First Chance (10 page)

Chapter 11

Natalie

Steele escapes the table before I can tell him I am unwilling to accept his invitation to join the band in a night out participating in drinking and pussy scoping. He has to be the most frustrating person I have ever had to share oxygen with only inviting me out of obligation to the band.

I could feel the thick fog of tension when he
made it bluntly clear the sole purpose of visiting an alcohol establishment was to get laid. Under the table, Liam had grabbed my hand and gave me a reassuring squeeze. Choosing not to go, to be an unwanted guest. If I had chosen to go I could easily predict that I would be left behind when they all found what they were looking for.

Definitely not my scene.
And Ryan Fucking Steele knew it. His asinine arrogant attitude was way too much for me to handle right now. Overbearing ogre. I should go just to mess with his head. Show him that I can become a chameleon, blending into whatever atmosphere I am surrounded by. Parading around like I belonged.

I
’m feeling the need to confront him. To turn his views on a backwards axis. Forgetting Liam’s hand was still on mine, I let go and rush to the bathroom where I saw he retreated minutes earlier.

Knocking on the door loudly, impatient to tell him that his challenge, as I view it was accepted. Steele pulls the door open rapidly, almost stumbling I catch myself. He’s naked, towel around his waist but naked nonetheless.

Think, Nat think. His being naked inches away from me has my bodies hormones running rampant. My mouth hanging open surely my salvia is about to start slowly dripping out of my mouth. Unaware of the sexual need firing in my veins, he half smiles a snarky grin.

“See anything you like
?” Cocky bastard.

“Please, I have seen
much better.” I most certainly lie. The man is sex in a bottle. A drink if picked up, I would never be able to put down. An addicting bad habit.

“
Then how can I be of help?” He asks. If you only knew. An assuming asshole, he doesn’t see my innocence, at this moment he is the closest I have been to seeing a man naked. Ever.

Looking away from him in all his glory,
I can feel my face flushing, my heart pounding in my chest and my stomach is swirling with butterflies. These feelings of attraction I have never felt. Only with him. Why couldn’t it be with someone else, anyone else? I start counting the tiles, trying to calm my body. These unwanted reactions to him.

“Are
you there Minx?” He says in a light husky tone.

No longer able to ignore him, I look up. Eyes smoldering
. He isn’t as indifferent as he proclaims to be. Before I can answer him he grabs on to my hand hard and pulls me then spins me around. My back slams the door shut.

My arms pinned above my head, held down by one of his
hands.

I
cannot hide from him how badly he is affecting me, my legs are shaking, adrenaline firing throughout my system. My lungs are gasping for air. I don’t know what I am more scared of, him or embarrassing myself. Like my natural shell protecting myself, I go into automatic defense mode.

“Ha
ve you finally lost it Steele?” I say taunting him.

He grins. Keeping one hand over mine, he reaches forward with his free hand and cups my chin. For
cefully yanking my jaw up so I have to look him in the eyes.

“
No Minx, I think I have finally gained it.”

He runs his fingertips down my jawline, lightly brushing my neck leaving goose bumps in his touches wake.
His fingers stop as they reach the seam of my shirt.

I want to beg him to just do it.
Rip my shirt down and touch me. Touch all of me. Instead he runs his fingers back through the trail he previously paved over my neck then grips the back of my head with his large hand.

Slowly p
ulling me closer, wanting me to meet halfway. He leans his head in. So close that I can feel his breath on my lips. Unconsciously I run my tongue over my lips. Wetting them, anticipating his tongue gliding over my lips themselves. Barely an inch apart from our lips meeting, he pauses. Maintaining distance. My heart is thudding in my chest repeatedly and I know that he is not unaffected either. I can feel his hard cock rubbing against my leg. Wishing I wasn’t still pinned to the door.  My vocal chords freeze, unable to say the words that I want to say. Asking him, begging him to just fucking kiss me.

Remi
nding myself, I am not his first. Nor will I be his last. All I am is a notch, a conquest of sorts on one of his many long lists I am sure.

