For the Love of Gracie (25 page)

Ashton laughed, "Yes, of course.  I wouldn’t want to jeopardize your gay card."

Ashton went back to the kitchen and grabbed my sandwich. "Eat this, please." 

I took a bite. One bite made my stomach growl in hunger. He chuckled softly. "I'll get some chips and a coke."

He turned to leave, then grabbed something off the couch. I didn’t see what it was, I was too lost in my sandwich. He was taking too long so I walked in there. 

On my way in I said, "What made you text me last night?" I stopped as I watched him reading the letter I wrote. 

He glanced up from the letter. "You know, if this was just a letter you wrote me it would be the best thing I'd ever read in my life. The fact that it is a suicide letter, kills me each time I even see it. You need to talk to someone, Gracie." 

I interrupted, "I know. I promise I will talk to you and Cameron, from now on."

He placed his hands on my shoulder. "No, Gracie. You need to talk to a professional, a rape counselor or a therapist." 

Cameron's voice sounded behind me, "He's right, Gracie. You're beyond what the two of us can do." 

I turned and smiled when I saw his freshly shaven face. I ran my hand along his smooth cheek. "I love your face." 

With an egotistical smirk, he said, "Everybody does." I threw my arms around his neck. He patted my back. "I'm going to give you two some alone time." 

He moved to the door, then turned back to me. "Can I have my letter?" 

I pulled it from my purse. "If you're sure…" 

Cameron reached out and took the letter from my hand. He heaved a sigh and said, "You listen to me, Gracie Walker. You ever contemplate leaving me again…"

He choked up before he could finish his sentence. I didn’t need him to say anything. I wrapped my arms around his chest and hugged him. 

He kissed my head and said, "I love you. Even when you're an asshat who wants to break my heart into a million pieces, I love you. So don't ever feel as though you're alone. Besides one amazingly hot best friend," he pointed at himself, "…Moi. You have that man in there, prince charming on a Harley, who was completely destroyed last night when he couldn’t find you. If you'd seen how devastated he was…well, don't do that to either of us again…
ever
." 

He grabbed my face with both hands, pulling me forward to kiss my lips. Ashton was standing in the room now. He patted Cameron on the back. "Call me later, man."

Ashton walked him out. They were gone for a few minutes, and I could only imagine what they were saying. Peeking out the window, I saw the two of them hug. Cameron got in his car to leave. Ashton lifted his arm to his face to wipe his eyes, he'd been crying again. 

Chapter Nineteen

This was one of the first times I’d really looked around Ashton's house. He had paintings on the wall and each one had his signature on them. On the table next to the couch was a picture of me from the day at the Frist Center. It was a picture of me laughing, though I didn’t remember him taking it. 

On the fireplace mantel were more pictures of me.  It was the series of pictures of me getting ready for the handstand on top of the concrete ball. It surprised me that all his pictures were of me, or of us together. I guessed I expected there to be a shrine to Addy, but I couldn’t find a single picture of her. 

The next picture was on the coffee table. Ashton and I were making goofy faces at the camera with our heads pressed together. I laughed loudly. 

Ashton came in at that moment and said, "I love that picture of us, it's one of my favorites." 

I waved him over to me. 

"Let's sit down, I need to tell you something," Ash said.

I followed him to the couch, he took my hand and held it. “You and I, Gracie, we’re forever. I know that in my heart. If you’re not ready for this, right now, I’ll let you go, because I know we’ll be back together soon. Don’t shut me out completely though. If all we can be is friends, I’ll accept that and I won’t push. You mean too much to me. I don’t want to live each day without you a part of my life, in some way. I’ll be the best friend you’ve ever had if that’s all you want from me.” 

I squeezed his hand in mine. “No one has ever said anything that means more to me than that.”
 

His face scrunched up in sadness and he dropped his gaze from mine. I lifted his chin to face me; his eyes were glossy with tears.

“Being friends with you is amazing in itself, but it about destroyed my heart. I know what I want in life…it’s you, Ash. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. I knew that before I met you. When I met you, I thought it was life’s cruel joke. The perfect man, everything I ever wanted, who would never want me. Instead, it was fate making my dreams come true. Who am I to argue with fate? With you, nothing seems impossible anymore. I’d be an idiot to turn away from you. I’ve been an idiot for too long, Ash. This is what I need, what I want, what I desire, more than anything else in life.” 

He exhaled. "Good, cause I'm not sure I could let you go." 

I smiled and kissed him softly. "Me either."

He leaned down and kissed the top of my head.  "You look tired." I said to him. 

He yawned, "Yeah, I haven’t slept in two days. I'll be fine, though. I want to spend time with you." Ashton put his arms around me, holding me close to him. 

"We have all the time in the world, Ash. I'll lay down with you if you don’t mind." 

He chuckled, "I can't sleep anymore without you there."

He took my hand and led me to the bedroom.  He turned his back to me and lifted his shirt off. I placed my palms against his skin. His body relaxed at my touch. I moved my hand across his shoulder blades, slowly. I pressed my lips against his back, as I moved my hands to the front of his chest.

"Gracie," he protested. 

I shushed him and said, "I discovered that as long as I lead, I can stay calm."

My splayed fingers rested on his chest as I continued planting kisses on his back. He didn’t move, I could feel his breathing increase. My palms slid down his front, caressing his skin. My fingers wrapped around his belt buckle. I unfastened his belt, unbuttoned his jeans, and slid his zipper down. He was letting me go as far as I wanted, without pushing, and I loved him for that. 

