Fire & Soul (4 page)

Isshan's eyes dart to the closed door. "Those are unfounded rumors," he says slowly. "But in a purely academic sense, it's not out of the question."

"And?" Neina prompts.

Isshan sighs. "As we believe the Cabal acts as a subset of the Hegemony, those anams would be free."

"Born free," someone whispers, and it's hardly more than a breath, but everyone is instantly restless, and the door constantly has eyes on it.

"It is possible that those anams are part of the resistance," Isshan murmurs, and then someone has to say it.

"Project Áe—"

"Briefing over!" Isshan snaps, and as one we recoil. "You are dismissed."

The screech of chairs and shuffle of paper fills the room as we gather our things. Silence falls as we filter into the hall, and everyone keeps their head down as we walk.

It's something most people whisper about, but it's not
safe
. It feels illicit to even think about the Project, about what it could mean.

Mikscn, Jye, and I follow Aiya and her trifecta to the training room. I stare at the back of Keito's head as we walk.

I'm sure you've heard of Project Áed.

"Smile," Jye says. I glare at him and he laughs. "We're doing hand-to-hand combat today." He looks me over and I get what he's implying.

"That's not appropriate," I say with a sigh.

Mikscn laughs. "Are you only just getting that he's incredibly
in
appropriate?"

He's only been here for a few days
, I want to protest, but it dies halfway up my throat. Sure, it's been less than a week, but Jye already feels like he's been here forever, like he fits in among Mikscn and Aiya and Keito and Micca as they start to unfreeze and relax. And he talked to Jheghda for us, took over the conversation so we didn't have to worry about walking into the games and traps Jheghda sets.

We enter the gym and Aiya and Keito stride over to claim a corner, Jye and Mikscn on their heels. I can tell Mikscn's already forgotten about the scene in the briefing room and I squash down a feeling of disappointment. Maybe he's dismissed it because he's just not scared by it like I am, and he's always been good at brushing off Jheghda's bullying.

I have so little that's mine. I can't stand the idea of anything that could result in me losing the only things in this universe that I have left. The only parents I know, the one brother that's still in my grasp. The adjunct, our anam.

Mikscn looks up and frowns at me.
You okay?
He mouths, and I pull myself out of my stupor. I sigh and dredge up a genuine, if tired, smile.

"I'm fine," I murmur, and Mikscn's eyes stay on my face for a few seconds before he nods and relaxes. His shoulders slump for a second before he focuses on following Aiya's stretches.

I make a note to spend some time talking to Mikscn before we leave in a couple of days. We normally talk a lot, but things have been crazy since the battle when Misa got burned out, and we haven't gotten to spend time together.

Aiya's glaring at me, and I hurriedly fall in line and let the familiarity of stretching, and then sparring, soothe away thoughts of the Project.

*~*~*

I collapse into bed with a groan. Aiya's pissed about something, that's for damn sure. Every muscle in my body is aching, and I look longingly at the bathroom, but I don't think I actually have enough energy to stand up. Mikscn's shuffling around by the closet, and I can feel Jye somewhere in the room behind me.

"Whatever she's mad about, I don't think we actually deserved that," Mikscn grumbles. I manage to get my head turned so I can glare at him.

"You were the one arguing with her at breakfast," I say. I rub my cheek on my pillow, sighing. "But it was probably the briefing," I admit.

"I'm gonna make a wild guess that you guys don't like talking about the Project," Jye says, carefully, like he's choosing each word with care.

"If the nobles find out we even mentioned it, they could kill us," I admit. "They always say that it's just a fairy tale, a myth."

"What do you think?" The bed dips as Jye sits on the edge, and I manage an approximation of a shrug.

"It's not something I feel comfortable discussing," I say flatly.

"Jheghda couldn't punish you two without risking the other Houses taking advantage of the sudden hole in the sky force's defenses," Jye says. "Why are you so afraid?"

"Our brother," Mikscn says. I close my eyes, suddenly exhausted in more than just my body. "Cherian belongs to House Meisen. They're even more powerful than House Bredan, and Jheghda's sister is married to their Lord. If Jheghda thought Temsha and I were even contemplating misbehaving, he could have Cherian killed. Cherian's incredibly powerful, yeah, but Meisen's got a lot of incredibly powerful anams." Footsteps, and then Mikscn's tugging lightly on the collar around my throat. "You know how our collars work, right?"

