Flirting With Disaster (12 page)

He cocked a beastly brow. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Cleaning up. Then leaving. You quite exhausted me.” All she could think about was getting to her room to use vaginal cleanser and hopefully eradicate any and all of his sperm before they fertilized her egg. She would not do this to him. She wouldn’t do this to herself. Not now that she’d…fallen for him?

Her heart clenched. She lifted the bundle and marched toward the door. “I’ll have these cleaned for you.”

“Wait!”

She turned back to him and he held out her torn jacket. “I fixed the pocket.”

Jude’s heart fractured, her stomach sank and all her dreams of having a baby flew right out the window. How could she be so unethical and disloyal and careless as to mistakenly trap a man she cared about? And how could she even consider sharing something so intimate and poignant with someone else?

She couldn’t.

Her heart was lost forever to this man. This sweet, damaged man who’d shown her what love was really about. It wasn’t about dinners and fancy flowers and expensive rings. Love wasn’t a thing. It was when the one she loved sat in his cold, lonely room in the basement and sewed a patch on her favorite coat.

Thirteen

“I never think of the future—

it comes soon enough.”

Albert Einstein

A
loud banging rattled the door to her suite, and Jude’s breakfast rose in her throat.

“Jude Duffy, open this goddamned door right now!”
Beckette.
Each vicious knock thumped through her heart. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

Find out what?

She rose from the bed and opened the door to be faced with a raging lunatic.

“You were trying to trap me by getting pregnant with my child?”

His words stopped the aching, fluttering organ in her chest. “I-I’m sorry, but that’s not actually how it is.” All the guilt and shame rose through her body like lava rising through the ashes of a volcano. She was despicable.

He stormed into the room and threw a beautiful bouquet of sweet peas and lavender on the floor. “That’s not what the sex shop girl had to say. She works at the florist, too. She said you had big plans to have sex so you could get pregnant!” He spun to face her. “Could you be pregnant? Was I just part of your ridiculous plan?”

She brought her eyes to his, stormy and dark, filled with loathing. She didn’t want this wonderful man to loathe her. What had she done?

She turned her back to him and paced. She needed to reason this all out. “Maybe, yes…no… Oh, I don’t know! I douched and cleansed and did everything I could when I got back to my room to prevent pregnancy.”

His mouth dropped open. “The idea of having my kid was so disgusting that you douched? What, did you want Fantome’s kid more?”

She’d hurt him. “No. No, I just…just.” Anger rose like a burning flame. After all the time they’d spent getting to know each other, he thought she was this wretched?

She sat on the bed and took a deep breath. She had been wretched. Shamefully idiotic with her whole plan. She’d come to her senses, given up on all of it since they’d been together. He’d showed her she was worthy of love. Someone was out there for her. She wanted the whole package.

Her eyes met his as he stood over her, his big arms crossed.

Honesty. That was what she was good at. “Yes, I wanted a baby, but not with you.”

He flinched, but she didn’t back down. He deserved the truth.

“I originally had this horrible realization I would be alone for the rest of my life.” She pleaded into his eyes for understanding.

“So you figured you’d get pregnant and trap me into some fairy tale of yours? Been there, done that.”

She shook her head. “No. I didn’t want to have sex with you. Ever. At least, not after I got to know you. I tried to stay away from you, Beckette. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Why? I’m not good enough? Rich enough? A blue collar, recovering alcoholic isn’t acceptable to a big scientist like you?”

“Because I’d fallen in love with you!” She cut off his tirade.

A windstorm picked up in his beautiful golden eyes. His nostrils flared and his jaw clenched. “Don’t love me, Jude Duffy. You have no idea who I am, how I’m capable of destroying you.”

He turned and slammed the door shut on yet another frivolous dream in Jude’s life.

Fourteen

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Albert Einstein

“Y
ou look beautiful.”

Jude ran her hands over the vintage gown Nola had loaned her—a celadon green silk, tight in the beaded bodice with an open squared neck that barely held Jude’s bust.

“Beck feels a great responsibility for his wife’s death, you know. She lied to him about a pregnancy. He married her and then, six months later, he realized the truth.” Nola handed Jude the matching mask.

Jude stroked the beads sewn along the edge, her chest aching. She had almost done the same thing to him. How deep his anger must truly be. “I didn’t know.”

“He doesn’t talk about it. They fought. He got drunk, lost his temper and refused to remain home to work things out. He left to join his friends at some bar where the band he played with sometimes performed. When he returned home the next morning, she’d killed herself.”

Tears filled Jude’s eyes. Tears for the compassionate, damaged man she’d fallen in love with.

“He hasn’t sung in front of anyone since then. Except you. You’re good for him. He might even forgive himself if he can get out of his own way and admit your love could be the key to
his salvation.” 

