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Drayton would have taken her head and showed her exactly how he wanted to fuck her mouth, but Mike had always been more considerate and restrained.

Tonight, the realization made her feel both tender and possessive. With her free hand, she guided his hand up to the back of her head.

His fingers curved fully around the line of her skull, and she felt the light pressure as he guided her motion.

She responded, accelerating the rhythm of her sucking and bobbing and trying to match it with her hand on his balls.

“Oh, good, baby. Good. Just like that.”

He was getting close. She could sense it in his body, feel it in the firm, salty flesh in her mouth, and hear it in his voice. She released his sac and edged her fingers farther down so she could rub the sensitive spot just behind.

Mike let out a thick gasp and fisted his hand in her hair. He was still guiding her rhythm, and he’d started to rock his hips as if he couldn’t fight the compulsion to thrust.

“Fuck!”

With that broken exclamation, he came into her mouth, his cock pulsing with the spasms of his climax and his hips giving a few more clumsy jerks.

She swallowed his release in several small gulps and sucked gently until his body had relaxed and his cock had started to soften in her mouth.

Finally, she let him slip from her lips. She sat up, feeling stiff but satisfied by the way she’d pleased him.

With a rough groan, he pulled her toward him, edging her fully into his lap as he tightened his arms around her with that urgency she sometimes sensed from him.

She returned the hug, overflowing with that same emotion she couldn’t quite identify. When his lips sought hers out, she opened to his kiss, letting him taste himself in her mouth.

Mike finally broke off the kiss, but he didn’t loosen his grip. “Do you want me to do you now?”

“No.” She didn’t want to move. She loved the way he was holding her. It made her feel safe. Made her forget all the uncertainties regarding Drayton and their relationship. “I told you. I’m not really in the mood.”

“You didn’t have to do me if you weren’t in the mood.”

“I know.” She rubbed her cheek against his, loving the scratchy feel of his bristly jaw. “But I wanted to. I like to take care of you.”

His arms tightened around her, so ruthlessly she momentarily lost her breath. “Thank you, baby,” he murmured against her neck. “I just hope you’ll let me take care of you too.”

She somehow knew he wasn’t talking about giving her an orgasm.

She was about to respond, to reacknowledge that there were a lot of issues they needed to work through—namely Drayton and what he was hiding from them. But then she sensed something from the doorway of the room.

There hadn’t been a noise. She was almost positive of that. She sensed something, though. And when she turned her head to look, she understood why.

Drayton was standing in the doorway of Mike’s room, watching them. His face was unreadable.

As her lips parted in surprise, Drayton turned away and walked down the hall without a word.

Mike dropped his arms, and Julia sat frozen in his lap, her back ramrod straight, overwhelmed with a flood of guilty mortification.

They hadn’t done anything wrong. She wasn’t sure why she was embarrassed or felt guilty.

But it felt like something irrevocable had happened.

“Shit,” Mike muttered.

Julia wondered if he felt guilty too.

***

“Are you mad?” Julia asked, peeking into Drayton’s room. She’d sat for a minute with Mike, both of them staring at each other blankly. The sweet mood between them had vanished, and Julia had felt awkward and strangely mortified.

So with a rueful look at Mike—whose face had been as stiff and unreadable as Drayton’s—she’d hauled herself off the bed and padded down the hallway to Drayton’s bedroom.

Drayton was sitting on the edge of his bed, taking off his shoes. “No,” he said, looking up at her with faint surprise. “Why would I be mad?”

“I don’t know.” She came over to sit beside him on the bed. “You looked kind of strange when you saw us.”

“I assure you, any strange look was unintentional.” He gave her a whimsical smile and sounded completely convincing.

But Julia wasn’t convinced. “You and I have sex when Mike isn’t around. I mean, we weren’t leaving you out on purpose. It was just—”

“Julia,” Drayton said, lifting a hand to brush her hair back from her eyes. “You can give Mike a blow-job any time you want.”

“Oh.” She sat and thought for a moment, and suddenly wondered how long he’d been watching them earlier. She didn’t like the idea of his witnessing the entire intimate scene. She didn’t like it at all.

When he pulled his socks off and stretched out on his bed, she crawled up and lay down beside him. “So you didn’t feel strange about it?”

