For All Our Tomorrows (21 page)

His hands seemed quite unable to let go of her right now. One was slipping under her blouse, smoothing her bare skin, sending little shivers of excitement racing down her spine.

‘But you’re Chad’s girl and therefore untouchable. I made a big mistake that first time because I really didn’t care then. Now I do. I care a lot about you, Bette.’

‘Do you?’ It was the first time she’d heard him use her name.

‘Sure. I couldn’t be so selfish and arrogant with you now. But you want me too, I know you do, deep down.’

His mouth had found her throat and Bette let out a small groan of pleasure. ‘Oh, Barney, it’s true. I like you too. I’ve even found myself wishing that I wasn’t Chad’s girl, that I was yours. I’m never quite sure which of you I’m dreaming about. What are we going to do?’

There was a moment’s silence, then his arms tightened about her as he buried his face in her hair, half of him transfixed by the sweet scent of her, the other part wondering where he might find a dry patch of grass. ‘Maybe we’ll get lucky and Chad will find himself another gal while he’s in Devon, huh?’

‘Oh, do you think that’s likely?’ Bette wasn’t certain that this thought pleased her, yet as Barney led her into the woods, still kissing her, nibbling her ear and his hands doing things they really oughtn’t, she felt half dazed with longing and hoped he might nod or say that yes, he had already. At least then she’d know where she stood. ‘He hasn’t written and said so, has he? Because if you know something I don’t, I’d much rather you told me the truth, the whole truth.’

Barney was pushing her down into the long grass. ‘I’ve heard nothing more than you. Wish I had. I don’t know what’s happened to him. It’s a mystery.’

Bette felt a draught of cool air on her breasts, and then the warmth of his hands, which made her gasp. When did he unbutton her blouse? She really shouldn’t be doing this but it was far too late to stop him now. The blood was pounding in her ears. She was young, hot with need and surrender seemed somehow inevitable.

The following week, when next she saw Barney she could tell at once that he had news. ‘You’ve heard something, haven’t you? He’s back, isn’t he? He’s written you a letter saying he’s coming home. We’ll have to stop seeing each other, is that it?’

Barney’s eyes didn’t quite meet hers. ‘Right after we’d talked last week, I gotta letter from his mom.’

‘Saying what? That he’s married, got himself a new girl, what?’ She was frantic to know, impatient with his slowness to explain. Still he didn’t answer and something about his silence chilled her. ‘He is ok, isn’t he? What have you heard? For God’s sake, tell me.’

Barney rubbed a hand over his chin. ‘I don’t know how. It ain’t easy.’

‘Get on with it, please.’ Bette felt as if every muscle were turning to liquid fire and yet she felt terribly, dreadfully cold.

 
‘His mom was wanting news, as we all are, so I asked to see the major, just to see if maybe he could find something out. This afternoon, he sent for me and told me that Chad Jackson has been reported as missing in action, presumed killed. I’m sorry, sugar, but that’s how it is.’
 

Somebody screamed, shouting that it couldn’t be true, that it was all a lie, that Chad would be safe home next week, next month. Only when Bette struck out at him and Barney grabbed her by the wrists to stop her from hitting him, desperately trying to calm her, did she realise that the terrible sounds were coming out of her own mouth. Only then did the all-consuming anger leave her, as abruptly as it had come, and she fell into his arms in tears.

She’d known of course, that it would come to this. In her heart she’d known all along that he was dead. How could he not be? If Chad had been alive anywhere in the world, he’d have found some way to contact her. ‘And do you know the worst thing of all?’ Bette said, as she sat under the trees in station woods, huddled in Barney’s arms, trying to warm herself and stop this dreadful shaking as she struggled to digest the awful truth that Chad was gone.

‘What?’

‘I grieve for him, of course I do, but not as much as I would if I didn’t have you. I love you both. Isn’t that terrible?’

He seemed to go very still, then he gripped her hard by the arms, gave her a little shake, so that Bette was certain there’d be bruises there tomorrow. ‘What the hell are you saying, girl? That you love me?’