His face was reflected in the mirror to the right of us. His eyes were closed and his lips were turned up slightly. I slid his jeans down to the floor. I kissed the back of his strong muscular calves
and ran my hands up the front of his legs. When I stood again, my palms were resting on the front of his hips. He was dressed in only boxer briefs now. He turned to face me; my lips moved to his chest while his fingers ran through my hair. I pulled back from him. 

Our eyes met
as I stood back from him and unbuttoned my blouse. He bit his bottom lip and sucked in a breath watching the shirt slide off my shoulders.  Moving down to my jeans, I unfastened them as he watched me, intently. 

We were both standing in our underwear now. I stepped closer to him; his hands moved to my hips.  His head dipped down, his mouth inches from mine. "Are you sure?" 

I breathed out, "Yes, please." 

Ashton's lips met mine as his hands slid up my back. He unhooked my bra, sliding it off my arms. He lifted me up, carrying me to the bed. His hands traveled down my sides; I arched my back aching for him. His fingers grabbed the waistband of my panties. He slid them off slowly, then stood and removed his shorts.

Ashton slid into the bed beside me. He pressed his mouth against my cheek. "I'll stop anytime you want. Tell me if it's too much." 

He moved his body over mine, propping himself up on his arms above me. There was no fear, no trepidation of the future. My body didn’t tense at this touch. This moment was full of bliss and nothing else. There was no pain this time. I leaned my head back as he dipped his mouth to taste my skin.  

After hours of pleasure, we collapsed to the bed exhausted. Ashton curled up against my back.

He pulled the blanket up over me, kissed my shoulder and said, "Goodnight, bug, I love you." 

We were so exhausted we fell asleep in no time. I slept better than I had in forever.

When I finally did wake up, I realized we had slept for over ten hours. Ash was laying on his stomach beside me. The sheet draped low on his hips. He looked beautiful lying there so peacefully. He never stirred as I kissed his lower back. He was still sound asleep. 

I slid out of bed and slipped on his t-shirt. I was going to make us both a nice meal. My stomach growled loudly.

In his kitchen, I found all the ingredients I needed to make lasagna. Once it was prepared, and in the oven, I gathered the ingredients for a salad.

Ash had a stereo on the underside of his cabinets, I turned it on a low volume as I worked.  As I prepared the salad, I was dancing to John Mayer and snacking on cherry tomatoes. They were ripe and juicy and it helped to suppress the hunger a bit.

I couldn’t wait for Ash to wake up. Even though he was just in the other room, I missed him.  It was odd for me to want to be around someone so much; this was all so new to me. The timer showed ten minutes left on the lasagna. I popped a few croutons in my mouth as I was finishing up the salad. 

I snuck into the bedroom to see how Ashton was doing. The blanket had fallen down further, and it gave me a glimpse of his beautifully toned ass. The bed sunk slightly as I sat next to him. I ran my hands over his back, tracing the tattoo there. I couldn’t help
myself; I bent down and lightly nipped the side of his hip. 

His deep husky voice sounded muffled against the mattress as he said, "Did you just bite my ass?" 

I giggled. "Um, maybe." 

He rolled over, smiling. My leg was pulled up on the bed. His hand moved up my thigh, massaging his way up as he spoke. "Why are you out of bed?"

I gasped as he grabbed my waist and flipped me over, his body hovering over me. His hair was sticking up in all directions. I ran my fingers through it to smooth it back. Ashton brought my wrist to his mouth; his teeth nibbled at the sensitive skin. 

I felt the passion building up. "Why does that feel so good?"

He grinned. "Because I'm doing it and I am that awesome." 

I burst out laughing. "You've been hanging around Cameron too much. He's rubbing off on you." 

He rolled to lie next to me. "You give the best wake up calls," he said with a smile. 

I laughed as his lips brushed against mine.

The oven beeped, his eyebrow rose. "Are you cooking?"

I nodded and smiled. "I woke up starving. You looked so peaceful I didn’t want to disturb you."

He breathed in deeply. "It smells delicious."

We
went to the kitchen. I was about to open the stove when I glanced over at him and laughed. 

"What?" he asked. 

"You might want to put something on." 

He glanced down and realized he was completely naked. He laughed. "Oops, be right back." 

The lasagna was perfect. I slid on oven mitts to retrieve it from the stove. With the spatula, I sliced us each a nice chunk and put it on plates. Just before Ash had woken up, I had set the table for us with candles, napkins and silverware. I lit the candles, set the plates and went back to fix us each a salad. When he came out of the bedroom again, he was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. 

"Wow, everything looks great." He kissed my cheek. "Especially you." 

I motioned to the table. "Sit, I'll get our drinks and salads." He took a seat and I brought in a bottle of wine. Holding it up, I asked, "Is it okay to open this?" 

He nodded, "Yeah, of course." We sat down to eat. 

"Can I ask again, what made you text me last night?"

Ashton's face hardened. "I felt something…a pull in my chest. It felt a lot like the grief I felt when they told me Addy had died."

He set his fork down and placed his hand on top of mine on the table. "I had been thinking of you non-stop.  Something told me you may be in a place, mentally, where you felt alone. I wanted to remind you of my feelings for you. I wanted you to know that I was available if you needed me.”

He stopped talking, and shook his head. "Gracie, I've never been so happy for texting in my life." 

"I'm going to find a doctor to talk to. I don’t want to go to that dark place again. This morning, our reunion, that's the life I want. I know that now. I want to wake up next to you each morning, and make love to you each night." 

He grinned, "I like the sound of that life. So, when do you want to move in?" 

I choked on my bite of food. "What?" 

He reached for my hand. "I don’t want to go to sleep another night without you.  Move in with me?" 

The truth was, I hadn’t thought about anything other than staying with him. The last thing I wanted to do was go home and be away from him. The commitment of moving my things here had not occurred to me before, for some reason.