He turned his head so he was looking at her instead of staring up at the ceiling. His expression was uncharacteristically quiet and thoughtful as his eyes rested on her face. “You really don’t know, do you?”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You have no idea that he’s trying to take you away from me, do you?”

Julia jerked in surprise, sitting up on the bed and fighting a rush of panicked confusion. “What are you talking about? Drayton, that’s crazy.”

Drayton hadn’t moved, except to adjust his head so he could still look up at her. He appeared perfectly relaxed and comfortable, but she caught an almost imperceptible urgent flare in his eyes. “It isn’t really crazy, you know. You just haven’t realized it yet. I can’t believe it’s escaped you—it’s so perfectly obvious.”

“He’s not trying to take me away. That’s ridiculous. He’s happy—”

“He’s not. Even you can see that much.”

Julia hated to admit it, but she knew, in this at least, Drayton was right. “Well, he’s not happy about everything. He doesn’t like the secrets and all, and I know there’s been some tension between you guys. But that doesn’t mean—”

“Where do you think the tension has come from? Julia, he wants you. And he doesn’t want me to have you too.”

Julia’s cheeks burned with heat, but she wasn’t sure if it was distress, embarrassment, or confusion. “Stop saying that, Drayton. He wouldn’t do that to you. He was your friend before he even met me. And you and I were already together. It’s always been the three of us.”

Drayton put a hand beneath his head, propping his head up a little. “He’s changed over the last couple of months. You must have noticed it. Why do you think he was so quick to believe I was cheating on you two? Tell me this—hasn’t he been trying to draw a wedge between you and me?”

“N—” She cut herself off as she realized that, in some ways, this was exactly what Mike had been doing. She knew it was motivated by something other than jealousy, but Mike had been trying to pull her away from Drayton.

“You do see it. Think about it and consider whether or not I’m not right. He wants you to himself. Which leaves me the odd man out.”

“That’s not going to happen, Drayton.” Julia leaned down and took his face in her hands, feeling guilty once again for all the ways she’d been feeling closer and closer to Mike.

It was wrong, and it wasn’t fair to Drayton.

He stared up at her, for a moment looking oddly vulnerable. “I don’t want to give you up, Julia.”

She kissed him. Then kissed him again. “You’re not going to. Drayton, I promise, you’re not.”

He finally wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into an embrace. She snuggled against him, kissing whatever part of his face she could reach.

“Thank you for saying that,” he breathed, his lips against her hair. “But sometimes we ended up choosing something we never consciously intended.”

She didn’t really understand all of what he was saying. She didn’t even know if he was talking about himself or about her. But she instinctively understood the thread of fear and regret in his tone, and it aroused matching feelings in her. She kissed him again and stroked his chest.

After a few minutes, she remembered the t-shirt, and she said before she could talk herself out of it, “I did some laundry for you this evening.”

He stiffened palpably. “You never have to do that. In fact, I’d rather you not—”

“I was trying to be nice. I won’t do it anymore if you don’t want me to. But, anyway, it looked like there was blood on one of your t-shirts.”

“It’s not blood. It’s that developing solution. I’ve told you that before, haven’t I?” His face was utterly passive, revealing nothing.

If he was lying, he was a master at it.

And she was sure he was lying.

She swallowed hard. “Okay.” No use to argue if he wouldn’t do anything but lie to her.

He tilted his head to kiss her softly. “I’m not with you because you do my laundry, you know.”

“I know. You’re with me and Mike because it’s great sex with no emotional demands.”

He frowned at her. “You know it’s more than sex. We can be together for real and still have our freedom.”

She studied his face, wondering if he meant it, wondering if it could possibly be true. “I want to be together for real. With you and Mike.”

He kissed again. “I can’t speak for Mike, but I want to be with you too.”

It wasn’t a real declaration, but it was closer to one than she’d ever gotten before. It made her feel hopeful—that there might still be a future for the three of them, if they could just work out the tension and confusion. “I’m glad. The three of us can work through this,” Julia said, her voice hoarse with emotion. “I know we can.”

“You’ve been happy for this last year, haven’t you?”

