Fooling Around (21 page)

He couldn’t see her face very clearly in the dark. He wished he knew what she was thinking.

He wanted to be with her completely, all the way.

“Julie,” he began again.

She lowered her face to kiss him deeply again, and he was immediately lost in the pleasure, in the feeling, in his absolute need for this woman.

She lifted up enough to move his erection into position, and then she was sheathing him with her warmth, her perfect tightness. He let out a helpless groan as she leaned back down to kiss him.

She kept kissing him as she started to move, riding him in a slow rhythm. His mind blurred, and he was too overwhelmed to take any sort of control over the encounter.

It didn’t matter. She was making love to him. He could let himself go with her in a way he’d never been able to before.

They moved together for a long time in the dark, the silence broken only by their thick breathing, growing faster as the pleasure built between them.

Eric’s chest ached so much he could barely take it, but he had no idea why. He was feeling so much. He had so little power over it. Eventually, he was moaning loudly, uninhibitedly, as he felt climax approaching.

As he felt something else approaching that he didn’t understand.

Julie was close to orgasm too. Her body had tightened and her motion had become fast and jerky. He tried to give her everything he had, even dazed and helpless as he felt, and he gasped with relief as he felt her coming, just before the sensations broke hard inside him.

He was aware of something as the release broke. Something wet on his cheeks and chest. Julie was crying.

Maybe it was just because she was feeling so much, just like he was. Women cried sometimes from nothing more than an overflow of feeling. He pulled her close as his body started to relax. He pressed little kisses on her skin. He thought she was murmuring something, but then her lips covered his again.

Before he wanted it, she was pulling off him and taking care of the condom. She went to the bathroom to throw it away, and he reached out to pull her back in the bed.

She leaned over and pressed a kiss on his lips. She murmured, “That’s all.”

And then she was leaving the room, closing the door behind her, before Eric could make his mind work, before he could react, before he could move at all.

He lay in bed for several minutes, trying to figure out what had just happened.

He shouldn’t have done that. He’d known even as she climbed into bed that he was putting himself in a very shaky position. He wanted her now more than ever, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to hold himself back anymore—no matter the consequences.

Maybe she was feeling just like he was. Why else would she have come and gone the way she had?

He didn’t like it. It didn’t feel exactly right.

And he couldn’t help but wonder if she’d actually been crying.

He stayed in bed for a long time, trying to work it all out. He’d resolved not to make any moves on her, so he shouldn’t go to her room and demand an explanation, or even just make sure she was all right.

But after an hour, he still couldn’t go to sleep, and he was starting to worry about the tears he’d felt on his skin.

He didn’t care if it was wrong. If it wasn’t what a boss should do. If it meant that he’d never be fully in control of his heart again.

He had to see her. He had to make sure she was okay.

He started to jump out of bed, then remembered the damned cast. Instead of moving quickly, he had to pull his wheelchair into position and then maneuver himself into it, which was never easy. So it was another few minutes before he was leaving his room and rolling down the hall toward hers.

He knocked on her door.

When she didn’t answer, he opened the door a crack. The light was on, so she must still be awake.

“Julie?” he asked.

No answer.

He pushed the door open the rest of the way. “Julie?”

Still no answer.

He stared around the bedroom. The bed was made. All the surfaces were empty. There wasn’t a sound or a sign of Julie anywhere.

Frowning, he wheeled himself in farther, noticing that one of the doors of the armoire was hanging open.

The cabinet was completely empty. He checked a few of the drawers and they were empty too.

The closet held nothing but a few hangers. The bathroom surfaces were perfectly clear.

His heart racing painfully, he moved back toward the bed, opening every drawer he could reach.

All of them were empty. All of them…

Except the drawer to the nightstand.

She’d left the book he’d given her there.

She hadn’t wanted it.

She hadn’t wanted
him
.

She hadn’t even said goodbye, but he knew exactly what had happened.

She had left him.

It didn’t matter how helplessly in love with her he was. She was still gone.