“He has to save himself. I don’t know if I’ll even see him tonight. He doesn’t attend the guest events.” She didn’t know if she even wanted to see him. He obviously didn’t have the same feelings for her but, perhaps, she needed to be sure before she gave up on love…again.

She refused to be a coward any longer. Beck had taught her that.
 

Nola smiled. “Then you’ll just have to find him.”

With a nod, Jude took a deep breath and crossed to the door to make her way to the Monster Ball.

He had to listen. He had to understand. She wouldn’t take no for an answer.

It was her time. Her chance to go after something she wanted.

And, more than anything, she wanted to be brave and frivolous enough to pursue her dreams, make her beast see how truly special he was.

* * * *

Beckette put the finishing touches on his costume while Ennis sat on the bed and
supervised
. Beck was finally back to his old life, in front of the camera, acting, pretending, forgetting.

If only he could forget about her.

She’d used him. Just like Elizabeth. He wouldn’t go through that again.

But it hurt like hell. Hopefully, seeing him in his element tonight would put an end to her foolish fantasies. His real name would be announced to all the guests who had come to know him as Handy Man Beck.

She’d remember Gabriel Beckette Slauter, the pilot who’d taken her parents from her. And she’d despise him, leave him, and keep herself safe from the curse that was Beckette Slader. Then he’d be able to return to his lonely life, fighting his daily demons, repenting through Angel Wings and a busy, non-fulfilling acting career that let him pretend he was someone else fifteen hours a day.

None of that changed what he’d done, however. Accidents? No, he’d caused the deaths of three people and would spend the rest of his days suffering the guilt.

“You’re being an ass, you know. You’re stronger than you think.” This, from a twenty-year-old gardener. Ennis expertly tied the silk ascot around Beck’s neck.

Beck glanced down at the fitted charcoal jacket and black knickers the kid had pulled from his quirky wardrobe. “I can’t believe you had Hessian boots that fit me. And what would you know about relationships, Ennis? You’re barely out of diapers.”

His protégé smirked and placed his hands on his hips. Ennis dressed weird but, considering he was straight off the boat from Ireland, Beck figured maybe it was a European thing to love vintage crap. Just looked like old crap to him.

“Do you love her?”

Beck swallowed—his spit, his words and his feelings. He was good at that. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Be gad! It’s the only thing that matters.” Ennis’ Irish brogue was thicker tonight than usual. Jack Daniels? “Yer always acting the plike, fella.”

“Love doesn’t cure all things, Ennis.”

“The right love can, bloke. And if you don’t figure that out soon, you’ll be a lonely eegit.” Ennis turned. “Love is a verb, Beckette. You’d be surprised the things it can help you do and overcome. When we find that someone who makes us feel our best, we can conquer anything.”

“She’ll realize she doesn’t love me when she finds out who and what I really am.”

“It’s you, who has to figure out who and what you really are. You’ve been living under false pretenses.” Ennis slipped out the door just as it opened.

“What are you mumbling about?” Ava Callahan walked into Beck’s room and wrapped her arms around him from behind. She rested her chin on his shoulder and stared at herself in the mirror. Such a shallow girl, but she was a good agent. “That simpering redhead? Beckette, it’s time you got your head on straight and got over her. She’s no one to you.”

He handed her a mask that matched the one Alana had given him. “Let’s get this done.”

She smiled. “Tonight’s a special night. I’ve got a big surprise for you. Tonight and forever on, is ours.”

* * * *

For the first time in her life, Jude was stunned into complete silence. And not in a good way.

She stood in the doorway of the beautifully decorated ballroom in her vintage finest, seething at the traitorous thoughts of life, love and family that had floated through her mind the past few days.

She had only wanted to belong, be part of something wonderful. To have someone to love and have them love her in return.

Frivolous, futile thoughts.

It was all over now—the wishing, the hoping, the fairy tale. She’d faced the cold hard truth standing on that podium, being interviewed by Harry Strubel, the TV marauder who had ruined her life with the help of her ex-fiancé.

Beckette, whatever the hell his name was, had used her. Used her like a dirty stool he could step on to reach the pinnacle of fame.

He must have known all along about her downfall on the
Harry Strubel Show
. He’d never let on, the clever sadist, but his plan had worked. Her notoriety with the famous celebrity interviewer was now adding to Beck’s fame. Just like it had with Evan.

Jude stared at the charismatic turncoat as he stood onstage in the middle of the ornately decorated room. Beckette was the center of attention, all poise and charm. The quiet loner of her heart was gone. Harry Strubel interviewed this stranger about his new role in an upcoming movie…and his humorous tryst with the pitiful “Honey, you’re nice, but I like his package better than yours”
girl.