She made a rough sound in her throat. “Of course. I’ve been so, so happy. You and Mike make me so happy. Yes, I’ve been happy.”

“Good.” Drayton’s voice was odd—low and slurred and under his breath.

And she wasn’t sure if he was taking to her or to himself as he added, “It will atone.”

Julia was on her way to the kitchen for coffee a few mornings later, but she stopped in the hall when she heard voices from Mike’s room.

“When did you get so vanilla?” That was Drayton’s voice. No way to confuse it with anyone else’s.

“Insult me if you like,” Mike said, sounding tired and annoyed. “But my point is still valid.”

“Your point is inappropriate. You have no right to expect me to change my behavior or open up about anything I’d prefer to keep to myself. We set up this relationship on purpose to avoid that kind of thing.”

“I know how we set the relationship up, but it’s more than a year later now. You really feel no obligation to me and Julia? No obligation at all?”

“I feel obligated not to have sex with anyone else, which I’ve already told you I’ve never done. You can sit there on your white horse and act morally superior, if you’d like¸ but your noble act has no foundation.”

“You can’t pretend that everything is the same as it was a year ago. Julia and I feel ties of loyalty to you, and you’ve never shown us they’re reciprocated.”

“Loyalty?” Drayton’s voice was no more than a rasp. “Loyalty? Is that how you call how you’re behaving?”

“Yes, it is. It’s only loyalty that keeps me from doing what I really want to do. But there’s going to be a limit—especially since all that Julia and I get for our efforts is you slamming the door in our face.”

Drayton didn’t answer immediately. “That’s not what’s happening here.”

“Isn’t it? Then what would you say is happening here?”

“You’re expecting too much.” The words sounded final, and Julia was about to step back—aware that she’d been shamelessly eavesdropping on a conversation she wasn’t a part of.

But Drayton was suddenly at the door. He stared at her for a moment before he silently walked back to his room.

Julia went into Mike’s room. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, dressed in tan trousers and a blue dress shirt that wasn’t yet buttoned over his t-shirt.

He looked so tired and frustrated and bristly that she went over to sit beside him on the bed, taking his hand in a silent show of support.

After a little while, she felt his body relax, and she asked softly, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he said with a sigh. “Maybe I
am
expecting too much.”

“From Drayton?” Ridiculously, she felt a little jealous—of Mike’s feelings for Drayton and his long history with him—but she stifled the unworthy thought almost immediately.

“From everything.” He rubbed his jaw with his free hand, his other still twined with hers. “I don’t even know how I got into this mess.”

“What do you mean?” she asked softly, scared by the words but wanting to know more about how he was feeling, wanting to know how she could make him feel better.

“Maybe it is my fault—that things are so bad with Drayton. It feels like he’s changed, and not for the better, but maybe I’m the one who’s really changed.”

“We’ve all changed, I think. We’ve been together a long time. Maybe a relationship like this has to deepen or…or dissolve. Eventually.” She couldn’t stand the thought of the second possibility, and she tightened her fingers around Mike’s.

“Yeah,” Mike said on another exhale.

“I’m not giving up, Mike,” she said quietly. “Not on you. Not on Drayton. Not on us. Relationships go through bad patches all the time. It doesn’t mean they’re hopeless. I’m not giving up.”

He turned his head and, for a minute, seemed to see into her soul. But all he said was, “I know you won’t. You don’t give up on people. You don’t let go of them. I’m just not sure my heart is as big as yours is.”

***

On Friday, Julia had a really bad day.

She was almost relieved when she came home and found the apartment empty. Mike had a dinner meeting and Drayton had probably left to work, so Julia fixed herself a sandwich, changed into her cotton pajamas, and got into bed to watch TV.

It was a relief not to have to worry about keeping the peace or soothing ruffled feelings. It was a nice to just relax and be quiet for an evening, to not have to think or guard her words.

She wasn’t always even aware of how tense she felt most of the time now, juggling two strong male personalities and the divergent needs of three different people, until she was completely alone.

So she watched two crime dramas on television and ate a pint of mint chocolate-chip ice cream. She was feeling drowsy and content when she heard the front door open and then Mike’s voice call out a greeting.

