Flower of Heaven (6 page)

“I think Father Gavin’s been filling your head with big ideas on colleges, and that’s not what I had expected from him. I figured he’d want to steer you to be a priest or something like that,” Charlie quickly snapped back at his son. “Why does he care so much about what happens to you?”

“I like Father Gavin, Dad; he’s helped me to eliminate the things I don’t want to do in my life, and now I’m just trying to narrow it down some more. I’m not going in the Army, Dad,” Dick quickly shot back. “There’s no way I’m going to get involved with killing people. I love my country, but I won’t kill anyone. God didn’t bring me into this world to kill people. I want to do some good for people and I think college education will give me time to decide what I want to do. And besides, I want to meet more people my own age, maybe even go with girls, I don’t know.”

Charlie just sat there, expressionless and kept on eating his food as if Dick had said nothing. It usually worked, the silent treatment, at least it always had before. Charlie figured that when you don’t say anything, it’s as good as or better than arguing with someone. He merely would express his opinion and, if Dick disagreed or argued against Charlie’s views, Charlie would use the silent treatment.

“The silent treatment won’t work this time, Dad, if we can’t afford it, then I’ll get myself another job this summer and start saving until I have enough to go. I’ve got to find out if it’s for me.”

“You ain’t gonna make no more money just because you went to college, you know. Why don’t you wait awhile before going off to school; give me a couple of years in the business. If it doesn’t work out then, I’ll agree to send you to school wherever you want to go.”

Dick’s mother sat through the meal, never once uttering a sound. She had made several trips to the stove and the kitchen sink with dishes and had heard the entire conversation. Charlie was the man of the house, she had been told by her mother years before, and she never interfered with him when the conversation was with Dick. She would wait until Charlie went to bed a short while later and would then wait for Dick to return to the kitchen. He always did when he and Charlie disagreed on something. He would try to explain his side to his mother in the hope of gaining her support for a comeback to Charlie the following day. Sometimes Alice would soften the way with Charlie by persuading him to reconsider. Most of the time it worked but, on certain occasions, Alice could be as firm as Charlie. She had a mind of her own.

On this night, she saw the tremendous disappointment in Dick’s face as he rose from the supper table and quietly walked to the hallway, grabbed his jacket and motioned over his shoulder, “I’m going for a walk, be back in a little while.”

It was cold that November night in 1943 as Dick Merrill walked along the dark road from the farmhouse to the main road. He never expressed his anger or frustration in front of others. He kept his feelings to himself and preferred to be alone to collect his thoughts. His parents were trying to keep him home, not because they didn’t want him to go to college, they just didn’t want to let go. Dick was nearly a man, nearly eighteen years old, and he had never dated a girl or been outside of New Hampshire. As a matter of fact, he didn’t even know many girls except Sally Anderson. Sally lived in Plymouth and went to high school there. She was seventeen, a year younger than Dick, but she too was graduating in June, just seven months away. Dick would frequently sit and talk with Sally over a soda at the Hillside Diner in Plymouth where Dick had made several deliveries. She was going to Plymouth Teachers College in the fall and often tried to encourage Dick to do the same. It would be great, he had thought, Sally is not like other girls, she doesn’t try to flirt with people as girls tended to do. Dick liked Sally as a nice person to be with just to talk to and share ideas with. She had a boyfriend who was already away at school at the university in Durham. He had graduated from high school the year before and would write to Sally each week. She would tell Dick about some of the exciting things that went on at college from the letters her boyfriend wrote.

Alice was getting worried. Dick had never stayed out this late on one of his walks. Charlie had gone to bed, the supper dishes had been washed and dried, and the pastries for the next day’s deliveries were all boxed and ready to go. It was ten o’clock, very late for a school night, she thought. Alice knew the difficulty Dick was having in deciding what he was going to do come graduation time. She also knew that the farm and the business were not for him. Sure, he would always work hard at his chores and in making deliveries. But she could see that he only did it to help his father. He would rather be at school or at St. Barnaby’s or alone listening to the birds sing or walking up the mountain on weekends.

Noise from the squeaky hallway door springs brought a smile and a sigh of relief to Alice’s worried face. She knew that Dick would be walking in once he removed his jacket. Dick didn’t head for the kitchen as Alice had expected and as he had always done before when he needed to get advice on a problem or a disagreement with his father. Instead, he headed up the stairs straight for his room. Alice was deeply concerned. She knew that Dick was no longer satisfied with just obeying his father and accepting his wishes. It wasn’t that Dick didn’t love his father and it wasn’t that Charlie merely took advantage of his son’s work for all of these years. Alice knew that Charlie would give his right arm for his son if it were necessary. She also knew that Charlie had never faced the possibility of Dick leaving the farm one day, and he was as confused about Dick’s future as Dick was himself. One thing Alice knew for certain, Dick had to make this decision and only Dick. Charlie’s dream of having his son in the business had to be Dick’s dream also, and it wasn’t.

Alice folded the newspaper she had been glancing at on and off for almost two hours and switched off the small light in the kitchen as she headed up the stairs to bed. As she passed Dick’s room in the darkened corridor, she could hear him talking in his room. His bedroom door was slightly open and Alice stopped to listen to what he was saying. Dick’s bed was behind the doorway as you went in and Alice did not dare go in as all she could see was a ray of light shining on the floor from the moonlit window.

