Firewall (7 page)

W
hat had
all
that
been about?

Calder’s mind was reeling as dinner was finished and the two headed into the living room to hang out. As always, Calder was vigilant, even while chilling with Justin.

With the earlier conversation, it seemed like the two were about to walk into unfamiliar territory. Justin’s eyes had bored into his own and, as much as Justin was probably trying to hide it, there had been so much yearning and hope.

Calder had never seen it so closely before. Sure, he had suspected his best friend might have had feelings for him in the past, but he had never dwelled on it. The affectionate words they shared now and again online had always seemed like enough.

Calder tried not to think about it too much. He had a job to do and if he let himself become too distracted it could put Justin at risk.

“Want to try flying a drone?” Justin spoke up, jarring Calder from his thoughts.

“Yeah, that’d be cool.” Calder was pleased for the distraction. The tension between them was getting a bit high. It had been some time since Calder had last got laid and now that urge was stronger than ever because of his emotional involvement with the man in front of him.

But, no, he
had
to control himself.

Justin rose from the couch and grabbed one of his prized drones from a shelf on the wall. He then led Calder outside into the backyard.

“I have cameras attached to most of my other drones because you can get some amazing footage,” Justin explained. “But I don’t have one for this one yet.”

“I’ve seen some of those videos. They’re pretty amazing. You have a lot of those on your channel.”

“I do.” Justin seemed pleased that Calder brought up his YouTube channel. Of course Calder had watched all of his videos. “Do you want to try first?”

“No way. I have no idea what to do,” Calder laughed while holding up his hands. “You can try it first. Just let me take a look around before you do that.”

Calder stepped off the patio and walked around the mid-sized backyard, checking the fences and the bushes along them. When he was sure the coast was clear, he returned to Justin’s side.

“That’s going to take a bit to get used to.”

“I don’t think I’ll have any problem,” Calder teased.

There it was again. Justin’s cheeks suddenly exploded with color and his eyes widened with surprise. Calder had to admit that getting a rise from him was kind of cute.

“All right. Come here,” Justin insisted as he showed Calder the remote control. As Calder watched, Justin explained how to use the controller to fly the drone and gave a demonstration. Even though it was a new toy, Justin handled it like a pro.

When Calder was handed the controller, he was nervous. He didn’t do so well the first few times he tried to lift the drone off the ground. After three or four false starts, he handed back the controller with a laugh. “I don’t want to break it.”

“You’ll never get it to fly if you give up that easily,” Justin snorted but accepted the controller and then went to pick up the drone. “That’s fine, though. I’m starting to get tired anyway.”

“It’s been a busy day, yeah,” Calder agreed as they headed back inside.

“I’m going to get to bed now,” Justin said after he put his drone on a shelf in the living room. Calder knew Justin liked to turn in early and just rest with his computer. He had complained in the past about being overwhelmed by the day and needing the quiet time to unwind in the evenings.

Even though he didn’t have a traditional job anymore and didn’t keep those hours, Justin’s habit looked like it was still going strong. Everyone needed a routine.

“Okay. I might stay down here a little longer but I’ll have my laptop with me if you feel like chatting.”

In that moment, a wave of relief washed over Justin face. “Cool. Well, good night. If there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to help yourself. My home is your home now.”

“Thanks, man. Have a good night.”

Calder watched Justin as he headed upstairs, then stretched and walked around to lock the house down. He made sure downstairs was secure, then headed upstairs to check the security cameras. The property outside looked good, too, so Calder headed back downstairs to lounge on the couch with his laptop.

As soon as he settled down, he started up his messenger app and Justin greeted him. It was amusing to think they were chatting to each other through the computer when they shared the house now.

The routine was soothing, though. As much as Calder liked adventures, having a domestic routine was good for his soul, too.

A
s soon as
Justin changed and crawled into bed, he signed into his instant messenger service and waited for Calder to sign on. There was thumping and shuffling outside his door, so he knew Calder was likely shutting the house down first before logging on as well.

It was still so weird thinking about someone else being in the house. And Calder of all people. He had a feeling the first few nights might be restless as he grew accustomed to having someone else with him.

When Calder signed on, he relaxed and smiled to himself. Chatting with Calder while mindlessly browsing was a routine he loved. He looked forward to it.

Justin talked about nothing much with Calder as he browsed his usual forums. While he wasn’t as welcome in forums these days after the rumors had spread, not
everyone
had turned their backs on him. Plus, there was still plenty of news to catch up on that he wouldn’t hear about otherwise. He had to stay on top of his game.

But the latest in hacker news wasn’t interesting that night. No, he had a deeper urge inside that needed to be satisfied.

Justin’s heart pounded as he put in his headphones and browsed a couple of adult sites. He visited those very rarely, except for when he really needed to get off.

And tonight, with all of the tension between him and Calder, he needed that release more than anything.

