bull pay the ultimate price, but he didn’t feel bad. He felt
more like he’d put sick animals out of their misery, leaving
the world a better place.

Suzanne wasn’t strong enough to fight with
Tall Deer and his son. Cody had seen and even sampled ladies,
real
ladies
, while he’d been at school and he thought of her like
that. Soft in the right places, beautiful, charming and he was sure
she would smell pretty, like flowers, if she were given a chance.

He lightly touched her cheek with his fingertips
as she slept peacefully. She wasn’t breathing so hard now, but
it was still too hard for his comfort. As he traced a scratch on her
cheek, he hoped she would forgive him for what he had put her
through. She would realize that he was to blame for her situation and
hate him. He’d cost her the life of her baby and there was no
forgiveness for that.

He’d held her in the saddle for the past
week and was sure he could feel the child growing within her, but
knew that was impossible since Jenny hadn’t heard a heartbeat.
It was wishful thinking on his part and his conscience coming after
him again. He should have left her with that damn machine. Somebody
from her world would have found her and taken her to safety. He
thought again that she might be a person of the stars, but after what
she’d endured and the beatings she’d taken with no sort
of retaliation, he was convinced she was human and not a spirit.
Spirits didn’t bruise or bleed.

As he drifted off to sleep, he remembered what
Marda had said about Suzanne loving him. He couldn’t imagine
it. He didn’t deserve it. But it didn’t change the fact
that he loved her, too.

Suzanne woke up the next morning in the warmth and
security of Cody’s arms, nestled against his chest. She was
feeling better now than she had in days. A good night of sleep was
what she had needed.

She vaguely remembered Marda giving her some sort
of tea that had tasted sweet, but it had knocked her out to the point
where she had heard nothing or felt nothing, including Cody coming to
bed.

She listened to the steady beat of his heart as
the wind howled outside. She loved this man and she knew it. She felt
guilty about it, though. Beau hadn’t been gone long. But when
she compared the two men, Cody was a shining star. Cody was always so
good to her and had always treated her with respect. He was kind,
compassionate, and seemed to care.

Beau hadn’t shown her any respect since they
were in high school. He had always called her a dumb blond even while
they’d been dating. He’d never taken her seriously and
had never given any credence to what her life plan had been. It had
always been about him. When she looked back on it, she realized what
a big mistake it had been to marry him.

She knew that Cody felt obligated to her. Maybe he
wasn’t doing this because he liked her. Maybe he was doing
these things just to get her out of his hair.

She realized she didn’t know that much about
him. She did know that his father had been a white man and his mother
an Indian. She knew his father had died, but didn’t know how.
She knew that his mother had returned to her people only to be seen
as the village whore. No Indian man would ever marry her since she’d
been with a white man and had a child with him. Still, the men whom
she’d serviced had given her and her son provisions and
shelter. The disgraced mother had done what any woman would have done
for her child.

Suzanne knew he had gone to school back east and
was educated. He was well-spoken, bright, and acted decently. Had he
made friends there? Did he have friends now? Did he have a girlfriend
or a wife? Did he have children?

She knew nothing about him yet her heart swelled
with love for him. He made her feel like no man ever had before. He
was the moon in her darkness. She felt safe with him. She knew that
he would never let anything happen to her. So, was she in love with
him or the way he treated her? Beau’s unceasing cruelty had
made her skittish at the thought of another relationship, not that
she thought about it much. Her own father hadn’t wanted her.
Her stepfather had paid little attention to her since she was pretty
much out of the house by the time he’d moved in with his own
daughters. Cody was attentive and she liked it.

Maybe she was in love with the way he looked. He
was a gorgeous man with the long black hair that hung between his
shoulder blades, those incredible dark eyes, bronze skin, tall, and
more muscular than most men could ever achieve in a lifetime at a
gym. With his square jaw, high cheekbones, thin lips, a prominent
nose and a killer smile that revealed his even white teeth, he was
strikingly handsome. A man like him never would have given a woman
like her a second look in her world.

Maybe she was in love with the way he made her
feel. He made her feel like she mattered. Like she was
all
that
mattered.
Guilt was driving that
, she thought sadly. But when he
kissed her, it was fireworks and bright lights in her head. She
exploded with feelings she’d never felt before.

At the same time, she was putty in his hands. She
couldn’t fight him even if she had wanted to. He never acted
like he owned her or that she owed him anything. Instead, he acted
like she was doing him a favor by letting him kiss her. She loved his
kisses, though. She didn’t want to deny herself the pleasure of
that. But kissing led to other things. She wondered what it would be
like if they were to…

No
, she told herself.
Don’t even think about
it. It just makes things worse
.

Cody woke shortly after she had and was glad that
she was so close to him. He held her around her back with his other
arm around her waist. Both were lying on their sides facing each
other, but she had her face buried in his chest. He could hear that
she was breathing easier and hoped she was getting well. A few more
days in bed and she might be okay.

