Five Days Grace (26 page)

"Great." Emma hesitated for moment, then said, "You really do sound better."

"I am. Promise. I—"

Tink started barking and ran to the door, then Aidan walked in, staring at her, with her red, puffy eyes and splotchy cheeks.

She'd been caught.

Chapter 15

So, he'd told her his sad story, Aidan thought as he walked around the lake. She hadn't freaked out or anything. She'd been remarkably calm and shed a few tears, but shit, so had he. He felt... He wouldn't say better for getting it out, but he'd done it.

He'd had to talk about it in his debriefing and mandatory counseling sessions, but aside from that, Grace was the first person he'd told. He'd even told his whole family the mission was classified, and he couldn't talk about it. The first part was true. It was classified, but there was nothing he'd said to Grace that was considered classified.

He hadn't meant to tell her nearly as much as he had, but she'd seemed so sincere, so determined to know and even to try to make it easy for him. Taking him in her arms that way and pressing his face against her so he wouldn't even have to look at her. Saying the words herself, as many of them as she knew. He marveled at her, being here and wanting so much to help him.

Still, he wasn't sure what he'd find once he got back to the cabin.

Which wasn't going to be long, because his hip hurt like a bitch. God, he was tired of his body not being able to do what he was used to doing. Not being able to do the simplest of things, like walk a few miles at a time without protest and pain, or run. He wanted so much to run. He'd always been in great shape. The Navy demanded it.

Not anymore.

But his body was still buzzing with energy, the kind that made him need to move to quiet his head, calm himself down.

The boat, he decided. There was an old rowboat down at the dock in front of the cabin. He'd take it out again. The hip would stand that better, and he could still work up a sweat. He made his way back to the cabin and found her on the phone, looking guilty. One glance, and he knew she'd bawled her eyes out. Because of him. Obviously, she'd taken the whole story harder than he thought.

"Em, I've got to go. Thanks. For everything." She got off the phone and then gave Aidan a wary smile. "I was... kind of... counting on you to be gone longer."

"I got tired of walking," he said, then felt bad about even the little lie. He'd promised to tell her the truth. "No, dammit, that's not it. I've walked too much already today. My hip hurts. There's a rowboat down by the dock. I was going to take the boat out instead."

Aidan wanted to take her in his arms, to tell her not to cry over him, that he didn't want that at all, never wanted to make her cry for any reason. But before he could, she started apologizing.

"I'm so sorry. I swore to myself I wouldn't let you catch me like this, especially doing the ugly cry."

"There's an ugly cry?"

She nodded. "It's where you just try to let it all out, as hard and fast as you can, no holding back. You should never let a man see you do the ugly cry because... well, it's ugly."

He gave her a tiny smile. She could make him do that, even now. "Honey, you could never be ugly."

"At home I hide in the bathroom to do this."

"Really?" Because he hated that, too, her alone, hiding and crying.

"Five minutes, that's my limit. I set a timer. You'd be surprised how much you can get out in five really ugly minutes, and then... you know, you come out and face the world, time to dry those tears and deal with things—"

"Grace, let's be absolutely clear about this." He had to say it. Had to. She hadn't signed on for this. "You don't have to deal with any of this—"

"And I feel so stupid," she rushed on. "I mean, practically the whole time I've been here, I've been ranting about what's going on with me and crying all over you. Begging you just to hold me all night so I can sleep—"

"Hey, I offered, remember? I loved it."

"And then today, practically begging you to... get naked with me—"

"And that, you've got to know, was the best thing that's happened to me in months. Hell, a year, at least. Maybe my entire life, Grace."

"I didn't know," she went on, as if he hadn't said a word. "I just had no idea what you'd been through."

"Exactly. You didn't. You've only known me for two and a half days, and I suspect this is a lot uglier than anything you'd imagined I might be dealing with. It's okay, honey. You can just walk away." He hated the idea, but he would stand here and watch her go, telling himself she was better off without him. "I don't want you to feel the least bit guilty about it—"

"What?" Her chin came up, and she looked so mad all of a sudden. "You think I'm the kind of person who walks away when things get tough?"

"No, honey. That's not it. Not at all."

"We've talked about this, Aidan. I'm not a pushover. I'm not a lightweight. I am so much tougher than I look."

She was. Nothing fragile about this beautiful, kind-hearted woman. "I know that. Believe me, I do."

"And even if I wasn't, do you really think I could walk away from you?"

He hoped she could. For her sake. "Do it, Grace."

She gasped in pure outrage, looked like she wanted to throw something at him. "I can't believe you said that to me. I don't care that it's only been two and a half days. I care about you. So much—"

"Why do you think I'm saying it? I care about you, too. Which is why I don't want to drag you into this—"

"No!" She was yelling at that point, looking so stubborn, so determined, so adorable, it was nearly impossible to keep trying to convince her to turn around and run the other way.

"That's it? Just... no?" It was all he could think to say, because he was out of arguments and fighting not to grin, maybe even laugh, at his angel-girl, outraged at him. "My life sucks, Grace."