“Are you crazy?” Marie demanded, staring at Julie over a cup of hazelnut coffee. She always bought expensive beans and ground them herself. Another one of her indulgences. Another way to forget where they’d come from. “You only had five more weeks left of the three months!”

Julie sipped her coffee and tried not to feel annoyed and resentful toward her sister. Marie seemed worse now than she had before—more petty, more selfish, almost cheap in a way she’d never felt before, like her whole lifestyle was one big fake.

It wasn’t fair. Her sister hadn’t changed, and she had good qualities and bad qualities, just like everyone else. Julie was the one who had changed. Things would look different after she felt better, after she’d transitioned from her time with Eric.

He was feeling more and more like a dream, like a fantasy that hadn’t really taken place. Julie was back in the world where she belonged now, and this was where she was going to stay.

It hurt right now. It hurt like hell. But it was better this way.

Maybe she’d had a few sneaking imaginings of Eric coming after her, calling her up, demanding to know where she’d gone and talking her into coming back.

But he hadn’t made any contact last night or this morning. He must know by now that she was gone. He’d be fine without her for the last month, and he’d be able to move on without any unnecessary complications.

Their time was over, as she’d known it was.

“I earned half a million dollars. That’s more than enough.”

“But you could have had twice as much. Why the hell didn’t you just hang on a few more weeks?”

“Because I couldn’t. I was there. You weren’t. I held out as long as I could.”

For just a moment, a flicker of worry passed over Marie’s face. “Did he…He didn’t hurt you or anything, did he?”

“No. No.” Julie felt her cheeks redden, flustered even by the suggestion. “Of course he didn’t. He’s just very hard to work for, and I couldn’t take it anymore. This is the best thing for me.”

“But think about what we could have done with a million dollars. Half a mil won’t go nearly so far.”

Julie wanted to roll her eyes at how it had become “we,” as if what she’d earned wasn’t her own. She didn’t argue, though. She would end up making her own decisions about the money. She would probably spend some of it to help out her sister, because they were her family and she wanted the best for her nieces and nephews.

It wasn’t in her nature to keep it all to herself.

It would just be nice if Marie hadn’t automatically assumed that was what she would do.

Marie adjusted her bathrobe. She’d gotten up just in time to get the kids off to school, and she hadn’t yet showered or dressed. Julie had been up for hours already, having been unable to sleep.

Last night it had been so late she’d just crashed, saying she would explain everything tomorrow. She really wished the conversation were already over.

“Well, think about it today, and maybe you’ll come to your senses and see if he’ll take you back.”

“That’s not going to happen, Marie.”

“Let’s just see.” Marie shook her head, her glossy, highlighted hair brushing against her skin. “Anyway, I’m busy most of the day. This afternoon I have Pilates and then I have several meetings. Did I tell you I’m organizing the fundraiser for the community association? Since you won’t be doing anything, would you mind picking the kids up from school?”

“Sure.” Julie didn’t have anything else to do, and she didn’t have the energy to say no just because.

“Okay. Thanks. And keep thinking about it. You might find that you made a mistake.”

It was possible. It was certainly possible that Julie had made the biggest mistake of her life.

But right now it didn’t feel that way. It felt like she’d managed to escape—not from Eric but from this fantasy life she’d convinced herself was real.

It might be boring this way, but at least it wasn’t going to crush her.

As if on cue, she heard a text come in with a chirp on her phone.

She grabbed for it, hoping despite herself that it was Eric, who might be asking what was wrong.

It wasn’t. It was Ned. He wanted to go out with her.

Of course he did. He was the right match for her—the only match that made any sense. He was a nice guy. He treated her well. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him.

He wasn’t Eric, but nobody was. She wasn’t going to live her life hoping for something that would never happen.

She might as well go out with Ned.

This was the life waiting for her now.

Eric couldn’t remember when he’d had a worse day.