But Calder could come upstairs at any point. Although Justin was in his own room behind a closed door, Calder might be able to hear him jerking himself off. He couldn’t risk
that
, could he?

Justin’s mind was conflicted as he flicked between the adult tabs and the messenger window where he innocently chatted to Calder. After a few minutes, he just couldn’t do it. It was way too weird to be watching hot guys fuck each other while chatting to his best friend about games and stuff.

When Calder announced a few minutes later that he was retiring to his room, Justin nipped his bottom lip. Calder was even closer now, which would make watching porn even
more
awkward, wouldn’t it? Or would it be better now knowing both of them were behind closed doors?

This was ridiculous. But having never been faced by such a problem before, Justin had no idea how to handle it. All he knew was that he was suddenly so hot that he
had
to get it taken care of.

Maybe now was his chance to finally grab the bull by the horns.

Justin quivered as he set aside the laptop and jumped out of bed.

This was insane. Absolutely insane!

But he wasn’t stopping.

Justin swallowed hard and braced himself, then walked out of his bedroom and down the hall to Calder’s. He was so tense he could have burst from the battle raging inside his head about this decision. He was so shy about sex, about dating in general, but Calder...

Calder had him burning with need. Eight years had been a long fucking time between them. This was a stupid idea, and he knew that logically, but for once, he didn’t want to listen to reason.

Only Calder could do
that
to him.

Justin walked to the door and braced himself, raising his hand to knock. He was shaking, frozen on the spot and trying to get that last ounce of courage to knock. His legs wanted him to turn and run back to his own room.

He was about to turn when the door opened.

Calder gasped, taken aback, and Justin just stood there with his hand raised and his eyes wide. “Justin, what’s wrong?”

Justin squeaked in response but then gathered his last scraps of courage and leaned forward. He crushed their bodies together, gripping Calder’s arms as he stood up on his toes to go in for the kiss. With Calder being a couple of inches taller, he needed that extra stretch.

Calder didn’t budge as their lips came together.

He wasn’t kissing back.

Shit, had Justin ruined everything? He pulled back, his cheeks burning as he stumbled back. “I-I’m sorry. That was completely stupid to do. I’ll just—”

Justin turned to flee back to his room, but Calder grabbed his wrist.

“Wait, don’t run away,” Calder laughed, although it was a higher, confused laugh. “What’s that about?”

“I just... I’m just really horny right now and I-I thought...” Justin trailed. He wished he could have disappeared into a hole right now. Of
all
the times to get in a mood, with Calder, of
all
people?

Calder laughed again and released his hold on Justin’s wrist. “That’s really sudden. We already established that I haven’t been with guys.”

Justin couldn’t stand talking about it. He had gone and royally fucked everything up. Damn his social awkwardness. Would anyone else have gotten themselves into a situation like this? For a genius, he could be really stupid.

“I-I know, I’m sorry.”

“And it’s also kind of weird since we’re now boss and employee.”

“Oh, God, I know. I’ll just go back to my room now.”

“But—”

Justin suddenly perked up. There was a “but”? Justin was suspicious as he eyed his friend, still poised to flee at any given second.

When Calder leaned down and tilted his chin, pressing their lips together as their noses brushed, Justin was stunned. He hadn’t been expecting that response at all and he was frozen. He wasn’t even kissing back yet.

Then, his libido kicked back in and he raised a hand to grip Calder’s muscle shirt. He moaned softly as he kissed Calder back, although he felt clumsy. Kissing wasn’t something he did very much at all. Sometimes the idea of it was so weird while other times, he craved it more than anything.

Calder’s lips were perfect to kiss. His mouth was so warm, nice, and inviting. His kisses were slow and exploratory.

Justin was too aroused to want this right now. In any other situation, that was exactly what he wanted but right now it was different. He had primal urges to satisfy and nothing but a good fuck would do.

Justin walked Calder backward into his room and then closed the door behind him. He never spent any time in his guest room since there was no need. There was a certain thrill to being in there with Calder because it felt somewhat like an entirely new place.

Justin’s body was screaming for attention by this point. By the way that Calder was now neither drawing away from him nor denying his advances, it seemed as though Calder had switched over to that mode as well.

Was Calder hot for
him
? The thought fueled the fire all the more.

Justin walked Calder over toward the bed, his hands running all along Calder’s sides. He wanted to get those hands up under his shirt and explore the body he had only fantasized about. He wanted the warmth against his fingertips and palms to ground him, to affirm that all of this was real.

Once the back of Calder’s knees touched the bed, Justin parted the kiss, gasping for breath. He stared up into Calder’s eyes, almost faint with how hard his heart was beating in his chest. He wet his lips, both of them staring each other down.

What was going through Calder’s mind? Judging by the quick rising and falling of his chest, he was getting lost in the moment, too.

Right now, no words were needed.

