Following Your Heart (25 page)

“Samuel will not be a problem,” he said. “You will have been baptized by then, and both of you will be a part of the community.”

“It is good to hear you say these things,” she said. “For a long time I've dreamed of living among your people, of finding peace among them. But I never dared think I could be a part myself. I thought my son could, but not me. That seemed too high a thing to even pray for, yet it is happening. I can't tell you how happy I am, Yost. To think that someone like me, with my life so messed up, could turn around and start fresh again, is a very wonderful thing. I know you may not understand all of that, but I thank you for listening. And I will try to be the best Amish wife for you that I can be.”

Yost nodded, still looking across the fields. She spoke tender words but he wished to know about something else.

“Can you cook?” he asked

Teresa laughed. “What? Do you think I'm going to kill you?”

“
Nee
,” he said, a slight smile crossing his face. “I was just hoping Susan and Anna were teaching you our ways.”

“They are, believe me,” she said. “I'm even learning how to bake bread. Now how strange is that? I'm a city girl, and here I am with my hands up to the elbows in bread dough.”

A pleased smile spread across his face.

“But I don't see that you're eating that well by yourself,” Teresa said. “So I don't think I'll make things any worse.”

“I don't think you will either,” he said, getting to his feet. “Well, I really should be going. I have kept you long enough, but I need to ask you before I go, is it okay if I visit again sometime soon?”

Teresa nodded. “Or we could visit your place,” she said. “Susan could drive me up.”

“That would be
gut
,” he agreed. “Either way. Perhaps Menno could tell me on the Sunday before this visit would happen. And I will return when I think it wise.”

“I will do that,” Teresa said, as he turned to walk across the yard.

Reaching the buggy he untied his horse and climbed in, giving a little wave of his hand as he passed her standing on the front porch. There was no question about it. The
Englisha
girl would make him a very
gut
wife. Anna and Susan were teaching her the ways of the people.

S
usan paced the floor in her bedroom, pausing every few minutes to look out the window. When was that awful man leaving? And to think that Teresa was down there making her wedding plans with him. It was all too much to even think about. How had things ever come to such a state? It really was her own fault for ever agreeing to bring Teresa home.

Yet how convincing Teresa's passion had been. First for her unborn child—wanting to see him raised so as to avoid the kind of life she had. And then Teresa's own desire to be a part of her Amish dreamworld. Well, Teresa's dreamworld had turned into Yost Byler rattling out of the driveway at the moment. Susan raced to the window to watch Yost leave, seeing him give a little wave of his hand just before he turned north.

So much for any hopes that his deal with Teresa had fallen apart. The man looked quite pleased with himself, and he should be. Teresa was way too
gut
a woman for him. No doubt Teresa had given Yost her word to wed him even after James had been making eyes at her again on Sunday. Oh sure, James was being much more careful than he had been that first Sunday, but his attention certainly often wandered in Teresa's direction.

Clearly Teresa had found James's attention attractive, and just as clearly she was ignoring him. At least on the surface. Susan stepped away from the window, frowning. Regardless of how exciting the thought might be, Teresa and James speaking of love with each other would have the whole community in an uproar.

Perhaps Teresa was as confused as she was? Maybe she should show Teresa the letter from Robby which came last week, and speak plainly about what the options were.

Susan was willing to return to Asbury Park with Teresa, after speaking with
Mamm
and
Daett
, of course. They would be heartbroken, but she had to make her own choices in life. And watching Teresa accept this impossible arrangement was not pulling her heart closer to her home and people. In fact, it was driving her heart farther away.

Going down the stairs, Susan entered the living room where her
mamm
and
daett
were seated.

“Is Teresa still outside?” Susan asked.

“Yah,” Mamm
said. “On the porch swing.”

“It's best that we not think too much about this,”
Daett
said. “There is really no other way if Teresa wishes to remain in the community.”

“I know that,” Susan said. But she went to the door and stepped outside.

Teresa looked up as Susan approached, a weak smile flitting across her face. “Hi,” Teresa greeted.

“I see he's left,” Susan said shortly as she sat down beside her. “Is the big event still on?”

“Don't be mean to me,” Teresa said as a tear slid down her cheek. “This is hard enough already.”

“Then why didn't you just tell Yost to leave?” Susan asked. “You know I would have supported you.”

“You know why,” Teresa said. “And he wasn't as bad as I thought he would be. He's really a nice man on the inside. It's just that no one has been taking care of him for all these years.”

“
Yah
, years is right!” Susan snapped. “He's old enough to be your
daett
. Well, almost.”

“Please don't make me feel worse than I already do,” Teresa said.

“Then what about plan B since plan A—sending the man home on his own—doesn't seem to be working?” Susan asked, pulling the letter from Robby out of her dress pocket and waving it with a flourish.

“A letter? Who is it from?” Teresa stared at the envelope.

“Mr. Robby himself,” Susan said. “Laura's son,” she reminded. “Shall I read it to you? It confirms everything I've been telling you.”