He had a lot of work he should be doing, but none of it was meetings or phone calls, so he didn’t have external distractions to keep his mind focused on his work. He had to just sit at his desk, pretending to care about a report that had come in from the marketing group he had hired.

The hours stretched on endlessly, and everything got on his nerves—from the itching under his cast to a piece of hair that kept tickling his neck. Julie would have found a way to fix it, without his even asking her.

But Julie wasn’t here.

His first instinct had been to run after her, but she’d clearly rejected him. There was absolutely no other way to interpret her disappearance, her leaving the book he’d thought she would love, her not even saying a word.

He’d never been rejected before, and it was a strange and infuriating feeling. He was almost embarrassed when he thought about how pitiful he’d been last night, completely in her thrall, incapable of taking control or holding himself back, when all the time she’d been planning to leave. It didn’t matter that he’d told her a few days ago that they shouldn’t be together again. They’d shared something powerful last night, and then she’d walked away from him without a word.

He couldn’t help but think she might change her mind and come back, apologize for leaving the way she had. She had a kind heart. He knew she did. She would have to feel bad for leaving him, hurting him the way she had.

She hadn’t, though. It was five o’clock in the evening, and he hadn’t heard a word from her.

He wasn’t some sort of whipped puppy, after all, to go slinking after a woman who’d given him the brush-off. If she didn’t want him, that was fine with him. He could move on, just like he’d always done before.

But it wasn’t as easy as it should have been.

He was already miserable, spending all his time brooding about her, picturing her, trying to reason out why she’d left him the way she had.

He’d thought, last night, that she had feelings for him after all, that she hadn’t wanted to do the smart thing and stay professional. But obviously the sex had just been a way of breaking it to him gently.

Nothing was gentle about his feelings now, though. He wanted to roar in outrage.

And he did, when Kristin accidentally spilled coffee on his arm.

It had been one of those days when he’d drunk coffee all day long.

“Sorry,” Kristin said quickly. “I’m so sorry.” She rubbed at his arm with a tissue.

He yanked his arm away. “Leave it.”

Kristin’s lips tightened, but she didn’t say anything. She just sat down again, poised to type out whatever he wanted to dictate.

He didn’t want to dictate anything. He wanted Julie, and she wasn’t here.

He was silent for a long time, filled with a bleak heaviness that just didn’t lift.

When he pulled himself together, he glanced over at Kristin and saw she was looking at him in concern.

“What?” he demanded.

Kristin cleared her throat. “So is…Julie not coming back?”

Hearing the words spoken hurt even more. “No. She’s not coming back.”

“What happened?” Then her face tightened, as if she’d surprised herself by asking something so directly.

Eric was surprised too, and there was no way he could possibly explain it.

“Is she okay?” Kristin asked in a different tone.

“How the hell should I know?” he bit out, unable to stop himself. “I have no idea why she left.”

Kristin was silent a long time. Then she finally said, “Has it ever occurred to you that she left because you kept treating her like this?”

Eric sucked in an indignant breath, but then his mind caught up to his anger. She was right. Of course she was right. He was treating her like crap and she didn’t deserve it. “I’m sorry,” he muttered.

Kristin shook her head. “I don’t care. I’m used to it. But maybe Julie wasn’t. You were awfully short with her, ever since you came back from the beach.”

“Yeah, but that was because…” He trailed off. He absolutely couldn’t tell Kristin why he’d had to be so short with Julie, that it was the only way he could manage not to drag her back into his bed.

“Does
she
know why?” Kristin asked softly.

He stared at her for a long time, thinking through the question. “I don’t…I don’t know.”

“Maybe she left because she doesn’t know. Maybe she just assumed you were being mean to her.”

“But I told her we couldn’t…” He trailed off again. He’d told her that they had no future, so he could hardly be surprised that she’d left him. This whole thing was his fault. He’d ended things between them when he hadn’t wanted to. He’d been too scared to see it through, too worried about making himself vulnerable.

Maddy was the best thing in his life, no matter how much she made his heart hurt.