She couldn’t bring herself to respond—she just didn’t have the energy—so she wasn’t surprised when Mike materialized in her doorway, silhouetted by the light behind him in the hallway. “Are you all right?” he asked.

“Yeah. Just taking it easy tonight.”

“You feel like company?”

“Sure. Just no sex.”

“No problem. I’ll be right back.”

She assumed Mike had gone to change clothes, and this was verified when he reappeared wearing boxers and a t-shirt. He crawled into bed with her, smiling. “Your hair’s a mess. What are we watching?”

“It’s over now.” Julia smoothed down her hair automatically. “I’ll let you take over the remote if you let me cuddle a little.”

He reached an arm out invitingly and laughed. “You don’t have to bribe me for that, baby.”

But she noticed he was happy to pick up the remote and flip over to a sports station as she scooted over to snuggle against his big, warm body. She let out a long exhale as she clung to him, mumbling—just so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea, “But no sex.”

“That’s what you said earlier. Are you sure you’re all right?” His eyes were on the television screen, but one of his hands gently stroked her back.

“Tired,” she admitted, rubbing her cheek against his chest.

“You were tired the other day, and I got a blow-job out of it.”

She giggled, squeezing his side through his t-shirt. “Not today, so don’t get your hopes up. I didn’t have a very good day.”

He was checking the score of a football game so she wasn’t entirely sure she had his full attention, until he asked, “Why wasn’t it a good day?”

“Just work,” she said quickly, so he wouldn’t think Drayton was the cause of her bad day. “One of my people is acting up.” When it was clear Mike was waiting for her to continue, she explained, “She talks on the phone all day. Personal calls. Which gets in the way of her work, is distracting to everyone else, and is just damned annoying.”

“So what did you do?”

“I tried to let her know it wasn’t appropriate, without making it a big confrontation. But she’s ignoring the hints. So I’m going to have to be more direct.” She sighed, making a face against his chest. “She’s going to get pissy—I just know it.”

“You’re her boss. Let her get pissy, as long as she shapes up.”

“Yeah.” She felt safe and warm next to Mike and was able to look at it objectively. “I know. But I hate conflict. I mean, I’ll do what I need to do, and I won’t let myself become a pushover. But I
hate
it.”

Mike looked down at her, away from the sports commentator on the television screen. “I know you do, baby, but you can do it.”

“Yeah,” she said, as resolutely as she could when she felt like a big, clingy marshmallow. “I have to put my foot down.”

“That’s the spirit.”

“On Monday, I’ll put my foot down on Monday. Right now, I just want to cuddle.”

Mike chuckled, the low laughter shaking his body deliciously. “Fair enough.”

They lay together in silence after that, Mike watching sports and Julia burrowing into his side.

It felt good. Almost like being by herself. No pressure, no expectations, no worries.

She wanted more evenings like this. She wanted them so much it almost hurt.

An hour passed, and Julia had almost dozed off when she heard the front door of their apartment open and close.

“We’re in here, Drayton,” she called out immediately, feeling guilty again for not missing Drayton. At all.

Mike had tensed up at the first sound of Drayton’s entrance, but he relaxed again immediately. He didn’t remove his arm from around her, and she couldn’t bring herself to undrape herself from his side. But she lifted her head and smiled when Drayton’s lean figure appeared in the doorway. “Hi. I thought you’d be working all night again.”

“No. I couldn’t concentrate.” Drayton glanced between the television and the bed. “Are you really watching sports?” he asked incredulously.

“Mike is. I’m just cuddling.”

“So I see.”

That worried her at first, but Drayton’s voice sounded more amused than it did jealous or bitter. So she relaxed. “You can cuddle too.”

Drayton laughed, low and sexy. “Now there’s an invitation that’s too tempting to refuse.”

“Are you mocking me?” she asked, half-amused and half-suspicious. Drayton seemed very much like his old self tonight, which was both comforting and confusing.

“It sounded that way to me,” Mike said, no particular nuance in his tone.

Drayton laughed again and adjusted the six candles on the nightstand, lighting them before he slipped off his shoes. “You two are far too suspicious. As if I would be so base as to mock someone as important to me as Julia.”

