Follow Me When the Sun Goes Down (17 page)

“Bishop?”

“Bishop, is that you?” I said, trying to see around the bowed head.

“Guess I should have said something, huh?” h
e grunted, his voice sounding closer to normal now.

“Bishop…
What the hell are you doing, trying to scare me half to death?” I demanded, anger seeping in to replace the fear pounding in my ears. 

“That was you scared?  Damn, I’d hate to see you mad,” he groaned, pushing himself up to his feet with a deep breath.  His face didn’t look too badly smashed from my knee, but I’d really gotten him good with my boot where it hurt the most.  A regular guy probably would
’ve wound up in the hospital after a vampire kick to the jumblies.   

“That’s not funny.  What are you doing out here?”

“I saw you leave and I thought you shouldn’t be out here all alone.”

“I’m not alone.”  I gestured to my bodyguard. 

“I didn’t see him.  Hey, Tucker,” he waved in acknowledgement.  The wolf sat back on his haunches, head pinging back and forth like a tennis match as he followed the conversation. 

“And I don’t need your protection.”  It still floored me that he’d come after me in the first place.  Didn’t he have important Order business to see to? 

“Yeah, I can see that now,” he chuckled, rubbing absently at his cheek which was still pretty red, courtesy of my knee.  “When did you become a ninja?”

“A lot of things have changed since I was last here.”

“I guess so.” 

It could have been wishful thinking on my part, but I thought I saw a grudging respect there instead of the usual bemusement at the messes I got myself into.  “You don’t need to protect me any more, Bishop.  I can take care of myself now.”

“Hey, don’t get cocky on me.  I wasn’t expecting you to fight back.  This could have gone down very differently if I’d thought you could handle yourself.”

“Alright, let’s go, you and me.  I’ll fight you right now.”  Okay, so part of me was bluffing.  I knew in a straight up fight, he’d probably wipe the floor with me, but the condescension
pricked at my last nerve.

“I’m not going to fight you
, Anja.”

“Why not?  You don’t like your ass getting kicked by a girl?” I taunted. 

“No, there’s just no point.  What I’m trying to say is, you can be the most trained fighter on the planet, it doesn’t mean you don’t need someone watching your back.  What if I was three guys jumping you?”

“Then I would’ve heard you coming a mile away and Tucker would’ve ripped your throats out,” I smiled sweetly.   

“Okay, fine.  Maybe you don’t need me to look after you,” he admitted, his hand gingerly probing the reddened spot on his cheek.  “But I still don’t think you should be out here without the rest of your security detail.”

“Why?  What do you think will happen to me?”

“Maybe nothing, but why risk it?”

Did he still care?  I couldn’t dwell on that
– it would set me on the path of what ifs, and I didn’t want to go there.  “Come on, Bishop, we both know I’m stronger than most of the people here and thanks to Rob’s training, I can handle myself, as you saw for yourself.  Unless there’s a plot by the Order to jump and dismember me, I think I’m good.  Wait… there isn’t, is there?”  Was that why he was so twitchy about me being alone?  Had my jabs at the Order warranted enough for them to take action against me?

“Calm down, I’m not saying anything like that at all.”  His hands came up in a supplicating gesture.  “There are other dangers for someone in your position, especially someone with your lack of experience.  Look, I know you don’t want to hear it from me, but be careful around Aubrey.”

Good gravy, was
that
was he was so upset about?  That kiss out on the terrace?  Aubrey was right on the money, it
had
gotten to him after all.  Still, I couldn’t let him think there was really something going on there, I wasn’t one to play games with my affections. 

“Bishop, it wasn’t what it looked like.” 

“I’m not just saying this out of jealousy…”

“But you were jealous?” I interrupted, and Bishop scratched at his upper lip with his thumb, buying himself a moment of time before he replied. 

“I’m saying he’s devious.  You can count on him having an ulterior motive for everything he does.”

“Because he couldn’t possibly want to just kiss me, right?”  This was more about wanting to save poor Anja than any jealousy on his part.  Typical. 

“No, that’s not what I meant at all.  Why do you have to try and twist everything around?”

“What did you mean then?”

“He’s manipulative.  And dangerous.”

“And you’re not?”

“I wouldn’t try to hurt you.”

“But you did.” 

His eyes closed, taking a moment to choose his words carefully.  “I wouldn’t try to hurt you on purpose, there’s a difference.”

It didn’t make much of a difference on the receiving end.  Maybe it helped him sleep better all day with Angel by his side, but pain was still pain.  He hadn’t trusted me enough to try and make it work, and whether he set out to hurt me or not didn’t matter a whole heck of a lot.  But I didn’t want to lash out at him over past hurts, mostly I wanted to understand where he was coming from. 

“What happened between the two of you?” I asked.  “Why do you distrust your own brother so much?  I know it has to do with Carys, but not how.”

Bishop hesitated, his green eyes swinging towards the mansion before he gave a short nod.  “I told you before
, she turned Aubrey about ten years after she turned me.  We weren’t one big happy family after that.  There was a lot of jealousy between us, and she thrived on it.” 

“That’s sick.”

“That was Carys.  She preferred a certain level of drama in her life.  When things settled down, she created it.” 

“And you loved her for it.”  He’d said as much before, he’d been so wrapped up in her life it had nearly destroyed him when she died. 

“I loved her
in spite of
it,” he amended.  “I was willing to take whatever crumbs of love she offered, and if that involved accepting Aubrey as my brother, then that’s what I had to do to stay with her.”

I couldn’t imagine such devotion, but then again, there was almost certainly a level of compulsion there.  “Do you think it was because she compelled you to love her no matter what, or because she was your Sire?”