He could risk letting Julie in too. He had to. He couldn’t stand the thought of living his life without her.

He started to his feet before he remembered he couldn’t stand up easily because of the damned cast.

“Do you need Tim to take you somewhere?” Kristin asked, looking surprised and hopeful.

“Yeah. I’m not sure where, though. Julie has a sister. Named Mary or Marie or something. I need her address.”

“I can find it. I’ll call Tim.”

“Thanks.” He felt a little rueful about the way he’d been treating her. “Sorry about everything.”

“I know.” Kristin was smiling as she started searching on her computer. “You’re all bark and no bite.”

Eric wasn’t sure he liked that idea. He’d always assumed he had plenty of bite.

But maybe he didn’t. Maybe he was sappy fool after all.

He didn’t really care. All he cared about was getting Julie back.

An hour and a half later, Tim pulled the car up to the curb on a suburban block outside of Charlotte. It was one of those new-construction, cookie-cutter subdivisions where big, soulless houses perched on tiny lots, with one newly planted tree in the corner of each small front yard and an SUV in every driveway.

This didn’t seem like Julie’s kind of neighborhood at all. She wouldn’t be happy here.

“Which house is her sister’s?” he asked, opening the little window that divided the front from the back.

Tim pointed to the gray house on the corner, exactly like all the others except that it had an old sedan parked in front of the garage. “That one there. You want me to pull into the driveway?”

“No. Hold on a minute. I’m not sure she’s even there.”

He pulled out his phone to text her, to make sure she was actually at her sister’s before he went and pounded on the front door.

“Hey,” Tim said, bringing his attention back to the window. “Look there.”

Eric recognized the man who had gotten out of the pickup truck parked at the curb in front of the house. It was the same guy Julie had gone out with a few times.

He froze as he saw Julie come out the front door of the house and give the man a hug. Then they walked up to the front door together.

Eric watched in a daze as Julie talked to the man, smiled at the man, before they went in the front door.

“Just go,” Eric said to Tim.

“Are you sure? They might not—”

“Just go!”

Tim backed up and turned around in a driveway so they wouldn’t have to drive by the house and risk being seen. Then they were heading back to the city, away from what Eric had just seen.

This was what he did. He made a quick turn. He walked away. He didn’t exert effort on what was hard, on what might never pay off in the end.

He was just doing now what he always did. He’d been stupid for thinking he might ever be different.

He was seething with jealousy, with the desire to snatch Julie out of that other man’s arms. But that wasn’t the deepest feeling. That wasn’t the worst.

The worst was the memory of what Julie had told him at the beach, and how true her words actually were.

She’d said her time with him was like a daydream, not part of her real world.

She’d meant it. She’d had fun with him. She’d tested her wings. But then she’d gone back to the world she was familiar with, the world she wanted to spend the rest of her life in.

It wasn’t with Eric. He was just a passing fantasy—one to be indulged briefly and then set aside.

He could even understand why she would believe it.

She didn’t love him. He knew it with absolute certainty.

Not the way he loved her.

Julie had decided not to go out with Ned after all.

She’d called him back intending to accept his offer of a date, but then she’d realized how unfair it would be.

She wasn’t interested in him. Not really. She couldn’t use him to make herself feel better after losing Eric.

So instead she’d invited him over to dinner with her sister and her family. That would be friendly enough but wouldn’t be romantic, and it wouldn’t be brushing him off completely.

It would also keep the door open, in case she changed her mind and decided she wanted to date him later on, after she got over Eric.

Dinner was fine. They all had pleasant, superficial small talk over the roast and risotto Marie had made. They talked about work and they talked about the kids and they talked about some of the activities the community association was planning.

And Julie was incredibly bored the whole time.

She smiled and nodded and kept up her part of the conversation, but she was deeply relieved when she finally got up to pick up the dinner dishes and get dessert ready.

She hated this. She didn’t want to be doing this. It felt wrong to her, that she was pretending this was her choice when it wasn’t her choice at all.