Flight of Fancy: Cora's Daughters (48 page)

Emma slowed her packing.

Her heart was beating fast and hard - because in truth, she was afraid to leave. But after all that she’d done while there, how could she stay. Just as she turned to Della, about to take her offer, with acceptance on the tip of her tongue, another of the boarders heard that her beau was there for her. That boarder rushed up beside Della smiling, almost laughing, “Woooo weee! I hear you on your way out, I come to help you pack, lord-have-mercy! Let’s not waste a minute.”

Her words hurt – but it was what she knew they all felt. With shame and misplaced pride, Emma swallowed her words and instead of humbling to say she wasn’t going, but would accept Della’s offer, she threw the last of her things in the bag.

The look Della gave the boarder, was scorching, “Get out of her room! How dare you!” her words made the boarder sober up immediately, “I – I was just messin’ Ms. Della… she’s always saying how she can’t wait to go.”

“It is not your place – nor is it right to say what you have - excuse us,” came the firm dismissal. It was too late, Emma was making her way by them, out the door. “Emma wait…”

“Thank you Ms. Della, but – it’s time fo’me to go.” With her new wrap on that Asiza had given her, along with the green ensemble and other belongings, she made her way down the stairs. Locked in place, the expression on her face, was one of an ill formed smile - pretending. It was there to show all that saw her, that she was as happy as she could be, leaving that place. No one knew how queasy with fear she was at that moment, because in truth –
who
was Jack Tanner really?

She had escaped the south, her master, and made it north, to the boarding house – staying there because she had no place else to go. She’d deceived herself into believing that her good looks,
close to,
but not white enough looks, gave her an advantage over other black women. With that shallow thinking, she rebuffed all help to aid her in beautifying the inner Emma to match the outside. After only a week there, on one of the trips to town with some of the other women she’d met Jack Tanner. He’d stepped right up to her, giving her a rose - a perfect red rose, right there in the street in broad daylight for all to see. Flattered - in no time at all, he’d swept her off of her feet.

She’d crept out of the boarding house and had gone for walks, not telling anyone – to meet him. On those walks, all kinds of promises were made.

He gave flowery flattery and praises on her beauty, just the way Emma Byrd liked to hear it. Next came gifts… a pretty comb for her hair. A ribbon choker and charm for her slender neck, a dainty pair of gloves for her delicate hands, a lovely shawl, a stunning gown and then, another. Finally, he asked would she be his, his alone for always.

Walking on what Emma thought was a heavenly cloud, she’d agreed. Then, he spoke of a business trip, that he wouldn’t be gone long,
“Please tell me you’ll wait for me? I promise you upon my return, a new life full of wonderful things, please tell me you’ll wait?”
He sounded so impassioned, seeming sincere.
“When I return… why, I’ll be strolling right up to that door to get you, promise. Will you?”
  Before she answered, he’d kissed her - a long, stirring kiss. Now, he was back – just as he’d said. Emma Byrd squared her shoulders and left the boarding house. Della had done all that she would do, she closed and locked the door.

It was mid-March and the snow was melting. The season was changing, but it was still getting dark early, the dusk was coming in as she departed. Emma was off to begin her new life. If only her guts would leave her alone so she could get on with it. “Where we goin’?” She asked, smiling – even though she wasn’t feeling it. He took her one bag and slung it onto the back of the carriage.

“It’s a surprise – not telling you, you’ll see when we get there.” He grinned, handing her up into the carriage – he then rushed around it to climb in beside her.

“Is it a long ways to go, fo’we get there?”

“Does it matta’? I thought you’d be so glad to see me after all this time, that long as we together – who cares how far we have to travel.”

“Can’t help but wonda’.” She softly murmured.

In return, she received a wink and a smile.

Sitting next to Jack, Emma could only feel the chill of the day. A shiver passed over her – she couldn’t help but wonder why she left the boarding house? Why hadn’t she joined in with the others to learn? She sat realizing that her problem was that she’d looked down on the others because they were darker – she was lighter.

Surely, her looks were enough to gain her the admiration and devotion of the right man, surely they would? Yet, as she sat, riding further and further away from Ms. Della’s, she knew in her heart, that the right man, was nowhere in sight.

She sat thinking, questioning herself as to what she was doing in this carriage, all alone, when in truth, she didn’t have to be.

Asiza’s words would not leave her mind.
“Don’t trust him – he a snake – a slippery snake.”
The further she went with him, the more the alarm bells went off – growing louder with the distance - the more she became certain that she didn’t want to be with him. She could feel nothing for him, but uncertainty and… fear. No longing – no desire – nor any joy or anticipation of a new life with him.

It was at that moment that Emma realized her looks had played her. Her looks had tricked her – deceived her. Instead of looking at herself, she should have been looking
inside
of herself. She should have been looking around her, at her sisters who were not depending on their looks to deliver them. She should have been taking notice of their happiness and sense of pride at the accomplishments they’d made to better themselves.

“I-…” She gulped.

He glanced her way, “Yes, my love?”

“I-…” She could barely swallow – the fear was taking over everything else now, all other thoughts were jamming up from her chest - her heart jerked, slammed and pumped madly – almost suffocating her. Her stomach started hurting, a queasy sickly feeling. She began praying that he understand and take her back. “I… I think – I – I wanna go back.”

“Back? Back where?”

“Back … to’da boarding house. I thought I want this – maybe – I – I need mo’time. I -  I wanna go back.”

“More time – you’ve had plenty of time. You’ll be fine – give us a chance, give me a chance…please?” He smiled, his dead eyes went to her and then the road.

Dead eyes… Emma could see them now. She wondered how was it that she hadn’t seen them before? So much time wasted on looking at herself and not around her – not at him. Why now – was she seeing? Why couldn’t she have seen all before, what she was seeing now?

