First Love (6 page)

I can see by the way they look at each other how in love they are. I am happy for her. From what I could tell in the short time I have known her, it seems like she has had a rough life. I am also a little jealous, though. I wish I had someone to look at me the way Paul looks at Holly.

Next, I met Marcus Winters, the bass player. He's shorter, five-foot-seven, with a shaved head and pewter gray eyes. Again, he has an amazing body. Where did these guys come from? We talk for a couple minutes and he tells me about his wife, Taryn, and their four year old son, Chase. His love for them is obvious from the sparkle in his eyes as he talks about them. It is really sweet and he seems really nice. Again, I feel that little bit of nagging jealousy.

Then, there is Angel Walker, the lead guitarist. All I can say is
holy fuck
. I know why his mama named him Angel. He’s about six-foot of all hard muscle, short, spiky, chocolate brown hair, and eyes that are an amazing cyan. He kisses the back of my hand and says what a pleasure it is to meet me. Oh yeah, he is smooth. I bet he has girls dropping their panties with a smile. And, I’m probably drooling and staring like an idiot. Oh well, I'm sure he’s used to it.

Holly comes up behind me, grabs my shoulders, and turns me around. “Amber this is our boss, Kyle Connor, or KC." As soon as the words leave her mouth, I feel all of the blood drain from my body and I tremble. It couldn't be! In the three weeks of working here, how could I not have realized this? How did I not know this was his bar? How did I not know he lived here in town? How had I not put it together? I had been wanting to see him again, right? I thought so, but maybe not so much.

At least I am not the only one that is completely floored. He looks just as shocked.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" Kyle growls at Holly. I can’t move. Why is he so angry? That isn't a response I would have imagined from him. I didn't do anything wrong. Hell, he cheated on me! I should be angry, not him. Although, maybe I shouldn't have left without a word. Still, he fucked up first! It is taking everything I have to hold back the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. I refuse to cry! Especially right now.

"Do you two know each other?" Holly looks between the two of us like she is watching a tennis match. Finally, I snap out of it. All of a sudden, that anger I felt the day I caught him cheating, comes back to me.

“Oh, you could say that. Remember the asshole I was telling you about from high school, Holly? The one who cheated on me? Well this is that asshole." I never took my eyes off of Kyle. He is fuming. His cobalt eyes fix on me and I don't think he blinks them once. His hands are at his sides, fists clenching. He shakes his head and looks at me, confused. Then, he grabs my arm and drags me into the back to his office.

He pushes me through the door and closes it behind him. We stand there for what seems like hours, just staring at each other. If it is possible, he is even better looking than he was six years ago. He was still a boy then, but he is all man now. Just looking at him has butterflies dancing in my stomach and my heart beating double-time. He's six-foot-three with dark brown hair that’s not too long, but not too short. It is perfect for running your fingers through or grabbing a hold of when ... I better not go there right now. His facial hair is sexy as hell, not too much, just like he hasn’t shaved in a couple of days. And his body … is amazing. He has definitely been hitting the gym. Through his tight, white t-shirt you can tell his arms and chest are muscular in all the right places with one very impressive set of abs. He has on a pair of loose-fitting jeans that hang off his hips just right, but let you see that he has a spectacular ass. And, of course, he has his signature, brown cowboy boots on. They are actually the boots I bought him for his eighteenth birthday. When I look back to his face for just a quick second, the anger is gone. He seems amused that I am checking him out ... but that is oh so brief.

"What are you doing here, Amber? And why are you working in my bar?" he asks, trying to sound angry, but there is a quiver in his voice that makes me think he is a little nervous.

Wow, I guess this isn’t going to be a happy reunion.

"I moved back to town a little over a month ago. And, when I got a job here, I didn't know this was your bar. Hell, I didn't even know you still lived here. Last I knew, you lived in L.A."

He shakes his head. The angry fire coming back into his eyes.

"So, if you knew I lived here, you wouldn't have come back?" he spits. Okay, now I am getting pissed. He cheated on me, not the other way around. What in the hell is he so pissed off about?

"That is
not
what I said. I don't know what your problem is with me, exactly, but if anyone should be angry, it should be me. You are the one who cheated―”

“That is the second time you said that … I
never
cheated on you! I am pissed because you left one day without saying a word. No reason, no goodbye, nothing. Hell, it took me three fucking years to find out where you went!" He interrupts, throwing his hands up in the air. Before he puts his head down, I can see sadness in his eyes. Then, it hits me. Holly said he was in love and the girl took off without saying goodbye. Was that me?

