Finding You (13 page)

Looking up, I noticed he was staring at me as if I just walked out of a mental asylum naked. I rolled my eyes, I needed to get out of this damn dress. Ignoring the look on Logan’s face, I opened the closet and pulled out an oversized shirt and some boy shorts, walking quickly into the bathroom. Turning on the shower I let out a breath, I wondered if I just ignored him then he might just go away.

“I think we do.” Logan said from the doorway, making me jump in surprise causing me to drop my clothes on the floor. I didn’t turn around to respond to him, I couldn’t. I knew that if I did, I would crumble.

“Logan, please leave me alone. I’m tired and you’re giving me a damn headache!”

Why can’t he just leave? Doesn’t he understand what he is doing? To me, to him, to us?

I gasped as I suddenly felt Logan’s hand on my shoulder, warmth like I had never felt spread through my veins, making me forget about my wet dress and freezing skin.

“I’m with Angel now.” I said panting from his closeness.

“He’s no good for you, Neva.” He whispered against my ear.

I grasped on to the wash basin in front of me, holding on for dear life. I didn’t know if it was a reaction to his voice, his touch or that he had just insulted Angel that pissed me off most.

“Don’t.” I warned

I had no freaking clue what I was protesting against. Don’t insult me, don’t touch me, don’t break my heart? My knuckles were turning white as I tightened my grip, feeling his body mold against mine, his front to my back as he rested his other hand on my waist, gripping me tight.

“You’re wet.” Logan husked into my ear.

Oh. Dear. God.

The double meaning in his words weren’t lost on me, I would have laughed if I wasn’t so damn turned on. Shivers engulfed my body, which of course, Logan noticed.

“And cold.”

My legs were beginning to buckle as he ran his nose up and down the sensitive spot behind my ear, pulling me tighter against him. Instantly turning up the temperature of my body to a boiling point as his hardness rested against the crook of my ass.

“Logan.” I gasped, my body responding shamelessly from just one touch against my skin. “What are we doing?” I said breathlessly, the heat from the forgotten shower warming me.

My body suddenly bucked in response to Logan’s soft lips as they grazed against my throat, slowly raining sweet kisses across my now warming skin.

“I don’t know.” He said against my neck, the hum of his voice against my throat sent me into overdrive.

He gently nipped my collarbone making my skin prickle, my throat tight and my legs weak. I was putty in his hands. “But I can’t seem to stay away.”

Oh. Shit.

“We can’t do this Logan.” I choked.

I was about to turn around and tell him to leave, but before I could, I was suddenly spun around in his arms. We were chest to chest, nose to nose, toe to toe as he ran his hands down to my ribcage, gripping on tight as if he couldn’t let go. Looking into his eyes, I gasped. They were full of fire, heat and need as he gently lifted me from the floor. I wrapped my legs around his waist, feeling weightless as he started walking towards the shower. No surely he wouldn’t?

He did.

Beautiful hot water soaked my skin as Logan held me close to his chest, the water cascading over us causing a cocoon of heat, encasing us in our own little piece of heaven. I was suddenly hyper aware of his hardness which now pressed against my soaking panties as my dress rode up higher to my waist, a stream of water rippled between us, giving me a wash of new sensations as my entire body throbbed under Logan’s touch.

This felt so right, yet it was so damn wrong. I wanted this man so much it physically hurt, the world could be ending around us but nothing else would matter as long as I was in this man’s arms. I wanted his lips against mine, I wanted him to put his hands in my hair and hold on tight, but he still hadn’t kissed me.

Why hadn’t he kissed me?

“Logan please, kiss me.” I said in a panted plea, I was desperate for him and I couldn’t control it, nor did I want too.

My words most have done something to him as I suddenly felt the cold, tiled wall against my back as he pressed his whole body against mine.

