First Kiss: The Ghost Bird Series: #10 (The Academy Ghost Bird Series) (16 page)

Nathan poked me in the shoulder at the crack of dawn. I waved him off, flipping over and curling back into the bed. Waking up meant facing all of it, and I wasn’t ready. The bed was warm and cozy. Nathan had slept with an arm around my waist the entire night, staying close, as if sensing I was awake with worry.

But he’d been up this morning already—I’d heard him crawl out of bed to throw in some last minute items in the bag.

He poked at me again, but I ignored it. He plopped down next to me and began to rub my shoulder and arm in slow circles. “Sang,” he called, cooing softly. “It’s snowing.”

“No, it isn’t,” I said. “I would have heard it.”

He shook my shoulder a little. “There’s zombies.”

“Not in this neighborhood.”

He laughed and released my shoulder. “Chocolate chip cappuccino muffins?”

I sat up, rubbing my eyes. “I swear, if you’re fibbing...”

“Morning to you, too, Peanut,” he said. He leaned over, planting a kiss on my cheek. He was still in his boxers, his reddish-brown hair pressed against his head in spots, and sticking out wildly in others, giving him an almost punk look. The tan was fading around his broad shoulders, revealing freckles.

“Kota wants us over at his house early to pack up. Victor should be here soon. Want to shower before we leave?”

I bit my lip and turned away to hide my panic at the mention of a shower. I put my feet on the floor, facing the window, staring at the blinds. “I’ll go find clothes,” I said, not answering his question.

I took a bath and washed up. If the camping trip was going to have us outside all day, I thought a hot soak was the best way to warm up my body in preparation.

Gabriel came by the night before, hanging up thermal pants and a jacket to wear. I put a T-shirt on for underneath the jacket. I felt the thermal pants, and wondered if it might get too warm, but put them on. He’d even put out matching pink finger gloves and a woven cotton hat. I stuffed the hat and gloves into my pockets for now as I zipped up my overnight bag that contained general stuff, complete with iPad, a book, CDs, the journal and other items. The tent and camping gear were sitting with the others’ stuff at Kota’s. Gabriel had made suggestions and helped me pack my clothes and had a bag somewhere ready to go for me. All I had to decide on was what fun items I wanted to bring along. I tapped at the phone in my bra. Should I even bring it? Would it work out there?

“Ready?” Nathan said. He stood near the bed, putting on his socks and then a set of old Nike running shoes. He had pulled them from the back of the closet.

I crinkled my nose at the old-shoe smell and forced a smile. “I guess,” I said, going to my bag, shuffling through the items again to make sure I had everything. I looked in the closet once more, wondering if I would need more underwear.

He tapped at the sides of his shoes once he was done lacing them up. “Got to wear your old shoes camping. They get so gross.”

I looked at my shoes. They were brand new, what Gabriel had put out for me.

He didn’t notice, and stood up, wiping his hands at the jeans he wore, and then put on a red jacket. He picked up his own bulging red Nike duffle bag. It took up his entire back and I’d watched him stuff it with pants, shirts and underwear and other supplies. He glanced at my pack that was only backpack size and was still only half full. “That’s it?”

I pulled my bag onto my shoulders and stood, testing the weight of it. Did we have to hike to the campground? “Gabriel packed all my clothes. I need more?”

He shrugged. “Probably not. I just get used to hearing about girls packing half the house.”

“Can we bring the house?” I asked. “At least the heater part?”

His smile faded. “Peanut, don’t tell me you’re an indoor girl.”

I shook my head and leaned into him a little, putting a hand on his chest. “I like the idea of camping, but I was thinking of how cold it’s been at night.”

His blue eyes were intense and he pressed himself against my hand before he put down his bag on the bed and covered my hand with his. “If it’s too much for you, you tell me. I’ll make sure you stay warm.” He bent his head to look at my face. “We’ll have fun.”

I nodded, but a shiver swept up my spine, thinking about how tired I would be today since I had been up all night worrying. Despite his words, I was still worried.

He cupped my face between his palms, forcing me to look up at him. “We’ll have a good time,” he said in a more determined tone. He leaned in and kissed my lips.

At first, I thought it would just be a peck, but then I realized he was lingering. I wanted more, too. I opened my mouth slightly, responding. I let the pack slide off my shoulders to the bed.

