First and Goal (Moving the Chains #1) (33 page)

“W
ell, well, well. If it isn’t Rob Chickenshit Falls.”

I’ve only just walked into the locker room, and Alex is already pissing me off at six o’clock in the morning. It’s not bad enough that I only got about five hours of sleep last night after bringing Evie back to her car then following her home before heading to my house. When I finally collapsed into bed last night around eleven, I was dead tired. Sleep wouldn’t come. I kept replaying the day's events with Eddie in my mind. Kept imagining him on top of Evie, trying to push himself inside her. Kept imagining her half-clothed, her blue eyes full of terror. A few times I nearly threw up. Other times, my tense muscles shook with such anger that I seriously considered punching a hole in the wall just to vent it out. I’d smile as I fantasized about beating his face into a bloody pulp instead. If I thought I lost my mind over this girl before, I’m certifiably insane this week. What a difference a relatively short amount of time can make. Before Mr. Smith assigned me to tutor her, my bedtime routine consisted of very different fantasies about Eva Papageorgiou. Fantasies which now make me feel intense shame. It was easier when I let myself believe Eddie hadn’t hurt her.

“Shut the fuck up, Alex,” I grind out, stuffing my duffel bag and backpack into my locker violently. “I’m not in the mood.”

“Hey, I figured since you and Eva were so cozy yesterday at the road clean up that you’d be all sunshine and smiles this morning. The rest of us were online to play Call of Duty last night. And for a change you were the one missing…” He whistles to himself, no doubt imagining a very different scenario of my night than what actually happened. “Is little Robbie angry because little Evie still thinks you’re into some other girl?”

That’s the smallest problem I have to contend with. Although it seems selfish to even consider it. She’s clearly into someone else even though she tried to deny it. She’s been hung up on this other guy for as long as I’ve been into her. A part of me is terrified that my confession about what really happened with Sabrina fell on deaf ears. What if she doesn’t believe me? What if she still thinks I’m nothing more than horny jock like Eddie? I can’t blame her for lumping us all into one stereotypical group. Not anymore.

Mike laughs beside me as he ties his shoes. “Even I can’t believe you let that slide, Rob. I know she makes you nervous, but that was a shit play on Jeremy’s part. You need to tell her the truth at least.”

I run both of my hands through my hair, essentially trying to pull it all out to make my head stop pounding. I lower my voice so no one else in the locker room will overhear. “She told me what happened with Hinton last night, Mike.”

His hands freeze on his laces and our eyes meet. “Everything? She told you everything?”

“Start to finish.” I might actually know more about it than he does. Unless she told him about their previous dates and her reasons for agreeing to them too.

Alex walks over to us and stands closer than usual, sensing the privacy of the conversation.

“What really happened with Eva and Hinton?” His gaze volleys between Mike and I, all teasing replaced by seriousness.

Mike looks at me. He must feel my urge to cave and come clean with Alex about all of it. The way I see it, the more people who know, the more people I can put between her and Eddie for her own protection. “Don’t you do it, Rob. She doesn’t want anyone to know. I can’t even believe she told you.”

The anger I’ve tried to tamp down since yesterday afternoon rears its ugly head again as I turn on Mike. “I can’t believe she trusted you! Why is he still alive, Mike? How could you let him get away with doing that to her? And how the fuck do you let Chelsie treat her like shit over it? When all the rumors were going all over school about her, you and Chelsie just sat there and didn’t lift a finger to defend her! I didn’t even know the truth then, but anytime I heard someone talking shit about her, I at least tried to stop it!”

I’m in his face now. I’m sure my own is red, my breathing heavy, and my fists clenched at my sides.

“Listen, Rob.” He puts his hands on my shoulders, whether to keep me from punching him or to calm me down, I’m not sure. “I didn’t do or say anything because
that’s what she wanted
.”

I take a step back and glance at Alex. I can tell he’s putting the puzzle pieces together in his head. This is my brother Alex, who can connect the dots faster than anyone gives him credit for. He’s only viewed as a playboy because that’s what he chooses to let everyone see.

Mike continues as I watch Alex’s face, measuring his reaction. “I suspected that night that something more happened, but she denied it. Hell, I even called you, so we could go beat the truth out of him.”

That perks my ears up. “You called me? The night it happened?”

“Yeah.” Mike grimaces. “And you answered. The first words out of your mouth were that you were out with Sabrina. Evie ripped the phone out of my hand and hung up on you before I could say anything. I think she was embarrassed and didn’t want anyone besides me and Chelsie to know what happened.”

