Flashes of Me
Authors: Cynthia Sax
Flashes of Me
A
N
E
ROTIC
N
OVELLA
CYNTHIA SAX
To my dear wonderful hubby for being my wall.
And to all of my reading buddies who have gone through or are going through what Kat and I have experienced. You are not alone.
Contents
An Excerpt from
Breaking All the Rules
N
O ONE IN
this coffee shop knows who I am. I stand in the line, waiting to place my order. They don’t know about my past. They don’t know my last name. I tap my lavender heels against the floor, drumming an up-tempo tune into the tan-colored tile. They won’t remind me why I shouldn’t be happy.
I need to be happy. I need to laugh, to have fun, to focus on this fresh start. If I don’t, I’ll cry, and I promised my father I wouldn’t cry. I plaster a silly smile across my face and I tap my heels harder against the floor. These two actions lighten my mood, allowing me to cope with my emotions.
The bleary-eyed woman swaying in front of me yawns, adding vocals to my beat. For LA locals, it’s six in the morning. For a recently displaced New York native such as myself, it feels like nine o’clock. I’m eager to start my new job and my new life on the West Coast.
I’m two hours early. The internship orientation session at Blaine Technologies is scheduled for eight o’clock sharp, not one minute before and not one minute after. Although caffeine is the last thing I need, standing in line at this coffee shop gives me something to do and someone to watch.
I slide my gaze to the fascinating someone waiting at the front counter. The biggest man I’ve ever seen in my entire life looms over the cash register, his feet braced apart as though he’s preparing for battle. His ebony hair is cropped close to his head, hiding nothing, and he’s dressed completely in black like a villain from a 1970s spy movie.
I survey my behemoth’s broad shoulders. It’s all him under his jacket, not a hint of padding disturbing the cut. His suit is bespoke, custom made especially for his big body, and I suspect the designer was English. My mystery man is wearing Barker Blacks, his leather shoes as large as the rest of him. Even his matching dress shirt is well made, the collar and cuffs stiff and crisp.
He glances over his right shoulder, meets my gaze, and I inhale sharply. His eyes are as dark as his ensemble, his nose flattened and his chin square. Everything about him screams power, strength, vitality, and the woman in me responds, my nipples tightening, my breasts pressing against the blazer of my favorite lavender suit.
My behemoth returns his gaze to the frazzled barista and I exhale, my head spinning. It has been years since I’ve allowed myself to notice a man, to think about what I want, what I need. My fingers tremble as I smooth my flared skirt. I want this stranger desperately, more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my life.
This is a problem, as I have no idea how to snag his attention. My last date took place when I was seventeen, and I suspect flashing my breasts at a pep rally won’t land me this sophisticated man. I chew on the inside of my cheek, having no other clever ideas.
I ponder my next steps, and my stranger moves away from the front counter, clasping a cup of coffee with his thick fingers. He ordered plain black coffee, no cream, no sugar, no whipped cream, and hell no to the chocolate sprinkles. My father likes his coffee the same way.
My mystery man stops at the lid and stir stick island and a stout man wearing mismatched jacket and pants rushes to the counter, barking his order at the disheveled barista. The rest of us shuffle forward in line. The tall skinny brunette behind me pleads into her sparkly pink phone, begging her boyfriend to give her one more chance. She’ll be the girl he needs, she promises. She’ll lose those last five pounds.
I don’t know where she’ll lose those five pounds. She’s already as thin as a yard of fine silk ribbon. I look down at my more ample bosom, my breasts wrapped snugly in the blazer.
“No, please.” The brunette sobs. “Derek! Derek!” She glances at her phone’s small screen and her face crumples. My heart aches for her. She doesn’t know how to hide her sorrow, not like I do. I can help her with this.
I touch the girl’s bare arm, diverting her attention away from her phone. “Who did your pedicure?” I feign an interest in her perfect pink toes. Although her beige sandals
are
adorably strappy, my goal is to distract her from her grief. “I have to know,” I insist.
The brunette wipes away her tears with the back of her hand. “I—I—I—”
I glance around us fervently as though I’m afraid someone will overhear us. The behemoth is watching me, his dark eyes glinting with intelligence. Some people think big men are dumb. Some people also think blond women are stupid and no one should wear pink at a funeral. I learned long ago to ignore some people.
“Look at what happened to me on the flight here.” I slip my right foot out of my lavender pumps and wiggle my big toe. A huge chip of coral polish has flaked off, revealing raw nail. “I rushed for a flight, banged into a baggage cart, and that was it. My pedicure was ruined.”
The brunette’s red-rimmed eyes widen. “That’s terrible.”
“It’s a disaster.” I ignore the behemoth’s shaking shoulders. He doesn’t understand. My mystery man has the strength to deal with loss directly. He doesn’t need to pretend, to use trivial distractions as a means to cope. He would never travel across an entire country seeking to escape his sadness.
“I’m in a strange city,” I explain. “I have so many cute sandals and I can’t wear them.” I shove my foot back into my shoe, hiding the offending toe.
As we exchange information and bad salon stories, the behemoth leaves. I watch his broad shoulders disappear into the LA sunshine and feel as though I’ve lost a piece of my soul, a part of my future.
