Flight Risk (Antiques in Flight) (18 page)

When his tongue skimmed her bottom lip, she gave in, let herself be pulled into the perfect moment.

It was unlike any kiss they’d ever shared. It was soft and sweet, nothing demanding or impulsive. A completely new experience. A low, humming buzz along her skin, a slight shiver in her heart, and the slowest warming in her core.

His thumb whispered along her jaw, his other hand grazing up and down her side, but it never became anything more than druggingly sweet, achingly innocent.

Then he pulled away. He was always able to, and she always took it. Every good moment, every bad moment, he brought them all crashing to a halt. “We can’t keep coming back to this place.” She hated that her voice was breathless, that she couldn’t pull away from the warmth of his body.

“I know.” He didn’t sound as convincing as she wanted him to. His fingers traced her jaw, her neck, and she tried very hard to fight off the shiver.

“I don’t want to ignore this anymore.” His lips touched hers again, a brief, light touch, then her cheek, then her other cheek.

She had to hold on to his arms to steady herself against the shuddering feeling inside of her. “But—”

“I’m thinking about staying.”

It was like a bucket of ice water being dumped over her head. Him actually uttering the words, and not in some kind of guilt-induced heat of the moment. He was really thinking about it, really considering staying. “You can’t.” She clutched his arm, desperate to convince him this wasn’t the answer. Only she didn’t know where the desperation came from.

“Yes, I can. I could probably get my old job at county. The bottom line is Shelby. She’s made it impossible for me to be happy in Seattle. It isn’t her fault, but if I go back there the guilt is going to eat me alive. I’ll be just as miserable as if I stayed here, but if I stayed at least there’d be you.”

Her heart flipped even as panic leaped into her throat.
As miserable
. Maybe if he thought there’d be a chance to be happy she could accept it. Maybe if she knew without a shadow of a doubt these feelings wouldn’t fade if he stayed. Maybe if he could somehow promise forever.

But he couldn’t. If he stayed, if they pursued this, she could lose him in a million different ways. Ways she couldn’t predict. Not just to Seattle, or boredom, or life. To the realization they were too different, that she wasn’t good enough for him, that someone else who came along would be better. It would drive her crazy until she drove him crazy too. She had to know how he would leave her, because some way, somehow he would.

Love always left her.

He was watching her and she knew she had to say something, but it was hard to do anything in the grip of all this panic.

“Trevor, you can’t stay.” She sounded as scared as she felt.

“I just told you why I can.”

“But, it’s a mistake. It would be a mistake. You’re not thinking clearly. You’re letting guilt influence your choices.” She tried to take a calming breath, but it was shallow and ineffective.

“The guilt is there, Callie. I can’t ignore it. It’s there and it’s killing me. Jesus, I don’t get you.” He pulled away completely, shoved a hand through his hair. “You keep saying you want me to be happy and I’m telling you maybe, somehow, I could be if I stayed here and you’re still desperate for me to leave. I don’t get it.”

“This isn’t about me.”

“But it is. It is about you. You don’t want me to stay. Why not?”

“I—” She couldn’t find an answer, nothing, not lie or truth or something halfway in between could work its way out of her lips. “I don’t know.”

“Figure it out.” He looked out at the sun, his face hard and his hands tucked into fists. She wished she knew what to say, wished she knew what to do. All she could feel was a drumming panic pumping through her veins and a tightness in her chest that kept any words stuck somewhere between mind and mouth.

Callie closed her eyes, Em’s words pounding into her brain.
You keep up walls with us, Callie
.
Maybe it’s not the people you love you’re trying to protect. Maybe it’s yourself
.

“I don’t want to be the only thing that would make you happy. Even if I thought I could be, I don’t want that kind of pressure.”

