For Both Are Infinite (Hearts in London Book 1) (42 page)

“I love you.”

We face-timed so I could see him, and the stubble on his cheeks tempted me to touch him, to be near him, but that was better than nothing. After a week alone it was quite perfect.

∞

Sadie and I went to Hampton Court and it was great catching up with her. I still missed Rhys every second, and even if he’d been busy filming in London, I would have been happy. Knowing how far he was and being a whole day behind me was what hurt. We didn’t talk for the rest of the weekend except for some texts and that sucked, but he did send pictures from the set and tried keeping me involved.

Monday and Tuesday passed slowly, and although I was busy with work, it wasn’t enough. I went running every day, and out for dinner each night too, anything to avoid tortuously picturing him beside me in my flat. On Wednesday I went home to change for my run and found an envelope under my door. My name was on it, in his handwriting and for seconds I allowed myself to believe he was hiding in my apartment. I tore it open excitedly and found a note and two tickets.

Ellie,

Here’s something for you and Lena to enjoy while I’m gone. Please be careful, but have fun!

Love, Rhys.

“Holy shit,” I said to myself.

Rhys had bought front row seats to Artic Monkeys for that weekend. He wasn’t a fan, but knew we loved them and rightly assumed I’d look forward to it all week. I texted him an instant after.

Me: Thank you for the distraction. I’m so excited!

After I changed, I called Lena, who was apparently in on it and said she and Bruce would pick me up on Saturday. Rhys called later that night but only for a few minutes to hear how happy he had made me before rushing back on set.

I hadn’t heard from him before the concert. He had only called once, which I missed, and he sent occasional texts. I’d barely messaged him because I didn’t want to seem clingy since the relationship was feeling one-sided. I appreciated his gift, but what I really wanted was to hear from him and know he was thinking of me.

Friday I texted him a few times in my excitement that we’d made it through our second week. I also messaged about the upcoming concert only to realize I had sent five texts in less than an hour. So I sent one more.

Me: Sorry about all those texts.

Rhys: I’m not, you’ve hardly sent since I left.

Me: I know you’re busy.

Rhys: Never too busy for you.

Me: You seem pretty busy lately.

Rhys: I haven’t forgotten you if that’s what you’re implying.

Me: I know. I guess I thought we’d be able to talk more.

Rhys: I did too. I’m thinking of you nonstop. You know that right?

Me: Yeah, I’m doing the same.

Rhys: Have a great time at the show and call me Sunday, I’m off. We can talk about your visit next weekend…look how fast time is passing.

Me: Not fast enough, Mr. Edwards.

∞

Lena had told me to dress up, so I went all out. I wore leather skinny pants, and a long, shiny, silver tunic, topped with my leather moto jacket. I pulled my hair back in a high pony and even did my makeup dramatically. It felt nice to get dressed up, but I missed the way Rhys’ face changed whenever he saw me, so I sent him a picture to stay in touch.

Me: No one here to compliment me.

I didn’t expect an answer, but it came through immediately.

Rhys: OMG, I don’t think you’ll be lacking in compliments tonight. I wouldn’t let you leave the house, and not because I don’t want others to see you…that outfit just wouldn’t stay on for long.

Me: Wow, where’s my gentleman gone?

Rhys: Sorry, I’m not sorry…keep in mind it’s been two weeks.

I wished he was there to manhandle and kiss me. After having sex nonstop for a month, the last fourteen days were unbearable.

Lena came upstairs when she arrived and after hugging me as if we were old friends, she dumped her large purse on my counter and pulled out a small bottle of tequila and some limes, and asked for my salt.

“Mary Poppins, do you always have these items in your purse?”

She tilted her head back and laughed. “I do not,” she winked. “But tonight is special. I want you to have fun. My brother called and said it’s been tough for both of you, so that’s why we are going to get drunk and watch Alex Turner seduce us with his voice all night.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I do need this.”

“Good. By the way, you look fucking hot!”

I downed a shot and said, “Your brother agrees.”

“Here,” she said, handing me another full glass. “Two more…”

And as she took her third shot she said, “Bottoms up!”

∞

I don’t remember much after that. I remembered talking in the car about how much I missed Rhys, and how Lena comforted me and revealed that she’d never heard him so homesick. I recalled getting to the concert and being in awe of the seats he’d got us, only to drink more as the band started playing. And the last image I have is of Lena and I dancing like fools as they sang
Are You Mine?

I knew we had a good time, and vaguely remember Bruce dropping me off before taking Lena home. He walked me to my door and everything. But that was it. The next morning, I awoke in my same outfit, still wearing pounds of makeup and my filthy shoes touching the bed. I also stunk of cigarette smoke from everyone around us, but I didn’t care because I had fun. It felt good to have fun again; at least I thought so until I sat up and my room started spinning. It was so nauseating that I ran to the bathroom and hovered over the toilet for a bit.

I didn’t throw up, but I swore my brain was playing pinball against my skull. I couldn’t think straight, and the simultaneous drying and watering of my throat told me that I was going to be sick soon. Hoping a shower would help, I jumped in and thanked every deity that I didn’t have to work for two days.

I managed to wash off all the filth ingrained in my skin and forced myself to eat some bread. Water was another story, as I could barely drink three ounces. I lay back down sometime after, and I didn’t remember falling asleep again, but I did and slept deeply even without him. My entire day was spent in bed, turning over and falling asleep repeatedly, praying that I would stop feeling the side effects of the alcohol still in my system. I felt so ill I didn’t even consider that I hadn’t heard from Rhys. I didn’t even think to check my phone.

As the sun was setting I remembered and scrambled to find it in my purse filled with cocktail napkins. My phone was dead, which explained why I hadn’t heard from Rhys or Lena, and then I wondered what I might have missed. I plugged it in and as it booted up, I was relieved there were no messages. No news was good news, right? But then as service connected, voicemails and texts popped up concurrently.