“Holy fuck,” Alex whispers, the anger lacing his voice like so much poison. “He raped her?”

I sink down onto the bench, putting my head in my hands. The night Eddie raped Evie, she thought I was
with
Sabrina. Holy shit. I can’t even wrap my head around that. “Christ, this is all my fault!”

“How is it your fault that Eddie fucking Hinton is a raping douche bag? I know where he lives. Let’s just all go over there and randomly fuck him up. No one has to know why we’re doing it.” Alex is just as pissed off as Mike and I. He doesn’t even know the whole story. At least now I know I can count on him to help keep Eddie away from her too.

“He didn’t rape her,” Mike sighs. “He’s just an asshole. I tried to talk to her about it later that weekend, but she just shut down, man. Not even Tini could get through to her. We got the truth of it out of her at least. Believe me, if either me or Christina thought Evie was lying about it, we would have done something. She took care of herself, and did what she had to do, but that night really messed with her head. It broke something in her, changed her. You both saw it too. And honestly, Rob? I know you’d be good to her, but she doesn’t want anything to do with guys after all that. Eddie’s only the tip of the iceberg, so I get it. I love that girl more than you’ll ever know, but it’s her choice, and I respect it. You should too.”

Holy fucking shit. Mike doesn’t see it. He’s taken Evie’s word for gold this whole time.

“What’s on your mind, bro?” Alex nudges my shoulder with his fist.

“It’s not your fault, Rob,” Mike says, putting his hand on my other shoulder.

“The hell it isn’t!” I jump up, causing them to step back. “If I wasn’t such a fucking coward, maybe she’d never have been with him because she would have been with me! None of what happened to her had to happen, but it did…because of me! And now, I’m just supposed to what? Swoop in and fix everything when it was my fucking fault? What am I gonna say to her? ‘Oh hey, Evie. Yeah, I’ve wanted you since the first day I met you. But I’m an asshole and didn’t have the balls to say anything, so instead you ended up with Eddie. He date-raped you while you thought I was out fucking some other chick, but that’s cool ‘cause you’re with me now, so everything’s all better!’” I pace around the locker room, grateful that it’s only the three of us because I honestly haven’t been paying attention to who might have heard me until this very second. The fury builds and builds inside me until I snap.

“It’s not fucking all better!” I kick the nearest locker as hard as I can, leaving a sizable dent.

“Hey, Horse Dick!” Our center, Christian Zawicki, strolls out of the shower area.

My rage turns to fear because I have no idea how much he’s overheard. Damn my stupid mouth.

“Stop breaking the locker room over your bitch drama. Just stick it in her and use that God-given anaconda of yours. She gets a load of your eight inches, she’ll forget all about Hinton’s measly four. Dude probably couldn’t rape a pussy if he tried.” Christian has his back to me, getting into his own locker.

How the fuck can this asshole talk about rape like it’s some kind of goddamn joke?

My girl got raped because I was too stupid to keep her safe with me. That’s not a fucking joke.

I rush at him in a blind fury only to feel my arms pulled back by Mike and Alex on either side of me. I struggle with them for what feels like forever before I accept that they’re not gonna let me beat his ass. The bastard never even turns around. As soon as they let go of me, I take off for him again. This time when they catch me, they drag me out into the weight room. Mike keeps denying what I know. How can he not see it? How can he believe Evie’s lies? She’s just too proud to admit the truth.

The more he tries to calm me down, the less I listen. The only sound is the rushing of blood in my ears. The sound of unbridled rage. And it is slowly pulling me under.

A
nother wave of cramps washes over my abdomen. I squeeze my eyes shut, breathe deeply, and try not to vomit. I missed school yesterday thanks to worshipping the porcelain god every hour or so. Even though I felt awful about missing band practice, it simply couldn’t be helped.

My periods have always been sheer misery. I know I should probably see a doctor. I just can’t see wasting my time with a medical professional who will only coerce me into going on the Pill. Pumping fake hormones into my body is just not necessary since I don’t foresee any sex in my future.

It’s fucking ridiculous that women bear the brunt of the human reproduction cycle. What do guys get? According to Rob, involuntary hard-ons, and the insatiable need to come any chance they get. We get pain, blood, potential unwanted pregnancy, and social stigma over the whole thing. Society is so fucked up.

I probably shouldn’t have come to school today, either. But there’s a game tonight so here I am. Miserable, emotional, and bitchy. And waiting for the ibuprofen that I took just before leaving home to kick in. I keep my eyes closed as I breathe through the pain.

Rob moans as he approaches from somewhere to my right. “Jesus, Evie! What are you wearing?”