‘Yes. Of course I do. I do, I do.’

They fell back into the long grass and made love this time with a wild passion, a frantic, desperate need as if to prove that life still pulsated through their veins, at least. To Bette, it meant that she could endorse her words with every touch, every kiss, and in a burst of emotional tears at her climax.

To Barney it was a physical necessity, the needs of a soldier on the eve of war.

Afterwards, Bette lay in his arms and wept again, this time for Chad. ‘I did love him once. He was sweet and kind, a bit awkward and shy, but so caring.’

‘Best buddy a guy could have. I’ll miss him.’

A small silence and then, ‘There is just one other small problem that perhaps I should mention.’

He was stroking her hair as she lay with her head on his chest, surreptitiously glancing at his watch as he did so, to check if there was time for another round. ‘What’s that, sugar?’

‘I’m pregnant, and the awful thing is, I don’t know which of you is the father.’
 

‘It’s very good of you to give me a lift,’ Sara said as Charles Denham pulled up in his jeep. ‘I’m on one of my missions to collect prizes and stuff for the fête. I’ve pestered everyone in Fowey enough, so thought I’d try Golant, Lostwithiel and Lerryn. They often like to join up with our events. Good job I’m not collecting salvage. You certainly wouldn’t want a load of old newspapers or bottles in an army vehicle.’
 

‘Maybe I wouldn’t mind so much, if you came along with them.’ They smiled at each other, a smile which carried rather more meaning than it should. ‘How come you’ve no car? Not that I mind, you understand. I’m just curious.’

Sara was silent, and he glanced curiously at her.

‘Hugh is using the car this morning, so I would have had to catch the bus, which takes so much longer. I’m most grateful.’

‘But if he knew you had to collect stuff . . .’ His attention was taken by a herd of cows who were ambling along the lane right in front of them and he had to slow right down and then stop the jeep to wait for them all to be ushered through a gate. ‘So why did Hugh take the car?’

‘Oh, he has these moods now and then. All very silly. Male ego, I suppose.’

Silence again while he thought about this. One cow had made a break for freedom and the farmer was cursing and sending a dog after it. ‘Anything to do with us?’

‘Us?’

‘Don’t pretend, Sara. I don’t think I could bear that. You know how it is between us, these feelings we’re trying to pretend don’t exist.’

A small silence and then a sigh. ‘They mustn’t exist. We can’t let them exist. I’m married.’

‘I note you’ve left off the happily this time. So am I married. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make one immune to falling in love.’

They both sat watching the pantomime antics of the dog and the cow, not daring to even glance at each other. ‘Is that what we’ve done? Fallen in love? Oh, I do hope not. That would be quite dreadful.’

‘Why would it? Ok, you already said why. We’re both married. Blast it, they’ve caught the renegade, now we’ll have to drive on.’

They said nothing more as he drove along the winding lane up to Fowey Cross and then on to Lostwithiel, but Sara’s mind was churning. It was true, what he said. It might be frightening, terrifying even, to hear the words spoken out loud, but it was no revelation to her. She did love him, and in her heart she’d known all along that he loved her too.

He parked by the river but neither of them made any effort to get out of the vehicle, and still Sara hadn’t cast a single glance in his direction.

‘Look at me, Sara.’

‘I can’t.’

‘I’m not going to do anything. I’m not going to embarrass you by kissing you in public, for all I might long to do so. I have too much respect for you for that, but I want you to know how I feel about you. I want you to see it in my eyes, to know that it’s not anything to do with my being homesick or missing my wife. The sad fact is I don’t miss her at all. We should never have got married, Yvonne and I. Both our families hustled us into it, and it was a mistake. I think she may have found herself another guy, someone to keep her company now that I’m not there. Soon as I get home, I’ll be filing for divorce. I know this doesn’t help much, not right now, but I wanted you to know all of that.’