I mask my emotions, letting the façade of being untouched fal
l over my face. This angers him. I see the glint in his eyes, he is considering throwing my actions in my face. And that’s when I know he has made his mind up. He wants to prove to himself that he could affect me.  He kisses me. Hard. Rough. Demanding. Letting go of my hands, I run one through his hair. The other grasps his neck, pulling him as close as I can. His other hand now free, he pulls me up wrapping my legs around him. I open my mouth up to him, almost too easily. I am greedy for his taste, for his touch.

Our
tongues are melding. Lashing. Taking and giving relentlessly. Neither of us submitting to one another. Neither of us feeling completely satisfied, unable to get close enough. We struggle against this battle. I use his hair, pulling him harder against me. He uses my ass, pushing my pussy against his hard cock as close as he can without removing my clothes.

This kiss, our kiss
, is the kind of kiss you drown yourself in, refusing the very thing you need to breathe. Oxygen. Because at this moment he is my air.

So caught up in kissing him, I didn’t notice that his towel fell
to the floor, pooling around his feet. Looking back it probably happened when he picked me up, the slow grinding most likely caused the slow loosening of his towel. For that matter I don’t think he noticed either, both realizing when my hand brushed IT.

He and I stopped kissing instantly, both lo
oking down. It was fucking huge. I had never seen a penis but I am sure this wasn’t a normal one. It couldn’t be. If it was I think there would many, many women walking around legs bowed.

I wanted to explore it, examine it, to learn what made it hard, what made it get off? What made Steele get off? Reaching out my hand, this time to purposely touch it. Aiming to rub the head of his penis,
where there was creamy liquid already forming. Then a hand, Ryan’s hand, smacked mine away. 

Looking up, he was staring at me. A disgusted look on his face, directed at me. He looked like he was going to be sick, my touch had made him ill. Tears
of utter humiliation wanted to break free, not wanting him to see and embarrassed I ran out of the bathroom to my bunk.

Laying down in my bed, closing the curtain. Trying to forget what just happened between Ryan and me.

I roll
over to face the miniature window I stare out onto the Thruway. It’s in the middle of the afternoon, surprisingly we seem to be the only ones driving on this stretch of I-97. We are headed north to upstate NY. My view is tree after tree. Sometimes there is a break in between that’s filled with rock walls. Seeing warning signs for deer crossings and falling rocks. Home Sweet Home.

Layla is the only one, besides her parents who knows where home for me originally is. Not even school, they believe I am from Boston, I transferred a few months before senior year in high school. I didn’t want to have to explain to anyone where home truly was, or why I would have wanted to leave.

When you meet someone in college, the first questions usually are,

“What is your name?”

“Where are you from?”

“What’s your major?”

I never want to answer any of those questions, it’s no one’s business. I would rather stay to myself and keep my life private. Glad we are going so far north way past my hometown, it’s a town where everyone would rather stay their entire lives then break free and explore what the world has to offer. My parents were from Beverly Hills, that’s where they were raised in luxury and with lots and lots of money. They thought it would be better to raise their only child in the backwoods.

Of course we had a glorious mansion, nothing but the best. But it was country, all trees and rolling hills. Not too far away from the city that you couldn’t take a day trip. I will never go back there willingly, I sold the mansion. Moved in with
Layla’s family which wasn’t that much easier seeing as how my pervious childhood home was across the street. I promised myself once I made it out I wouldn’t return. Layla has always understood this, she was the only person I had ever shared my plans for the future with. Her parents, my guardians at the time never showed any interest. I think my leaving made it a little easier on them, seeing me every single day only served as a reminder of the tragedy that had happened.

My mind going back to that lingering feeling of anger still reeling in my body. The frustration of earlier quickly dissipated any last effects of sexual attraction that I had been feeling. What in the fuck was Steele trying to pull back there? He is hot one second then cold the next. Cold mostly, almost heartless.  I need to take away his power over me, cutting off all emotional access. Avoid him at all costs. Never allowing him the opportunity to be alone with me.

Liam will help me, once I tell him my plan and
reasoning’s. The feeling of comfortability with Liam is foreign. I have only felt this way with Layla but she has been there since the beginning.

