Following Your Heart (41 page)

Ahead of her, the long line of boys and girls moved toward the bedroom door where a round circle of chairs would be set out. Thomas had been in the lead, and he was already inside. He wore what must be a brand-new black suit this morning. Some of the other boys also looked like they had on new suits or freshly brushed ones. Sunlight flittered past the hall window's blue drapes, revealing hardly a speck of dust on the boys' black pants.

Susan had spent part of yesterday working on the last touches for Teresa's new black dress. Teresa looked down at the fabric still crisp and unwrinkled after the ironing this morning. She pressed her eyes together. It would not do to wipe tears with her handkerchief. The crying could come, but later, when it made sense, not during instruction class. She really must stop thinking of Anna and Susan's kindness or the tears would be flying all over the place.

Teresa entered the bedroom and pulled the door shut behind her. The old latch clicked and she jumped. Bishop Henry smiled in her direction as she sat down. Her face must look on fire from how it was burning. Deacon Ray was looking at the floor, paying her no mind.

Bishop Henry cleared his throat and spoke. “We are glad as a ministry that all of you have come to this day. Your lives have now been observed during the time we have been giving you instructions on the basics of our faith. Today is your baptismal day, when you will make holy vows to God and to the church.”

Teresa watched his face as Bishop Henry stroked his beard. He seemed lost in thought now, and Deacon Ray looked up, waiting. Was something wrong? Susan had assured her last night that if no one had come to speak with her by then, there would be no problem today.

Bishop Henry's gaze moved down the people sitting in the long line of chairs.

Teresa looked away shyly.

“All of the community stands in agreement today that you are prepared for baptism,” Bishop Henry continued. “I have heard no complaints against any of you from the ministers here in this room or from any of our members. If Deacon Ray will read the last of the instructions, we can continue with this day. Hopefully the hour will not go too late with as many of you as there are.”

Deacon Ray read in his now familiar voice. Teresa listened carefully to each word. Now that the day had arrived and there were apparently no objections to be raised against her, it might not be necessary to listen as closely. But they were still good words, and she wanted to remember them later. Samuel would soon be saying his first words, and he would need to be taught the truths of the faith, especially as he had no father.

Would Menno allow her to continue living at the farm? They couldn't do that forever, but maybe she could find employment cleaning houses for the
Englisha
people, like some of the young Amish girls did until she could save up enough money to rent a place.

The tears finally ran down her cheeks, and Teresa let them flow.

“You'll be one of us,” Susan had told her last night.

Teresa blinked away her tears and looked at Thomas sitting on his chair. He was so strong, so handsome…and so sad. Susan should have been here today, sitting beside him, being baptized the same day as he was.
Oh, dear God
, she prayed,
let me somehow help Susan like she has helped me
. But how could she? Susan was so stubborn, and still so upset that James hadn't come around to speak to Teresa. How strange that was. One day James wasn't supposed to come around according to Susan, and yet on the next he was supposed to. Teresa bowed her head. It was high time to stop thinking such thoughts about James. She needed to listen to Deacon Ray and the instructions he was reading. The moments passed as Teresa wiped her eyes and concentrated.

When there was silence, Teresa looked up to see Deacon Ray closing his little booklet. They would soon go downstairs to sit in the front row. Susan had been clear on that last night. “Don't go back to your seat. Follow the others to the front row. Don't worry if everyone stares at you. That's what people do when you sit in the front row.”

“I wish now to give you final instructions,” Bishop Henry said. “As church members, you will be expected to keep obeying the rules of the church and to uphold them for the future generations. Our children and our grandchildren cannot be expected to believe like we do if we do not believe our faith with our whole hearts.

“As church members you will be expected to admonish others who do not obey as they ought. This is the way Scripture instructs us to act. If a member fails to listen to you, then you must go to Deacon Ray and explain the matter to him. He will take care of it from there. If there are no questions, instruction is concluded.”

He waited a minute or two. “All right. Please file downstairs and sit on the front benches. The ministers will be down soon.”

The boys went first, with Thomas leading the way. Teresa brought up the end of the line again, closing the door behind her, the loud click of the latch was muffled by their footsteps on the hardwood floor. Keeping her eyes down, Teresa followed the others down the steps to the benches set up between the living room and the kitchen. Across from them the ministers' bench was empty.

Teresa clasped her hands together to try to still her beating heart. They sat down and joined in the singing, which continued until the ministers filed down the stairs and took their places on their bench. Deacon Ray's black pant legs and shoes were right in front of Teresa, right in her line of sight as she looked at the floor. Behind her she heard Samuel crying, but Teresa kept her eyes on Deacon Ray's shoestring holes. It helped her breathe normally, or close to it.

After the first prayer, Deacon Ray read from Scripture, and then Bishop Henry stood for the main sermon, his voice rising and falling as it bounced off the living room walls.

Time seemed to stand still as Teresa tried not to move.
Quit worrying that people are looking at you
, she told herself.
Relax. Everything is going well
. Moments of embarrassment continued to come and go as the clock on the wall crept forward. Finally Teresa heard Bishop Henry say, “If it is still the desire of these young people to be baptized, then please kneel.”

