Fly with Me (31 page)

“Please.” A
tear slipped free.

That tear
almost undid him, the pure vulnerability of her expression.
Tenderly, he wiped the tear away with his thumb. “It’s okay, Lis.
It’s all okay.

She shook her
head, another tear slipping free. Before he could wipe that away,
she reached around his arm to dash it away with her fingers.
“Please, Simon. Please. Not here.”

He could have
argued it but no way did he want to push her on it, force her, not
here in the bed where they’d shared something magical. But it was
also the perfect place to share secrets. Still, he took another
look at her face, the misery in her eyes, and he couldn’t
argue.

Leaning down,
he brushed a kiss on her damp cheek. “I have to clean up anyhow.
You do what you have to do.”

She
nodded.

With silent
regret he rolled off her, just the sensation of sliding from her
heat making his groin clench in anticipation. But mentally beating
down the surge of lust, Simon pushed upright.

As soon as he
did, Elissa sat up and grabbed the sheet, dragging it up and
hugging it to her breasts with both hands, those thick, fair curls
tumbling around her shoulders and down her back in wild abandon. If
it wasn’t for her vulnerable expression he’d have thrown caution to
the winds and jumped right back in the bed, taking her down with
him.

But patience
was something he was renowned for, and he pulled on it now, pushing
his baser urges down. Reaching out to cup her chin, he bent and
brushed a kiss on those soft, trembling lips. “I’m not going
away.”

“I know.” The
answer was unexpected.

Turning, he
picked up his discarded clothes and strode across the room,
conscious that she watched him every step of the way.

Part of him
wondered if she’d run again, making him hurry as he divested
himself of the condom, cleaned up and dressed. One thing he knew,
if she ran she wasn’t getting away this time. He’d chase her all
over town and beyond if he had to, because as he’d made love to
her, sank deep inside her, had her wrapped around him, he knew that
she meant more to him than just an attractive woman.

She’d meant
more to him from the moment he’d met her on that balcony on that
rainy night.

A peek into
the bedroom showed the bed rumpled from their energetic lovemaking.
Hoo boy, he’d be lying if he didn’t admit that he couldn’t wait to
do it again, but he had her issues to take care of first.

Of Elissa
there was no sign, so he padded down the hall in sock-clad feet.
Entering the kitchen, he saw her standing on the other side of the
kitchen bench popping the tab on a cold tin of Diet Coke. She’d
pulled on a skirt and t-shirt, her hair hastily bundled into some
kind of bun from which several long curls escaped to dance around
her cheeks and neck. It wasn’t artfully done, it was plain
hurriedness. It looked good on her, made him want to catch one of
those long curls and twine it around his finger.

She met his
gaze, cheeks flushing as she raised the tin to her lips, swallowing
several mouthfuls quickly before lowering the tin. “Did you want a
drink?”

Hmmm. He eyed
her as he crossed to the ‘fridge. “Sounds like a good idea.”

Taking out a
jug of iced coffee, he moved to her side, reaching down to get a
glass from the cupboard.

Immediately
she stepped backwards, walking to the middle of the kitchen where
she stood holding the tin of Diet Coke for several seconds,
uncertain what to do as he filled the glass. As soon as he’d
finished, she walked out the back door.

Returning the
jug to the ‘fridge, Simon picked up the glass and followed her.
Seeing her standing at the rail, he came up beside her, turning to
lean his back against the veranda post . Then he just waited.

She didn’t
look at him, just placed the tin on the flat rail and sighed. “That
shouldn’t have happened, Simon.”

“So you
already informed me. In bed.”

“I’m
sorry.”

“Why? I’m
not.”

“I kind of
gathered that.” She picked at a non-existent splinter in the smooth
rail.

The silence
lengthened while he took leisurely sips of the iced coffee and
looked out at the backyard. Tilly was tracking a bird way out of
reach before she decided it was way too much effort and flopped in
a patch of sun for a nap.

Returning his
attention to Elissa, he studied her profile. Hmmm, should he prod
her a little or let the silence continue? Was she going to reveal
anything or decide to clam up?

Yeah, clamming
up wasn’t happening now. So prodding it was. Start gentle? Start
sudden?