“Dear Lord,” the voice was saying, “help me to find the way. My love for them is the only thing I have, except for you. I can’t desert them now and, yet, I want so much to learn more about the world that I have to go. How do I tell them?” His voice was mellowing now and he was nearly asleep, “Somehow I know you will show me the way.”

Charlie rolled over when Alice got in bed beside him. He was restless. Alice knew he’d be half awake when she entered the room. Whenever Charlie and Dick had serious arguments or when Charlie had to go to the bank the following day for a loan, he usually could not sleep. He could see the glimmer of Alice’s face as she lay by his side staring at the ceiling as if to be a thousand miles away. Her cheeks were filled with tears as she just lay there, motionless. They did not speak, they did not face each other, but they both knew. Dick would be gone by the end of the summer.

As the months passed and spring arrived, Dick’s silence and more frequent periods of solitude became unbearable for Alice.

“We have to talk,” Alice quietly began as she served dinner. “Dick’s going to graduate from school in June and that’s only three months away,” Alice continued, looking straight at Charlie. “He wants to go to college and he’s got the good grades to show for it. Are you two gonna talk to each other about this, or are you gonna keep on chewing up inside until the both of you can’t stand it anymore?”

“Alice, this ain’t your affair. This here is between Dick and me and it doesn’t concern you. Besides, I didn’t think there was anything to discuss. We agreed he would stay here and learn the business for a couple of years before deciding to do anything,” Charlie said as his eyes shifted from Alice to Dick.

“Well, to tell you the truth, Dad,” Dick meekly responded, “there sort of is something I’d like to.”

Before he had a chance to finish his sentence, Alice snapped back, “Like hell it’s none of my business, Charlie Merrill; it’s as much my business and he’s as much my son as he is yours. The fact is, you stubborn ass, your son wants to go to college bad, or at least to try it, and you can’t see the forest for the trees. He doesn’t want this life for himself, Charlie. Is that so bad? Just because it’s been good to us don’t mean it’s gonna be good for him. When are you gonna let him make up his own mind? He’s gonna be eighteen, for God’s sake!”

There was fire in Alice’s eyes, a rage that Dick had never seen before. This couldn’t be his sweet, quiet mother who never raised her voice at anyone, except maybe once when one of the drivers had dropped and ruined two dozen of her pies while loading the truck.

This was different. This outburst was with Charlie. Never had his parents argued in front of him. The Merrills didn’t think it was good for children to see parents yelling at each other. If they had done so before, Dick had never heard it. But he was hearing it now and he just sat there with his mouth open and could just say, “Mom, Mom, calm down, I was going to bring it up myself.”

“No, you weren’t; you would rather be miserable and do anything that your father wants, even though he doesn’t realize how much you’re hurting, Son,” Alice pleaded as tears started pouring from her eyes. “You can’t keep it in forever, Dick; I won’t stand another minute of this. No mother could ask for a better son all these years. It isn’t right for you to miss out on things anymore. I know there’s not much out here to make life exciting, but your father and me, that’s the way we want it. It don’t mean you gotta put up with living out here. There’s so much of this country out there, Son. Find what you’re looking for. God knows you won’t find it here.”

“I’ve been quiet long enough on this, Charlie, maybe too long. We don’t need any more trucks right now, and even if we did, what’s more important, your son’s future or a stupid truck?” she continued, tears running down her cheeks as if she were standing in the rain. “I won’t let you do this, Charlie; I won’t let you decide for him what he has to decide for himself. We can afford it and you know it. We’re not poor; we have more than most folks around here. Look at him, Charlie, look at him, can’t you see it in his face, can’t you hear him begging you with his silence?”

Charlie’s eyes met Dick’s and for once he knew that Alice was right. He loved his son more dearly than anything. Don’t you protect the ones you love, he thought? Was he so wrong in wanting to keep his son by his side, even for just a little while longer? Why couldn’t things stay the same? Why did Dick have to grow up? It isn’t fair, he thought, the world’s taking him away from me and I can’t stop it.

“Son,” Charlie said as he reached across the table and placed his hand on Dick’s. “I should have known your heart wasn’t in this place, I should have seen it, Son, but I didn’t want to. You’re all we have and we won’t lose you over this. If you really got your mind set on trying more schooling, then it’s done. There’s no way you couldn’t make us proud of you. I’m sorry it took so long for me to see it,” Charlie said as he gently stroked Alice’s cheek, wiping her tears away with his other hand. She smiled and grabbed his hand and kissed it and reached out to Dick’s arm as the three of them just sat there for what seemed like hours.

Graduation came fast and the months seemed to fly by that summer of 1944. For his eighteenth birthday, Dick had been given a complete set of new clothes and an old pickup truck to use to travel the distance to and from Plymouth Teachers College.

Plymouth Teachers College was an old school founded in 1839 and focused on educating future teachers. It was located in the center of town, with about four thousand residents year-round and a vacation spot for thousands more. Plymouth’s beautiful valley setting had made it an ideal place for summer vacations and for travelers visiting the White Mountains. As the area grew in popularity and traffic, there sprouted more and more restaurants, lodges, and inns to accommodate them. All of these hospitality facilities offered meals and the local products sold under the Merrill name were a natural.