Callie opened her eyes, surprised the words had come out of her mouth. Now that they had, it was a light bulb moment. The ding, ding, ding of a right answer. Beyond not wanting to ruin their friendship, beyond not being sure she could do the serious relationship thing, was the very real fact she couldn’t take on the responsibility of his happiness. It was hard enough taking responsibility of her own. She’d never be able to live up to it.

“You’re right.” He sounded tired again, exhausted beyond measure as if this conversation was taking away all the energy he’d gotten from the nap. “That isn’t fair. I don’t want to put that kind of pressure on you.” He shoved his fingers through his hair. “God, this is such a mess. How did I get here? I had a plan. It was a good plan.”

“Plans rarely work out when it comes to stuff like this,” Callie murmured. “You’ve got a lot on your plate.” Hesitantly, fearfully she reached out to touch his arm. A friendly gesture. She hoped. “It takes a while to sort things out. You’ve got time. You don’t have to decide to stay or not today. You’ve got months. Think about what you really want.”

He nodded and visibly swallowed. “I want you, Callie.”

The words wreaked havoc on her system, and she was about five seconds away from giving in, from ignoring everything she’d just said. The whispers of fear coated her brain just in time to pull herself together.

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea, under the circumstances. Attraction isn’t everything and if we give in, it has the potential to ruin a lot.” She tried to believe the truth in her words, tried not to let her mind rehash that kiss. “It’s not a good idea.”

“No, it isn’t.” He grabbed her chin, gave her a hard, frustrated kiss. “But that’s not going to stop me from thinking about it. You’re a part of this. If I decide to stay, I’m not going to give a shit about potentially ruining anything.”

When he walked off, Callie felt no closer to a resolution than she had when she’d been honest about some of her feelings with him.

So much for breaking down walls. It hadn’t helped a damn bit.

Chapter Thirteen

“This is our last chance to get the permit in time since it takes ninety days to jump through all the hoops once Dana signs off on it.”

Shelby looked at the binder Em had been putting together, then at the bathroom door where Callie had disappeared almost half an hour ago.

“Maybe I could go with Callie. Dana and my mom were pretty tight. I could help.”

Em smiled so wide it made Shelby want to squirm, especially when Em slung an affectionate arm over Shelby’s shoulders.

“Aw, you’ve fallen under the spell.”

“Huh?”

“The AIF spell. You love it. You want to help. Just like your brother.”

Shelby squirmed away from Em, who was right even if Shelby didn’t want to admit it. In the week Shelby had been volunteering for AIF she’d given way more than the ten hours she’d promised. There was something comforting about being there. Being a part of something. A weird something. Almost like a family.

Not that she would
ever
admit it to anyone. But she got it, why Trevor was always eager to leave in the morning. AIF was so different than the Steele house with its interminable silences and ghosts around every corner. AIF was a breath of fresh air, a place to feel relaxed.

“Of course, I think your brother might have some ulterior motives to being around here so much.” Em wiggled her eyebrows, and Shelby’s stomach jumped with hope.

“What ulterior motives?”

Em closed the binder and nodded her head toward the bathroom door. “My sister, I’d guess. Don’t you think?”

“I heard a rumor in town that they’re together,” Shelby whispered conspiratorially, hoping to get some kind of confirmation besides whispers and gossip.

Em leaned her head closer, keeping her gaze glued to the bathroom door. “I heard that too, but I haven’t seen any solid proof. They’ve been acting the same as they always do around here. Have you seen anything?”

“No.” Shelby frowned. “Dan said his cousin said he heard from somebody they were making out at my graduation party.”

Em chewed her bottom lip. “I don’t know. You know how rumors are, and I think Callie would have mentioned it.”

The bathroom door opened and even if Em and Shelby hadn’t been discussing Callie, they both would have stopped talking. Callie stepped out looking like an entirely different person.

Her straight black hair was pulled into a French braid and she was wearing a business suit. It was black, but the dark purple shirt underneath was a really good color for her.