My emotions running ra
mpant for the past few days has been extremely exhausting. Sleep wanted to claim me and I was if not anything but a willing victim. Grabbing my iPod out from underneath my pillow, I plug my earphones in and insert them in my ears.

Clicking my music stored on my phone
, knowing that listening to music is the only way I have a possibility of not having a nightmare. I hit shuffle all songs and one of my many favorites by Bon Iver starts playing...

“Come on skinny love, just last the year

Pour a little salt, we were never here

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all

Cut out all the ropes and let me fall

My
, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

Right in this moment this order’s tall
”

Chapter 12

Steele

What did I just let fucking happen? God damn it. Jerking myself off and releasing in the shower did nothing to whet my appetite for her. When I opened the door and saw her realizing I was in nothing but a towel, her face flushing, I couldn’t help myself. I needed to touch her, taste her, and I needed her to submit to me. She didn’t. Not once. It was a battle of wills. Who would break first?

She
had tasted of spearmint. I couldn’t get enough. I wanted to strip her of her clothing and fuck her until she came all over my cock. Now left in the same situation I was when I entered the shower, hard and in need of a fuck. There is no way I am staying on the bus tonight. As soon as we hit the hotel up I am going out, a few shots of liquor and getting laid. I have to get this fucking girl out of my head.

Getting dressed, ha
ting that my cock is still hard, I shove it in my jeans. Needing to express my thoughts, I grab my tattered notebook that I have had for years from my bunk. Sitting down at the now clean kitchen table, I begin to write a song. Still unsure if I want to share it with the band. It would truly showcase how cruel I can be. The words pour out of me…

“You
say you want me

That you need me

Then get on your fucking knees and let me see

I say I hate you

That I don’t need you

So stand up and run the fuck away

You say you miss me

That you love me

Then get on your fucking knees and let me see

I say I resent you

That I am disgusted by you

So stand up and run the fuck away

You say you crave me

That you
liberate me

Then get on your fucking knees and let me see

I say I distrust you

That I can’t need you

So stand up and run the fuck away

Why did you listen to me?”

I write many songs, whenever I am inspired by feeling. I am just particular about
what songs I share with the world. Not sure if I could share this part of myself. If I could lift that shade to show case my vulnerability. I close my notebook, saving this song for another day. If I was to get my guitar out right now and start playing while singing these words, they would know what or whom it is about.

I cannot let t
he guys see she has affected me. If by hate or sexual need. I am not open for any other emotions. I started out wanting to break her, to teach her that every artist puts their blood sweat and feeling into their songs, their art, and their work. Here I am days later, not only wanting to break her music shield but wanting to just break her. Utterly and completely, irrevocably.

Refusing myself that
sadistic pleasure for now, I join the guys in the makeshift living room playing video games. Watching them fight one another in Mortal Kombat, I bring up the topic of Natalie training with Rick, our sound engineer, while we are on tour. I, myself, do not feel comfortable leaving her alone with Rick. The guy is a musical genius, he can tune any instrument, hear any differential sounds and pitch and act in a jiff on it.

When it comes to women though, he is always picking up our left over groupies and
having them join the roadie bus. Leaving us to face these one night stand women on the regular.

Immediately thinking of him
, I feel possessive. He is not going to get his hands on her if I have any say in this.  Not wanting to show the guys how much this truly irks me. “So, the Times Union center will be Natalie’s first hands on experience. I thought one of us could introduce Rick to her tonight. He can catch her up and fill her in on our shows and shit.”

I say, hiding my distaste for Rick.

“Maybe I could teach her a few things, leaving her with Rick only for the actual show.” Liam suggests.

Rage and jealousy instantly
swirling around in my head, making my blood boil. Of course he would want to spend time with her, unbelievable that I had almost forgotten how chummy they were getting.

“Yeah, sure
. Great fucking idea Liam.”

I snap out wh
ile walking away. Hoping by ending this conversation these feelings will diminish. Refraining from taking my anger out on Liam, my closest friend, my brother. Natalie is working a game and I am going to figure out what her payout is.   I invited her on this god damn tour. Well more like manipulated and paid off her professor to get her on this fucking bus. Either way I could teach her what true music is or what it takes to become successful.