My heart raced as he kissed me. Couldn’t we just stay here? Maybe Dr. Green was right; maybe I could fake sick and just not go.

His kiss deepened and I quickly forgot about the Academy. He moved his hands to my waist, holding me at first, and then lifting me. He started back toward the bed, and then changed direction to the dresser, where he sat me on the surface. I was now slightly taller than him, tilting my head down to kiss him.

After a moment, he broke the kiss and then looked up at me with a steady, serious gaze. “I think I know what we need to do,” he said.

“You do?”

He nodded once as his hands smoothed along the outsides of my thighs. He tilted his head up to kiss me again and then broke off to look at me. “I just don’t want to tell you.”

“Shouldn’t I know?” I was trying to figure out what he was referencing to. Was it about camping or something else?

“You should, but I don’t like the idea,” he said. “I’ve been struggling with it.” He frowned then, darkness surrounding his blue eyes. “I think I can be okay, though, if you’ll help me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think you need to stick with Kota,” he said. “I think you need to...to convince him that you care too much about him to just walk off with another team. Know what I mean?”

My heart raced against my ribcage. My hands were on his shoulders and I felt my fingers tightening, steadying. “Nathan...”

“I talk to him about you sometimes,” he said. “I try to gauge how he feels; he gets really quiet when I go too far.” He looked down at my lap, brushing his palms along my thighs. “I know he’s not convinced you’ll be around later. I know him; he’s trying to distance himself from you to prepare himself for if that happens.”

“So I shouldn’t push him?”

“I think if you just hung out with him more, tried to get him to know you’re really into him. It’d change how he feels and he won’t be such a grump ass about all of this.”

I bit my lip, unsure of what to say. Kota must not have been keeping his feelings to himself.

“I know I have a hard time with seeing you with the others,” he said. He looked at me, the intensity unmistakable in his eyes. “I like things better when I’ve got you to myself. I couldn’t stand it if you left. I’d probably go, too.”

“You can’t,” I said, although without conviction. But I realized in that moment, if I left, they’d follow. They’d all said it in one way or another.

This meant that now—more than ever—we’d have to make this work, or it would all fall apart. “Nathan...I know about the plan. I know what Mr. Blackbourne wants us to do.”

“Crazy, isn’t it?” he said with a frown but searched my face for my reaction.

I looked away, at the wall, the window. It was hard to talk about because I knew how he felt. “I don’t see another way for it to work. Not if everyone wants to stay together. Maybe Mr. Blackbourne is right to do this now. If the Academy doesn’t make us split up, then we have to make it work. It might break everyone otherwise.”

His fingers pressed into my thighs as he breathed out slowly. “Sang, look at me, sweetheart.”

I slowly shifted my gaze to him.

His eyes shone as he looked at me, his eyes steady on mine. “I don’t know what’s going to happen,” he said. “All I know is it would kill me if you left. It’d kill me if Kota left, or any of the others.”

I nodded, unwilling to say what that meant. I didn’t want to push. It was the plan, and I’d heard he was having a hard time with it. I couldn’t get myself to be the one to start talking about it.

He continued. “I...just...” He bent his head down, bending over low and cuddling it in my lap. “This is fucking hard.”

I brushed my fingers through his hair as he rested and sighed against my leg. I was afraid to express how I felt, but despite how hard it was, he needed to hear it. “I care about you, Nathan. I don’t want to see you unhappy.” I took a breath and forced myself to continue. “I don’t know what will happen, either. I don’t know what this will look like a week from now or even a year from now. I don’t want to let go, though.”

He brushed his cheek against my thigh and then straightened himself up, looking back at me. I dropped my hand from his head to his shoulder. “You can’t go anywhere,” he said, his tone a notch higher and huskier than before.

I nodded, biting my lip again.

He seized me around the waist, pulling me toward him until my knees were against his sides. “Tell me you’re not going anywhere.”

“I don’t
want
to go anywhere. I mean, I want to stay with you all.”

“Then that’s what we’re going to do,” he said. “We’ve got to get our game plan together.”

Give them confidence, and they’ll never fail you
. That’s what Mr. Blackbourne had said. Maybe he was right. “You said to convince Kota.”

