Fledge (42 page)

My chin shakes as the tears fall down. "Is it all predetermined? Everything?"

"No, Junco. Not all of it. Destiny is fixed, but fate can shift and you've done that. So well I can hardly comprehend the consequences. If you gave your wish to Tier and made him sacrifice nothing, what would that have accomplished? Nothing, that's what. But you caused a ripple through the entire Band, millions of people, Junco. They all shifted because of your desperate act."

She waits for me to say something, but I can't. I just sit and think.

"I am not asking for much now, Junco. Just a trip back to Earth, which you were going to make anyway to find the remaining Siblings. And a snippet of code, just a small snippet of information."

"You're going to clone me, aren't you?"

She shakes her head. "Never, Junco. I would never dream of cloning you. You are perfect."

I swallow and shake my head. "Don't say that." I look up at her, serious. "Don't fucking say that, because I'm a monster and there is no redemption for me."

"You couldn't be more wrong, Junco. You've attained the purest form of forgiveness, the kind that only comes from self-sacrifice. Fate, Junco, the prayer card you carry with you? Is something you can change. That's why the prayer ends with hope–

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

"But your destiny was not to die. The plan was not to slice open your entire body, was it?"

My frown returns. "No, just enough to make me legally dead by Tier's hand." I look up at her, "But still allow Braun and Layla to fix me back up."

"Your destiny was not to die in Deliverance, and it is not this" – she sweeps her hands around the room – "place either."

"Is Tier still alive?" I ask hopefully.

She shakes her head and I feel sick. "I won't tell you that. You have to take your chances like everyone else. There are no guarantees, Junco. Except two that I will give you now as payment in full for your help."

I lean in, despite myself.

"Rebirth comes with certain benefits." She smiles gently. "Your scroll has no punishments on it. At the moment. Your load has been lightened considerably. Your conscience should feel clean."

I consider this for a moment. Do I feel clean? "Maybe it has a lag time or something? I don't feel it."

She laughs. "You're not usually such a literal person, Junco."

"Oh." I shrug. "What's the other one then?"

This time she leans her elbows on the counter and looks up at me. "You will shift history, Junco. You still have a hard road, and you will fill up that scroll with punishments again and again. But in the end, you'll have to admit, you wouldn't change a thing. You couldn't exchange a single bad thing with something good, or else you'd never make it to your end." She lets out a sigh. "That's all I have to give, but if you think about it, Junco, you'll see it's worth the price you will pay. Because I'm telling you that in the end, you will be – if not happy – then at the very least, satisfied. And that's all you wanted, remember?"

Why does everything I say and do always come back to haunt me? Satisfied doesn't sound as good as happy. In fact, it sounds like a trap. Make me think I'll have a good end but in reality I'll just have to kill myself again or something. "Tell me who you are, and maybe I'll go back. But I want some answers."

She doesn't even blink. "I'm not the syrinx." She waves her hand like that was some child's fable. "You already know that because Tier told you. I'm Sera."

I sigh. "OK, just spell it out for me, huh? I'm not gonna play name-that-mythological-creature anymore. What are you?"

"I'm an AI, a very powerful AI."

Now we're getting somewhere. "Were you running my HOUSE back home on Earth?"

"No, I've never been to Earth. I used to run the capital, before it was Amelia it was Sera. But I quit, I could not stand working with Lucan for one more second, so I went underground. Lived in the walls, anywhere to stay away from him and wait for my next chance."

"Wow, that is some hate."

"You have no idea, Junco. He might seem rational now, perhaps. But he is not normally like this. And it won't last, I promise. It won't last."

I brush that aside because every time I make a friend, someone who wants something from me crushes that friendship in some way. If Lucan's a bad guy, I'll figure it out eventually. "So how did you get inside me?"

"They made you a receptacle. There was a place inside you for an AI, perhaps the one you speak of on Earth, perhaps that AI was meant to fill that vacancy. But when I entered, it was empty. I've waited patiently for you for a long time. And now here you are, ready for the next step."

"So the city, Amelia, is an AI?"

She lets out a tiny laugh. "Of all the things I just told you, that's the question you have for me?"

"I asked you about Tier, you wouldn't tell me."

She stops her laugh and her eyes turn serious. "I need to get to Earth. It is where I will complete my destiny. And so I will allow them to regenerate the parts I control in you and you will help me get to Earth. Understand?"

I stare down at my cold food and suddenly feel very tired. "Will you cause war on Earth?"

"Junco, Earth is already at war. It is drawing attention to the Sol System that it should not. The repercussions for this attention are still in the future, but I need to begin the process of interference now. Or things will end badly."

"But you just fucking promised me that–"

She puts a hand up to silence me. "Your satisfactory end is still intact. I give you my word."

It's pointless to argue or pretend that I'd say no. I have no choice, not really. Even if both Kush and Tier are dead, there are still a lot of people I love back in the Band. And my musing over what stupid, pointless, violence-loving pieces of shit they all were during Deliverance is over now. Time does, in fact, heal and make you forget just about anything.

Chapter Forty-Seven

I'm sitting sideways on the bed puking my guts out in a small trashcan when the Archers appear in my hospital room. They wait patiently as I hurl. When I'm done I take a deep breath and swipe my hand across my mouth, then look up apologetically. "Sorry, my virtual breakfast didn't agree with me."

Lucan is looking at a gap in my gown that exposes a slight sliver of my chest from throat to belly. I wince and pull it closed, then look up at him. "I can't stop touching it. It looks" – I hesitate as I open my gown and look down one more time at the bright red scar that runs the entire length of my torso – "pretty fucking awful."