“I jus’ – jus’ wanna go back tha’s all.”

Jack’s focus was on the road, driving the carriage onward, pretending that she’d made no protest, or request to halt all between them.

“Please… take me back… I wanna go back.”

His eyes cut to her, icy blue, cold and dead, no more smiling, all disguise gone, “I am – taking you back.”

Emma felt frozen by his words. It was close to evening – growing dark with every passing moment. They were now out of the city, no one to be seen, and even if there was, she was a Negro woman. It didn’t matter how much of one – more or less. Heat passed over her body, where the temperature seemed to jerk back and forth between hot and cold – panic – fear and adrenaline throbbed throughout. She broke out in a cold sweat, feeling dizzy with anxiety. She wanted to jump out of the carriage and run – run back to the boarding house – but she was too far away. If she jumped, could he catch her? Would he? She knew there was no way of out-running him, not in her long flowing skirt.

She glanced up at the sky, now dark - woods to the right and left. She sat still contemplating the possibility of trying to outrun him - could she? Maybe hold her skirts high? Would he give chase? Suddenly, playing within her mind, loud and clear it came to her, the baying of hounds. She knew, yes – he would run her down like a dog. Anxiety fed her fear, her body thrummed with it. A way out – where was there a way out? “Where… you takin’ me?” She dreaded, but asked.

“Where… you belong.” Came his simple answer as he turned off the main road they’d been traveling. They were now on a smaller one leading them on a muddy track, deeper into the woods amid a thicker crop of trees. A forest so dense, the dark was now black.

“Please… I – I do anythang – you take me back – back to Ms. Della’s. I do… I do anythang.” She could barely breathe to speak.

“You gone pay me three-hundred in gold? Hmm?” He smiled, winking - this time it was genuine.

She turned wide eyes to him, “Three-hundred - huh?” Emma felt the carriage, the forest, the world spin around her. Just ahead, a mansion, not quite the size of the boarding house came into view, candle lights glowing from within.

That’s where he was taking her. All too quickly, he pulled around to the front of the porch and a door opened. A black servant came out, head down, watching his feet as he made his way toward the carriage.

Jack Tanner jumped down and made his way around to her side, lifting her down to her feet, all smiles, flirting and flattery… gone.

“No…”

“Let’s go.”

“I wanna go back-…” She whimpered.

He reached up and grabbed a handful of hair, twisting it, he roughly hauled her toward the porch and up it.

“See to the carriage.” He ordered the black man as if they were a normal couple returning home after an evening out.

“Help meee…” Emma wept pitifully, her scalp burned as she was tugged and yanked by the hair up the stairs and into the open front door. She grabbed, and tried to hang on where she could, to the door, the staircase banister and posts – at times she could feel and hear her hair being torn from her scalp, strands popping, her scalp felt on fire with pain.

The man, Jack Tanner carried on as if he could hear none of her cries, could not empathize with her pain, her terror. In fact, he grew angrier, handling her rougher than ever - incensed for tiring him out, for making him struggle while getting her up the stairs. By the time they made it to the room of his choice, her garments were ripped, torn - her face battered and bruised from slaps and punches.

Finally in the room, he slammed the door locking it and inside, Emma Byrd endured two violent hours of domination and rape. Having his fill, he concluded the evening by leaving and locking the door behind him with her inside.

She spent the rest of the night sobbing, praying and trying to think of a way out of there and back to Ms. Della’s. There was no way out, the windows were solidly boarded with only squares cut into them for air to get in and out of the room.

Physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted – Emma dozed off. Waking on and off thru the night to cry and pray – not once, ever asking why - she knew why and wished she had it to do all over again, from the beginning.

If she could, she would go back to the day she’d first arrived at Ms. Della’s.

She would smile at her sisters, hug them and be ever so thankful, feeling privileged to be there among them. With tears rolling down her face, all delusions were gone. Right then, she remembered every moment and time that she wasted thinking stupidly – believing that just being pretty, attractive… was enough. That nothing more was required on her part.

She wanted to go back, to humble down and say how sorry she was, to every one of her sisters that did all in their power to take in what so many at the boarding house was offering them, to help them to be free.

They offered all the things she thought she didn’t need – because she was the kind of pretty that was close to white. Now, there she was – praying for an escape,
or
death. Death was certainly more appealing than enduring more of what she had. Again, Emma dozed off, praying at a moment when it was possibly too late. She groaned when her mind reminded her, that back at the boarding house she’d said to Asiza… that it was
too late
.

Now… she understood the true meaning, of
too late
.

The next time that she woke – it was to the sound of voices. Her scratchy eyes opened to daylight. With her head pounding, she sat up in the bed and listened more intently – she knew one or more of those voices, they were familiar to her. She watched the door, couldn’t take her eyes off of it as an hour or more went by, she finally heard someone coming up the stairs. A key went into the lock, for the door to finally open with her old master standing in the middle of it.

Emma wished for and imagined a rope to hang herself.

Master Byrd stared at the state of her and sighed.

“What a mess you are Emma – just look at’cha. You have cost me a great deal t’fin’you. Not even worth what you were when you left – not now.”

Emma began sobbing again, “Oh masta’… I – I’m sorry – I jus’ wanna – I-…”

“Nevermin’ – I’ve come to fetch you back. You one vain negra you are – too vain, arrogant – thankin’ more of yo’self than you ought to.”

“You need t’learn a lesson – need t’learn ya’place. That mirror I’m thinkin’ been tellin’ you thangs that jus’ ain’so. I tret you good Emma Byrd, betta’ than mos’ negras. Tha’s okay… I’m gone fix’ya, fix’ya jus’ fine.”