He unconsciously cuddled her, rubbing his cheek
against her soft, fragrant blond hair. She had some singed ends from
Walking Bull setting it in the fire, but it didn’t look so bad
and now it smelled good, too.

She sighed softly when she felt the slight
squeeze, but when she tried to move away enough to look at him, a
sharp pain went through her arm, reminding her it was broken.

He moved away just enough to see into her face.
The room was dark now with just glowing embers in the fireplace; the
room was cold again so he kept her close. “Are you okay?”

She nodded, trembling with the pain as she
struggled to sit up.

He sat up and helped her to a sitting position,
keeping his arm around her shoulders as he watched her clutch her
broken arm.
I hurt her again
, he thought regretfully, still keeping
his arm around her and pressed a soft kiss to her hair. “I’m
sorry,” he whispered and leaned his cheek against her head as
he held her close.

“You didn’t do anything. I just moved
wrong,” she said in a hushed voice, looking at him in the dark
with a slight smile. “I’m okay.”

“I have lots of other things to be sorry for
where you’re concerned, Suzanne,” he said with quiet
seriousness. “And it’s going to take a hell of a lot more
than ‘I’m sorry’ to make it right.”

“It isn’t your fault, Cody. Sometimes
things just happen because they happen. You can’t control it,”
she reasoned.

He could hardly believe she was so forgiving. He
had put her in situations that risked not
only her life but also the life of her child. She was sick because of
him and her baby might be dead. Not a day went by that he didn’t
regret pulling her out of the burning wreckage, but in his own
selfish way, he was glad he had. She had changed his life forever.

They gazed into each other’s eyes for a long
moment. Just as he was lowering his head to kiss her, a shuffle
outside the door caught his attention. He looked at the door with
apprehension, slowly reaching for his pistol that was on the floor
next to the bed. He didn’t think the Claybornes were out of bed
yet. Day was just beginning to break and with the snow and cold,
there was no reason to get up.

“What’s the matter?” she asked
fearfully.

He crossed his lips with his finger, signaling her
to be quiet. He eased out of bed and crossed the room to the door. He
leaned against it to listen and heard a gun being cocked. He flung
the door open and shoved his pistol into the man’s forehead
before the man could even look up.

Boris looked up at him, holding his gun to Cody’s
chest. The man was startled, but wasted no time in trying to push his
way into the room. “You goddamn stinkin’, rapin’
Injun,” he hollered furiously, pressing the gun into
Cody’s chest as hard as he could.

Cody didn’t flinch, but pushed his own gun
into Boris’s forehead, pushing him back out of the room. “You
get the hell out of here before I blow your brains all over the
place,” he shouted back. He’d had enough of this man.

Marda bustled out into the kitchen, still dressed
in her nightgown. “Now Boris, I’ve told you time and
again to put that damn thing away before you hurt somebody,”
she said irritably and went to the two men and snatched Boris’s
gun out of his hand. “Honest to John, I don’t know what’s
wrong with you.”

Cody dropped his gun to his side, relieved that
this incident was over but sure there would be more. Boris was
paranoid and edgy about something and he had a feeling it was a lot
more than just him being a half-breed with a white woman.

“He’s beddin’ down with a white
woman and it ain’t right,” Boris barked at his wife.

“They’re married, Boris. For heaven’s
sake, let that poor man alone,” she scolded him angrily.

But Boris didn’t move away from the door and
leaned into Cody, getting as close to his face as he could. “You
sleep in the barn with all the other animals,” he snarled. “It
ain’t fit for a white woman to bed down with no Injun.”

Cody met the man’s icy gaze with one of his
own. “Fine. I just want my wife to get well again and we’ll
be moving on.”

Wife?
Suzanne thought hazily.
Why would he call me
his wife?

Marda grabbed Boris by the arm and dragged him
away from the door. “You are terrible,” she said
heatedly. “How dare you treat these people like this? His wife
is sick and with child. Have you no compassion?”

He glowered at her. “You’re gettin’
on my nerves, woman,” he said impatiently.

“Hah,” she declared indignantly.
“Don’t you ‘woman’ me, you old fool. Put some
wood on the fire while I go get dressed, and Cody?”

He looked at her.

“You’re welcome to stay in the house.
If anybody goes to sleep in the barn, it’s going to be that old
coot,” she said fiercely, pointing at her husband.

Under different circumstances, Cody might have
laughed at how the little woman pushed around the mountain man, but
he was too tired and edgy to find humor in much of anything. He went
back into the bedroom and closed the door. “I have to get out
of here,” he said uneasily as he started to get dressed. “Boris
can’t stand the sight of me.”

Suzanne started to get up as she looked around.
“Where are my clothes?”

He sat down on the edge of the bed and began to
pull his boots on. “No. You stay here. I’ll come back for
you,” he said quietly.