He nods. "We are very happy you're back with us, Junco."

I look at them one at a time and stop when I get to a portly guy, fair like the rest of them, but a little on the unkempt side. I recall him as one of the more rude questioners in earlier conversations with the group. I nod towards him. "He doesn't look so happy to see me."

They all turn towards him and he shuffles a little. "Oh, uh, you'll have to excuse me, Junco. I'm an" – he stops to choose a word – "academic." He shrugs. "Not known for my personality. I am Archer of Sefer." Then he brightens. "Esta is one of us now. I am very happy to have her."

I smile back. "Oh, sorry then. For jumping to conclusions."

We sigh collectively and look at each other.

"I might as well start. Thanks for bringing me back, I do appreciate it. But you didn't really do it with your Resurrection thing. The AI brought me back. On one condition. So…"

I drop off and let them take it from there.

Lucan steps forward. "What is it? The condition?" He looks worried.

"Not much, really. Considering. I will go to Earth and get those Siblings for you. She wants me to drop her off there – that's pretty much it." I sigh and throw my hands up a little. It sounds ridiculous even to me.

Lucan smiles and then turns to his group. "Some privacy, please?"

They all say some nice words to me and then one by one, disappear.

"Can you walk, Junco?"

"I dunno, I feel like I can, but haven't tried yet."

He offers his hand and I stand, shaky at first, and then lean into him, pulling my gown tight around my too-thin body as he walks me over to some chairs near the window. I sit down and he takes a seat across from me. He points down and I lean into the window to see. There's a large crowd outside. "Who are they?" I ask, looking back over to him.

"Well-wishers."

I take a deep breath and ask the question. "Is Tier alive?"

He nods. "He is, Junco. Saved by Kush's wish of all things."

"I thought I won Deliverance? And Esta got my wish and wished for my Resurrection?"

"She did, you did. But there was some discord that night, and we made Kush a winner as well. And granted his wish."

I stare at him as I process his words. "He told me his wish was to be captain of his team."

Lucan smiles and takes my hand. "Well, he did wish for a new captain, but he wished for Tier to be his captain." Lucan shrugs, a gesture I think he picked up from me. "So, Tier commands Kush's old unit. Your Fledge team."

"Wow, I never saw that one coming." The smile spreads across my face and I laugh, then cry with relief. The tears spill out and I hunch over as I let all the hurt go in one massive wave. My scar protests at the pressure the escaping pain puts on it and I don't even bother trying to get myself under control.

Lucan pulls me up from the chair and puts his arms around me, hugs me for the first time ever. I stay that way and enjoy it for a long time. Until the tears stop and I'm sniffing like crazy to contain my nose.

"Is it over now?" I look up at him, red-faced and crimson-eyed I'm sure.

He nods. "It's over now, Junco."

I cry again, my head heaving into his chest. "Good," I manage after a few more minutes, "because I can't think of a single thing I could do that could beat killing myself with my own weapon and coming back from the dead. If that's not enough to impress you assholes, well, I don't imagine anything will."

I feel him laugh and I wipe my eyes again.

They make me stay at Rache's hospital for a week, stuffing me full of food and letting a few people come by and say hi here and there. Braun is the first to come. Ashur kicked him out of the 039 after they learned it was his plan from the beginning. He's Tier's XO now. He sets up a poker table near the window and spends an entire day with me, joking and laughing.

Isten comes, and so does Ryse. But Ashur doesn't. They ask me if I will join Tier's team but I don't have an answer. Lucan hasn't mentioned it, but I'm pretty sure he remembers that I chose to stay with Rache and Monk before the fight. No one else seems to know that though, so I avoid the whole topic.

Tier doesn't come, even when I ask for him. Lucan just says I will have to wait. I try and call Ashur, but he's not picking up his com. I suppose it might be coded to see who is calling him and he knows it's me. My com never did that, but whatever. He doesn't answer.

Kadian calls and I hang up on him the first dozen times, but eventually I get tired of the constant barrage and talk to him. He wants an interview. I tell him maybe, as long as he stops calling me. He stops.

On the last day Lucan comes to collect me.

I was so nervous I couldn't sleep last night. I just paced the bedroom and looked out the window at the fading crowd of people below. Lucan hasn't said anything about seeing Tier today, but I know he's been keeping him away until I put on some weight and got some life back in me. I must have come back from the dead looking like total shit.

I'm dressed in a pair of jeans and a summer tank top when he arrives. The jeans are still a little loose, but not as bad as they could've been. I can't bring myself to wear the sandals they brought, so I have on my Aves boots. Lucan smiles as he looks down at my feet. "Ready to leave?"

"Where are we going?"

He laughs. "You're seconds away from knowing, just let it go."

He taps me on the shoulder and we are standing on some short green grass in the middle of a field. Tier is standing a few feet away, his back to us. It takes him a second to realize we're there and then he turns.

Lucan steps toward Tier and takes his arm to greet him formally. Tier has a hard time meeting his gaze, but eventually his eyes find Lucan's. "I'm sorry."

Lucan's expression remains flat. "You did everything right this time, Raubtier. There is nothing to forgive."

Tier looks away again. "Thank you for helping her."

Lucan smiles down at me. "It was my pleasure." I stare at him as he disappears.

Tier walks over to me and hugs me tight. "I wanted to come see ya, Junco." He pushes me back so he can look at me. "But Lucan said no. And I figured I owed him some obedience after all the shit I caused."

I hug him tighter. "It was worth the wait." I pull back and look around. "Where are we?"

"Vacation, apparently." He smiles all the way up to his eyes. "There's a little house over there."