“I can’t.” I felt pain penetrate my chest and tears sting my eyes. “I can’t kiss you here.” He softly placed his fingertips on my lips, making me quake from head to toe from just the gentlest of touch. “If I do, I won’t be able to stop.” He ran his finger across my bottom lip, slowly placing a kiss on the corner of my mouth making me moan.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I asked in a breathless pant, trying so hard not to let the hot, wet tears I was holding back fall from my eyes. “It isn’t fair.” My voice broke on the last word. I’m such a horrible person, how could I want a man who was hurting me at every turn when I had Angel, my boyfriend Angel.

The word boyfriend swimming around in my head caused the tears to fall.

What was I doing? What was he doing? This needed to stop, I can’t take this anymore. Placing my hands against Logan’s chest I pushed hard as I unwrapped my legs from his waist. Looking up at Logan, I registered the startled look on his face, what did he want from me? Anger filled my veins causing my body to shake.

“What? You expect me to fuck you in the shower? I’m not your damn whore, Logan! You have Georgia for that!” I spat, I was confused, I was hurt, I was a damn fool.

Water dripped from every part of Logan’s body, his hair had flattened and was now framing his face which now wore an angry scowl.

“Don’t try that shit with me, Neva. Only seconds ago you were begging me to kiss you!” He was right. I was begging him to kiss me. What sort of person does that?

I sighed, this wasn’t doing either of us any good.

“I’m sorry, but this.” I said, pointing between us. “Whatever this is, needs to stop. I’m with Angel and you’re with Georgia.” I said on a shaky breath as I watched Logan take a step closer.

“Is this what you really want?” He asked. “Is Angel who you really want?” His eyes full of fire at the mere mention of Angel’s name.

“Yes.”

No. Yes.

“I need to hear it, tell me you don’t want me, Nev.” His fingers lightly brushed against my cheek, I had to hold back the urge to pull him back to me. “Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll leave you alone.” His words hit me like a train. I did want him, I wanted him so much it hurts, but I can’t. I’m with Angel and I can’t hurt him. I couldn’t do that to him. I took a deep breath and looked up at Logan.

“I don’t want you.” I whispered, cringing at my own words.

I didn’t believe the words that had just come out of my mouth, and judging by Logan’s face, neither did he. I had to say it for me, for Angel, for us. Logan took a step back, pulling his fingers from my skin as if he had just been burned

“I’m sorry, but I don’t believe you.” He picked up a towel and wrapped it around his body before stepping out of the shower, his clothes were completely soaked through, dripping water everywhere. “Stay safe, Neva.” He said over his shoulder as he made his way out of my bathroom, out of my dorm, out of my life?

“Always.” I whispered knowing that he couldn’t hear me.

Angry, ugly sobs suddenly escaped me as I sat on the cold floor of the shower. Pulling my knees up against my chest, I let the water beat hard on my back, trying to take in the enormity of what had just happened.

What the hell had just happened? I mean, one minute I’m agreeing to be Angel’s girlfriend and then the next I’m in the shower with Logan. Oh god, this is a mess! Angel is what every girl dreams of, from his slow, sexy drawl to his piercing eyes. But then there is Logan, the cocky jock with his dirty mouth and ridiculously tempting body. Yet he is the only person who truly knows me and the demons I have inside.

My sobs started to slow and my breath evening to a steady rhythm as I got out of the shower, all but ripping the black dress from my now pruned skin. What the hell I am going to do about Logan?

I finally managed to get feeling back in my body after the heat from the shower scalded my skin raw. Throwing on the oversized shirt and boy shorts, I made my way over to the closet. I didn’t need any light to find what I was looking for. Feeling around blindly, my fingers suddenly brushed the familiar object as I pulled it from the dark depths of its hiding place, I sighed as relief washed over me.

Walking over to the bedside cabinet that sat between the two single beds, I opened the drawer to find my black leather notebook and a pencil. As soon as my fingertips grazed the sleek leather I pulled it to my chest as I took a seat on the floor, leaning against the side of my bed as I placed the familiar objects in front of me. I took a moment to take in the unique scent of the leather bound book before flipping it to its latest blank page as I placed the pencil behind my ear.