"Kyle, I left town because I was heartbroken. I went to surprise you with tickets I had won and found Nora in your bed … naked." The last part comes out as a whisper, the fire dying in my voice. It still hurts to think about it, but hurts so much worse to say it out loud.

He looks pissed again. "Fuck! I can't believe you would think for a second that I would do that to you! And with her, of all people! I came out of the shower and found her in my bed. I was pissed. I guess she thought if I saw what she had to offer, I wouldn’t be able to resist. She was sadly mistaken. I told her to get her ass dressed and get out. I found those tickets in the envelope by the front door but never knew where they came from. After I got rid of Nora, I went to your house to tell you what she pulled and show you the tickets, but your grandparents said you were sick. You wouldn't answer your phone or texts. I came back after two days and you were gone." He leans on the corner of his desk. “Do you have any idea what kinds of things went through my head? I thought maybe I did something wrong, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what it was. Then, I started thinking maybe it was all a lie. Maybe you never really loved me. You didn't have the guts to tell me to my face, so you just took off without a word. No matter what scenario I came up with in my head for why you left, it didn't change the one main thing..." He stands from his desk and walks over to me until we are almost touching chest to chest. He waits until I look up at him before he finishes what he is saying. "You ripped my fucking heart to shreds the day you left." You could almost feel the pain dripping from each word.

It felt like someone shot a dagger into my heart. I don’t know what to say to him. Nothing I say can make it better. I screwed up by running. He didn't do anything. I could see it in his eyes that he was telling the truth. It was all my fault. All this time he thought I just up and left him. And I was too stupid to get an explanation for what I saw. I just believed he would betray me, let my own insecurities fuel my emotions. I understand why he was so angry when he saw me. I would have been, too. I don't blame him for hating me. Hell, right now I hate myself. I wish I would have talked to him back then and let him explain.

“You know me better than anyone. Even now, after six years, I bet you still know me better than anyone else. You know what kind of person I am. How much I despise people who cheat. I would never do that, especially to you. Deep down, you know that.”

“I get it. I would be pissed at me, too. I was just so hurt, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I’m so sorry." I try to hold back the tears, but I am doing a lousy job. Tears start to flow and I can’t stop them. "Look, Kyle, I’m going to go home for the night. Think over what you want to do. I understand if you don't want me working here. Just have Holly call me when you have an answer." I turn toward the door and stop without looking back to him. “I’m sorry. I know you hate me and I don't blame you. I loved you so much. The thought of you with someone else crushed me and I just reacted. I couldn’t think past the pain." Before he could say anything, I run out of the office, grab my purse, and leave through the kitchen.

I
AM
the biggest fucking asshole. I just stood here and watched her leave. I have been waiting for six years to be near her again. When I finally am, I let her walk away. My head is so fucked up right now, if I don't think this through a little first I could end up making it a lot worse. God, when she turned around it was like a bolt of lightning hit me. She is so beautiful, still so fucking beautiful. It's hard to breathe when she looks at me. Her hair is longer than it used to be, but it's still that perfect shade of caramel brown. Her body hasn't changed a bit, the same perfect curves in all the right places. She still makes me hard the instant I lay eyes on her. She is the only woman that has ever had that effect on me. I should have just locked her in my office and fucked her on my desk until we both remembered how good we were together. But, I don't think she would have responded well to that, especially after the way she high-tailed it out of here. All this time she thought I cheated on her with that skank Nora. I can't believe she didn’t trust me. I was going to propose to her, why would I cheat on her? Duh, dipshit, she didn't know that.

I am so pissed at myself, at Nora, at Amber. I grab the beer bottle from my desk, tip it back, empty it, and then chuck the bottle at my door. I lean back in my chair and close my eyes. How in the hell am I going to fix this mess? I still love her. I never stopped loving her, but seeing her, the sparks I felt when I grabbed her and pulled her in here, just proves even more what I already know.

"Glad I didn't open the door a few seconds earlier." I lift my head up to see Paul closing the door behind him, making himself at home in the chair at the other end of my desk. I met Paul in L.A. We have been best friends ever since. He has had the pleasure of hearing my bitch ass drone on about Amber since the day we met.

"So, how did it go in here? We saw her tear out of the parking lot and Holly is a little worried. Did you find out why she up and left before?"

"Oh, I found out all right. It was all over a stupid fucking misunderstanding brought on by a skanky bitch. It could have all been avoided if she would have just talked to me before she left." Paul is quiet for a minute after I finish. I can tell he is processing both sides before he speaks. He is great when you need advice. He won't tell you what he thinks you want to hear. He tells you what he thinks and even though I don't always like it, he’s usually right.