Julia beamed at the off-handed compliment and was feeling almost happy as Drayton toed off his shoes and then got into the bed with her and Mike. She scooted over until Drayton lifted his arm to pull her against him. “So you couldn’t focus on work?”

“No. No use trying to shoot pictures when you lack vision and focus.” He sounded natural, but he seemed a little distracted as he adjusted her body so it was draped against his.

Mike hadn’t objected to her pulling out of his embrace, and he was now staring at the television again.

“What was distracting you?” Julia asked, playing with the buttons on his shirt.

“Nothing particular.”

Drayton tilted her face up so he could kiss her. She responded happily, caressing his mouth with her tongue, until his kiss became more urgent and passionate.

She pulled away gently, giving him a couple of last, soft kisses. She was tired, and cuddling was all she felt like doing this evening.

She turned on her side, nestling her back and bottom against Drayton and reaching out to stroke Mike’s chest. “We haven’t spent an evening together in a while.”

Mike turned his head. “What about your pampering session on Monday?”

“Oh. Yeah. I hadn’t thought about that.” She hadn’t considered that evening a normal evening with her guys, since they’d both been so focused on pleasing her. Tonight felt more natural—and it gave her hope that everything in their relationship wasn’t about to collapse after all.

She had plenty of reasons to worry, and there was no question that they had issues to deal with. But she could handle all of that if there was hope that things could get better.

Drayton chuckled and started to slowly stroke down Julia’s side, his fingers flitting over her thigh and hip and dipping into the curve at her waist. “Nice to know the evening made such an impact on you.”

“You know how much it meant to me,” she said hurriedly. “But it was special. I meant a normal night together.”

“So this is normal?” Drayton’s tone was light, and his hand slid impertinently forward, brushing against her nipple through her cotton tank.

His touch felt good—she’d always liked how he couldn’t keep his hands off her—but it also sent a few tingles of arousal to her pussy. And she didn’t have the energy for that tonight. So she slanted him a teasing smile over her shoulder and moved his hand from her breast to her waist.

He didn’t object, just caressed down toward her thigh again, lingering on the curve of her butt.

“When are you going to finish up that project you’re working on?” Mike asked, his eyes cutting from the football recap to Drayton’s face.

“Soon I hope. The end is in sight.” Drayton’s voice was muffled now because he’d leaned forward to nuzzle at Julia’s neck. His hand had become more presumptuous as well. He’d slid it along the crest of her bottom and was now edging it in between her legs so he could rub her pussy through her pajama pants.

Mike’s gaze drifted down to the way Drayton was caressing her, and something grew hard in the normally lazy brown eyes. “She said she didn’t feel like sex tonight.”

“I know,” Drayton acknowledged, skillfully parting her intimate folds enough—even through the fabric—to find her clit. “I’m hoping I can change her mind.”

Julia gave a little gasp as a jolt of pleasure resulted from his purposeful massage. She’d unconsciously lifted her top leg enough to give him better access to her pussy.

“Instead of trying to turn her on, you might just respect her wishes.” Mike clearly wasn’t happy. His eyes were narrowed and his muscles had tensed.

Julia could feel the undercurrents of confrontation rippling out from him, and she could feel them from Drayton too as he pointedly replied, “How very self-righteous of you. If she objects, I’m sure she’ll let me know.”

Mike opened his mouth to reply, clearly bristling with aggressive annoyance, but Julia interrupted him. “There’s no reason to argue.”

If she hadn’t felt she had the energy for sex, she definitely didn’t have the energy to put up with an argument between the two men—particularly since she was terrified one more argument would tear down the last threads holding them together. So she automatically chose the more palatable of the possibilities.

“Maybe I do feel like sex after all.” She turned back to Drayton, who was still deftly rubbing her clit. “With Mike sprawled out all sexy like that and you being so persuasive.”

He smiled irresistibly, obviously pleased with her decision, and he leaned forward to kiss her again—deep and open-mouthed.

She already felt exhausted when she pulled away from the kiss, breathless and overly warm. But her body was starting to react to his touch, and sex with these two men was never a chore.

Mike lay on his side, with his head propped on one hand, and the scrutiny in his eyes was sharp and questioning.

“It’s fine, Mike,” she said hoarsely, smiling at him encouragingly. “I want to now. I want both of you. Really.”