I’m being ridiculous. He’s a stranger. We didn’t exchange a single word. I move forward in line. There’s one more customer to serve and then I’ll be next. I smile at the barista. She smiles back and turns this smile toward her patron. The tired lady’s lips curl upward. Smiling is contagious and I’ve missed watching this happy virus spread. I’ve missed it so very much.
The lady leaves, a cup of coffee cradled between her hands, and I approach the counter. “Good morning,” I sing, my spirit buoyed with joy. “I’d like a small coffee, two creams, three sugars, extra whipped cream, and hell yes to the chocolate sprinkles.”
The barista laughs, the bubbly sound floating in the mocha-scented air. “The big guy is one of our regulars.” She flies around the station, her apron flapping and her ponytail bobbing, her energy matching mine. “His order is always the same.”
He’s one of their regulars. I’ll see him again tomorrow. “Thank you.” I pay for my order, adding extra singles to the barista’s tip jar for providing me with this valuable information.
My behemoth and I have a date . . . of sorts. My smile widens as I leave the coffee shop, my cup clasped in my hands, my tote slung over one of my shoulders. Should I buy him a coffee? I meander along the sidewalk, the sun’s rays warming my shoulders. Would that be too cheesy? Tall palm trees line the path, the grass green and lush, the traffic bumper to bumper, vehicles creeping forward. I could linger at the stir stick station, drop my lid on the floor, casually brush against him as I retrieve it. His body would be solid and warm.
I pass the glass-and-concrete-cube building housing my new employer. Blaine Technologies is in the midst of buying Volkov Industries, my family’s company. The negotiations between the former rivals have been drawn out and hostile. This hostility shouldn’t affect me, as I applied for the internship using my mother’s maiden name, a lie my uncle convinced me was for the best.
It’s still too early to arrive for orientation and I haven’t yet solved my hunky man problem. I wander into a small park I discovered earlier this morning. Gravel crunches under my shoes. Thick hedges shield the finely groomed space from passersby.
I turn my head toward the delicate white gazebo and I stare, my mouth dropping open and my body temperature rising. He’s here. My behemoth sits on a bench, the wooden slats bending under his tremendous weight, his shoes planted solidly on the ground. He has set his coffee cup beside him and is frowning down at a tablet, his shoulders slightly hunched over.
No one should appear so sad and alone, especially not a magnificent man like him. Before I realize what I’m doing, I move toward his bench, seeking to be closer to him, to comfort him.
My stranger glances upward as I approach and his gaze claims mine, his eyes as black as his suit, his countenance hard and unyielding, unmistakably dominant. I tremble with sexual appreciation. He’s even more impressive up close and I want to crawl onto his lap, put my arms around his neck, and press his face between my breasts. Instead, I sit on the bench directly across from him, place my brightly colored tote beside me, and cradle my cup of coffee between my palms.
He tracks my movements silently, his lips lifting slightly. He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t move. He merely watches me, gazing at me as though I’m the center of his universe.
I like that he gives me his full attention. I like it very much.
“Hi,” I murmur, my voice breezy and my chest tight. “I saw you in the coffee shop.” This sounds as though I’m stalking him, so I hastily add, “I didn’t follow you. I spotted the park this morning and thought it looked like a nice place to drink coffee. Though I shouldn’t have coffee because I’m really strung out as it is.”
He narrows his eyes, his thick eyebrows lowering.
“Because of jet lag,” I explain. “Not because I’m on drugs. Drugs are bad. Gotta keep it real.” My laugh is shaky. “I’m messing this up, aren’t I?”
“No.” His voice reaches down deep inside me and curls around my heart. As I wait for him to say more, I sip my coffee, the whipped cream tickling my nose. He gazes at me. Silence stretches between us.
Silence reminds me of death. “Good,” I chirp, clinging to my newfound happiness. “I didn’t want to scare you away from your park. This place is beautiful, isn’t it?”
I glance around us. Happy yellow, white, and blue flowers add lines of color between the green hedges and the grass. Beads of dew glisten on the delicate petals. A floral scent floats on the morning breeze. The two of us are seated steps away from the busy street and sidewalks, yet we’re hidden, secluded and alone in our secret space.
“It
is
beautiful.” My behemoth toys with his tablet and I glimpse flashes of silver. His palms are lined with thick deep scars. Someone has hurt him badly and he must have spent days, weeks, maybe months, lying in a sterile white hospital bed recovering. Did a loved one sit by his side, talk to him about silly things like fashion and shoes, the inane chatter making him smile?
“This weather is seductive.” I set my cup of coffee on the bench and lean my head back, enjoying the warmth of the sun’s rays on my skin. “I don’t know how people can bear to wear clothes on days like today.” I unbutton the top button of my blazer.
He blinks slowly, his eyelashes obscenely thick. “You’re wearing clothes.”
“I’m pale and I burn.” I undo another fabric-covered button and his gaze lowers to my chest. “And I don’t want you to get the wrong impression about me.” I arch my back, the pose lifting my breasts.
His lips curl upward. “And what impression is that?” He’s sexy and strong and I want him more than I’ve ever wanted any other man. There’s nothing stopping me from having him. Here, in LA, I have no obligations, no duties to perform, no expected image to project. I can be happy and free.