Teresa knelt, going down simultaneously with the girl beside her. There was soon movement at the head of the line as words were murmured and water poured. The sounds came closer until the bishop and Deacon Ray were in front of Teresa.

“And now do you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ?” Bishop Henry asked, his black shoes planted on the floor in front of her. “Do you believe that God has raised Him from the dead, and do you reject this day the world, the devil, and all his evil works? Do you commit to obeying the voice of God and of His church until your death?”

“
Yah
,” Teresa whispered as hands came down on her
kapp.

“Now I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” Bishop Henry said.

Water poured down Teresa's cheeks from the pitcher Deacon Ray tipped. Long moments passed as the footsteps retreated to the front of the line. Each one stood to their feet, helped by Bishop Henry. Teresa saw his offered hand and allowed herself to be helped to her feet. Then a woman's hand found hers and Teresa felt a kiss on the cheek as she was pulled into an embrace by the bishop's wife. Now would be the moment when the tears should come bursting out, Teresa thought. Instead an awesome joy flooded her heart. Bishop Henry's wife gave her a welcoming look and the couple returned to their places as Teresa smiled and sat down.

Moments later the singing of the last song began, and when it stopped the young boys filed outside. Teresa stayed seated until the others on the bench got up to walk to the kitchen. Susan found her and gave her a tight hug. “Come with me!” Susan whispered in her ear. She led her friend out to the washroom.

“What's going on?” Teresa asked when Susan closed the door.

“You can't imagine!” Susan said. “James just spoke to me. He had a talk with his
daett
last night. Everything is going to be okay between the two of you. He wants to take you home tonight. You better not say no!”

“Really?” Teresa gasped. “But that will cause so much trouble! He shouldn't do that.”

“It's too late. He already did!” Susan said. “Now, we have to get back inside before someone wonders what we're talking about. So what shall I tell James?”

Teresa could only hold tight to Susan's hand and nod. “Tell him yes,” she finally said.

T
hat night after the hymn singing Teresa pulled on her bonnet and shawl as the girls around her gave her strange looks. Susan was nowhere to be seen and it was plain the girls were wondering what Teresa was doing out here with the girls who were leaving in their boyfriends' buggies. Joy rose inside as Teresa tried to keep from smiling. Let them look and wonder, because she didn't understand herself. Why in the world
was
James taking her home from the hymn singing?

“Hold the door a minute,” one of the girls whispered to someone ready to leave, as she struggled with her bonnet. Teresa waited until they were out the door, then followed them into the darkness. She was now one of them, and no one could turn her away. It felt so
gut
and so
wunderbar
she could feel the joy all the way down to her feet.

Now the trick was to pick out James's buggy when it drove up. He had slipped out of the hymn singing only moments ago, not even looking at her before he rose to his feet. But that was okay. He didn't need to draw attention to her. She would be sitting beside him in his buggy soon enough.

What was it Susan had said this morning on the way to church? His buggy had two extra strips of reflector tape on the top, but the most important thing to look for was his horse.

“By the front buggy lights, you can see it plainly,” Susan had said. “Because no one else has a horse like James's; its head is held high in the air.”

Teresa stepped off the walks, straining her eyes toward the line of approaching buggies. None of the horses held his head up high, and how did one see extra strips of reflector tape in this light? Perhaps her heart would feel his approach.

Teresa smiled at the thought, waiting as the other girls moved past her to climb into the buggies. More buggies were getting in line, and there at last was James. It was true—his horse was holding his head higher than any of the others. Joy was rising in Teresa's heart again. Yes, she
could
feel his approach.

Going around two waiting girls, Teresa pushed open the buggy door, hesitating only a moment.

“Teresa!” James said quietly from inside the buggy.

“Yes,” she said, relieved by the reassurance. “I doubted myself there for a moment. I'm not used to picking out just the right black buggy by the light of the moon.”

His laugh filled the buggy as she climbed in and pushed the door shut. He pulled around the other buggies, and they dashed off into the night. Teresa hung on, her heart racing.

“It's such nice weather tonight,” James said when they had cleared the crowd and he'd slowed his horse down some.

“Yes,” Teresa managed. “And still so warm.”

“Is Susan all right about getting home on her own?” James asked. “I'm guessing the two of you drove to the hymn singing together.”

“Yes, she's driving herself,” Teresa answered as she smiled in the darkness.

“Maybe I should have helped get her horse out,” James said. “I'm still hoping Thomas will take her home someday.”

“Thomas can help Susan with her horse,” Teresa said, nestling up against him. “At least they're talking to each other. That's a start.”

James said nothing, satisfied with her answer.

She looked at the outline of his face in the moonlight.

He glanced down and smiled.

“What do you think Yost is doing tonight?” she finally asked.

“Let's not talk about Yost,” he said with a wry smile.

“He was the man I deserved,” she said. “I know that.”

“Well, I don't know that,” James said. “I've
never
known that.”