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Authors: Shana Burton

BOOK: Flaw Less
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Chapter 8
“I think my mother would've
preferred that I told her I was gay
during my senior year in high school.
It definitely would've gone over better
than telling her I was pregnant.”
—
Kina Battle
 
 
Kina rubbed her hands along her new desk for what must have been the hundredth time that Tuesday morning. After Charles called the day before and offered her the job as his new administrative assistant, she immediately went into praise mode, followed by a phone call to her friends to announce her new position.
Kina set Kenny's picture down on her desk and stood back, beaming with pride. “You did good, girl!” she said to herself before settling into her new leather chair. She swished around a little to adjust the seat to her bottom.
“So are you settling in all right?” asked Charles, approaching her.
She sat upright. “Oh, yes. I've never really had a big space like this to myself,” admitted Kina. “Everything is set up so lovely. I can't believe I'm actually getting paid to be here.”
One of the associate pastors followed up with a bouquet of flowers to set on her desk.
“And these are for you as well,” announced Charles and handed her the vase. “They're from all of us to welcome you to the family.”
“Oh, wow!” gushed Kina. “Pastor, you didn't have to do all of that. Just working here is enough for me.”
“Well, yours is the first face people see when they walk through the door, so I've got to do everything I can to keep a big smile on it.”
Kina blushed. “Thank you.”
“Is there anything else you need? I know it's going to take a minute to figure it all out, but I want to make sure you're off to good start.”
“Yes, I'm fine. Everyone has been so helpful. I can already tell I'm going to love working here.”
“I certainly hope so. It's the Lord's will that every man find satisfaction in his work. Mount Zion Ministries wants to be as big a blessing to you as you are to us.”
“You were a blessing to me long before I was on payroll, Pastor.”
“You're mighty kind, my sister.” Charles returned her smile. “I'll be in my office. Give me a buzz if you need anything at all, and I'll come running. You have a blessed day, you hear?”
Charles was so kind and thoughtful. It made her wonder how Sullivan managed to garner enough favor with God for Him to send her a man like Charles. It also made her wonder if he ever did wrong in a past life to deserve a woman like Sullivan.
 