‘Thank you.’ Then Sara got out of the jeep and walked away, spine rigid, without a single backward glance. Only when she reached the bridge, quite out of sight did she lean on the parapet and sob as if her heart would break. Charlie might well be able to break free from his marriage, but there was no way she could ever escape from Hugh.

Chapter Twenty

‘Whatever happens, Sadie must never know.’ Bette and Sara were on the Polruan ferry, ostensibly taking the children out for one of their regular Saturday afternoon jaunts while the two sisters caught up on each other’s news. The kind which would take some explaining on all sides.

Sara had said nothing yet about her own situation, being far too stunned by Bette’s news.

The sun was shining on this clear April day, and the picturesque village of Polruan just across the water from Fowey, with its huddle of cottages that clung to the hillside, bore it’s usual bustle of activity. The navy was much in evidence, as usual, along with the US marines, the boatyard awash with work, men crawling over half-finished vessels like dozens of busy ants. And around the corner of the harbour wall, in Pont Pill, a warship stood at anchor, perhaps suffering some repairs or resting beside the calm wooded banks before returning refreshed to its duties. A Dutch salvage tug stood not far away, a couple of drifters, and the usual clutch of motor gunboats, auxiliary patrol boats and mine-sweepers moored cheek by jowl in the river.

A fishing trawler, French, by the look of it, hit the only incongruous note in this armoury of fighting vessels. Frightening as the reality was behind this erroneously idyllic scene, Sara felt proud to be a part of it.

Yet sadness was a part of her emotion on this day.

‘I can’t believe poor Chad is dead. Or that you could so quickly forget him. Are you certain that you know what you’re doing, Bette? I thought you didn’t really care for Barney.’

‘I haven’t forgotten him. I still love Chad but I love Barney too.’

‘How can you love two men? That’s not possible.’

‘I don’t know but somehow I do. Oh, Barney has his faults, I don’t deny it. He loves to brag about how marvellous he is, how big and wonderful America is, and how small and shabby England is, but there’s another side to him altogether. One I’ve seen a lot of recently. He can be fun, a dreamy dancer, and surprisingly home loving. There’s nothing he likes better than to share our simple suppers, and you should have seen him with Dad and those rabbits. Hilarious!’

‘And you say he’s offered to marry you, even though . . .’ Sara dropped her voice, making sure that Jenny and Drew were out of earshot, happily helping the ferryman to steer. ‘Even though the child isn’t his?’
 

‘He
wants
to marry me. He
loves
me!’

Barney had been utterly stunned when she’d confessed her pregnancy to him, his face had gone so white and shocked that she’d thought for a moment he might turn tail and run, but that was men for you. Never did consider the consequences of their actions.

‘We don’t know for certain that the child isn’t his. It could be.’

‘Bette!’

The expression on her sister’s face compelled her add, ‘Don’t look so accusing. We had a mad moment of passion, that’s all. He’s behaved himself since. The perfect southern gentleman. Well, mostly. It’s different now that we’re engaged, of course.’

‘Engaged? He’s given you a ring already, with Chad only just . . ?’

‘No, no, no ring yet, but he will, as soon as it seems right.’

‘Oh, Bette, I do worry about you, I really do. You’re so impulsive, flitting from one man to the other. That’s no way to carry on.’

‘And what about you? Miss Goody-Two-Shoes. You should have heard what Nora Snell was saying about you when she was under the drier the other day. It’s just as well it was me who was doing her hair on that occasion, and not Mam.’

‘Oh, lord, what’s she been saying now? Whatever it is, don’t believe a word of it.’

Bette laughed. ‘So you weren’t in Charles Denham’s jeep then? And your cheeks aren’t bright pink with guilt?’

‘Look, we’ve arrived. Come on children. Take care as you get out of the boat. Don’t forget your fishing net, Drew.’

‘You carry it for me, Mummy.’

‘I certainly will not. You know very well I told you not to bring it. You’ll be lucky if we get near enough to any rock pools today. Jenny, look where you’re putting your feet or you’ll fall into the sea. There we are, safe and sound on dry land. Right children, race you to the top of the hill.’