“Yeah,” he said, nodding. “I know he cares about you, but he’s trying to cut himself off. He’s being really distant whenever I try to talk about you. I think we just need to push him. You...
you
need to push him.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mr. Blackbourne is right; focus on Kota. We need to convince him. Convince him you’re staying and you’re with him, that you won’t go anywhere.” He pressed his lips together for a moment, tightly enough that they started to turn white. He released and then leaned into me, his nose almost touching mine. “If that means I have to watch you sitting in his lap all week, kissing him...just don’t think anything of me walking away if I need to.”

“I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.”

“We’re going to be uncomfortable for a good while,” he said. “I don’t know if we’ll ever be comfortable, but I’d rather be uncomfortable and keep you around than see you on some other team that won’t understand you. Or...just...Kota’s wrong. He’s not thinking right. He worries too much, and not just about himself, but about all of us. If you can get him to stop worrying for five minutes, he might calm down.”

I nodded. I pushed him back so I could slide off the dresser. “I guess I can stand a few cold nights to convince him.”

He pressed his lips together again and nodded before he leaned down and picked up his bag. “I get you here with me nearly every night. It’ll be hard to go a week with you sleeping in another cot. Possibly on the other side of the tent, depending on how this goes.”

I put my pack back on and smiled. I needed to make them all happy and if I kept being positive, maybe it’d make things easier. I was glad he’d told me how he felt. Maybe he wasn’t okay with the plan, but he, too, was starting to realize it might be the only way to keep us all together. “It’s just one big sleepover week. You like those, don’t you?”

“The warmer, the better,” I said with a smile.

He grinned, wrapped an arm around my shoulders and nudged me toward the bedroom door. “I’ll keep you warm. Let’s go, Peanut.”

The morning was chilly, but with the thermal pants, I was comfortable. Only my face and fingers felt any of the cold.

The street was still. I checked on my old house, but it was quiet today. I left a note at the house that I’d be on a camping trip for the week and the number to call if there was an emergency, but I wasn’t sure I could be reached if the signal wasn’t good out there, so I gave her Kota’s mom’s number as well.

I looked ahead as we walked over to Kota’s house, breathing in the cold air. I worried about leaving Marie behind for the week. Kota had said he’d asked Erica to keep an eye on her as well as Nathan’s house since we’d be away.

Sometimes I suspected Erica knew more about my situation than she let on, but I never talked to her about it.

Kota was outside in the drive, standing beside a mountain of supplies near the open garage door. Luke, North, and Silas were nearby. Luke had on thermal pants like mine. North, Silas, and Kota were in jeans, and all were wearing jackets in their favorite colors: baby blue, black, dark blue and green.

Kota was holding a clipboard and started listing off supplies. Luke dug out each item from the mountain, handing it off to North or Silas. They took turns bringing each item to the back of North’s black Jeep and loading it in. Tents and coolers and other larger items were tied up on the Jeep’s top.

I stepped over to stand beside Kota. He looked up briefly, gave me a small smile, and went back to his clipboard.

I looked to Nathan, wondering what to do.

Nathan nodded toward Kota.

I stepped closer to Kota, touching his elbow.

Kota looked at me, lifting an eyebrow. “Need anything?”

“No,” I said. “Unless you want me to help with something?”

He shook his head. “I can’t think of anything. We’ve got a system.”

“How are we going to fit everyone in the Jeep?” Nathan asked. “Why aren’t we taking the SUV?”

“Two cars,” Kota said, refocusing on his clipboard. “Just in case anyone has to leave.” He seemed to want to work and I wasn’t sure if I should let him; I hoped I wasn’t pushing him.

“Like if Sang gets scared and wants to come home,” Luke said, pausing to brush some of his blond hair away from his face. He undid the twist in his hair, re-twisting and clipping it back into a messy bun. “Because she’ll freak out the first night.”

“I’m not going to get scared,” I said.

“She’s tougher than she looks,” Nathan said.

“She is tough,” Luke said with a grin and a wink. “She’ll kick nature in the face if it messes with her. I was just teasing.”

I wasn’t so sure. I’d been on hikes but always went home after a few hours. I smiled and was about to respond when a dark silver BMW came around the bend of the road and then parked at the end of Kota’s driveway. Gabriel jumped out of the front passenger seat before Victor could fully stop, and started running toward me. He was wearing jeans, Converse sneakers, and a thick purple sweater. He also had on a neon orange beanie, covering all the russet in his hair, leaving out the blond streaks.