Tentatively I ran my fingertips along the neck of the guitar, my dad’s guitar. It had seen better days, with scuff marks and scratches lining the body but it was just normal wear and tear of something once loved, once cherished. I pulled the guitar on to my lap after crossing my legs, giving it a perfect resting place.

The notes came easily as I strummed my fingertips across the strings, ignoring the bite they caused from not using my pick. No, I wanted to feel, to feel the pain of the memories of my father. I wanted to feel close to him. I would move heaven and earth for just a moment, a cuddle, a question, a ‘it’s going to be okay.’

Before I knew it, I was strumming to the song “Thinking Of You” by Love and Theft as my mind drifted to Logan once more, the lyrics falling from my mouth in a hoarse whisper, reminding me of what could never be.

I was so lost in that torturous song that I didn’t see Low come in until she sat down on her bed facing me, looking like a deer in headlights. Oh shit, my hands stilled as I looked at her waiting, the silence nearly too much to bare.

“Christ you haven’t played in a long time, Neva.” Low said, playing with her fingers in her lap, she only did that when something was bothering her.

I shrugged, I didn’t want to tell her about what had happened tonight but she was right, I hadn’t played my dad’s guitar in over twelve months. Playing Ace’s old acoustic didn’t count, I played his to forget. I play dad’s to remember.

“What’s eating you, Low?” I asked, moving the subject away from me. Something is on her mind, and judging by her face, she didn’t want to tell me.

“Your brother and I got into an argument, no big deal.” She said shrugging her shoulders before getting up from her bed and walking into the bathroom. “I’m going to take a shower.” She shouted from behind the bathroom door as the sound of the shower drowned her out.

Shaking my head, I started slowly plucking the strings of my dad’s guitar once more. I glanced at my notepad, knowing I had to write down something for my music assignment, the thought made me feel sick. Do I really want people to know how I feel, who I am?

Taking in a shaky breath, I pulled the pencil from behind my ear, hovering over the page as I rubbed the pad of my thumb against the thin piece of wood that I cradled in my fingertips. I took a moment to think long and hard about what I should say, what I should reveal.

Closing my eyes, I let my hand take over, writing only five letters.

EMPTY.

Angel and I had been out together a few times since the night at the beach. We had been texting back and forth ever since and he called me every night before he would go to sleep to see how my day had been. It gave me a chance to get to know the elusive Angel Walker.

I learned pretty much from Ace’s party that Angel didn’t like to talk much about his family, all I knew was that his dad wasn’t around and that he lived with his mom, whom he doted on. Every time he mentioned her, his eyes would light up, making them look even more beautiful than they already were. I was starting to learn so much more about him, yet so little at the same time. He was so guarded and closed off any time we mentioned his father. I shrugged it off though, I wasn’t exactly forthcoming about my father either.

He had turned up at my dorm with a single rose without any warning a couple of days ago, leaning against my door frame looking sexy as hell while I stood there with my mouth open in an old oversized t-shirt and boy shorts. My hair was piled on top of my head with a pencil holding it in place, my face was bare without a scrap of make-up – I looked like a tramp.

“What are you doing here, Angel?” I asked, trying to hide my face in my hands so he didn’t have to see the monstrosity that was me.

“I thought we could go out for dinner.” He said, placing the rose on my bed before taking a step towards me. He pulled my hands away from my face and placed a tender kiss on the end of my nose.

“I’m not dressed to go out for dinner.” I said, blushing with embarrassment.

“You could go out in nothing but that beautiful shade of red on your cheeks and you would still look sexy.” He chuckled, my face heating even more from his comment. “But as much as I would enjoy it, I would rather you wear clothes. “Reservation is in an hour baby.” He said huskily into my ear before slowly pulling out the pencil from my hair, watching as it tumbled down to my shoulders. He slowly ran his fingers against my scalp, massaging the ache away from the day. I closed my eyes as I let the moan escape my lips.