“I don’t know,” he shook his head.  “All I know is, from the moment she found me, I wanted nothing more than to please her, no matter what it took.  But not every moment of every day.  The longer we were together, the more her mood swings and sick diversions chipped away at that love.  I could still be utterly enslaved by her and have waking moments where I wanted to throttle her.”

“That sounds familiar,” I smiled faintly, catching his eye.

“No, you’ve only scratched the surface of my temper, trust me,” he pressed his lips together into a thin smile.  “Aubrey took advantage of those rocky moments to try and drive a wedge between us, because he loved her too, you see.  He was just as enslaved to her as I was, only he had the anguish of knowing he was second best.  Carys made no secret of how she loved me more.  Aubrey was always her second choice and I never let him forget it.”

“It sounds like there’s some blame on both sides then, for the crappy relationship you have now.”

“There was, I can admit that now.  But it’s no excuse for what he did.”

“What did he do?” I asked softly, holding very still.  I felt like the smallest interruption might make him stop talking and I’d never find out what happened.   

“Carys had been really moody, even for her, alternating between clingy and cruel.  She’d push us away and then complain that nobody loved her.  Take on lover after lover, flaunting them in front of us without shame.  Maybe she was bored, or maybe the endless years started to wear her down.  She pitted us against each other at every turn and I… got tired of it.  It wasn’t that I stopped loving her, but we’d been together for nearly a hundred years and I needed a break.  Aubrey was going through the same thing, or so I thought, and we actually bonded for a short time, commiserating over how Carys was ruining our lives, and yet we both seemed unable to leave her.”

That sounded like them growing closer, not farther apart, but I nodded, waiting for him to go on.   

“I don’t think I ever would’ve actually left her, that’s the thing.  As miserable as I was, I was bound to her in ways I couldn’t understand.  I know now it was all compulsion, but at the time, I felt… doomed to repeat the same cycle over and over until the end of time.”  He paused, waiting for some particularly unpleasant memory to clear.

“Anyway, Aubrey started filling my head with all these arguments for why we should leave and start our own independent lives.  It wasn’t out of the question, vampires left their Sires all the time.”

“Sure, it seems like it’s the norm.”  I didn’t know anyone who wasn’t a newbie who was still with their Sire, and my circle of friends was rapidly expanding.   

“Well, I started to really consider it.  Aubrey and I stayed up drinking for most of the night, and when
Carys finally made it home, we had a fight.  A really ugly one.”  He fell silent, lips pressed together and I waited without speaking for him to continue.  “I stormed out of there and Aubrey found me later, playing the supportive brother to the hilt.  We drank… a lot.  And when I eventually sought my bed for the night, it was in the arms of another woman.”

“That’s not so bad.”  Vampire fidelity seemed to be a rare thing, especially when it came to feeding from humans. 

“It might not have been.  Except Aubrey led Carys there.  I have only the vaguest memory of her bursting into the room, I was still so drunk I could barely see straight.  I remember mumbling at her to go away and leave me in peace for once.  That was the last time I saw her.”

“What happened to her?”  I was almost afraid to ask. 

“Aubrey poisoned her mind against me, or at least he tried to.  But she had to see it for herself.  Only, instead of turning to Aubrey, as he planned, she completely lost it when I blew her off.  I found out later she’d been so shocked, so… broken by my rejection, she walked into the morning sunlight while I slept in another woman’s bed.  I don’t even remember that girl’s name.” 

I could see the guilt eating away at him even after all this time, and why he held Aubrey to blame.  “Aubrey told you this?”

“He showed up the next night with what was left of her remains and the scars to prove it.  He’d tried to drag her out of the sunlight once she burst into flames, but she was so much stronger than we were back then.  He cried and begged for my forgiveness, but how could I forgive him?  If it wasn’t for him, she’d still be alive.  We might all be miserable, but we’d be together.”

“And that’s how you’d want to live your life?”

“It wouldn’t have gone on that way forever.  Eventually she would’ve found some other distraction.”

Had anyone ever compared me to this woman? 
Ugh
.  “That doesn’t sound like much of a life to me.  I mean, I’m sorry she died, but that was her choice in the end.  I’m sure neither of you expected it to happen.  You can’t blame yourselves.  Especially not after everything she put you through.” 

“The hell I can’t.  None of it would
’ve happened if he hadn’t been so dead set on winning.”

“Bishop, I’m sure he didn’t want her to die either.”

“In the end it doesn’t matter.  She’s gone because Aubrey pushed her to it and I wasn’t there for her.  Aubrey lashes out, that’s his thing.  He didn’t think about the consequences or anyone but himself.”

“And that’s why Jakob hates you,” I realized suddenly.  “He blames you for her death as well.”

“No, he blames me because Carys kept me close far longer than she willingly stayed with him.”

I
t was all such a mess.  “Bishop, all of this happened hundreds of years ago.  Why are you still letting it eat you up inside?”

“I don’t expect you to understand, you’re still young.”

“Oh, come on, don’t play that card with me.  I can still spot misery for the sake of misery.  I’m almost starting to think you like being miserable and alone.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Then why did you push me away?” 

“Because I didn’t want to get caught up like that again.  I told you, it was too devastating to have someone able to control me like that.”

“But you would have happily stayed with Carys, even knowing she’d bring you nothing but heartache?  You just said that not two minutes ago.” 

“Stop twisting my words around,” he scowled.  “What she and I had was complicated, but there was love there, I know it in my heart.”

“Just not with me.”

“What?”

“You trust that the love was there with Carys, even knowing she could compel you, and how she tormented the both of you on purpose.  But you can’t trust that your feelings for me were real.  You’d rather throw it all away than see where it led.  Maybe I should have tortured you more.”