"When not engaged in battle, the collars must remain within a certain proximity to a transmitter belonging to their House," Jye says, sounding like he's reciting from memory.

"Jheghda has a transmitter that's directly connected to Cherian's collar," Mikscn says. "Temsha and I could destroy Bredan's capitol in an hour if we wanted to. When we finally got out of our theoretical studies and started piloting our adjunct, Jheghda knew he needed some kind of insurance policy to make sure we stay in line at all times. He could blow Cherian's collar whenever he wants, wherever he wants."

"They haven't let us see him in six years," I say. I bury my face in my pillow. "He's a man, now."

The silence coming from Mikscn is tense, and I nod without looking up. I know what Mikscn wants to show Jye. "Aiya, Keito, and Micca are free," Mikscn says. "Aiya's been really good friends with Cherian's anam mentor, Baina, for a really long time. Baina's also free." There's silence but for soft rustling sounds and I know Mikscn's pulling Cherian's note out of his hiding place in his boot. "They've been letting us pass letters back and forth, since they don't get searched when they leave base."

"We have to destroy them eventually," I say. I pull my face out of my pillow long enough to see Jye carefully unfolding the letter. "They do periodic searches of our rooms. They think they're a surprise, but everyone always knows about them ahead of time. We'll have to destroy this one before the entourage starts back home. But we get to hear a little about his life. Meisen's Lord isn't a fucking psychopath like Jheghda, but he still gets switched around to different trifectas a lot."

"That's kind of them, to do this for you," Jye says softly.

"They're the only parents we have left," I say. "I … none of us remember our birth parent's names. People say Jheghda's forces killed two pilots—at least, that's how Jheghda likes to tell it—but we think they were a trifecta." I rub at my eyes, suddenly afraid to look at Jye. "We don't remember. We were five and Cherian was four when they took us."

"We remember fire and screaming," Mikscn says. He sits on the bed and drapes himself over my back, his hand in my hair and his face pressed between my shoulder blades.

"I remember singing," I say. "A woman singing. But … I think it was Aiya. Jheghda handed us over to them, and all of a sudden they were parents."

"They let us see Cherian a lot back then. I think it was so we would remember him and he would still be relevant as a hostage."

"They gave us the adjunct when we were ten. Aiya was
pissed
, she said we were too young, that synchronizing when we were still developing our sense of self would destroy us. Even the Alliance has laws about what child slaves can be made to do, and she threatened to report Jheghda. She managed to talk him into assigning Micca as our anam till we were fourteen."

Mikscn nods against my back. "That's when we first started showing signs of how powerful we would be. We both requested that Micca be removed from our trifecta because we didn't want to burn him out. Jheghda actually listened to the request because their trifecta's a fucking powerhouse in combat."

"That was also the last year they let us see Cherian."

I feel Jye move across the bed. His hip presses against mine and the increased weight on my back tells me he's probably leaning on Mikscn. It's a comfortable weight, though, and something in me loosens a little. Mikscn sighs and I squirm a little when I feel Jye's lips on the back of my neck.

"That's why your relationships with your anams never became sexual before," he says musingly. "Your first experience with an anam was really with a parent."

"That and almost all of them were women," Mikscn says. "I like men and women, but Temsha has no interest in them. When we synchronize, it … sort of pulls between us. We couldn't be attracted to a woman when we're coming down if we tried."

"Have you two ever … ?"

Mikscn snorts. "Yeah, once. It was really … boring, I guess. And confusing. The feedback loop made it really hard to tell what the fuck was going on, and it did absolutely nothing to help us come down."

"Made it worse," I mutter.

"That, too."

Jye chuckles and the push of air over the back of my neck sends a chill down my spine. Fingers press down on the interface relays in the nape of my neck and I shiver.

"Huh," Mikscn says. "I've never seen anyone do that before."

"That's because—" Jye presses his mouth to the relays and how the hell does that feel so good? "—it's a very private thing to do. You should never let someone outside of your trifecta or a doctor touch your relays."