How about
start bluntly. “You cried after we made love.”

Her cheeks
crimsoned, her gaze remaining on the rail as she smoothed her
fingers over it. “It was just a little overwhelming.”

“Is that
so.”

“Yes.” She
glanced sideways at him. “It won’t happen again, so don’t worry
about it.”

“The crying or
the sex?”

Those apple
cheeks were almost on fire. “Both.”

“Uh huh.” He
swallowed the last of the iced coffee and set the glass on the
rail. “News flash, Lis, I have no intention of it being the last
time.”

That had her
turning to look directly at him. “Why?”

Her response
was unexpected, but he wasn’t going to lie. “Because I want
you.”

“That’s a
little blunt, don’t you think?”

Again
unexpected. It was like her confidence was back, that was until he
saw the vulnerability in her eyes, the emotional shutters not quite
hiding it.

“I’m nothing
if not direct.” Simon regarded her steadily. “What you see with me
is what you get, Lis. I don’t hide anything. I tell the truth, and
I’m straight down the line when it comes to someone I care
about.”

Rather than
look away, she looked searchingly at him before folding her arms.
“I’m no one. I’m not like your friends who have their shit
together. I’m not like you.”

“You’re
forgetting one vital part,” Simon said.

“What?”

“I like
you
.”

“You don’t
know me.”

“I like what I
know so far. Let me know the rest of you.”

Her mouth
twisted a little. “You may not like the rest of me.”

“You don’t
have the right to decide that for me.”

With a sigh,
she turned back to the rail.

“Talk to me,
Lis. Tell me what’s wrong.”

At first he
thought she was going to need more persuading, but then she said
expressionlessly, “You’re complicated.” When he didn’t answer, she
added, “I should say, you’re a complication.”

“Okay.”
Personally, he thought he was a pretty uncomplicated bloke, but
he’d hear her out.

Her hand
tightened on the rail. “Actually, that’s wrong. I’m the
complication you don’t need.”

Curiously, he
angled his head to the side.

Shoulders
slumping suddenly, she bent forward, leaning her forearms on the
rail as she watched Tilly roll lazily in the sun.

Easily,
unhurriedly, Simon moved up beside her, resting his own forearms on
the rail, propping his socked foot on the bottom rail, his arm
barely brushing hers though he was more than aware of the warmth of
her skin, the fragrance of her hair, her faint, sweet, feminine
scent.

Seconds ticked
past, turned into minutes, and he could still feel the tension in
her. Motionless he waited, leaning lazily on the rail, not forcing
her with words but reminding her of his presence by simply being
there beside her.

Finally she
broke the silence. “I can’t let this turn into anything more.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m
finally on the brink of finding myself.”

Yeah, he
understood. But he also understood that she didn’t have to do it
alone.

Their gazes
locked, held, seconds ticking past before he said softly, “Let me
help you find yourself.”

“I can’t rely
on anyone else.”

“I’m not
asking you to.”
Not yet
. The uncertainty in her eyes gave
him hope. “I’m asking you to spend time with me, just be with me.
Not every day all day, just some time. You owe me nothing, you’re
free to fly. You’re always free to fly when you’re with me. I’ll
give you that freedom, watch you fly, and I’ll catch you when you
fall. That’s all I’m asking.”

“You want a
commitment.”

“No. I want to
be a part of your new life, part of your discovery of yourself. No
strings, no ties.”

Her eyes
widened a little. “You mean friends with benefits kind of
thing?”

He paused.
“Not quite.”

“Then
what?”

Time to try
another tack, because this ground was fraught with potholes. “Lis,
do you like me? I mean honestly. Do you like me?”

“Honestly?”
Those sweet little apple cheeks reddened. “I wouldn’t have had sex
with you otherwise. I don’t…I don’t just sleep with any man who
looks favourably at me.”

Hot damn. “So
there’s a little more than just like?” At her averted gaze, he
added, “Attraction?”

A small
nod.

Satisfaction
filled him, but he kept his tone serious, direct. “I won’t lie,
Lis. You took my eye from the moment I met you. You know that.”

“Yes.” A
little more colour in those cheeks, but she was being honest.