“Where did you get that letter?” Teresa whispered. “I've been here every day, and you didn't get anything like that.”

“I stuck it in my pocket when I picked up the mail one day last week,” Susan said. “No one else knows anything about it.”

“You hide things from your family—from your mom?” Teresa asked in horror.

“Well, maybe I shouldn't,” Susan admitted. “But why worry
Mamm
with this yet? Robby just wrote a nice letter, and I've already answered with a breezy, newsy letter in return. He only wants to know how we're doing, and he tells us we both are welcome back anytime. So shall I read it to you or not?”

“It won't make any difference.” Teresa's voice was low and hard.

“Okay, I won't read it then,” Susan threatened.

“Please read it!” Teresa whispered.

Susan smiled and pulled the white paper out of the envelope and unfolded it:

Dear Susan
,

This is old Robby. Remember? The long-haired, godless fellow. Your sort of adopted brother. I know I'm not Amish and all, but we did seem to hit it off pretty well while you were here. And you do owe me for all the time I invested in carting you around town. But fear not! I am not collecting on the debt. We shall leave that for another day.

Mom says hi since she knows I'm writing. I had to ask her for your address.

The tourists are starting to trickle back to Asbury Park with the nice weather we're having. I haven't been out on the ocean since the night I took you out. That was a grand time
—
if you remember, but perhaps you've already forgotten with all that's going on upon your return to your hometown.

Please tell your old beau hi for me. I'm sure you've patched up the fence with him by now. With your indomitable spirit and sweet charm, I'm sure you have him licking the salt block and then some. A little farm lingo there, although I hope he is not quite on a level with the cows. That, of course, more for your sake than his. But I am being mean. I'm sure anyone you consider for marriage is well worth your attention.

I think all your advice has finally borne fruit. I have a girl now. Mom is charmed with her, so that helps. She's the sweet girl from church I told you about before you left. I've mended my fences with her, so to speak, and with the church. The broken fence seemed to be mostly on my side of the property. Mom couldn't be more pleased on both fronts, and I think she gives you a lot of credit. Which you fully deserve, I must say.

Anyway, I thought I would write and let you know how things are going. Yes, I am a little lonesome. It would be great to see you again, so stop by sometime. Like that would be possible, I know, but just sayin'. Our house is always open, and for Teresa also, if things get too rough for her there. I can't imagine you not taking good care of her, but things do happen sometimes.

Yours truly
,

Robby

Susan folded the paper and slipped it back inside the envelope.

“I wish I were taking better care of you, Teresa,” Susan said. “But I'm afraid things have gotten a little out of control. Don't you think it's time we go back? I'll go with you, and Laura will put us both up until you can get on your feet.”

“You don't know what you're asking,” Teresa said. “I wish you'd quit thinking about going back. I can't go back there! Not under
any
circumstance. And I'm certainly not taking Samuel back.”

“Laura would help you get away from the life you used to know,” Susan countered.

“Stop thinking about such things, Susan!” Teresa grabbed her friend's hand. “Look what you have here. Your mom and dad love you. You're surrounded by a whole community who loves you. There is a nice boy just waiting to drive you home on Sunday nights. There is no way you're giving that all up for me.”

“It wouldn't be just for you,” Susan said. “I don't think I like what's going on around here.”

“They are treating me the best way they know how,” Teresa said. “I mean, what would you do with someone like me? A woman who has a baby but no husband.”

“I wouldn't make you marry Yost Byler, that's for sure,” Susan promised.

“But he's not a bad man,” Teresa said. “And no one is making me do anything. I
want
to marry him.”

“James was watching you on Sunday again. I saw him,” Susan pointed out. “And you noticed. I know you did.”

“I'm not good enough for that man,” Teresa whispered. “And you yourself said it would be a disaster.”

“Oh, yes you are,” Susan insisted. “And if you're going to stay, I think I'm changing my mind about something. I think you should at least consider that option. Even with all the trouble it would cause.
Let
there be trouble. There already is plenty anyway.”

Teresa turned toward Susan. “You've always had your head in the clouds,” she said. “I've had mine in the gutter, Susan. And Yost Byler is a whole lot better than what I've seen. He's all I can ask for, Susan. Please don't go making trouble for me.”

“Is this all your heart is asking for?” Susan asked.

“Susan! Please don't ask such awful things. Following my heart is the reason Samuel was born. Look what it's costing me to straighten out that problem.”

“Samuel isn't a problem,” Susan said.

“Of course he's not!” Teresa said. “
I'm
the problem. And I wish you wouldn't try to push me into things I shouldn't be doing. It's hard enough already. Believe me.” Teresa turned away, and the swing rocked under them as their feet dragged lightly on the porch floor.

Finally Susan reached over and wrapped an arm around Teresa's shoulder, pulling her close. “I'm sorry,” Susan whispered. “I shouldn't be speaking to you this way. I should be more supportive. Shall we go inside now? It's getting cold out here.”