Justin gasped as Calder grabbed his arms and spun the two of them around. Calder kissed Justin hard. It was almost a bruising kiss that made Justin tingle all the way down to his toes. Having the hot bodyguard manhandle him even a little was beyond his wildest dreams.

Calder broke the kiss, his eyes hungry. “Justin, if you want to stop, now is the time to tell me.”

“Don’t stop,” Justin breathed.
“I want to explore with you.”

It was time to give in and go with the flow.

Justin grunted as Calder pushed him down onto the bed and then crawled down over him. That solid body braced above his and those eyes looking him up and down blew Justin’s mind. He was doing everything he could
not
to come in his pants. It had been so long and he wasn’t sure how long he was going to last in bed.

Justin raised his knees and spread his legs, letting Calder get in close. Without missing a beat, Calder dove down and kissed along Justin’s neck. He seemed to be careful about not leaving hickeys, which both disappointed and pleased Justin. He wouldn’t have minded Calder staking his claim but it probably didn’t look good for business.

“Oh, Calder...” Justin moaned as he arched up against him, their groins bumping together. He wrapped his arms around Calder to hold him even closer. They had barely even begun but Justin was already on top of the world.

Calder paid attention to his collarbone, tracing along the bone with his teeth. That extra sensation wracked Justin’s body with pleasure as he curled his toes into the comforter.

Then Calder rose off him. For a moment, there was hesitation in his eyes.

“It’s okay,” Justin said, surprised even to hear himself say it. This whole thing was a new experience for them both, but it had to be even more overwhelming for Calder. What was going through his mind as he touched and kissed another man?

Justin raised his hand to cup Calder’s cheek, brushing it down along his jawline. The stubble tickled his palm, adding yet another sensation to help keep Justin from floating away. He affectionately stroked Calder’s jawline with his thumb, then leaned up to kiss him again.

He wanted more of those hot lips. The urges were incredible.

Calder met the kiss, which set Justin’s heart alight, and he arched up against him. He slid both arms around Calder’s middle, gliding his hands along Calder’s back. The fabric of his muscle shirt folded beneath his touch.

Justin’s heart pounded as he slid his hand down along Calder’s spine. His hand hovered at Calder’s waist for a moment or two before Justin got the courage to place it onto Calder’s ass. As soon as he did, his body grew that much more hot. Calder was so firm to the touch.

Justin was so caught up in what he was feeling that it took a good few moments to notice that Calder was staying still. Did he not like having his ass touched? Justin blushed and snapped his hand back. “Sorry.”

Calder chuckled and shook his head as he gazed down to Justin. “Don’t be.”

“You’re just being so quiet.”

“I’m admiring you.”

There had to be more than that. Calder had to be dealing with an internal rollercoaster of emotion, right? Justin couldn’t have been the only one experiencing it. The craving for human touch and affection was so strong, but was it right to seek it from a best friend?

Justin relaxed when Calder shifted above him, freeing a hand to rub along his side. It was a comforting touch, but exploratory in nature, too.

The silence that fell between them was hard. Justin felt the need to fill the silence, but he wasn’t sure with what. The chemistry between them was so strong, but was it strong enough to overcome the uncertainty about the risk they were taking?

Although Justin had started out fiery with lust, he was already cooling down and becoming self-conscious. As much as he wanted to wrap himself around Calder and be whisked away, Justin wanted to flee for the hills.

Justin glanced up to meet Calder’s eyes. As soon as he did, Calder leaned down to press their lips together. Justin half-closed his eyes and accepted the kiss, hugging Calder close and pushing his body up against his.

The kiss gradually deepened and Justin parted his lips to readily accept Calder’s tongue inside his mouth. Justin was clumsy with the kiss, but so earnest. He gave it his all, moaning softly into Calder’s mouth.

When Calder’s hand moved from his side up to his chest, Justin tingled. Then, the hand started to slowly trail down his center toward his groin. The closer Calder’s hand got to his groin, the more Justin squirmed.

“You’re jittery,” Calder observed. His calm, quiet voice jarred Justin since he was so caught up in his own emotions.

“It’s just a lot to take in,” Justin admitted, his cheeks burning.

Calder slowed his hand, searching Justin’s eyes. “Do you want me to stop?”

“I... Yeah, I should probably go,” Justin squeaked as he unwrapped himself from Calder. He rolled to the side, almost rolling right off the bed in the process. He stood up and straightened out his clothes and hair, nodding sharply. “See you.”

Calder sat back against his heels as he watched after Justin. “Right. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Justin strode for the door, his mind racing. As much as he wanted to throw himself at Calder and become lost to the night, he wanted out as well. He hated how conflicting his thoughts and urges were at times. But getting out of there before he’ could screw anything up seemed like a safe bet.

As he hurried out the door, he half-waved over his shoulder. Once he was through the door, he fled for his room, closing the door firmly behind him.

That hard-on wasn’t going to take care of itself.