She wore makeup. It was subtle and businesslike, and if Shelby didn’t know better, she would have thought Callie a high-powered professional. Even her black heels were fashionable, though Mom would have said they were a little too flashy for business.

“All right, Shelby. How do I look?”

Surprised, Shelby frowned at Em then back at Callie. “Why are you asking me?”

Callie straightened her jacket, stood with shoulders back as if she was bracing herself. “Because I know you’ll be honest.”

Shelby fidgeted in her seat, torn between integrity and habit. Integrity would mean telling the truth, habit would be a nasty comment wrapped around the truth. “You look sophisticated.”
For trash
, Mom’s voice added in Shelby’s head. Shelby frowned at the voice; there were times when it really got on her nerves.

“I’ll be damned,” Callie muttered.

“It’s true.” Em looked pleased and hopeful. “Dana won’t be able to look at you and see Bad Girl Baker at all.”

From Callie’s grimace, Shelby knew Callie didn’t share Em’s confidence.

“Let’s cross our fingers, toes, everything.” Again Callie straightened her jacket and for the first time Shelby noticed the nerves. Callie’s hands weren’t steady and she kept moving around the room as if she couldn’t sit still.

“I want to go with you,” Shelby blurted, pushing away from the table before she realized what she was doing.

Callie’s brows knit together. “What for?”

Shelby thought of Em’s story of the numerous refusals and Dana’s stupid reasons for not giving AIF the parking permit. Shelby knew how easy it was to dislike Callie, but it wasn’t fair Dana was hurting AIF to hurt Callie. “I want to help.”

“You Steeles certainly think a lot of yourselves.” Callie crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t need help.”

“Dana and my mom were friends. I know what they think of you.” Shelby was determined now. She wasn’t backing down. “I can help you change Dana’s mind.”

Callie and Em exchanged indecipherable looks.

“What’s in it for you?”

The accusation hurt, especially since for once Shelby was trying to be nice. “I want to help.”

“Want to help or want something to lord over me so I’ll help you get Trevor to stay?”

Even though Shelby knew she deserved the slight, the rational part of her mind was no match for the irrational part that bristled at Callie’s accusation. The part that felt unjustly vilified. Except when Shelby really thought about that feeling, those words, they were all her mother’s.

Shelby squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to shut Mom out too. She loved her mother, missed her more than anything, but she was eighteen and she wanted her own voice in her head—no one else’s.

Her own voice wanted to help, even if Mom wouldn’t have approved. Of course, if Callie felt so inclined to help talk Trevor into staying, Shelby couldn’t see that as being a bad thing.

Shelby took a deep breath and met Callie’s squinted gaze. “Does it matter why? Shouldn’t you take whatever help is offered? Em said this is your last chance, and if I can help, and I’m offering to help, just accept it. Everything else be damned.”

At Callie’s sharp intake of breath Shelby knew the words hit home.

“Fine, but you screw this up for us, you better disappear. Even your brother won’t be able to save you from my revenge.”

Shelby scrambled after Callie’s hasty exit, grabbing Em’s binder on her way out. Once they were in the car, driving away from AIF and toward downtown Pilot’s Point, Callie broke the silence first.

“Dana and your mom were friends, huh? Did they have an ‘I hate Callie Baker’ club or something?”

The words were surprisingly bitter. Shelby didn’t think Callie cared what other people thought, but the idea of an “I hate Callie” club wasn’t too far from the truth, so Shelby kept her mouth shut.

“Jesus,” Callie hissed. “Didn’t they have anything better to do than hate me?”

Shelby didn’t have a response for that either, because if she were being honest with herself, she kind of agreed with Callie, which was a sad state of affairs.

“I give you credit. You’ve always been honest about how you feel about me. Never pretended or faked being polite. I appreciate that.”

Shelby fidgeted in the seat, her hands sweating from clutching the binder so hard. “I never did understand why Mom was so nice to people’s faces but so mean behind their backs. It seemed dishonest to me.”