"Fuck," I hiss out, shifting against the bed. Jye reaches out to grab my wrist and presses the tips of his fingers into two of the relays there. "
Ah
." I've never really paid attention to my relays—they're just part-metal, part-flesh places that all anams and pilots have that let us connect to our adjuncts. Pilots have relays on the nape of our neck, our shoulders and hips, our wrists, on either side of our ankles, and near the base of our spine. Anams have more relays, mostly located down the length of their spine, and I had no idea that they could feel like
this
.

I'm distantly aware of Mikscn moving away, but Jye chooses that moment to press his
tongue
into one of the relays in the nape of my neck and I jerk underneath him, halfway caught between wanting to press closer and wanting to get away from the intensity of the feeling. "Jye—"

"Here," Mikscn murmurs, and shifts so I can press my face into his thigh. He tugs on my hair, not so hard that it hurts, but holding tight enough that I have to follow the movement. Jye runs his hands down my sides and rucks up my shirt, baring my ribs and back to cool air. He nuzzles my spine, pressing wet kisses to the relays there and I buck against his hands and Mikscn's grip on my hair.

I hold tight to Mikscn's knee, trying to gain some balance, equilibrium, but Jye chooses that moment to grind his trapped cock against my ass and my thoughts dissolve. He shoves his knees between my legs and I open up with a groan, let him shift closer. He's pressing a constant stream of reassurances and praise into my skin, and I let that soothe away the uncertainty and embarrassment and
I've never done this before
that's pushing up into my throat.

"Are you good?" Jye asks, pressing kisses between my shoulder blades and scratching lightly at the hair low on my belly.

I nod, but Mikscn yanks my hair. I glare at him, but make myself remember how to speak. "Yeah, yes, I'm good," I grind out, even though I'm pretty sure I'm
dying
.

"Tell me if you need me to slow down," Jye says, and his voice has gone low and rough, which sends prickles of arousal through my skin.

"He'd rather you hurry it up," Mikscn says. I look up and Mikscn looks like I feel, pupils blown wide, flushed and hungry.

Jye chuckles and cups me through my pants. I buck against the pressure, trying to get
more
, but Jye just slides his hand away to grab my hip. "Wait," he chides, and I bite Mikscn's thigh. I only feel a faint echo and realize belatedly that he's holding our link closed.

Jye pushes my shirt up higher and runs his hands down my back, scratching lightly. He dips down to brush kisses along the scars marring my skin, his touches turning lingering, exploratory. Like he's learning my body.

I let out a shaky breath, suddenly uncomfortably warm, even as Jye's light touches bank the fire roaring through my veins. Mikscn shifts so he can cradle my leg against his leg a little easier and I eye his hip consideringly.

He snorts. "Don't even."

But Jye might like—

"This is fine," Jye murmurs, stretching up to nip at my earlobe. I arch to get more contact with his skin. "I'm selfish, I want all your attention on me." He works to get my shirt off and I move obligingly, eager for more contact.

But when I go to settle again, I'm suddenly dissatisfied with being unable to see Jye's face. I flip onto my back. Jye laughs and helps me resettle my legs, bent up and around his hips. I rest my head in the crook of Mikscn's hip and reach up to pull Jye close for a kiss.

He settles over me and it's perfect, his weight solid and comfortable, strangely familiar. Mikscn's fingers work through my hair as Jye and my kiss turns lazy, lingering. I drift, hazy and calm, walking my fingers up and down the relays set along Jye's spine. I wrap my hand around the nape of his neck, marveling at the lack of a collar. Jye lets out a soft sound and smiles against my lips.

He tangles his fingers with Mikscn's and tugs my hair, tilting my head back. I let out an involuntary noise, not sure what I'm trying to say, if anything.

"Good?" Jye asks as he fumbles one-handed with the fastening of my pants.

I try to say yes, but the word comes out garbled. Mikscn grabs my hand, giving me a grounding point and I squeeze Jye's shoulder, nodding rapidly.

He chuckles. "Use your words, babe."

"Fuck, yes," I hiss, trying to arch up into his hand, because he's
right there
.

He leans back down to catch my mouth in a hard, bruising kiss as he works his hand into my pants to wrap around my cock. He kisses away my curse and mouths along my jaw and I jerk up into his grasp. He works his hand along my cock slowly—too fucking slow—but when I ask him to hurry it up, he bites at my throat, right under my collarbone. It sends shivers through my whole body and I relax.