 
A long day at work followed by a longer day at the gym wasn't exactly Kina's prescription for a day of fun, but she was as committed to taking care of herself on the inside as she was on the out, so she dragged herself to Fitness Fanatics with the last bit of energy she had after leaving church for the day.
After expelling 800 calories between the treadmill, free weights, and ten laps around the indoor track, Kina prepared to leave, unaware that someone had been watching her.
“So, how many pounds have you lost?”
Kina turned around. “Excuse me?”
A woman with sister-locked twists offered a kind smile. “I know a success story when I see one. I've been coming to this gym for a while. I've seen you here a few times, enough to know that you've shed some serious LBs, so how much have you lost?”
Kina grinned, ecstatic that someone had noticed. “I've lost thirty-three pounds and counting.”
The woman's eyes widened. “Wow, that's impressive. How long did it take to come off?”
“I've been seriously working out and watching what I eat for about six months now.”
The woman outstretched her toned arms. Kina caught a glimpse of her strong, sculpted mahogany legs as well. “This is what six days a week for five years in the gym will get you.” She put her arms down. “It wasn't that long ago that I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. Now, I can't stay out if it!”
Kina laughed. “I can't wait until I'm at that point, but I definitely like what I see more than I used to. I decided to make some changes after . . .” Kina bit her lip.
“After what?”
Kina shook her head. “It's not important.”
The woman encouraged her. “Sure it is. What were you going to say?”
Kina exhaled. “After my husband died a year ago.”
“Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Was he sick?”
“Not the way you mean.”
The woman nodded, understanding. “Well, look, if you ever want to talk about it, I'm a great listener.” She laughed a little. “I guess it would help if I told you my name first. I'm Joan.” She extended her hand.
Kina received it. “I'm Kina.”
Joan smiled. “That's pretty. I like that . . . Kina.”
“Joan is nice too,” complimented Kina. “It's a name that evokes strength and confidence.” She paused. “Plus, I was a huge fan of
Girlfriends
. Joan was always my favorite.”
Joan chuckled. “Joan was a little neurotic for me. I always liked Toni. She was just so fiery and sexy.”
“And a complete witch—don't forget about that!” added Kina with a laugh. “I actually have a very close friend who's just like that.”
“Don't we all?” retorted Joan. They both laughed. Joan's laughter was infectious. “Hey, listen, have you finished up your workout?”
Kina wiped her sweaty brow with a towel. “Yeah, why?”
Joan checked her watch. “It's after six o'clock, and I haven't even had
lunch
yet. You wanna grab a bite to eat? It's my treat. I know we just met, like, five minutes ago, but I'd love the company. Truth be told, I hate eating alone. It's one of the downsides to single life.”
“Don't I know it!” Kina patted her stomach. “You know I
could
use a li'l something on the belly, but you don't have to pay for it.”
“No, I want to. Don't worry—I'll let you treat next time! Hopefully, this is just the first of many meals together.”
Kina was thrown a little by the invitation, but she too hated eating alone and agreed to a bite at a café across the street. Besides, Joan seemed cool. Kina was amazed by how quickly the two of them hit it off.
“So, Kina,” began Joan once they'd sat down, “tell me what you like to do for fun.”
“
Fun?”
repeated Kina. “I hardly know what that is anymore! Fun is one of those things I'll get to eventually. Right now, everything is all about work, school, my son, and, of course, my church.” The corners of Joan's mouth dipped into a frown. Kina picked up on it right away. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No . . . not really.”
“So what's the long face about?”
Joan hesitated. “I have issues with some of the doctrines of the church.”
“You're not an atheist, are you?”
“Of course not!” scoffed Joan. “I know there's a God, and I believe He loves me just as I am.”
“I don't know of any church or pastor who'll disagree with that.”
Joan folded her hands together. “Most churches don't accept my lifestyle, Kina. I guess you could say I'm living in sin by some standards.”
“How so?”
Joan took a deep breath. “I'm a lesbian, Kina.”
Kina froze, stunned. “Oh . . . I didn't know.” She gulped. “You seem so . . . heterosexual.”
Joan laughed. “That's the first time I've heard that one!”
Kina smiled politely but didn't say anything.
“Does my being gay make you uncomfortable?”
“No, I admit that it caught me off guard, though. I haven't been around many gays.”
“I'm sure you've been around more than you think,” quipped Joan.
“Don't you think being gay is a sin?”
“I think there are lots of sins. If being gay is one, I don't think it's any worse than others in God's eyes. I definitely don't think I should be ostracized because of it.”
Kina nodded slowly and blurted out, “How did you get like that? I mean, have you always been gay?”
“I've always felt like I was different. I have sisters and female friends. I knew I didn't feel the same way about men as they did. I was just always more attracted to women both physically and intellectually.”
“So you've never had a boyfriend?”
“Sure. Trust me—it wasn't exactly acceptable to be gay when I was coming up. There was no
Will & Grace
or
L Word
to soften the blow. I had boyfriends, many of whom were gay themselves, but they knew their secret was safe with me and mine was with them.”
Kina was intrigued. “So when did you, you know, come
out?
”
Joan thought back. “I was a freshman in college. By then, it was a lot more acceptable in society, and I think my family had their suspicions anyway. No one seemed overly shocked when I brought my girlfriend home for Christmas that year.”
Kina chuckled. “I think telling my parents I was gay definitely would've gone over better than telling them I was pregnant when I was a senior in high school. Growing up in the church, I was always taught that homosexuality is an abomination. Then again, it can't be any worse than what E'Bell did to me.”
Joan stopped eating. “Who's E'Bell?”
“He was my husband, the one who died. He was . . . um, he was abusive to me and my son Kenny. With Kenny, it was mostly verbal. With me, it was verbal and physical.”
Joan put her hand on Kina's. “I'm so sorry to hear that.”
“Yeah, he could be a real monster when he wanted to,” recalled Kina with tears filling her eyes. “He was always so angry and blamed me for everything. Sometimes, he would even hit me in front of Kenny.” Kina closed her eyes. “I was afraid all the time. You never knew what would set him off. It was awful.”
“Kina, were you the one who . . .”
Kina shook her head. “I didn't kill him, Joan. One night, we were arguing because I'd decided to take Kenny and leave him for good. He went ballistic. I don't even remember everything that went down. I just know that he beat me unconscious. When I woke up, E'Bell was on the ground bleeding, and my son was there with his father's gun at his side.”
“So it was your son?”
Kina nodded. “Kenny shot his father trying to protect me. To tell you the truth, I really think Kenny saved my life. E'Bell was going to kill me—that much I'm sure of.”
“What kind of man would terrorize his wife and child that way?” Joan shook her head. “Men can be such beasts, and I'm not just saying that because I swim in the lady pool.”
“I'm not trying to defend him, but E'Bell had a lot of issues,” explained Kina. “It was a lot deeper than just being abusive. He couldn't read, and his illiteracy and that anger cost him his football career, his future, his family—everything he ever wanted, including his life. A part of me can't help but feel sorry for him.”
“I can tell you have a good heart, Kina. Most women I know wouldn't be this understanding. I've dealt with several cases of domestic violence, so I know how ugly it can get and what some women will do when they're pushed to the edge.”
“The God that I serve gives me strength and the ability to forgive E'Bell for everything he did to Kenny and me. I'm not the same woman I was a year ago. I'm stronger now, and I've had enough time and distance from it to see everything more clearly.”
“You're amazing, you know that?” Joan gazed intently at Kina. “They don't quite make 'em like you anymore.”
Kina smiled bashfully. “That's very nice of you to say.”
Joan winked and downed her glass of lemonade. “So far, I have nothing but nice things to say about you.” Kina blushed. “So, Kina, do you live around here?”
“Unfortunately, I don't. This neighborhood is a wee bit out of my price range, but I'm looking to move soon.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah, I recently got back in school and got a better-paying job. I can't wait to get my son out that crappy apartment we're in.” She stared down at the floor. “We both have a lot of bad memories there.”
“What do you do for a living?”
Kina shrugged. “A little bit of everything, I guess, mostly clerical stuff. Actually, I just got a job as the administrative assistant to the pastor at my church. I guess my job isn't all that glamorous, huh? Everybody knows that administrative assistant is just code for secretary.”
“Are you kidding me? My sister is the administrative assistant to the president at a college in New York. She's making way more than me!”
A waiter dropped off the bill, which Joan insisted on taking care of despite Kina's protests.
“I guess I better head on back,” said Joan once the check issue was resolved. “There's a pile of work waiting on my desk for me.”
“I guess I'll see you around the treadmill,” teased Kina.
Joan dug into her purse. “Here.” She handed Kina her business card. “All of my contact information is on there. Give me a call, and we can hang out sometime. You owe me that lunch, remember?”
Kina nodded. “I remember, and I'll make good on it, I promise.”
Joan waved and sauntered out the door. Kina sat the table, staring down at Joan's card, actually looking forward to seeing her again. She had been longing to meet someone new, for someone to ask her out and pay her some attention. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that the person to do so would be a woman.

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