The majority of them were from Rhys, with one from Lena. I came to the conclusion that I was in trouble, and saw his last voicemail was only two hours before. I pictured him worrying at work when he needed to focus and be in character and became angry with myself. Pressing play, I listened to them all on speaker phone.

“Hey love. I’m on a break and wanted to see how the concert was going. Thinking of you and I’m trying to call when I can. Love you.”

That one was at the concert; he didn’t know anything then.

“Love, it’s a little after 2:00 a.m. there. I know you said you’d call Sunday, but Lena isn’t answering either…just want to be sure you’re okay.”

“Ellie, I’m starting to worry. I know you’re not a heavy sleeper, so the phone should wake you.”

“Well, now I know you’ve turned off your phone or it’s dead. I don’t know if I’ve done something or if you’re safe. I know you think I’ve been too busy for you lately, but I swear I’m calling every chance I get. I hope you’re all right. I can’t focus till I know…I’m going to send Bruce soon if you don’t call back.”

After the last one, I read text messages with similar sentiments and then read Lena’s.

Lena: Hope you’re feeling better than I am…Rhys isn’t happy. He’s panicking because I told him we drank heavily and now he thinks you have alcohol poisoning. Call him ASAP and then call me.

I opted to text him because I knew he was on set.

Me: Hey, sooo sorry. I’ve been sleeping off the worst hangover ever and my phone died. I’m ready to talk when you have a chance. Love you.

My phone felt lifeless for too long, but rang loudly five minutes later.

“Hey,” I said, my voice shaky from nerves.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I just drank too much. Your sister sure knows how to party.”

“How drunk were you? Do you know how worried I’ve been?”

Rhys wasn’t shouting, but there was palpable anger in his tone and I could picture him annunciating his words through his straight teeth. It took me a moment to respond as he reprimanded me, and the more questions he threw the angrier I became.

“Rhys, I just needed a night out. I got carried away and already feel like shit. I’m still throwing up, feel terrible because I missed your calls and worried you. Don’t make me feel worse,” I shouted, hurting my throat in the process.

“I don’t think you quite understand how concerned I’ve been. I was just about to call Noah to pop by because Bruce was with family today. But Noah is out of town, and then I almost called John. You need to take care of yourself while I’m gone, I can’t do it from here.”

His comment boiled my blood, and I wasn’t sure where my anger came from, but it poured from my mouth. I think I was frustrated that he was right, but also by the implication that I was a child who couldn’t care for myself. Worse, I registered that even though I was mad, I wanted him there to take care of me.

“Rhys, I’ve taken care of myself perfectly before you came along, I think I’ll manage for seven weeks without your rude chastising. How dare you make me feel like your project? I love you, and I know you care for me, but I’m not yours to fix!”

Those last five words stung my tongue as they passed my lips, but I’m sure they stung him all over. He was quiet for a moment, perhaps recovering from my harsh comments, or maybe he was shocked I had even thought them.

“Ellie,” he whispered softly, pleading with me. “I freaked out. You always answer my calls.” I felt bad for a second, but then I heard a passive-aggressive shift in his tone. “But you know what? You
do
need to take care of yourself when I can’t. I’ve never seen you so drunk, and what’s with the pictures of the band all over you?”

“Pictures?” I paused. “Rhys, I have to go.” I was about to throw up and I was lacking patience for his attitude.

“No, don’t hang up. I have a long night of filming later and I won’t be able to talk. I was just worried you’d passed out in the tub or something.”

“Well, now you know I’m fine. Like I said, I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Darling—” was the last word I heard before I hung up on him, confused and heartbroken.

∞

I called Lena after eating another bagel and she revealed she had been yelled at too. I knew Rhys had good intentions, and if it were the other way around, I would’ve freaked out too, but he needed to cut me some slack. Lena said, “I think he assumed we hooked up with the band. There are pictures on my Instagram that prove they drank and smoked with us, a few with their arms around our waists. Maybe when you didn’t answer he assumed something happened. I told him you were probably nursing a wicked hangover.”

“There are pictures? He mentioned them.”

“Oh yeah! We got camera happy last night…”

“Great, I’ll have to look. I don’t remember that.”

“You’re a fun drunk though, for what it’s worth. I was worried it would backfire, but you were a blast.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been that smashed though. I’ve never forgotten things.”

“It’ll pass. We’ll do it again, maybe not so crazy though, yeah?”

“Yeah. How did we even meet the band?”

“Remember, Noah arranged it?”

And then I recalled that Lena had mentioned in the car that she and Noah had hooked up a few times and she was pretty sure he liked her significantly. They just never seemed to figure out what they both wanted. She also told me that she suspected he was paranoid about Rhys’ reaction.

“Anyways, give the poor bastard a call and make up. He loves you.”

I let things be with Rhys for a bit; knowing he was on set gave me time to think. I wanted to figure out why I’d been so angry. I think it was because I had been so miserable without him, and was trying to stay afloat. I needed a night out, so when he’d bought the tickets only to punish me for enjoying them, I found it hypocritical. But then I considered that he was worried, and I would’ve felt the same way had it been me in his shoes.

I also looked up the pictures Lena mentioned and they were definitely suggestive. But did he actually think I was capable of cheating on him? Did he really think that little of me? Then again I had implied the same thing about Joan only increasing my self-righteousness.

I didn’t talk to him until Monday afternoon because he hadn’t called back or texted. I suspected he was angry or hopefully too busy filming. After finally feeling better, I went for a walk in Hyde Park and ended up by the row boats. It was stupid to be upset over his protectiveness, especially when it was one of my favorite qualities of his. As I sat there picturing us rowing, Rhys texted me as if he knew where I was.