"Yes, it does," she agreed, all wound up and rushing on. "But you know what? That's where you are. In the middle of all this crap. And if you're there, that's where I'm going to be. Right beside you. That's what people do when they really care about each other. They don't run when things get hard. They don't... check out and walk away. You think there's any way I could do that? Just turn my back on you and forget about you? I couldn't do that. I'm not going to do that. And you can't make me. I won't let you."

They stood there, each as stubborn as the other. Aidan finally couldn't take it anymore. He walked up to her, reached out with his thumb and wiped a tear from her cheek. "I can't stand the idea of you crying over me."

"Then I won't," she promised.

"Not even when you're all alone, hiding in your bathroom with your timer? Because I hate that idea, too."

"You think you could find a woman who wouldn't cry a few tears over what you've been through?" she asked him.

"I don't think I should be dumping this on any woman. I shouldn't have a woman in my life right now. No matter how much I want you," he admitted.

"Okay, fine. Here's the deal. If you, by some miracle, find a woman who absolutely never, ever cries over you, over this, and you want her more than me, she can have you."

"Really? You'd just give me to her?"

"I don't believe such a creature exists, so I'm not all that worried about having to hand you over to anyone. And I don't cry all that often, I swear, although I thought you were one of those rare men who didn't freak out completely when a woman cries. You didn't before, when I was crying. You were... sweet and kind and just held onto me, and it was nice. Really nice."

He took her chin in his hand and stared into her eyes. "You, Grace, crying over me. That's what I can't handle. If I'm going to be with you, I want to be the man who makes things better for you—"

"I know, and it's very sweet—"

"Sweet? No, it's not fucking sweet!" Now he was the one yelling. "Not in the least. It's not some little thing I want to do, not something I hope to do or plan to do. It's something that I deep down have to do. For you. Because it's you, Grace. It's you, dammit."

And he was already half in love with her, at least.

Maybe a helluva lot more than that.

Fuck.

Once again, he had that odd feeling that maybe he'd conjured her up out of thin air and a morphine drip. She was too beautiful, too sweet, too sexy, too good to be true. Sometimes he honestly feared she was nothing but a hallucination, that all of this was. That he was back in the hospital, his hip on fire, his body burning up with fever and infection, every moment he was conscious a fucking nightmare.

"Aidan?"

He came back to the cabin, to her. She was still there, her hands on his arms, looking worried about where the hell he'd gone.

"God Damn It!" he said slowly, punctuating each syllable. "You are too important to me for me to do anything less than make your life better."

"You already have, Aidan," she said quietly. "Just by being here with me, you make it better. Don't you know that? And I need just as much to do the exact same thing for you. So stop trying to push me away. It's not going to work, anyway."

Aidan was still kind of floating off in flashback land, still coming back into his body, into the present, trying to make himself believe this was all real, when she rose up on her toes and kissed him softly, so slowly and sweetly.

He loved the taste of her, the smell of her, the warmth, the sunshine that radiated from within her, and there'd been times when he thought that if he could have her beside him, loving him, he would be okay. That his whole fucked up life could be put back together again into something... survivable, livable, even enjoyable. And wasn't that a complete surprise?

Had he made that clear to her earlier? Just how fucked up he was? He honestly wasn't sure. Just getting the basic story out had taken all he had.

Fuck.

And he'd already scared her, drifting back to that hospital bed in his head, the way he did sometimes.

She took his hand in hers and held it for a moment. "Aidan, take the boat out, if that's what you need to do. I'll be right here, and I will not shed a single tear. Promise. I'm too mad at you to cry anyway."

But she didn't look mad anymore. She looked kind and worried.

He tried to ground himself in the moment with all his senses. His feet were on the ground. He felt it beneath them. He was in the cabin, in the woods near the lake. He could smell the water. It was fall, and he could feel the cool air, see the color in the trees, hear the wind rustling the leaves, smell the smoke from the fire. See the beauty and the strength of Grace beside him.

He still felt jittery, but better, more here than before, but he still needed more to calm down. Physical exertion helped. The repetitiveness of it, working the body and trying to turn off the mind, and she seemed to know that, to want him to have it, God bless her.

He looked at Grace and asked, "Do you want to come with me?"

"Would you like me to come?"

"You can. It's okay."

"I'm not asking if it's okay with you if I come with you, Aidan. I'm asking if you want me there. Because if you need to be alone, I understand."

Yeah,
she got that, too. He thought about it for a moment. Did he want more time to hide and try to work off the crazy? Or did he want her with him? Finally, he asked, "Do we have to talk out there?"

"No."

"Then, I'd like you to be there. Just... be there. If that's okay?"

"That's perfectly okay."

He frowned. "We were yelling at each other a minute ago. You were mad as hell at me, and now it's like you could be the most agreeable woman I've ever met."

"And that's a bad thing? Or do you think I'm just pretending to be this agreeable?"

"It's definitely not a bad thing."

"Okay," she said. "And honestly, I'm not sure if I'm trying extra hard to be agreeable or not. I just know you've been incredibly kind and patient with me, and I'm trying to give you those same things in return. Until you try to push me away, which really pisses me off. Your life's a mess? So? My life's a mess, too, and you're fine with that. Why wouldn't I do the same for you?"