“I’m still
attracted to you. I’m willing to take this as lightly or seriously
as you want. I’m willing to take this at the pace you feel
comfortable with. There’s no big commitment right now. No
contracts, no owing each other. You’re looking for a new life,
trying to find yourself. Make me a part of that, part of finding
yourself, part of exploring new relationships, new situations.”

She sighed.
“Do you have any idea how mixed up this all is for me? One minute
I’m at everyone’s beck and call, the next I’m standing alone, or
trying to.”

“Actually,
yes.” He leaned back against the post, putting a little distance
between them. “I do have some understanding of what it’s like to
climb out of a dark hole to find life again.”

Uncertainly, a
question in her eyes, she watched him.

Simon took a
deep breath, kept his gaze locked with hers. “Becca, my sister, was
nineteen when she died.”

Chapter 9

It was so
unexpected that Elissa didn’t know what to think at first.

“I don’t talk
much to people about her, but its not because I’m ashamed of what
happened,” Simon said slowly. “Becca is close in my heart, she
always will be. But I can understand what loss of self and hope can
do to someone, just as I know personally what it feels like to lose
someone to that hopelessness.”

“I’m sorry.”
Elissa took a step closer. “I didn’t mean to bring up sad memories.
What I’m going through could never compare.”

Simon’s eyes
softened as he reached out to tug gently on one of the curls that
spilled out of her bun. “Everyone has their burdens to bear,
problems to work through. What is simple for one is so heavy for
another. Everyone is different.”

Cripes, how
could this handsome, tall, strong man with the heart melting grin
and twinkling eyes, the lazy stance and happy ways, be so
philosophical? So knowing?

“Becca was my
little sister. She was pretty, she was funny, she was bright. She
had men at her feet, the world in her grasp, you would never think
she’d doubt herself ever. At least, that’s what we all thought. She
wanted to be a model, and damn if she wasn’t a good one. She was
heading for the top, was our Becca, right for the top, and we
cheered her on. Mum had died a long time ago otherwise maybe Becca
would have talked to her, or Mum would have realised, I don’t know.
Neither Dad nor I knew how hard that climb was, how soul-destroying
for some. Always being perfect, always being poised. She watched
her diet, watched her figure, lived in the gym when she wasn’t
modelling. We saw less of her, but we accepted that because her
success meant she travelled far and wide, including overseas.” His
eyes grew a little distant as he contemplated his memories.

In the
normally lazily twinkling hazel eyes was a touch of sadness, a hint
of melancholy. It was enough to touch Elissa, to make her move
forward, shift closer, give his hand a little squeeze of
comfort.

He lightly
squeezed her hand in return, his gaze still distant. “I got home
from work one day and she was there on my doorstep. I hadn’t seen
her for six months, I was shocked. My healthy, happy sister was a
shadow of her former self. Thin, so painfully thin. She hadn’t been
sick, had done it to herself. Had done it for her job. But it still
wasn’t enough, she didn’t think she was as pretty as the other
girls, as thin as she needed to be for the catwalks. She barely
ate, exercised so hard. I begged her to see someone, talk to
someone. Dad and I didn’t know what to do. She went back on the
circuit, had a boyfriend who was an up and coming actor. But it
wasn’t enough, never enough. Becca aimed for the stars and she
would do whatever she had to, to get there. She overdosed on some
kind of diet pills, I never found out what, but she was sick for
awhile. I found out later she took drugs to suppress her appetite,
to increase her metabolism, and her damned boyfriend was feeding
them to her. Both of them so focussed on the stars they forgot the
earth beneath their feet.” He looked at Elissa, focussed on her.
“You can’t keep pushing that hard and that fast without it
affecting you. Depression set in, severe depression. Becca never
found that happiness, never reached the place she could be content,
was chasing more, always chasing more. Her boyfriend left her for
another model. I knew something was wrong, could hear it in her
voice when she rang me. I was on the first flight to Melbourne but
I got there too late. I broke into her home and found her dead.
She’d overdosed deliberately, left me and Dad a note to say how
sorry she was for not being the best. We never cared about her
being the best, we just wanted her to be happy, to be Becca.”